I stayed up way too late*

To see Richard tonight after work. He works second shift. I had left him a voice mail earlier, and dozed off, and then he called me around midnight. He is a nice guy. I like him. I guess at some point we'll have more conversation, but at the moment, I'm just enjoying the company. Too much talking has been a mistake in the past. I'm going to pretend there isn't anything wrong with him for a while longer.

I heard from Mother today. She is of course worried that I'm over-doing it. Which I did a bit this weekend (and tonight). The big debate this week is whether or not I'm ready to mow. The lawn needs it, and I'd like to do it before I leave town, but I have only two nights left. I was too tired to do it tonight when I got home, and rationalized that I needed to finish a book to get it back to the library. Tomorrow I know I'm going to be tired, and Wednesday night I need to be packing if I'm leaving from work Thursday for Charlotte. Sigh. Mabye I should go up Friday after all. That would eliminate the crunch. I also heard from Lee tonight, and apparently he and Clayton are in a discussion about which night to entertain, the 4th or the 5th. It would help me to know, but I know better than to get in the middle of that discussion. I guess I'll work it out one way or another.

Today's Rant - Who cares about germ-free toilets!!??

So they are advertising yet another miracle toilet cleaner on TV every other spot right now, that is supposed to disinfect your toilet "below the water line and into the U-bend".

Who the hell cares??

What am I missing here? I try to keep a reasonably clean house. I clean my toilet regularly so that it doesn't look gross. But why does it need to be germ-free and disinfected? The toilet is something I shit in. Why would I care if it is germ free? I'm just going to germ it right back up anyway. And why the hell would anyone care about germs in the U-bend? Even assuming that you have an un-watched toddler with a toilet fixation and you're constantly worried they are going to catch cholera (surely an extreme minority of households) - do you really think they are going to stick their arm up in the U-bend to get at the filth??

When I hear about something that will go down under the water to disinfect, I immediately wonder what the hell kind of Franken-chemicals they have to use to get it to do that. Do we really need to add yet more toxicity to the increasingly volatile chemical soup that our water system is becoming?

Studies say that in most houses, the toilet seat is cleaner than the kitchen sponge. I say that this clean toilet obsession has gotten way out of hand.

I say worry less about a sterilized toilet, and more about what we're doing to our environment. If you're going to make soup in the toilet, you have a lot bigger problems to worry about than whether or not it's germ-free.

Also, I'm watching WAY too much TV since the surgery.

Sunday chores*

I got it together, and did the shopping, the cooking, and most of the laundry, changed sheets, etc.

I did meet a guy named Richard that I had been talking to online for a while. He was nice, and it was good to put a name with a face. He just moved here from Pittsburgh not too long ago, and he's feeling the social downshift of being around here. I asked if he might want to go out sometime, but he kind of hemmed and hawed around, so I'm not sure he wants to.

It has been a Charlie and the Chocolate Factory weekend. The new creepy Johnny Depp version was on Friday when I fell asleep on the couch, and I listened to part of it Saturday morning while I made baklava. Today when I was finishing up the cooking, the good old version with Gene Wilder was on. I love that movie.

I made a surprisingly bland baked spaghetti to take for lunch this week. I had been really looking forward to it, so I was disappointed. For some reason, since the surgery, all I have really wanted to eat is pasta. Hopefully it will be better tomorrow. Spaghetti is usually better the next day.

In yet more TV news, I heard my favorite Men Without Hats song "Jenny Wore Black" used in an advertisement for an amusement park today. As glad as I am that talent in the song was finally recognized (I think that Men Without Hats may well have been one of the best one-hit-wonder bands ever), it made me feel old that it was in an ad designed to get my attention for something to do with my kids.

The FOX Sunday night line-up was not on tonight, they showed Jurassic Park again for the umpteenth time, so I watched Nanny McPhee on ABC Family Channel instead while I did laundry. Basically, I spent the evening putting things to rights and thinking about leaving for Charlotte next week.

The lawn still needs to be mowed, and I may have a date next week, in addtion to packing, etc. I've pretty much decided to leave Thursday night, thinking that the people that have taken the day off on Thursday will be gone before I get off work, and if I leave Friday morning, I would be leaving with all the people who couldn't get Thursday off (or like me, couldn't take Thursday off). I'm looking forward to getting away for a bit, and I may be meeting a guy in Charlotte with whom I have been corresponding by email for some time. We'll see. He's being a bit dicey about it, and if there are too many roadblocks, I won't meet him. It's more important that I spend time with Lee and Clayton than that I see some guy.

Back to a fairly normal Sunday

Well I woke up this morning feeling pretty much OK, so I guess I didn't do any damage last night. I'm just old enough to listen to my body when it says "Hey, you're all in!" I understand that the party got pretty wild last night, and apparently I missed the best part (dammit), but I'm feeling a bit fragile for a bunch of extra-curricular activities at the moment anyway.

I talked to a guy I know named Andrew online this morning, and we ended up going to the flea market together. I had no idea he was more flea market involved than I am. He apparently used to have a booth out there. We walked around and looked at stuff, although we didn't find anything, and he talked to the people he knew out there. It was nice to have some company, and we had a good time.

I came home and ate some breakfast so I could take my pills, and was going to lie down for a while, but my friend Michael called from out of the blue. I haven't talked to him in a long time. He was a bit worried about me, and called to check on me and find out what was between the lines. We used to be really close, but have kind of grown apart in recent years. But it was really good to talk to him, and he's one of those friends who can pick up the phone, and it's just like you've seen each other yesterday. I was touched.

After that I had a little nap, which I needed, and am now assessing the mountain of household chores in front of me...

Trying to pace myself

And none too successfully. I decided to go over to the flea market this morning, ostensibly because I needed garlic, which I did, but mainly because I was in withdrawal, having not been in weeks. I walked the yard sale part, but didn't find anything. I did, however, get some Carolina peaches! Those of you who have only eaten grocery store peaches really don't know what a peach is supposed to be. Last year there was a late frost and it killed all the local peaches, but this year it doesn't look like that will be an issue. The peaches are usually better in dry years too. Smaller, but sweeter and with a better flavor. I am looking forward to my first real peaches since last summer!

When I got home, I lay down for a bit to cool off, and had an ice pop. Then I fixed my mushroom filling for the baklava. I rested while it cooled, and took a little snooze. When I woke up, it was time to put it together. Always a pain. Then I watched a bit of a movie before getting ready for the party.

I put the baklava in the oven, and then got ready and packed up.

By the time I got to Inman for the pool party, I was pretty tired. I smoked the first cigarettes I have since the surgery. The surgeon's handout says smoking will delay the healing process, but it has been two and a half weeks, and I couldn't show up without smokes. I had a couple of drinks too.

The baklava was a big hit - apparently several people had been hoping I would bring it, which was gratifying. I was afraid I had gotten too much butter in it, and it would be too greasy, but it was gone pretty fast. The food was really good. There was some excellent hummus that Ben had made - his turned out much better than mine ever does. There was also a really excellent marinated salad that Bill made. It was really yummy. And Justin made his delectable wee lemon cakes. Billy made a delicious blackberry wine cake that was really good too.

It was a toga party, and so the various guys had made all these fancy togas. I was about the only one in a standard Animal House bed sheet.

And then suddenly, it just stopped being fun. I felt really tired, and felt the beginnings of one of those bad headaches I get when I overdo it since the surgery. Also, it was like Noah's Ark yesterday. Everyone seemed paired but me. Ben was there with James, his beautiful lover, who just moved here to be with him. Justin was there with his conspicuously gorgeous boyfriend Heath. I held out until after the toga contest, and then decided I needed to head on out. Of course, that was just when the party was getting started. But I didn't feel like partying any more.

I'm hoping at least part of this is the surgery and over-doing it yesterday. I really probably shouldn't have made that baklava. That's about two hours on my feet. Also, smoking and drinking yesterday afternoon probably took it out of me. At any rate, it was good to get home and get to bed.

Really, really sleepy

All day today. I tried sleeping with my CPAP machine on because I slept so poorly, and because I knew I had been snoring since my throat was more sore than usual. Apparently the CPAP was not the answer, since I still slept for crap.

I went by the store after work today to get the stuff to make mushroom baklava. It is Drew's favorite, and I could hardly not bring it to the Greek-themed toga party this weekend. I went in Kmart to look for an interesting sheet to be toga-fied, but they didn't have much except sheet sets. I decided to either improvise something or go tomorrow. I had butter melting in the car, and it was 100 degrees this afternoon.

When I got home, I ate a little something, and laid down on the couch to watch a bit of telly, but I was so tired I was out like a light. I got up a little later to go to bed.

My lousy memory

Work was work. Apparently I am destined to pull PODs all week this week. We had another big account go belly-up, and I spent a good portion of the day pulling PODs for the attorney. I don't see this going anywhere. The CEO has been put in jail for tax evasion, medicare fraud, and money laundering. The company was closed by the Feds. They have taken his mother's house, which was apparently used as security for something to do with the business's finances. With the IRS involved, no one else is going to get any money, but then my new boss is the Don Quixote of the accounting world. I suppose he'll learn in time. I also understand that we can't do nothing.

My step-mom called and invited me to dinner with her and Dad tonight, so I met them at Molina's. Molina's is one of their favorite places to eat, and right around the corner from Dad's store. It is a Mexican place, and the food is quite good, but I could do without the live music, which is incredibly loud. I usually like to be able to talk to the people I'm eating with. I eat by myself so much that company for a meal is a treat. The meal went pretty well. I amused them with stories of my surgery and recovery that they hadn't heard, and they were glad to see me. Most of the conversation was pretty amicable. We even got into my pescetarianism without their being disparaging.

I saw my lovely friend D'relda D'remus, his husband Mark, and his cousin Marty as I was leaving. I just love D'relda. I stopped and talked to them a bit before I left. Donnie has been really great about checking in with me during my recovery to make sure I was OK. He's a good friend.

The fly in the ointment was the Cindy and Paul situation, which is still rankling with both of them. Dad wanted to go on and on about it, and I really didn't want to talk about it at all. I did find out that Eve does know about the cease and desist letter he had served on my BIL, and that she signed it as well. They have decided it is something they were "forced" to do. I did tell my dad I felt like he had sold his grandson for $7,000.00, and basically closed the door on any kind of reconciliation, but, typical Dad, he basically said "So be it." He just has an incredible temper. And when he's mad, he is very short-sighted.

I finally did change the subject, and most of the evening went very well. They gave me a mug they brought me back from the Kentucky Derby museum that was quite beautiful.

I realized halfway through dinner that I had completely forgotten that Terry was coming over tonight. I hoped all the way home that he hadn't been able to come by, but of course he had. There was a get well card in the door. So I felt like a complete shit. But I called him back, apologized profusely, and it seemed to be OK. I hate I missed him though.

A sleepy day

I tried coming down off some of the pillows last night, and didn't sleep very well. I was up aboout 4am. I did go back to sleep for a while, but I feel all drug out and tired today.

Work was work. First I pulled all of the Wednesday morning reports, but those are getting easier to put together now that everyone knows they have to send me their stuff. Most of the day was taken up pulling PODs (Proofs of Delivery) on this huge account that is out of business, but the attorney wanted all the paperwork anyway. Attorneys love documents. I think they make sleeping nests out of them, like chimpanzees.

After work, I went and got my hair cut. I already went down to my summer beard (goatee only) , but my sideburns were just wooly, and my hair had gotten to that "non-descript Ken doll phase" that I can't stand. It was such a relief to get cleaned up before the bear pool party this weekend. Apparently I am required to come up with both a toga and a "Greek side dish". I could do a mushroom baklava, but that is SUCH a pain in the ass. On the other hand, it would give me something to do Friday night. And it is Drew's favorite. I am weighing between that and seeing if I have any more homemade hummus in the freezer. Hmmm, Greek potatoes? I have the potatoes, and I could find my Greek tomato sauce recipe somewhere.... But they have to be served warm. But then so does the baklava.

I may also be going to The Parliament House with Billy and Russ in August. That should be fun. I have been missing them, and now right when I get well they are leaving for Washington State to see Skot. Sigh. I wish I was going to see Skot. Of course, he's all married again now. Along with the rest of the free world, apparently. But anyway. They will be gone from July 2 to July 11. But that's only one weekend. I can deal. They were coming back in time for the moved July 4 bear pool party, which was to be on the 12th, but apparently is has now been moved to the 19th. I know. There is a LOCK event on the 19th, though, and I'll probably go to that. I want to see the LOCK folks, and some good people are coming, many of whom will be staying at Russ and Billy's house. That should be a fun weekend...

When I got home from my hair cut, Terry called to check on me, and give me yet another new phone number. He is going to come by and see me tomorrow night. That will be nice.

The work day, not sleeping well, and a haircut on top of everything else pretty much wiped me out, so I turned in early.

Today was easier

Than yesterday, thank goodness. By the end of the day, I did have a slight headache, but not as bad as yesterday, and nowhere near like Friday. I didn't feel like I was just propping myself up to get through the day. I had a really productive day today too. I got a lot done, and am in a good position for month end. I even got my reconciliations done this week, and I didn't know if I would get to that this month or not.

After dinner, I went to the Chinese buffet, just because I wanted to. Tomorrow night, I get to go see Russ and get this hair and shaggy beard trimmed up. There is a bear pool party this weekend, and I'm going to go, at least for a while. It will the first thing I have done socially. I am ready.

This whole situation has made me feel kind of lonely. Kat and dana were wonderful about calling to check on me and coming by with anything I needed, but by and large I haven't heard much from people. It kind of drives home the fact that I don't belong to anyone any more. Kind of a sad thing to contemplate, since it's looking more and more like I'm going to be single indefinitely. I can get used to it. I have just had way too much time to think about it lately. I want to get out and not think about it for a while.

To that end, I called my friend Lee about going up to visit them for the weekend of the 4th of July. I haven't been to see them in ages, and I want to get out of town and away from the house for a while. Lee is my oldest friend in terms of time we have known each other. He has known me since I was 19. 21 years!! It's just incredible to think about knowing someone for so long. I'm glad he's still in my life. He and his lover Clayton live in an enormous house in a very posh suburb of Charlotte, and it's nice to go lie about and be decorative sometimes. They have a circle of pleasant friends, and sometimes put together a dinner party when I come up, which is always enjoyable. Plus Lee is the best shopping luck ever. I always find incredible bargains when I go shopping with him.

I made it through the day today

I did get a headache, but I could deal with it.

By the time I got h0me, I was ready to lie down for a while. I ate a meatloaf sandwich, then took my pain meds and turned in about 9pm.

It was a long day, but I got through it.

Chores and preparation

I got up this morning and watched The Letter with Bette Davis while I had breakfast. I ran out and got a couple of biscuits, and had some of Mom's homemade strawberry jam on one, and gravy and egg on the other. A capital repast.

After a nap, I got to work. There was a lot to do today.

I put a meatloaf in the oven, and changed and washed my sheets. While that was going on, my sinuses apparently started to drain. This stuff that looked like rusty water started pouring out of my nose. The handout that I had from the surgeon said to expect "spotting", but not this kind of deluge. The discharge got lighter, to almost clear by the end of the day, but was an annoyance.

I decided to lie down for a while, and have some lunch. I ate a meatloaf sandwich and watched Bear Cub, the last of my movies from the library. It is a Spanish film about a boy who ends up going to live with his gay uncle. A good movie, again not what I was expecting, but very surprising in it's unflinching look at gay life. There was no candy-coating here. All the characters had their flaws, and the uncle wasn't painted as a sexless "fairy god mother" as happens so much in the movies. And good for them. The ending was strangely anti-climactic and vaguely unsatisfying, but European movies frequently don't wind everything up as neatly as American audiences prefer.

After that, drainage or not, I had cooking to do.

I cooked some squash and zucchini with onion, lemon, and thyme. That turned out good, if a bit too salty. I was debating on what to do with the potatoes Mom left. Potatoes never seem to last well for me, don't know why. I couldn't see buying more stuff to cook with five pounds of potatoes laying around here. I decided just to smother-fry them with some butter. I added some carmelized onion. Then I found some canned milk left in the fridge from when Mom was here, so I poured that in with them. Usually I add garlic to them, but I had no garlic in the house, and really didn't feel like going out for any. Then I remembered an old Gourmet recipe I had made one time for potatoes and onions in rosemary cream sauce. It was hopelessly complicated, but had a good flavor. So I threw some rosemary in with my potatoes, and they turned out absolutely delicious.

While they were cooking, I cleaned out the fridge, and rounded up the dying flowers, and then took out all the trash. I HATE to throw out flowers. It always makes me sad. Michael always had to do it when he lived with me, but I don't have a flower-thrower-outer any more.

I've also almost finished the cookie basket now. I guess my throat is on the mend. It is still tender, but as long as I take small enough bites and remember to chew them well, I can eat pretty much what I want at this point.

After the usual Fox Sunday night lineup, I turned in. Big day tomorrow.

I settle in for a long boring weekend.

I decided to take it really easy today, because I'll have chores to do tomorrow, and I really need to hit the ground running on Monday.

But I'm so bored. Billy is out of town with family, and Russ is in Charlotte at the Eagle tonight. Justin has gone to the beach with his family. I know I need to be here, but being alone so much has started to get to me.

I watched the movie Tokyo Godfathers today. It was good. Japanamation melodrama. Not quite what I was expecting, but a very colorful and entertaining story, if a bit heavy on coincidence.

I also watched the Keira Knightly version of Pride and Prejudice on TV. It was good too, but I like the A&E version I have better. I thought some of the dialogue was too modern in the Knightly version, and some of the scenes were rather silly - things that could never have happened in Georgian England. The scene where Darcy sweeps across the fields, his shirt open at the chest, his long coat flailing behind him. Romantic sure, but I can't see the real Darcy doing that. Also, although Keira Knightly did do a good job with the part of Elizabeth Bennett, I liked Jennifer Ehle better. Just a personal preference. I found Ehle's performance more believable as a real person. In some of Knightly's scenes, I felt she went over the top. I'm glad I saw it though.

I saved up my energy so I could go out tonight and haul off the recycling, and go to the grocery store. It isn't much, but it was good to get out of the house for a bit. I have been there for the better part of two weeks, and since Mom left - alone. I went by the Chinese buffet for some of the spinach puffs they make for dinner. I ended up getting all the ones they had out on the bar - they don't sell them by the order - which was about 7 or 8. Turns out that was plenty. They are really greasy.

I watched Caddyshack tonight, just because it was on, and I hadn't seen it all the way through before. It was OK, I guess, but I didn't find it to be the standard of movie comedy that some seem to see it as. Maybe it's a straight guy thing. Or maybe it was a 70's thing. Maybe you have to be on something to watch it. I just didn't think it was that funny.

Thankfully, the day is over

I made it until about 1:30 today. By that time, I had gotten a lot accomplished, but the pain had taken hold. Ear to ear, and down to the roots of my teeth. It was pretty much all I could do to make it home.

But I did, and got my pain meds, and lay down for a while. I slept for a bit, and by 6:30 was feeling pretty human again. I'm glad I have the weekend to lie around and heal some more. Hopefully by Monday I'll be able to do the whole day. I have write-offs to do next week, and I have to get ready for month end.

Work again

I am not going to stay as long today.

I did get to sleep more easily last night, but was back up at 2am, as usual. I haven't slept through the night since 6-9-08. I'm feeling it.

I got up and got through my routine this morning, but as soon as the pain meds wore off, my head started hurting again. I know it's because I overdid it yesterday. I have a headache, and the pain that runs ear to ear, and Tylenol ain't cutting it.

I'm working a half day, then coming home and taking the meds. I'll have the weekend to heal more and hopefully feel more like myself by Monday.

Work

The foreshadowing for today started last night. I tried to lie down on my usual pillow to sleep, instead of sleeping propped half-sitting, the way I have been. Bad move. Within about 10 minutes, my sinuses had swollen almost shut. I got the pillows back and propped back up, but the damage was done, and I slept poorly. I was up for about two hours, from 1:30 to about 3:30am.

I got up and got through my routine this morning pretty well, and went on in to the office. Since it takes me so long to eat, I just took my breakfast on in with me so I could chew each bite for 2-3 minutes while I was working. I really don't look forward to meals right now. It's kind of an ordeal to get through. 30-45 minutes of pain and learning to swallow. Breakfast is usually the easiest one.

I got in and surveyed the wreckage that was once my desk, and got to work. I cleared out my email box. I had been working on it some while I was out, via remote access, but there is only so much you can do that way. Usually cleaning up email is the biggest job when you've been out, but thanks to the pre-work I had done, it wasn't as bad as usual. That's still what I spent the majority of my time doing.

When I got done with that, it was around lunch time. I just heated up my lunch and took it back to my desk. Fortunately for me, my boss is at an out-of-town meeting for the rest of the week, so I am able to concentrate on what needs doing. I did send him some emails to chew on, on things I need his response about, but for the most part I was able to concentrate.

After email, I did my account follow-ups. Surprisingly, I was able to get those done, and do some of my reporting stuff too.

The problem was my head. My sinus stuff has hardly bothered me at all since I had the surgery. Either that, or because I was babying my throat so much, I was babying the rest of it by default. But that changed. I started getting this strange feeling in my head, kind of like my head was nauseated. Then the familiar pain kicked in from ear to ear. Then it started feeling like a vice was tightening across the bridge of my nose, getting smaller and smaller, and concentrating the pain. By that time it was 3:30, and I left the office to go home.

By the time I got home, I was in pretty bad shape. I haven't taken pain meds during the day since some time last week, but I did this afternoon. I lay down to try to take some of the pressure off. I thought part of this may be due to the fact that I haven't sat up this long at one time since the surgery. The pain stuff knocked me out, and I slept for about two hours.

When I woke up, my head hurt less, although it still hurt. And my sinuses were really tight. I felt like I was wearing a pressure mask across the bridge of my nose.

I went and got some spaghetti at Capri's for dinner, since I had been craving it for days, but the tomato sauce made my throat hurt. I chopped it up, and got through about half of it, washing my throat down between bites, since I'm supposed to be drinking a lot anyway.

The pressure continued. My nose felt like the holes inside had dried up and shrunk to a tiny size. Tylenol didn't seem to help much. I was using the saline nose spray to try to ease things a bit, but without much effect.

***Grossness alert***

I suffered with it until bedtime, when I decided to use my neti pot to see if that would help. I made up the solution, and unsurprisingly, it would barely go through my nose. I was thinking that at least it would moisten up the dried-feeling parts. I just stood there, with the solution barely dripping through. Then, I started to see some stuff come out - the usual mixture of mucus and old brown dried blood that has been coming out. Then, I felt something shift, and wriggle down left side of my nose, to plop in the sink. At first glance, I thought I had dislodged tissue. It was huge. I waited for the blood to come. But no bleeding. I looked at it, and it was just this HUGE plug-like thing. I didn't know something that big could come out of my nose. I felt it carefully - no tissue. Just some old blood, and a BIG mucus plug.

***End Grossness alert***

After that, my sinuses still felt tight, but I could breathe much more easily. I got in bed, and got out one of my frozen washcloths, a tip from a woman I work with who had this done herself. It was rolled up, and was like a crayon of cold I could draw on my face with. If I left it in one place too long, it hurt, but just rubbing it back and forth across the bridge of my nose and under my eyes was heaven, and did make me feel better.

Work tomorrow*

Well I got the door fixed pretty well. I'll have to have the locks changed now because of the way they fit the deadbolt back, but otherwise it looks pretty good. The siding guy completely blew me off. He didn't answer his phone, and didn't return messages. How in the hell these people earn a living is beyond me. I guess they overcharge so much when they do work that they can afford to have a fuck you attitude the rest of the time.

I got my errands run tonight, and did a bit of laundry. I ate a good dinner so hopefully I won't be hungry if I wake up later. I even had a bit of a nap today.

I guess I'm about as ready as I'm going to get. Eating is still a tiresome and lengthy process, and it makes my mouth really tired. Plus, the things I can eat I really don't want to eat. But at least I can eat now. I'm not going to be able to spend a lot of time on the phone, but I do a lot of correspondence by email now anyway.

My voice is sounding weird. I was thinking before that I was talking funny because of pain. That is still an issue, but I have these weird air bursts that come out during the middle of words sometimes. Drinking is still weird too. It's like little bits of liquid try to go up my nose from behind. I'm hoping that once the swelling goes down and the pain goes away, I'll be able to learn to use my new mouth better. Swallowing is definitely different than it was before.

I still haven't tried my singing voice yet. I think it's still a bit early for that - I can't even blow my nose for another week. I figure I'll ask the doc about singing on the 25th when I go for my follow-up visit.

Tomorrow will be a big day. Being able to get through my morning routine will be a big deal; I'm still pretty woozy and hurty in the morning when I wake up. But I moved a good bit this morning waiting for the repair guys to get here, kind of as a warm up.

Wish me luck :)

Morning

Well I got up at 7:30 and got ready for the workmen to be here. They were here pretty much on time, but did the workmen thing in the yard for 20 minutes or so before they actually started work. They even started before it got so blindingly hot, which is nice.

Jinx is corralled in the bedroom and dying of kitty curiosity.

And my Tylenol is kicking in.

They guys are saying that they are hoping this job won't take too long.

And all, at the very present, is pretty much as right as it has been for a while.

Cross your fingers.

2am, up again

With my throat, as usual, for the 7th night in a row of broken rest.

Well it is pretty much what I expected.

I did have my first solid food in a week yesterday, and I suppose I'm paying for that. It was awfully good though. My throat is swollen up like I ate a a box of staples. But then I did. A week ago.

I am an idiot, but I ate solid food tonight

Well after all that frustration yesterday, and after eating only potato soup for lunch, I was both ravenous and pissed.

I opened a bag of those cookies that have been mocking me for a week, and ate them. I chewed them to paste first, and swallowed them with liquid, but I'm still afraid of what I did to my throat. It's been almost a week though. 3-5 days is supposed to be the danger time for bleeding, and I checked my throat tonight and I'm not. So I guess I'm good.

I made some macaroni and cheese and mixed it with some broccoli cooked soft for dinner. I had to wait for my Tylenol to kick in so I could eat, and it took me 45 minutes to eat a bowl, but I got it down. It was wonderful to eat some solid food again. I just have to chew everything for a long time and get it really liquid-y before I try to swallow. Mom says I eat too fast anyway. Which I guess I do.

Miss Kat and dana came by tonight and brought me some potato rolls, and I had a couple of those with Mom's homemade strawberry jam and butter for dessert. Sheer. Heaven. If only they hadn't hurt so bad.

Still, a painful milestone was reached today.

Another frustrating day - OR - the saga of getting the door fixed

I called a friend June 5 about having some work done on the house. I told him I needed my front door jamb repaired, and I needed a little place of my vinyl siding on the house put back. It kept coming off, and I wanted it fixed. He told me it would be about $60 to fix the door jamb. I thought that sounded low, but said OK.

When we talked about having the siding fixed, I told him the part I needed replaced was aluminum. No problem, he said, I’m doing that right now. He said he did that kind of work all the time himself.

I told him that I would be available the 16th and 17th of June. He immediately jumped on the 17th for some reason. I tried to explain that I’d really rather they show up on the 16th. I was afraid of typical delays, and wanted to give myself a time cushion. When we ended the call, I re-confirmed with him that I would see him on the 16th.

The 16th came, and no guys. I left a message or two, but really wasn’t feeling very well. I figured he would show up the next day, and left it at that.

He called me that evening to confirm that he would see me the next day. I went over the jobs again with him because he had forgotten the siding job.

The morning of the 17th, I got a call. His guy was finishing up where he was, and would be with me in an hour or so. This was about 9:30am. At 12:40pm, still no guy. I left a message. At 1:30pm no guy. I left another message. At 2:40pm, I finally reached my friend, who said he had just gotten my voice mails, and thought that the guy was already here.

At 3:10pm, the guy showed up. He had no idea about the siding job. He looked at the door job, and started making that expensive “tut-tut” noise that repairmen make. I asked him if he would be able to finish the job today. He looked surprised, and said that Oh, they wouldn’t be doing any work today. They were just here today to make measurements. He also told me that he had only been called him about the job last night. Grrrrr.

The door jamb, because of the age of the house, is now supposed to cost about $300.

I was told that in order to get a piece of siding aluminum replaced, they had to buy a whole roll (about $100), and then contract to have it bent, another $100. They wanted $200 to fix a 4 and a half foot piece of aluminum.

I guess I’ll just miss another day of work. I really think it was a bit soon for me to go back tomorrow anyway.

I’m pretty over it. Especially since after they left, they called my friend to tell him I was pissed, and he called all telling me he didn't want any hard feelings over this. And I'm sitting there thinking "Then why are you jacking me around like this then?" But of course I'm over a barrel. I can't get anyone else to do the work at this point. So they're coming back in the morning. Supposedly. I'm first on the list for tomorrow. They are to be here about 8am.

I called a siding guy to come look at the eaves. He sounded pretty nice, even though it was a small job. I'm going to get a quote from him on doing the out building in my back yard to match the house while he's here.

Up at 7am

Hurting, but not quite as much as yesterday. I got up and waited for the Tylenol to kick in. Since I was lying awake last night thinking of soft things I might be able to eat, I got up this morning and made a huge breakfast. I got it down eventually. At least I have eaten something this morning. For some reason, it seems to be easier to eat earlier in the day, and I decided to take advantage of that.

Sixth night in a row.

Sweet Lord Jesus, will this pain never end?? Will I never sleep through the night again? It hurts just as bad tonight as it did the first night. I have never before had a wound that just refused to heal. According to the post-surgical care sheets, this can go on for another week, or longer.

If it does I may lose my mind.

And of course after I take my pain meds, I'm hungry. If I eat, then I hurt again. If I don't, then I lay there too hungry to sleep. It is just fucking lovely. There is no weight loss that is worth this - I'd rather be fat. Not that I'm turning into some kind of svelte beauty or anything. I'm still built like a fucking shaved penguin.

A frustrating day

I can apparently do anything I want, except eat something or talk.

It's very aggravating.

Tonight, it got to be 8pm, and I was hungry, so I decided to eat dinner with no Tylenol. Bad, very bad, idea. I have taken Tylenol pretty much on the clock every four hours since surgery - last Wednesday. Obviously I still need to be. Counting taking breaks to allow the Tylenol to kick in, it has taken me an hour and a half to get about 12 ounces of soup down. Lesson learned - Tylenol will be taken before meals for a while. All thoughts of putting foods through the food processor are gone. If pureed butter beans feel like barbed wire, I guess a pizza is out of the question. I had thought about getting some potato rolls to eat with butter, but now that seems wildly ambitious. Sigh.

Maybe I'll lose some weight, as Justin reminded me tonight on the phone, during soup break #2. I'm also afraid I may not have drank enough this afternoon. I was tired of peeing all the time. So tomorrow I'll be drinking more again, and timing the Tylenol for an hour before each meal. That was working OK prior to dinner tonight.

Geez, this must be boring as hell reading.

Really wanting some adult food

As tasty as the homemade baby food I have is, I would really like some real food. But there are worse things.

Thoughts for today:

1. You never really notice how many commercials there are featuring people joyfully eating, until you cannot yourself joyfully eat.

2. Chewing and swallowing are things that you really take for granted until you can't.

3. Would pizza, or a veggie burger, still taste like what it is after going through the blender, or would it just taste like vomit?

I did feel better after taking a nap today. Oddly, my throat, which felt so cavernous after the surgery, feels progressively smaller. I can' t tell if it is swelling shut some, or if I'm just getting used to it.

Morning

Well I had a rough night last night. I was up for several hours. I woke up from pain, then I couldn't go back to sleep because I was hungry. I had taken my pain meds, but then when I ate some butter beans, it made my throat sore. I finally got back to sleep.

First day on my own also, and I've had a busy morning. I took some Tylenol when I woke up, hurting again, but that seemed to knock the worst of the edge off the pain.

I made a big pot of cheese grits to eat on this week, since apparently soft food is going to be the order of the day for a while. Then I soft scrambled some eggs and ate breakfast. After that, I had to clean up the kitchen. I'm going to rest a while before I try to do cat chores and shower, etc. They are supposed to come fix the front door today, but I haven't heard anything, and really, I guess it would be better if they came tomorrow.

Mom has called to worry, and I wonder now as well if I'll be able to go back to work on Wednesday as planned. I do need to, I know. But I may not be able to. I guess we'll see.

Awake and hurting

Well that hasn't changed. But I can take my pain stuff again in a half hour. Geez I wonder how long it will be before I can sleep through the night? I guess I can get up and go to work after taking Lortab in the middle of the night the night before...

I guess I was hoping I would sleep through the night tonight, after having such a smoother day.

Maybe things will improve tomorrow night. I go back to work on Wednesday. Or at least I'm supposed to.

Aw.

Miss Kat and dana called tonight to check on me, and to find out if I wanted them to come spend the night with me. It was so sweet it was just all I could do not to cry. I am so lucky to have such good friends.

Mom called. She got home OK, and she's back to work tomorrow.

I'm still hurting, but not anywhere like last night. I brewed up a batch of saline this afternoon and did my sinus irrigation again tonight. They're continuing to clear out a bit at a time. I have to be very gentle. I'm not allowed to blow my nose for two weeks, which is very annoying, but after everything I have been through, that's pretty much a walk in the park.

I'm not hungry tonight. That alone is cause for happiness.

Yummy

Just had a big bowl of very smashed potatoes with gratineed spinach in them for dinner. Yummy. And I fell full. Actually, after the small meals I've been eating, I feel stuffed. And I'm not hurting too bad. JOY!!

I think, blessedly, I have turned the corner today

I was back up at 4:30am to take my pain meds, but after I took them I did sleep the rest of the night. I got up this morning hurting, but not quite as bad as yesterday. The Tylenol knocked the worst of it back. But I wasn't about to try to eat anything after last night. So I just drank and peed the morning away.

Mom was getting ready to go. She was doing laundry, packing her stuff up, etc. I went ahead and took a shower while she was here, and God bless the Neti Pot, some of the junk started coming out of my head. It hurt from the salt, but felt so good at the same time. I think I'll do the irrigation again today, but I'm breathing much easier now. I could tell that Mom would feel better if I ate something, so I ate some Jell-O and Cool Whip about 1pm. That went down so easily, I had her heat up that half a biscuit with some gravy, and soft scramble me a couple of eggs. It was like fucking ambrosia; the egg rich and decadent in my mouth, the gravy succulent and velvety, the biscuit pleasingly substantial yet soft in my sore mouth. Getting to eat that half-biscuit was like climbing Mount-fucking-Rushmore today. I was SO hungry, and didn't hurt nearly as bad as I did last night when I got done.

After futzing around for a while, and making some more Jell-O, Mom went on home, and I settled in to watch most of On Golden Pond, which I had never actually sat down and watched through. Surprisingly, I didn't sleep. I've had a big day, showering, eating, helping get Mom's bed packed up, and cleaning out the litter box, which Mom just couldn't keep up with.

I just gave my teeth a good brushing after taking my pain meds, and my mouth doesn't feel so disgusting. Today I feel like I will heal, and as if I can be sure nothing is wrong. I actually ate some butter bean puree just a bit ago, just because I thought I could. I did get it down, and was able to taste it, blessedly, but it tired my mouth out. I took my pain meds and will have to rest my mouth well before dinner.

A bad, bad day

The pain today is the worst it has been.

I woke up hurting. I did get breakfast of eggs and grits down, but I was hurting pretty badly afterwards.

For lunch, Mama made some very watered down potato soup. She cooked them down a lot, but I had to run the stick blender through it before I could try to eat it. My throat still just ached after I ate a cup or so.

We watched Mildred Pierce this afternoon. Apparently mother hadn't seen it. She really liked the movie. I did OK as long as I didn't talk too much, and kept taking my meds. But I have hurt today.

Mom went to the store this afternoon to pick up a few things. I have been really wanting some butter beans, so she stewed some up for me and we pureed them. Once again, though, it was all I could do to eat some. I ate about a cup full total and that was just all I could do. The pain isn't really on the surface of my throat any more. It's like it has gone into the swallow muscles and tissue around the throat, and having to swallow makes my neck ache from ear to ear like my throat has been cut inside (which it has). It is so discouraging to have babied my throat the way I have, and done everything the doctor told me to do, only to get worse today. I ate much better the day after I came home from the hospital than I have today. I just don't know what I'm going to do when she leaves tomorrow. I'm very upset.

We watched The Little Foxes with Bette Davis tonight, another movie Mom hadn't seen. She really enjoyed it. Of course, that is a fantastic movie. Nine academy award nominations. I took pain meds before we got started, and ended up dozing through a lot of it. That was just as well. Any escape at this point.

After that went off, I had to wait an hour or so to take my meds before I could go to bed. We ended up watching 'Iron Chef', which probably wasn't the best idea. I was starving after eating so little today. But we finished the show, my rationale being that the meds would shut down my GI tract afterwards anyway. Still, it was frustrating to look at all that delicious food and be so hungry. At least I have kept drinking. I can kind of tilt my head and let liquids run down my throat with a minimum of swallowing.

Mama went and got some chicken yesterday on the way home from the car dealership for her dinner, and they gave her a biscuit. Mom doesn't like biscuits, but she put half of it aside for later. That biscuit has been mocking me all day today. Man would I love to eat that biscuit. That, along with the basket of cookies, has been hard for me to look at today. Today, it feels like I'm going backwards, and I'm never going to be able to eat anything. Sigh.

My face drys out and seals up

When we got back from the dealership, I laid down for a while and mom read.

When I got up, we went ahead and had dinner. I had some more spinach and potatoes, but it really made my mouth hurt. It seems to be getting harder to eat.

I have also noticed that my sinuses don't feel nearly as open and I'm not breathing as well as I was. The front sinuses, that felt so wonderfully open yesterday, have dried out, and feel as if they are full of dry packing material. When I go to sleep any, I wake up from throat pain now too. Breathing through my mouth just dries my throat all out, and then it really hurts.

By the time Miss Kat and dana got here, I wasn't feeling very visit-y, unfortunately. Miss Kat brought me a book to read, and went with Mom to get my car from the dealership though. It was so good of them to come and see me. When they got back with the car, though, they could tell I wasn't up to much else, and went on home.

It was good to see them though.

Four and a half hours

Four and a half. Fucking. Hours. That's how long the cable guy was here today. He showed up about 10 and left about 2:30. In between, he told me that a) I couldn't work a DVD player and digital cable at the same time; b) that he couldn't program my DVD player and digital cable to work in the living room because the original remote was missing from the TV, and that the one in the bedroom wouldn't co-ordinate because it was a TV/VCR combo; and c) that he had to leave because his supervisor told him that all they did was put in the cable, and making anything else work wasn't their problem. Welcome to Charter Cable. Mother was amazed at what an ordeal it was. I was kicking myself because I should have known better. This is why we had cable taken out in the first place. But I just can't afford $60 a month to watch TV, and the DirecTV had quit working anyway.

It was NOT a good day to go morphine-free.

But it is in, and everything is working. Finally. God only knows how screwed up the bill is going to be. But I guess I'll deal with it when I feel better. Right now the important thing is that it's over and Mom at least has TV to watch while she's here.

***

When he finally left, Mom got her shower and stuff and made me lunch. Two mushroom-soaked bread pieces, and this was after cheese-grits and eggs this morning. Thus far, I'm living pretty high on the hog for someone with an adult tonsillectomy.

After lunch, I rested for a while, and then we went to pay the auto dealership for my service and warranty work done on the The Bomber. $475. It should be driving like a new car. It is a relief to get this warranty thing out of the way. I guess I have probably scheduled too much stuff, but I figured while I didn't need it and had someone to help me would be the best time to go ahead and get it taken care of. They were at least nice at the dealership, as well they should have been. $475 worth of fluids. I should have been able to get Eartha Kitt's blood at those prices.

Ouch.

I woke up hurting. Twice. When I go to sleep, everything seems to dry up and seal together again, and it all starts hurting.

But I can irrigate and take my pain meds and it backs off some.

Mom comes into her own

Mother had already picked up the prescriptions from the doctor and turned them in to be filled before she even came to get me, but there was one she had to go to an apothecary for. It's a topical sucker that numbs your throat. Apparently it was quite a saga to get it, and she was gone a good part of the afternoon.

While she was gone, I put in a movie and rested for a while, then sneaked to the computer and sent a few emails to friends. I got some beautiful flowers from work, and my agency sent me a basket of delicious-looking cookies. I know, I can't eat them, but they sure do look good. I guess it won't be too long before I can eat them.

I had some lovely bread soaked in mushroom soup for lunch, and she made me some spinach with goat cheese and mashed potatoes for dinner. Lovely. I could actually taste the spinach a bit. Sadly, my taste buds seem to be "fried" from the numb sucker and from being dry so long. I can't taste a lot. I am eating much better than I thought I would. Much better. And still breathing better than I was before the surgery, although there is a bunch of foam junk sprayed in my sinuses to hold them in place while they heal. It tastes pretty vile too - strong enough and bad enough that I can taste it when I irrigate my sinuses.

I am sprung from the joint

About 6:30am or so, the surgeon stopped by to check on me. He looked me over, pronounced me ready to go home, and released me! I'm thinking "Great! How soon can I get Mom over here?" My nurse though, told me it would take most of the day to actually get me out. Dammit. I settled in for a long and uncomfortable day.

But then, shift change. My new nurse was very sweet, and brought me breakfast. She also knew something the less experienced night nurse didn't know. When the doctor released me, they could take all that crap off of me. She proceeded to do so. Sheer bliss. I regained all my own limbs! And with all that crap off of me, the bed was surprisingly comfortable. I got to get out of the bed and go to the bathroom! I got back in, ate my breakfast, and called Mom. When she got there, I was propped up watching telly, waiting to go home, having just finished my coffee.

I just dressed and we left, after I got my last little post-breakfast morphine. I was home and in my own bed by about 9:30am. My throat was sore, but I'm thinking it was no worse than a strep throat, and I'd had a full breakfast that morning. Eggs, biscuit, coffee and apple juice. Full "soft tonsil" diet. I'm thinking this wasn't going to be so bad.

Morphine is wonderful stuff.

These hell-boots are made for sweatin'

The pump for the embolism boots came in at 4:30am. Since I was up anyway, the nurse went ahead and put them on me when he did my vitals.

I felt like a very uncomfortable medical marionette. I had an IV in my left hand. I had a blood pressure cuff on my right arm. If I moved with it, or it didn't get an accurate reading, it would just keep inflating until it got an "accurate" reading. I had the gauchos from hell in white vinyl on my legs. They were hot as they could be, sweaty, and inflated independently - so one or the other of them was always inflating at different time in different places. Plus, in between all this one-man-band of medical miracles, I was having to roll to my side to pee every 45-60 minutes, trying not to pee all over myself in the process. Had a possessed a shred of modesty, or had to do this for any real length of time, I might well have lost my mind. How they could think anyone could possibly sleep during any of this defies any reason.

As it was, I only had to do it for about two hours. Thank you Lord. That was enough. And thank you for morphine too.

The view from my hospital bed, after surgery

I was still on morphine when I took this, and had my phone back from Mom when she came back to the hospital that night. My lil angel of mercy, pictured, is shy, and asked not to be named.

Surgery Day

I ended up just staying up the rest of the night. There was no way I was going to get a wink of sleep, and I figured I'd be sleeping all day today anyway.

I got Mom up at 6am, and we got ready and went on over to the hospital.

The hospital was really busy today, which made me nervous. After I got checked in, and got back with the nurse, they put me in a corner behind a curtain and just left me there. I was like in overflow - there were gurneys in storage in the area next to me. I could hear other people with their families, but no one brought mine back. After about a half hour of this, I just got up, held my robe closed in the back, and went to the nurse's station, and asked if I couldn't have my family back. They went and got them, and then started the process of getting me in.

One of the steps is that they read you all the procedures you're having done, and get your consent. One of the procedures I didn't recognize though. When I asked about it, this kicked off a whole series of complications, and I had to wait for an hour while my surgeon finished up his first operation of the day and came out to talk to me and run through everything he's doing today. It is a pretty extensive list. Anyway, my main deal was that until I gave consent, I don't get my happy pill. I wanted my happy pill.

I stayed back there, chatting with Mom and Dad (always a bit awkward since the divorce, but I was really grateful they were both there), until the surgeon could get free to come talk to us. Dr. John Phillips is a super guy, with a great bedside manner, I have to say. He showed no sign of impatience, and didn't act as if he had been called away from something. He came back, went through everything they were going to do, and answered all our questions. After that, it was time for me to go back.

So they're wheeling me back to surgery, and once again, no happy pill. They were telling me I'd get it when I got there. When I got there, they were still cleaning the OR, and the anesthesiologist showed up. He. Was. Gorgeous. Big manly-muscled, good looking guy with furry arms. WOOF. It may have been a good thing I didn't get the pill. Lord only knows what I would have said. They took me in and got me on the table, and no pill was necessary. He stuck something in my IV, and it was just like a light switch going off. And good for that.

***

When I woke up, my throat was killing me, and it was dry as a popcorn fart. I couldn't tell which was worse, the dryness or the pain, but they seemed to go together. But my head didn't hurt at all. That made me afraid that they hadn't done the fairly extensive sinus work they were supposed to do. Mom said I kept asking if they had done everything. Eventually, when I was awake and had my eyes open, I was able to get the morphine started, and that made things much better. I told the recovery nurse I loved her more than anyone except my mother and Miss Kat. Mom was in recovery with me when I woke up.

***

After being in recovery for a while, they took me to intensive care for the night. I was in and out when they were moving me, and I don't really remember it. When I woke up, about 5:30pm or so, they brought in my Mom and Dad for a bit, and then they left to go to dinner. Which was fine with me. I wanted to rest.

I slept until about 7:30 or so, and when I woke up, I made them put my gown and stuff back on me before my parents came. It was really hot, and they had these vinyl gauchos on that they put on you to keep you from getting blood clots. They are hot as they can be, and mine weren't plugged in. I made a deal with the nurse that if I put them on when the pump got there, he would take them off now, and was much more comfortable and cooler when my parents came in. They brought me some tea, which I was very grateful for. I have been charged to drink, drink, drink. I am told the better hydrated I am the faster I will heal. I took that to heart.

I was breathing better than I ever have in my life, and thinking this doctor was a genius. I got my dinner, which was full liquids today. A surprisingly delicious mushroom soup, fruit cocktail, a milkshake-like supplement, and some chocolate ice cream. Lactose intolerant or not, I ate it all. I hadn't had anything for 24 hours.

They all left about 9:30. I was drinking and snoozing off and on. Mom had brought my phone to me, and I sent some text messages out. I had been talking well when my parents were there, but had been advised to save my throat, which seemed wise. About 10:30, I went to sleep.

I slept about an hour at a time, waking up to drink and pee. This was a bit complicated, as I was tied to the bed. I was on an IV that was pumping me full of fluid, and was drinking tea, as well as having all that liquid for dinner. Since I couldn't actually get up and pee, I kind of felt like I had to go the whole time. That was working out OK though. I would come to, pee a bit, and drift back off. That went on until 4:30am. That's when they ended any real thoughts of rest.

Unsuprisingly awake

Well Mom is ensconced and dreaming on Russ and Billy's fabulous air mattress. Really more like a full-scale blow up bed. And I'm really glad about that. I'm glad she'll be more comfortable and not on the sofa.

I finally got to bed around 12:30am, as much so Mom could go to bed as anything else; she has a long day tomorrow. I knew I wouldn't sleep well tonight.

I've talked to God about it in my mind, as I usually do. And He knows my heart, as always. I don't feel that I can ask for selfish things. I am already so blessed. So I have asked only that His will be done. I can accept that and rejoice in whatever He wants. And for all the nervousness I have had, I have none now.

I'm also really glad that the house work is done.

Crooner is sitting here watching me type, pissed that the bedroom door is closed between here and the study, and that I'm not properly asleep as I should be.

I did drift off a bit after one with a good old BBC Agatha Christie movie in, but was back up at 2:30. Unbelievably, after that huge meal, I am hungry. I probably won't sleep much more tonight, but I guess I'll make up for it later this week.

Another long day

Well I did manage to sleep until 5:30am this morning. Just as well, I suppose. I had time to do a few last minute things before getting ready for work.

The day went very quickly today. After a king-size brekkie of more guac and chips (no sense in letting it go to waste, right?) I headed in. I had several nice emails from friends, and heard from my friend Bernadette in France. It was good to hear from her, it's been a while. I spent the day putting out fires and trying to set things up to run smoothly while I'm gone. I left the office with lots of good wishes from folks there.

After work, I went by the library. I got some really great movies. They had The Letter and The Little Foxes, which was perfect since I am in a Bette mood. Also the A&E version of Nicholas Nickleby - sweet. AND they had a copy of Bear Cub, which I had been planning to rent. I got a lot of good movies in the Juvie section too - I'll have to look over there more often. You can check out 5 movies each from the adult and kid section, which is why I thought to go over there when I hadn't before. Plus they had a short story selection I'd had on back order for a while, with another elusive Charlaine Harris short story in it. It was a super day a the library for me. I got home, and was doing more stuff when Mom got here.

While I was trying to get Mom's car unloaded, people started calling. Miss Kat called. Always good to hear from her, and so sweet of her to call before. While I was on the phone with her, a guy came to the door wanting money. I always have such a problem with that. If I give them money, I feel like an idiot. If I tell them no, I always feel like I have just refused to help Jesus in disguise. I just gave him some money, and he told me God would bless me for it. But I guess he already has.

When I got off the phone and away from the door, I realized that Mom was wearing a soft cast. She hurt her foot last week, and didn't tell me about it. I was torn between loving her for wanting to come take care of me anyway, and wanting to kill her for not telling me about it. She swears she's fine, that it's just a bone spur, but she's limping, and at this point she probably wouldn't tell me if she was at death's door. It's really too late to yell about it now. She's here, and we'll just have to make the best of it. Mom called my grandmother to distract me, and I talked to her for a bit. Then she called my sister and I talked to her. Lisa thinks I'm nuts to have all this done at once. I was like "Do I really want to set all this up again??"

After we got her stuff in and I stopped having a heart attack, we dropped the car to be serviced and headed for dinner. Dinner was Capri's baked spaghetti, my traditional "last meal". As usual, the food was delish, and they have the best wait staff ever. They are all just sweet as they can be. I figured Mom would love the food, and she did. We had a nice meal, and I once again made a pig of myself.

After a trip through CVS to pick up a Father's Day card for my grandfather, and for her to meet my pharmacist (since she'll be picking up my prescriptions) we headed to the house. I ran through how various things here work with her, and we went through an incredible "care box" the women she work with had sent to me. It just amazes me how nice everyone is being. Makes me feel really cared for. We sat down to read the doc's tonsillectomy after-care stuff, which apparently I should have read before. Only one bottle of juice I bought is appropriate. Great. I was trying to not have Mom go shopping for sick food, which I know she won't let me buy. Oh well, that's what I get for being a man and not reading the instructions.

I washed with the hospital soap they gave me, and we got her set up for bed. I know I won't sleep much tonight. But I guess I'll sleep a lot tomorrow, so it doesn't really matter. I am SO thirsty, but no water after midnight. I guess I'll get my fill of liquids over the next several days. I'm supposed to drink a gallon a day.

A long day

Well I worked trying to get loose ends tied up at work, and waited for the doctor to call.

I was worried because if I was going to have this surgery put off again, I needed to let my mom and my boss know.

The attorney called, and I went and signed a living will, a power of attorney, and my will. Some people think that is grim, but it needed to be done, and I feel better now that it is.

At 4:45, the doctor's office finally called me back, after leaving another message, and holding for so long that I finally just gave up. They called in an anti-inflammatory and an antibiotic, and told me things were a go.

I went by the grocery store on the way home to pick up some things for Mom to eat on while she's here.

When I got home, I watered my baked flowers, and made a big bowl of homemade guacamole. The avocados were here. I pigged out, and then had some pastry I picked up at the store. Since I'm going to be on a liquid diet the next couple of days, I reasoned I could eat what I want. After that, I stuck in a DVD of old Simpson's episodes with director commentary on and scrubbed the bathroom. That was the last room left to clean.

While I was doing that, Justin called to check on me. That was awfully sweet of him. He gave me the best-case scenario of everything I have going on for a while, and we briefly discussed some of his drama. Then it was back to finish.

Of course, Crooner becomes upset in a clean house, since this one hasn't been since he's lived here. It confuses him. As soon as I got through scrubbing the floor, he had to re-cover it with cat litter, and as soon as I finished scrubbing the shower, he had to re-Christen it with kitty sneezes. The nature of cats. Sigh.

I did a few other odd things and hit the hay. I was up at 4:30am this morning. Sigh. I guess I'll be getting enough sleep Wednesday.

The morning after

Well when I woke up this morning at 4 f*cking 30! As usual when I'm stressed or worried, the sleep goes first. I couldn't get back to sleep, so I just did some laundry. I'm only working two days this week, I guess I'll rest after the surgery. I wasn't as stiff, thank goodness. My throat is still sore and swollen up though. I called the nurse for the surgeon as soon as I got to work.

I also found out this morning that yes, you can get pine tar out of clothes. And lucky for me.

A day of reckoning - or - I pay the piper

I was back up at 7am. I thought about trying to sleep some more, but I had so much to do today, I decided to get a move on. I packed up and headed out. I don't take tons of stuff with me, so it's generally not hard for me to head up and move out.

I was home shortly after 9am. After some breakfast and a rest (again I could not sleep), I decided to start cleaning house. There is MUCH to do before Mom gets here Tuesday night. When I got up off the couch, though, I was stiff as a 90 year old. Every muscle in my body hurt. Plus my throat is sore and my ^%$#@!! tonsils are swelling up. If this delays the surgery, I am going to be mega-pissed. I took some Tylenol and kept going. There just wasn't anything else to do. There was just no way my mother could come to the house looking the way it did.

I cleaned for 8 hours, stopping periodically to take more Tylenol and drink more, since I am sure I am still dehydrated. I dust-mopped, dusted, and washed floors. I made decisions about what I did and did not have time to do. I also did all the laundry. I had to do stuff like clean the microwave (I always put that off, because it seems like every time I clean it, something explodes in there again - Mother's, of course, is always spotless). The house is cleaner now than it has been in quite some time.

I finally just had to go eat though, so I didn't finish. My blood sugar was dropping, so I took a shower and headed out to eat. Plus I was really bones-deep tired. I can't decide if I am running a low-grade fever or if it's just the sunburn. I can do the bathroom tomorrow night. I got almost everything else done tonight. I even washed the coolers from camping, and got a bunch of stuff put away that I had been putting off.

Russ and Billy met me for dinner, and they told me about their trip to Atlanta with Ben and James. Apparently they had a good time, but encountered a lot of Atlantitude at Woofs down there. No surprise to me. After dinner, I went over to their house to pick up their good air mattress for Mom to sleep on while she's here. She won't take my bed with me having surgery, I know, and I can't have her sleeping on the couch for a week.

I got home, and gratefully fell into bed. I am so hoping I'll feel better in the morning.

A lovely, lovely River's Edge day*

I woke up at 6:30am on the dot, as usual. Sigh. So much for sleeping in. I ate some breakfast, and went by to see Doug (he had invited me to come by first thing), but he was still sound asleep. Since I couldn't go back to sleep, decided to head out to try to find a flea market that I thought was around there. A friend of ours goes to a flea market every time the goes to RE. I had pulled some directions off the internet for a flea market that was supposed to be around there, but when I found it, it was closed. I headed back into town, through a yard sale, and stopped to get some paper towels and a truly excellent apple fritter before heading back to camp.

By the time I got back, there were stirrings. The Atlanta guys were headed to the pool, even though I told them it was too early. I went over to see Doug*, and we had a very pleasant start to the day (although I woke Brian up). Back at my cabin, I tried to take a nap, but again could not, so I headed down to the pool.

It was HOT. The water was much warmer than usual, but it has been 100 every day here for about a week, and today was no exception. I got to play 5 games of volleyball, and ended up 2-3, but that's OK. I just like playing. One of the regulars was giving me a really hard time. I can't decide if he's ragging on me because he knows me now, and that just part of who he is, or if there is something else going on. It makes me uncomfortable though. I know that the regulars do pick on and tease each other all the time, so I try to shake it off, but somehow it just kind of takes me back to high school. It made things a tiny bit less fun than usual, but it was still REALLY fun.

I broke for lunch with Patrick*, who then came down to the pool and proceded to tell everyone down there all about me and my business, which I really didn't appreciate.

By 4pm, the games had stopped, but people were lolling around in the pool, not really wanting to play, but not really wanting to leave either. You can't get too greedy for the fun. You have to let it come to you. Chase it too hard, and it isn't fun any more. That's the way it usually is. The alcohol and sun took their toll on everyone, yours truly included. I got out, and it was a good thing I did. A good bit of my sunscreen had gotten rubbed off after the last game, and I got pretty red. If I had stayed out any longer than I did, I would have been badly burned.

I was going to dinner with the Atlanta guys, and decided to lay down and cool off for a bit before I got ready to go. I did feel better after cooling off and getting cleaned up. We went to the Berryman House, as I like to do. The tomato casserole was as good as (or even better than) ever, but the rest of the food was pretty sub-standard this time, I have to say. The flavor had been cooked out of the butter beans, my mashed potatoes were instant, and the pickled beets were under-cooked. The rolls were store-bought. All in all, it was an unusually bad meal for there.

I rode to dinner with Patrick, who told me about his life in Atlanta, gave me a basic grounding in his life philosophy, etc. He was nice enough to me, but high maintenance. Everything from the timing of dinner to the way his friends parked at the restaurant was fair game. It was nice to have friends to go to dinner with though, and the conversation was good. I love the way you can just meet people and make friends at the Edge. So unlike the gay world at large - particularly in Atlanta.

When we got back to the camp ground, I felt like a slug. The combination of cocktails at the pool, the heat, playing all day, and not enough sleep left me feeling kind of drug out. I just decided I wanted to lay around for a while. I tried to sleep a bit, but again could not. I was dehydrated, I know. I drank several sodas, and just laid around and read. I really thought about going on home. I just didn't feel like doing anything.

About 10pm, Rob came and invited me to come out and talk to them, so I motivated myself. As usual, once I told a couple of jokes and talked for a while, I started having a good time. None of us were drinking Saturday night execpt for Danny, who apparently has the tolerance of a small Sherman Tank. Since Brian, Scott, Doug, Robert, Tommy, and Rich were right around the corner at Doug's cabin, I nipped around there to visit every so often, just to see what was going on. They weren't talking much - they had a lot going on. I realized after a while it was about 1am.

Eventually, I went over to Brian and Scott's cabin and decided to stay over there a while before going to bed. Rich, Tommy, Scott and I got really involved*, and I was really glad I went over there. I was also really surprised I was in the mood for any more fun, frankly, but if anyone could coax it out of me, it would be Tommy. That man is an artist - a genius. The campers around us may have been less than thrilled. It was about 2am, and I was doing a scene from "When Harry Met Sally".

You always hate to go to bed Saturday night, because that means it's over. But eventually, you have to. I called it quits at about 2am.

A Most Auspicious Beginning*

My trip down went off like a charm. Like a well-oiled machine. I got off work, and made BOTH lights on Pelham and straight out onto the highway. This is about the statistical equivalent of winning the lottery, being struck by lightning, and petting a unicorn while sitting in a field of four leaf clovers. I can't remember when the last time was that this happened after 3pm, if ever.

I got home, threw stuff in the car, and was there by about 8pm. I drove out through the country, the gentle sounds of Nickle Creek's Out of the Woods easy on my ears, my nose full of the rich smell of chicken crap, my loins thick with unspent seed.

I met a couple of nice guys from Atlanta at check-in, and it turned out they were staying in cabins very close to mine. Then coming out, I saw my friend Rodney on his way out to dinner. After I got settled in, it didn't take long to find some friends. I headed down to the mobile area, and lo and behold and lucky me, Rich and Tommy were there this weekend from NC! I really like them. They are really great and talented guys. I had called them this week to see if they were coming down, but they decided to surprise me. After a visit with them*, I found that Brian and his husband Scott (who I had not met before) were staying up near me too. Brian told me that Mike and Al were camping out (all the way across the campground) because they had totalled their camper on the way down. They bought a tent so as not to miss the trip. Troopers. I headed down the hill to find them, but when I got down to their site, they weren't there. But I met some other nice guys along the way*.

When I got back up to my cabin, I found Mike up with Brian and Scott. Al went to bed early, apparently. I also met Brian's friend Doug, who came with them. He's pretty cute, and a nice guy. I got pretty tore down tonight. I visited with Brian and Rodney for a while, then headed back towards my cabin, and stopped to talk to the Atlanta guys on the way. A little guy named Patrick, and his friend Rob. Rob had met a guy there named Barry. And Patrick's friend, whose name escapes me, and his boyfriend Danny. I cracked jokes and told stories until late, then kind of collapsed. It was a good evening, and a great start to the weekend. Brian is in a good mood, and his husband Scott is nice. I have good neighbors this trip too.

An efficient morning

I woke up feeling like shifting things today.

I got up, did my pre-work stuff, ate breakfast, played a bit online (bought two new songs from Itunes), did some more packing stuff, getting things organized for tonight and tucking in things I had overlooked, and still got to work early.

I am SO ready to go - ready to drive through those gates and leave the world outside.

I have a whole ritual for going down, which my friend Len finds endlessly hilarious. It's kind of like following a recipe for a good weekend:

- Two days before I leave, I go shopping for the food and drinks that I'll take on the trip. I always take whole wheat high fiber bagels and cream cheese for breakfast, and some type of Bolthouse Farms soy protein drink. I usually take the Vanilla Chai Tea, but this year I'm taking Mocha Cappuccino since I wanted some coffee (I hope the whey protein doesn't mess me up.) I always take a bag of potato chips too, since that is a rare treat for me, and I LOVE chips. That's the night I decide what I'll be drinking for the weekend, since that's when I buy mixers.

- On the day before I leave, I put together a list of everything I'll need, and either pack it or get it together. I get as much as I can in the car ahead of time.

- After work the day I leave, I jet home, throw everything in the car, and go to the store to pack the cooler with ice. I always see how fast I can get on the road, because the sooner I get there, the sooner the fun starts!

- When I get to the exit where I leave the highway, I stop for dinner at the Taco Bell. Always the same one.

- Before I leave there, I put in the River's Edge music CD, and roll down the windows. It's usually cool enough to get some fresh air in the car. The drive out through the country is lovely. It reminds me of going up home to Wilkesboro.

- When I get there, I check in, get my stuff in the cabin the way I want it, pack a "visiting cooler" of drinks to walk around with, and then I go Shower Off the Outside World at the shower house.

- Friday night is for visiting and catching up, or meeting new people. I know a lot of the regulars. Everyone is partying Friday night, ready to start the weekend and pack as much fun in as possible.

- Saturday is for volleyball! I sleep as late as I possibly can, and take a nap if I can sleep, before I go down to the pool, since I'm usually there most of the day.

- Saturday night is dinner at the Berryman House, unless I am invited to eat with people.

After dinner the parties start. Some of them are fun, some less so. It's better if I have friends to run around with on Saturday night, or better still to sit and talk with and not have to go to a big party. Generally the parties are the same people there that are there every week, drunk and not actually all that interesting. But it depends on the party, and who is giving it, and who is there. They can be a lot of fun sometimes.

Sunday morning I am usually up before most people. If I feel like hanging around, I have some breakfast from leftovers, but generally I go ahead and start packing the car. I get all my stuff packed, then go to say my goodbyes, if people are up. Sometimes I go for a last shower at the shower house. Then I hit the road. If I'm feeling really decadent (or really hung over) I stop for an indulgent breakfast on the way home.

I love my Edge weekends :)

I decide to stop whining and get on with it.

I am sick of listening to myself.

Today I:
- Cancelled DirecTV
- Contracted to have cable put in next Friday
- Contracted to have some minor repairs done on the house on the 16th
- Made an appt to have service work done on the car while I'm not using it
- Made my packing list for the Edge

And did my regular job at the same time. The DirecTV people still didn't have the name change on the account when I called. It didn't stick. So I had to do all that again. But I guess it doesn't matter, since I'm turning it off anyway.

After work I:
- Got gas (yikes!)
- picked up a prescription
- laid in food and litter for the cats
- ate dinner (while watching one of the two channels I had when I got home)
- got my packing list together, and got a lot of stuff on in the car
- talked to my friend Terry to tell him about the sugery

I sat down at the computer tonight, and was able to download some music I have been looking for for about 10 years. The rarely seen second album by the group "Boys Don't Cry", called Cities On Fire. It's been out of print for years. I just loved that group - so many homoerotic sexual double entendres, even though they were apparently straight (the lead singer settled down to marry and have babies after they dis-banded). Anyway, this album is fantastic, and contains two of my favorite songs they did - "Lipstick" and "You Better Turn Over (I like it better that way)". Yay!!

Makes me kind of wish I had time to mix a couple of new CDs to take with me this weekend. But I do have my traditional River's Edge mix CD in the car. The only time I listen to it is when I'm on the way to the Edge, and that too has become kind of a tradition.

It felt good to pack. Just to start getting the feeling of other trips, and be able to focus on something fun.

I'll hit the high spots on the house Sunday when I get home. I can't fix the situation between Dad and Paul and Cindy. The surgery is out of my hands. Michael is doing what he is supposed to be. Other than all this stuff I have been worrying about, I guess I'm about as ready as I can be. Mom's coming, and everything will be OK. We were emailing back and forth about details yesterday, and getting things worked out for next week. It's going to be OK.

Tomorrow after work, I am laying EVERYTHING down, and leaving for Georgia. And I'm not going to think about it at all until I get home. Period.

The Joy Continues

When I got up this morning, I had one TV channel. One.

I've just decided that Mom can have the cable run in next week if she wants it. We'll be home during the day anyway. I'm going to have it done anyway, so if she feels like dealing with the cable guys, that will be something she can help me out with, and get some entertainment for her at the same time.

When Michael read the post below, he called me because he was worried about me. I'm OK guys, although I know that post doesn't sound like it. I just have a plate of shit to deal with right now. I'll be OK. I have my trip coming this weekend to get away from it, and Mom is coming next week. I just have to hang in through the tough part.

I'm a f**king basket case, part duex

Apparently I am just going to cry every day this week.

Well technically I didn't today, but I came pretty damn close.

It was Hell Slide day at work, plus I'm trying to put month end together. They have added a new Hell Slide for me to prepare, and the guy that gives me the information is very nice, but he's slow as molasses Christmas going uphill, and his information always needs revisions. Today we went through two rounds of them. I can't yell at him, because I really do like the guy, but I may strangle him.

***

I went in for my surgical eval today, where they poke you and ask you a bunch of questions, take blood, etc.

I felt very alone. Like about six years old, and my parents left me somewhere. I couldn't help but remember the last time I had surgery. Michael was so good to me. He took off work and stayed with me. He moved a computer to the kitchen so he could see me lying on the couch in the living room - too anxious to take his eyes off of me. It was all the more touching because it was so out of character for him. Mom is coming this time, and I know she will take very good care of me. I know I'm really lucky to have so many people who love and care about me; but for some reason this whole process is just bringing home to me that it is a big, cold, scary world out there. I was already tearing up when the nurse asked me who lived with me. When I said "two cats" I just about lost it. But I stiff upper lipped through it, and went back to the office.

I did get some very sweet emails today from friends after I sent out the surgery details. I am a lucky, lucky man in many ways.

I got my month end in on time, and got the Hell Slides done and out. I did battle with a hateful account, sent it to an attorney, and did all my follow-ups too. Thank you Sweet Lord for the ability to compartmentalize.

***

After work, I went by the library (I'm going to have to order some more books), and then went grocery shopping for my camping trip this weekend. Just focusing on my trip made me feel a bit better. Planning meals for this weekend reminded me of other trips, and there are some things that I always take with me to the Edge. It started me thinking about how good it will be to lay everything down for a while, and see Al, Mike, and Brian. River's Edge is one of my happiest places. If I survive the rest of this week, I should have a good weekend.

I have a light day planned tomorrow, except for some audit stuff, so maybe tomorrow will be less stressful at work. I also get to actually eat lunch on my lunch hour. That will be nice. It makes me feel less stressful to have a break during the day too.

Most. Bizarre. Geri-Curl Marionettes. Ever.

Creepy, kitchy, or just plain pathetic? You be the judge.

OK, so I still love Mel and Kim. Rock video ideas were either running rampant or dry (depending on how you look at it) during the late 80's. Or perhaps concept and cocaine just outstripped the available technology. I love how the white guy is so square he has to a) do an investigation; and b) do actual field work to discover that bubble soap is the answer to his ennui. You have to admit, those are some weird-ass puppets. I love how they have the little curls that hang down under their matching hats. I always suspected these gals were lesbians, but apparently they were just sisters.

I am a f**king basket case

Well after two weeks of crappy reception, I decided to do battle with DirecTV tonight. It was not pleasant. After the first go-round, I was so mad I told them to just turn it off. I don't have the authority to do that though. The account is still in Michael's name - he's been paying for it as well. When I called him about it, he said it was time to take care of that. That's more than fair. He called them and authorized me to make changes on the account.

Bell on the second round. I called in and got some hateful guy on the phone who told me first that they couldn't change the name on the account without changing the data chips or some shit in the receiver boxes, and that would cost $40. The only other option was to close the account and re-open it, which he said would require my buying all new equipment. I was told they only change account names in the case of a divorce or death. I asked to speak to a supervisor, and he first refused to put me through. Then he put me on hold for a while, then he said there was no supervisor available. He then told me that nothing more could be done anyway, and a supervisor would just tell me the same thing he was. He kept saying that over and over. He put me on hold again when I kept asking to be passed up the chain, and just left me there. Finally I just hung up.

Bell on round three. It's now 9:30pm. I did get a very nice lady on the phone who changed the account name and billing address in a twinkling, and apologized profusely for the way I had been treated. That was when I started crying. She was so nice. I just couldn't take it. She could tell I was upset, and was even nicer, and of course that just made me cry more. I'm sure she thought I was a loon. I thanked her very much for her help, and declined to do battle with tech services tonight. I just didn't have it left in me. At least the billing stuff is taken care of. They want to charge me $80 for a service call to send someone out here, and I really can't afford $60 a month for TV service. The main reason I'm leaving it on is because Mom will be here next week, and to have no cable would just be awful of me. So I guess I'll have basic cable run back in at the end of the month. I've been watching too much TV anyway.

I suppose the reason I was so upset was that the TV account is one of the last ties to Michael. I know that makes no sense, but that's the only thing I can think. We're breaking up the phone account too, since his contract has expired. And that will be the end of it. Aside from a few things I'm storing here for him, the last of our lives together will be dissolved. Also, after talking to me tonight for a half hour or so, he told me he's been seeing someone for about three months now.

Well of course he has. He is a nice, cute, reasonably sane guy in NYC. He has a lot to offer. There are tons of guys up there. And that's exactly what he should be doing. It just broke my heart a little, I guess, to hear it. My own dismal (lack of) prospects is probably at play here too. I never can resist a self-pity party. Sigh.

***

After I got off the phone, I called Justin, to hear his latest chapter, and tell him mine. It was good to talk to him. I went to bed with a lighter heart.

I'm sure part of this is that I'm just all stressed out over the surgery next week and all that's going on.

- this Dad vs. Paul and Cindy thing has turned into a months-long Jerry Springer-esque saga
- the house is a wreck
- I'm planning the camping trip for this weekend
- the cable is on the fritz
- I'm nervous about this surgery next week - it's supposed to be REALLY painful
- I'm doing month end, and tomorrow is Hell Slide day at work
- I'm trying to get ready for Mom to be here next week
- I'm trying to get my will re-drawn, and have been referred to an attorney with the speed and efficiency of a carrot
- I had my teeth cleaned today on my lunch hour
- tomorrow I have the surgery pre-screen on my lunch hour

It's just a rough week.

Russ's birthday

When I got home, Donnie had had one of his "feelings" that something was wrong, and had left a message for me to call him. I called him back, told him he was right, and we talked about the situation. He caught me up on what is going on with his mother too.

I got the call this afternoon that it was Russ's birthday today, and they were putting together a group to go out to eat sushi tonight. I really didn't feel like going, but Russ is one of my very best friends. Plus they did a birthday thing for me with the bear group last Fall when no one else would really have done anything.

So I sucked it up and went to buy a card.

My stomach was in knots even before I got to the restaurant. They got there, and I did talk to them a bit about what was going on so they would understand what was wrong with me. I did try not to drag down the party though. But when the drinks came and we started talking about other things, I really did feel better and was glad I went.

I has a suprisingly good time. But by the end of the evening though, it was clear that I have picked up a stomach thing. The combination of saki and pineapple juice, raw fish, and yet more ice cream on top of all the stress I am already under was a really bad idea. I was in pain by the time I left. I stopped off on the way home for a bottle of Pepto and went home to do battle. It's going to be a long night.

Well the shit has officially hit the fan

After weeks of tightrope walking between the two of them, I thought that things were calming down between my BIL Paul and my dad. Paul called me this morning, and I told him I figured Dad would blow off steam for a while, and then settle back down, because he wanted to see my nephew Brenden.

Paul called me this afternoon to say Dad had him served with a four-page demand letter that included an intent to sue for slander. So Paul is going to pay the money that Dad asked for, and then sever all ties with him. And unfortunately, I'm right in the middle again. Dad used things I talked to him about (during the course of trying to work out what happened) in the letter as basis for his threat of a slander suit. He also threatened to sue my sister for forgery. I feel terrible for having any part of any of this. Paul was pretty good about it on the phone with me. I think he understands that I was trying to help - plus he admitted to me that he was using me as a go-between when I had specifically told him I didn't want in the middle of this mess.

I just don't understand the way my dad's mind works. Yes, he's getting his money back. But he's losing a grandson over it. The cost is just too high. I understand wanting to be right. And my father was wronged. But sometimes it's wiser to be thought wrong than to be proved right and pay the price.

Paul is going to pay him. He says he can't afford for this to go to court. He is afraid he and Cindy could have problems with their medical licenses if it does. But since this has happened, he says the breach is irreversible. I understand how he feels.

I don't feel good

I woke up this morning feeling bad. My stomach is messed up, and I feel all tired and drug-out. I don't know if I'm hung over from last night, or if I've picked up some kind of bug, or if my system is in all-out revolt over so much ice cream last night. I know better than to eat it.

I went to the flea market and picked up some produce - there was still nothing but junk otherwise. I went by the grocery store, then came home and ate breakfast. After breakfast (foccacia with olive oil and balsamic vinegar) I felt worse, so I took a bit of a nap. I lazed around until noon or so, still not feeling very good, but knowing I had to get something done.

My step-mom called me about one to tell me that she and Dad are going to Mississippi for a couple of days. After I got up to answer the phone, I decided I HAD to get something done. I worked a bit more on the bedroom, then started doing the cooking for next week. I did a big batch of broccoli pasta with blush hot sauce for lunch next week, and cooked some plantains I had picked up. After eating them at the Colombian place last week, I wanted to try making them. They didn't turn out very well. None of the recipes I found sounded very good, and apparently the one I chose still doesn't have the right technique. The ones I ate at the restaurant were very tender. Mine turned out tough, kind of like dried out sweet potatoes. Not what I wanted at all. But I'll experiment with them to see if I can get them to turn out better.

I did a bit of laundry, changed the bed, and pottered around cleaning the kitchen and stuff. By the time I got all that done, it was pretty much time for bed. I really wish I had gotten more done, but I really don't feel well, and I have to be at work tomorrow to do month end.