A bad, bad day

The pain today is the worst it has been.

I woke up hurting. I did get breakfast of eggs and grits down, but I was hurting pretty badly afterwards.

For lunch, Mama made some very watered down potato soup. She cooked them down a lot, but I had to run the stick blender through it before I could try to eat it. My throat still just ached after I ate a cup or so.

We watched Mildred Pierce this afternoon. Apparently mother hadn't seen it. She really liked the movie. I did OK as long as I didn't talk too much, and kept taking my meds. But I have hurt today.

Mom went to the store this afternoon to pick up a few things. I have been really wanting some butter beans, so she stewed some up for me and we pureed them. Once again, though, it was all I could do to eat some. I ate about a cup full total and that was just all I could do. The pain isn't really on the surface of my throat any more. It's like it has gone into the swallow muscles and tissue around the throat, and having to swallow makes my neck ache from ear to ear like my throat has been cut inside (which it has). It is so discouraging to have babied my throat the way I have, and done everything the doctor told me to do, only to get worse today. I ate much better the day after I came home from the hospital than I have today. I just don't know what I'm going to do when she leaves tomorrow. I'm very upset.

We watched The Little Foxes with Bette Davis tonight, another movie Mom hadn't seen. She really enjoyed it. Of course, that is a fantastic movie. Nine academy award nominations. I took pain meds before we got started, and ended up dozing through a lot of it. That was just as well. Any escape at this point.

After that went off, I had to wait an hour or so to take my meds before I could go to bed. We ended up watching 'Iron Chef', which probably wasn't the best idea. I was starving after eating so little today. But we finished the show, my rationale being that the meds would shut down my GI tract afterwards anyway. Still, it was frustrating to look at all that delicious food and be so hungry. At least I have kept drinking. I can kind of tilt my head and let liquids run down my throat with a minimum of swallowing.

Mama went and got some chicken yesterday on the way home from the car dealership for her dinner, and they gave her a biscuit. Mom doesn't like biscuits, but she put half of it aside for later. That biscuit has been mocking me all day today. Man would I love to eat that biscuit. That, along with the basket of cookies, has been hard for me to look at today. Today, it feels like I'm going backwards, and I'm never going to be able to eat anything. Sigh.