Going back to the real world - eventually*

I was back up at 7 this morning, incredibly. I guess I'll pay for this later, but sometimes insomnia can be pretty convenient. I went to look for early risers again, and found at least one. I then moseyed down to the cafe for some coffee. The run schedule for this morning just said "coffee", and they were literal. Even yesterday's light fare was not on offer. So I took a cup back to my room and ate some of the snacks I brought, got cleaned up a bit, and read until it was time to go get Lady D up at 9.

I was at her room on the dot, as requested, with coffee. When I got in, it became apparent that dax wasn't going with us. I had already called Billy, and been told they were sleeping in. So I was going to have Lady D all to myself! Bonus!

We had a great time. I didn't get to look at as much of the stuff I was looking for, but that's kind of the way it is when you go with Lady D. She wants to look at everything. Progress is really slow. When I go with her, I just see it as a visit, and a chance to stroll and talk, rather than a real trip to the flea market. Good thing. We were there for over three hours and didn't even make it through the whole flea market. And that was really fine. I really enjoy her company, and making her laugh. It is all about her amusement. As usual, she bought all kinds of stuff, and I carried it. I had the backpack, and wasn't finding any glass anyway, so that was no big deal.

We finished up by getting produce, and thinking about something to eat. It was after 1pm by this time though, and the brunch was over. Fortunately, we had late checkout, so we had until 3pm. I got her and her stuff back to her room, and scampered back to mine for a shower and change before the drive home. Luckily, Joshua was still hanging around, and after goodbyes, I got on the road.

I needed something to eat though, and decided to stop in my little Augusta place on the way out of town. I was really lucky, and hit after the church crowd had left. Sadly though, the potatoes today weren't nearly up to par. They were too salty, and just not nearly as good as usual. Still, I had a good lunch, and headed home.

I had expected to be really sleepy in the car, but after a brief bit just after lunch, I did surprisingly well. It was good to get home though.

I unpacked and took care of cat things, and then was kind of at loose ends. I didn't really feel like doing chores. My legs were really hurting after being on a concrete slab all weekend, all the walking I had done both days, and spending a lot of time in my stack-heeled boots, which really didn't help. But it was too early to go to bed. I didn't really feel like going anywere. So I just read until bedtime, and took a couple of sleeping pills. Hopefully I can get my circadian rhythm set back to some semblance of normalcy.

***

It was an interesting weekend. I didn't really feel as at home with the Trident Knights as I do with LOCK people, although the people I met were very nice. The play here was weighted much more heavily with sex than it is at LOCK functions - although it is certainly present at LOCK functions. But I really don't have a problem with sex. On the whole, though, this weekend seemed much more about getting laid than anything else, though, and for that reason, it was kind of a let down to me. I didn't come home the way I usually come home from LOCK functions feeling.

I talked to Lady D today about why it is that several female Dommes have told me that they would just love to have a gay boy in service to them. She told me what others have. Basically, if there isn't the expectation of sex between the partners, then the reason that you are there is for "pure" service. It's a conundrum. This is basically supposed to be about sex, as I am told over and over. But it's also about service. It's about knowing who you are and where your place is - and expressing that role. It's about finding the place that feels natural and comfortable for you, even if the rest of the world doesn't understand that place.

This is even more difficult when you have more than one place. The more I do this, the more I am convinced that I am a true switch. At first, I thought I might have been clinging to this as a sap for my masculinity - the way many in our community view bi-sexuals; as people who won't own being gay. But I do own and acknowledge the submissive side of me. In the last several years, I have become more and more comfortable with that. It was odd, though, I have to say, this weekend. I was around women I felt in bottom headspace with and men I felt in top headspace with at the same time. Pretty confusing. I feel like I did pretty well at sorting through it, but it was a relief today to be alone with Lady D and not feel conflicted.

But then there are certainly men I feel like subbing for, and I have felt top headspace with some women as well. So I guess it's true what the bi-sexuals say - it really is about the person. Maybe they just respond more to energy than other things. I know that when I meet someone in the life, there generally isn't any question about how they make me feel; just as I have had bi people tell me they aren't confused about their criteria for attraction. I have to say though, that I understand it seems much more real when you feel it, rather than just hear someone else describe it. It sounds like rationalization to the cynical.