I started New Moon tonight, then second book in theTwilight series. The heroine has beena fugue state of depression for four months, and is now suicidal. I'm keeping on with it because there are apparently Native American were-bears in the near future. I'm all about some were-bears.
I ate way too much last night, and slept horribly. I was up every two hours. At 4:30am, I just called it quits and got up. I had laundry to do anyway.
My ass was dragging today. I had to have an extra-large cup of coffee when I got to work - extra calories I don't need. But I guess when you're eating queso and chips for dinner it's kind of silly to be worried about a cup of coffee that is keeping you conscious. Fortunately, it ended up being a busy day, and went quickly. I got a lot done, surprisingly.
I've been thinking about Len tonight. I miss him. I haven't heard from him in a while. The reason he came to mind was that I was thinking (with pleasure) how if I had any down time at work tomorrow I would put together a packing list for this weekend. Len always found it hilarious that I planned ahead for things so meticulously. I also cleaned my crocs tonight, in case I use them for pool shoes this weekend, and took out the stinky garbage so it wouldn't smell up the house while I was gone. Len would be rolling.
I fooled around a bit on the computer, and then decided to call Thom since we have been texting so much and since I can't get together this week. It was an interesting conversation. He is a really nice guy, but has never been in an LTR with another man (at 35). He was married for two years to a woman who cheated on him. No kids. And he's an interior designer who is in the closet. I'm like - OK. I have to say I was just caught off guard with that one. He also says that none of the people he works with know about him. HEL-LO! I'm thinking who in the hell would hire a straight male interior designer?? He says he's not ready to face his family, friends, and church about it yet. That of course is his decision.
I have to say, the closet thing really gets to me. I have been out so long now that I just can't imagine being any other way. Particularly in this day and age, as an adult, and working as a decorator. It's not like the guys at the fire-house are gonna razz him or something. He could tell I was weirded out. When I hear guys talk about being in the closet now, it sounds like someone saying "Well, yes. I still live in a cave. I'm just not ready for windows and sunshine right now." I know that is wrong of me, but I just don't seem to be able to move past it. I may go out with him anyway, but I can't see anything coming of it, relationship-wise.
And I guess that makes me a hypocrite then. Because I have good friends who are in the closet, and I buy their excuses about jobs or family. Maybe it's the interior decorator thing that tops it off for me, I don't know. But I was floored.
I draw the line there at a relationship because, dammit, if I'm ever in another one, it's not going to be with a guy who is ashamed of me. And if he's ashamed of our relationship, he's ashamed of me on some level.
And apparently I just have a death wish to be single forever.
Maybe I'm just spoiled. I sure hope I never have to take another job where I'm forced back into the closet at work. The last time I did that I was miserable. I took a Scarlett O'Hara vow never to do it again.
I ate way too much last night, and slept horribly. I was up every two hours. At 4:30am, I just called it quits and got up. I had laundry to do anyway.
My ass was dragging today. I had to have an extra-large cup of coffee when I got to work - extra calories I don't need. But I guess when you're eating queso and chips for dinner it's kind of silly to be worried about a cup of coffee that is keeping you conscious. Fortunately, it ended up being a busy day, and went quickly. I got a lot done, surprisingly.
I've been thinking about Len tonight. I miss him. I haven't heard from him in a while. The reason he came to mind was that I was thinking (with pleasure) how if I had any down time at work tomorrow I would put together a packing list for this weekend. Len always found it hilarious that I planned ahead for things so meticulously. I also cleaned my crocs tonight, in case I use them for pool shoes this weekend, and took out the stinky garbage so it wouldn't smell up the house while I was gone. Len would be rolling.
I fooled around a bit on the computer, and then decided to call Thom since we have been texting so much and since I can't get together this week. It was an interesting conversation. He is a really nice guy, but has never been in an LTR with another man (at 35). He was married for two years to a woman who cheated on him. No kids. And he's an interior designer who is in the closet. I'm like - OK. I have to say I was just caught off guard with that one. He also says that none of the people he works with know about him. HEL-LO! I'm thinking who in the hell would hire a straight male interior designer?? He says he's not ready to face his family, friends, and church about it yet. That of course is his decision.
I have to say, the closet thing really gets to me. I have been out so long now that I just can't imagine being any other way. Particularly in this day and age, as an adult, and working as a decorator. It's not like the guys at the fire-house are gonna razz him or something. He could tell I was weirded out. When I hear guys talk about being in the closet now, it sounds like someone saying "Well, yes. I still live in a cave. I'm just not ready for windows and sunshine right now." I know that is wrong of me, but I just don't seem to be able to move past it. I may go out with him anyway, but I can't see anything coming of it, relationship-wise.
And I guess that makes me a hypocrite then. Because I have good friends who are in the closet, and I buy their excuses about jobs or family. Maybe it's the interior decorator thing that tops it off for me, I don't know. But I was floored.
I draw the line there at a relationship because, dammit, if I'm ever in another one, it's not going to be with a guy who is ashamed of me. And if he's ashamed of our relationship, he's ashamed of me on some level.
And apparently I just have a death wish to be single forever.
Maybe I'm just spoiled. I sure hope I never have to take another job where I'm forced back into the closet at work. The last time I did that I was miserable. I took a Scarlett O'Hara vow never to do it again.
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