I'm a f**king basket case, part duex

Apparently I am just going to cry every day this week.

Well technically I didn't today, but I came pretty damn close.

It was Hell Slide day at work, plus I'm trying to put month end together. They have added a new Hell Slide for me to prepare, and the guy that gives me the information is very nice, but he's slow as molasses Christmas going uphill, and his information always needs revisions. Today we went through two rounds of them. I can't yell at him, because I really do like the guy, but I may strangle him.

***

I went in for my surgical eval today, where they poke you and ask you a bunch of questions, take blood, etc.

I felt very alone. Like about six years old, and my parents left me somewhere. I couldn't help but remember the last time I had surgery. Michael was so good to me. He took off work and stayed with me. He moved a computer to the kitchen so he could see me lying on the couch in the living room - too anxious to take his eyes off of me. It was all the more touching because it was so out of character for him. Mom is coming this time, and I know she will take very good care of me. I know I'm really lucky to have so many people who love and care about me; but for some reason this whole process is just bringing home to me that it is a big, cold, scary world out there. I was already tearing up when the nurse asked me who lived with me. When I said "two cats" I just about lost it. But I stiff upper lipped through it, and went back to the office.

I did get some very sweet emails today from friends after I sent out the surgery details. I am a lucky, lucky man in many ways.

I got my month end in on time, and got the Hell Slides done and out. I did battle with a hateful account, sent it to an attorney, and did all my follow-ups too. Thank you Sweet Lord for the ability to compartmentalize.

***

After work, I went by the library (I'm going to have to order some more books), and then went grocery shopping for my camping trip this weekend. Just focusing on my trip made me feel a bit better. Planning meals for this weekend reminded me of other trips, and there are some things that I always take with me to the Edge. It started me thinking about how good it will be to lay everything down for a while, and see Al, Mike, and Brian. River's Edge is one of my happiest places. If I survive the rest of this week, I should have a good weekend.

I have a light day planned tomorrow, except for some audit stuff, so maybe tomorrow will be less stressful at work. I also get to actually eat lunch on my lunch hour. That will be nice. It makes me feel less stressful to have a break during the day too.