I got up on the wrong side of my life today. I got ready for work, and decided to sign online to get my emails, since I was out of sorts. I decided to go ahead and install the software for Neilson, since they have been driving me crazy about it. I agreed, for some reason, to let them Big Brother my email access. It seemed like and altruistic thing to do at the time. Of course that was before I lost the first disc they sent (admittedly not their fault), and they began leaving messages of a tone that let me know they were going to politely bug the living shit out of me until I followed through. The second disc, which I tried to install this morning, was for the wrong software, and of course won't install.
I got to work, where I have tons o work to do before year end, to find that I had all these fires to put out. I didn't get to finish my self-audit today. I had a million call-backs scheduled, which I knew about, but I found out when I arrived that my boss had moved his Wednesday meeting to today, I had two hours to get ready, no one was expecting the change, and he wanted to add yet another slide to the weekly line-up for which the information not only had to be gathered, but had to be formatted from the ground up. With three fucking edits. That took all morning.
In the afternoon, when I thought I might actually get some work done, the auditors, having decided they haven't sufficiently made my life a living hell this go-round, sent me a piece de resistance of brain-dead mindless labor. The Sarbanes-Oxley effect on auditors was like feeding the mogwais after midnight. Bureaucrats with any authority at all seem to automatically become autocrats (perhaps a way to passive-aggressively pay back society for a lifetime of the Walter Mitty-esque condescension with which society as a whole views accountants). Like most business laws, S-O punishes the innocent who actually try to comply, while the guilty continue to cheerfully lie their way through. I loathe auditors with a passion I usually reserve for instant mashed potaotoes; especially now that they are disproportionately empowered monsters. Apparently they bonus on both the stupidity of their requests, and on the aggravation levels they cause to employees who have a million other, better things to do. One of the main reasons I don't resort to profanity when dealing with them is that I'm sure they get bonuses based on expletive-laced tirades. Fortunately their request was so vague that I could push back for clarification, which will hopefully give me a bit of breathing room until after the year ends.
When the day was finally over, I had a date with H for dinner tonight. On the one hand, I knew it would be good for me to get out, and he is a nice guy. On the other hand, I was exhausted, out of sorts, and really didn't feel like dancing the light fandango with a closet case while worrying about my spiritual health at the same time. I have been thinking a lot about this guy over the last couple of days. He sent me an email the last time we met telling me he wanted a "no-strings" relationship. So I was trying to wrap my mind about the fact that this minister was looking for a fuck buddy.
Apparently I was wrong about that interpretation. He meant "no strings" to mean no sexual expectations. It usually means the opposite in gay lexicon, but of course he would have no way to know that.
I scampered in the door, and was trying to get ready when he knocked. Of course. I should have known better than to think he woud be on GST (gay standard time) and be 15 minutes late. I just put down what I was doing, answered the door, and finished dressing. He had no idea what he wanted to eat, so we went to Saffron, where I hadn't eaten in far too long. He let me drive his car, since he was parked behind and didn't know where we were going. So much for the vow of poverty. This was an expensive sports car with leather interior and power everything. The ride and handling were incredibly smooth, and the accelerator lept forward at the slightest touch like an eager gazelle. After this, going back to the bomber was going to feel like driving a pedal-car.
On the way, I dumped out all the Bible verses that had been running around in my head for the last couple of days. It is amazing the stuff that sticks with you from Vacation Bible School.
(OK, so I know that isn't exactly what they meant by "destroy not with thy meat", but like most things in the Bible, it seems to speak pretty clearly on more than one level. Apparently, it's is also a sin for people to sneak meat into my food, which is pretty cool. But I'm not supposed to judge those who do eat meat either, which I guess I'm going to have to watch.)Romans 14
14 1But him that is weak in faith receive ye, yet not for decision
of scruples. 2One man hath faith to eat all things: but he that is weak eateth
herbs. 3Let not him that eateth set at nought him that eateth not; and let not
him that eateth not judge him that eateth: for God hath received him. 4Who art
thou that judgest the servant of another? to his own lord he standeth or
falleth. Yea, he shall be made to stand; for the Lord hath power to make him
stand. 5One man esteemeth one day above another: another esteemeth every day
alike. Let each man be fully assured in his own mind. 6He that regardeth the
day, regardeth it unto the Lord: and he that eateth, eateth unto the Lord, for
he giveth God thanks; and he that eateth not, unto the Lord he eateth not, and
giveth God thanks. 7For none of us liveth to himself, and none dieth to himself.
8For whether we live, we live unto the Lord; or whether we die, we die unto the
Lord: whether we live therefore, or die, we are the Lord's. 9For to this end
Christ died and lived again, that he might be Lord of both the dead and the
living. 10But thou, why dost thou judge thy brother? or thou again, why dost
thou set at nought thy brother? for we shall all stand before the judgment-seat
of God. 11For it is written, As I live, saith the Lord,
to me every knee shall bow,
And every tongue shall confess to God.
12So then each one of us
shall give account of himself to God. 13Let us not therefore judge one another
any more: but judge ye this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock in his
brother's way, or an occasion of falling. 14I know, and am persuaded in the Lord
Jesus, that nothing is unclean of itself: save that to him who accounteth
anything to be unclean, to him it is unclean. 15For if because of meat thy
brother is grieved, thou walkest no longer in love. Destroy not with thy meat
him for whom Christ died. 16Let not then your good be evil spoken of: 17for the
kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy
in the Holy Spirit. 18For he that herein serveth Christ is well-pleasing to God,
and approved of men. 19So then let us follow after things which make for peace,
and things whereby we may edify one another. 20Overthrow not for meat's sake the
work of God. All things indeed are clean; howbeit it is evil for that man who
eateth with offence. 21It is good not to eat flesh, nor to drink wine, nor to do
anything whereby thy brother stumbleth. 22The faith which thou hast, have thou
to thyself before God. Happy is he that judgeth not himself in that which he
approveth. 23But he that doubteth is condemned if he eat, because he eateth not
of faith; and whatsoever is not of faith is sin.
And you know, Jezebel really wasn't guilty of anything but taking a bath and being seduced. But she still ended up rended by dogs.
Needless to say, after I just kind of dumped all that out (or at least a vague and unstructured synopsis thereof), I was emptied and he was pretty overwhelmed. He did tell me though that he was already "on the path", and that I wasn't leading him to anything. I replied "Honey, you may well be on the path, but I have a turnpike named after me." I am both older than him, and have more experience than him, so it would be hard for me not to see myself as a mentor, or at least a person of undue influence. Not sure how this is going to work out. But eventually at dinner the conversation started again; the food, as always at Saffron, was fantastic. His divorce was apparently quite acrimonious, and although I had been led to believe that was mainly on the part of his wife, after tonight I am more sure than ever that it takes two to tango.
He also told me about how much he loves to preach, and loves his congregation, and how much they love him back. I then pointed out that apparently this is a conditional love, because they would reject him if they knew who he was. He then told me about his wonderful youth director who is apparently a fairly obvious lesbian, and who the congregation also "loves"; and then almost immediately amended the story to say that the parents all loved her, but that he has had do defend her from some older members of the congregation, who can't stand her. I asked if this woman was in a relationship, to which he replied that she was single, but had a "roommate". I then talked about the "Howard Sprague" homosexual.
Howard Sprague was the closet case on "The Andy Griffith Show". He was included because his character was ubiquitous to small town life at the time; a "confirmed bachelor" of suspiciuosly neat appearance and fussy mannerisms, who lives with his mother as an adult. In other words, a closet case. In non-PC words, a queer who knew his place and didn't make waves, like a "good darky". There are just remarkably few homosexuals now who are content to trade their freedom for societal tolerance - and you can bet your sweet ass I'm not one of them. I think I made that pretty clear to H tonight.
But I'm still a bit confused on this minister thing. It's not that I don't think gay people should be able to preach - I absolutely do. It's the deception that bothers me. I pointed out to H tonight that he is lying to all these wonderful people in his congregation that he claims to love. He responded that he hasn't lied because they haven't asked him. The rationalization there pretty much floored me. Not that rationalization is uncommon. I was just really surprised to have a minister, of all people, defend a lie of omission to me.
After dinner, we ran by Whole Foods, since I wasn't quite ready to go home, and I knew things would get awkward again when we got there. I'm continuing to look for Sartori Pinot Grigio. They had never heard of it either, but the very hot wine guy recommended another white to me, so I got a bottle. I also picked up some Quorn Turkey Roast for Thanksgiving, which is happily in stock and available this year.
When we got back to the house, we talked for a while (awkwardly) both of us really feeling (on some level) like we should be making out, but neither one of us really wanting to start it. After a while, I sent him home. I have another day of office hell tomorrow, and it was almost ten.
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