A post in which I rationalize spending yet more money

Another early morning. More vivid dreams that turned decidedly adult in nature. More coffee.

More work. I have things back under control. As long as there isn't yet more client dumpage I should survive the week. In addition, it looks as if I will collect on a $280k account, which will be a little star in my crown at the office. I finished up the day by actually turning in part of that %$#@!! insurance application. My Canadian contact was happy, but then she has to work for the White Bitch, so basically any human interaction is a refreshing change for her.

I called Laura on the way home to see if they were going out to Molina's tonight for dinner. Donnie's group does that on Thursdays, but I don't like it because of the incredibly loud live music there. I've been kind of itchy to go out in the evenings this week, in part because the weather has been pretty, although it chilled down today. I ended up just going over to their place to see what they wanted to do. We had cocktails on the deck and caught up. I've told myself that I really need to stop going out to eat by myself - neither my wallet nor my waist can afford it. But I am allowed to go if it is a social occasion. That's important for my mental health.

Eve called me today to tell me that BB has skirted death once again. The h0me she was in let her lungs fill up with fluid, basically without realizing (or caring much) what was going on. Finally one of the nurses became concerned and called Eve. BB spent a week in the hospital, and they moved her to a new home. It's supposed to be a lot nicer than the one she was in, which is great. The bad part is that this home is in Hendersonville, so it's not going to be easy to just pop in. I can't help but wonder if that is part of the reason for putting her there.

Kimbley, Laura, Matt and I ended up going to El Matador tonight to eat. I got the big welcome even though I wasn't there with a big group. They are all so nice there. We had a lovely meal. K&L hadn't eaten there in years. Like many Greenvillians, they kind of over look the EM because it's been there so long. Plus Donnie's group endorses Molina's. Anyway. They seemed to enjoy their food as well.

We went back to their house afterwards and chatted for a bit. We had thought about playing Scrabble, but ended up just talking, which suited me fine. Eventually though, we were all worn out. It was a school night after all. And Kimbley was about to fall asleep right on the couch. I headed on home.

A post in which it is another early day

Another night of vivid dreams, ending up that a big bus full of an 'Adult Bear Club' (that's what was stenciled on the side of the bus anyway) broke down at a gas station near my house. I ended up inviting them all back to my place for the night... Yeah, George woke me up this morning. I had wood that would have made a canoe.

I got up, made coffee, and started panicking. I had forgotten, when I laid my reports schedule out for the week, about the Wednesday report. So I had two new clients from yesterday, an audit to finish, the insurance application that the witch from Canada was screaming for, plus my regular Wednesday reports to do. I had counted on being able to work on the app this morning, so that just fucked my schedule. When my boss came in, I was pretty much in full Don-Knotts-panic-mode. He prioritized things for me, after which I settled in to make the fur fly. By the end of the day I had it back under control.

I called Justin tonight to see if he wanted to have dinner. I figured that just beause Jeff and James had backed out, that didn't mean we couldn't eat together. Unfortunately, he's sick as well now. Everyone I know has been sick lately.

I went straight home after spending all that money yesterday. There were yet more war movies on TCM. I ended up turning on Jurassic Park III to listen to while I fooled around on the computer. I like the pterodactyls in that one.

A post in which I am a good boy, until I'm not

Woke up again early this morning, and had coffee and cigs on the porch, relishing the fact that I don't have to wrap up like Nanook of the North to do so. Soon it will be nice weather all the time again. It's really time for me to do some work in the yard.

I got to work, dug out of one pile of hell, had a brief moment of respite, and then they just dumped fresh hell back all over me. I didn't so much leave the office as surrender and escape.

Incidentally, during the lull, I had time for a quick informal poll about men and their feet. Surprisingly, some of the women I work with did say their husbands (presumably straight) did take care of their feet. One guy gets pedicures in the summertime. One guy grind his calluses off with a grinder bit on his drill. Interesting. Many more though, apparently don't even think about it.

In mid-bolt, I remembered on the way home that I had some errands I needed to run. Cindy's birthday is today, and I still haven't even sent Lisa a card. I usually forget Lisa's like every year, and then remember in time to do hers and Cindy's at the same time. I got cards for both, and went on to the pet shop to get cat food. Running out of cat food at my house is a tragedy of life-altering proportion.

I was getting ready to leave..... but unfortunately for me, there is a Ross's Dress for Less at the shopping center where I stopped. I meandered in, on the premise that I need a new fitted sheet for a set of sheets that I have. Yeah right. OK, I gave in. They had a set of Ralph Lauren sheets, deep pocket, 100% cotton, a pattern of white paisley over tan. Kind of like pale, classy gingerbread. Yeah, they came home with me. I have made a Scarlett O'Hara vow to clean out the sheets. I have several sets that need to go. Truly.

I got home, opened the windows, and played on the computer while my sheets washed. Then I poured myself a root beer. For some reason lately I am craving root beer like crazy. I could care less what else is at the house as long as I still have root beer. Weird. Having virtuously avoided the temptation of eating out (despite the boocoodles of money I spent tonight - cat food has gone up again), I ate salad that was about to go bad. Not what I wanted. But it did the job. TCM had war movies on tonight, so I watched Family Guy re-runs until bedtime.

A post in which I explore a moral conundrum

OK, I am in a weird situation lately about abusive people.

I know of two people (one at work, one in my personal life) whom I have on pretty good authority have been physically abusive to their partners in the past.

One person is an acquaintance in my personal life. I have independent confirmation that he was abusive to his ex-lover. I don’t see this guy that often, fortunately, but he does show up as a guest at times in the home of friends of mine. They are aware of his situation, and kind of bear up when other people bring him around. They won’t invite him directly. That’s their business. But I don’t know how I should act. I don’t particularly want to be around him, but I don’t want to appear as rude either in front of people who don’t know the deal. I’m pretty sure it’s stepping over the line to tell other friends about his past, isn’t it? I’m not sure. We have mutual friends who like the guy, and are apparently unaware of his past. I don't think they would feel the same if they knew.

I guess I could just leave my friend’s house if he shows up, but it doesn’t seem fair to make me miss the party for something he did. On the other hand, I really don’t want to be the Gladys Kravitz who goes around saying “Did you hear about…?” And I don't want to look like a dick in front of my friends either.

The alternative is that I stay at the gathering, avoid him as much as possible, and am awkwardly cordial when forced to be. Somehow, this seems like fraternizing and tacit acceptance of what he has done. It doesn’t feel right.

***

The other person is a guy I work with. I don’t see him that often, fortunately, as he’s based out of a different office. We don’t work together directly, thank goodness. Occasionally, though, I have to have peripheral interaction with him in the course of my job. He’s charming and chipper, nice-looking, well-liked by most of the people he works with, and apparently a good employee. He also apparently put his ex-lover in the hospital when they broke up. I kinda used to sniff around this guy, but of course I don’t any longer. He was in the office today, and came up the hall behind me. I tried just not to say anything, but eventually he spoke, and I was kind of forced to speak back, and hold the door for him as we entered the building together. Once again, I see mutual acquaintances at work who fraternize with him when they wouldn’t if they knew about what he is.

This situation is even more complicated, because if I do decide to go Gladys on him, I out him as a gay man as well as an abuser. I’m against outing people who aren’t discriminatory to other gay people, or use a bully pulpit to bash out gay people. Of course you could argue that beating your lover is pretty damn discriminatory.

So once again, I have as little to do with him as I possibly can, but when backed into a corner, I am polite to him. And I feel like a fucking hypocrite.

Both situations just make my teeth itch.

And of course on top of this all, as a Christian, I am not supposed to sit in judgment of others. Is this a situation where I should present the other cheek? Or one in which I'm supposed to throw the money-lenders out of the temple?

A post in which I have a very strange night

My sleep last night was full of dreams. They say that sleeping pills reduce REM sleep. I guess that has been what was going on while I was sick. I dreamed all night last night.

- In the first part, I was a boy traveling with my (dream) grandmother through backwoods North country. We stopped at a small farm to buy crafts and pumpkins, only to land in the web of some country witches who drained us of our youth to make themselves younger. My grandmother was reduced to an ancient husk, barely alive, since she had almost no life left. She was put up in the attic on a bed. I was kept around as the man of the house slowly drained my vitality. He made me read through a matchbox he kept in his pocket in the evenings, and in the reading my voice became older and thinner, while his became more youthful and vigorous. I watched the gray leach slowly out of all their hair. I was kept in inside, and watched them through the window while they worked during the day as I became progressively more weak.

- In the second part, I was in the country with one of Terry's relatives (a dream relative, not someone I ever met). I became unwittingly involved in a magical killing as this relative killed Terry's grandmother through a spell. For some reason, it was vital that I tell Terry about what I witnessed. I called Terry in the dream, but it was too late. His grandmother's spirit had already visited him and told him her version of events.

I went rushing to his house for some reason, only to find that he was still living in an old apartment he had on Earl Street, and was still living with his ex-lover Michael. It was vital that I tell Michael what I had seen, but as soon as I started trying to, his young nephew (he doesn't have one that I know of, this was a miscellaneous tow-headed dream child) showed up at the door, and I had to get him to go away, as I was afraid he would have nightmares. As I got him away, Michael's parents showed up at the door for Sunday dinner, which Michael was suddenly in the midst of cooking. Michael's father (who in the dream looked remarkably like the elder gypsy from the movie Chocolat, for some reason) walked in and immediately turned on blasting Christian radio and began bustling around in the kitchen, making sure dinner was finished to his specifications. In the way of dreams, the apartment was expanded and had a dining room big enough for us all to sit down in where the bathroom actually was in the real apartment. Michael's family (a dream family, they didn't look much like his real family) was there, Terry was there, my mother, my father and Eve, as were Cindy and Paul. We all joined hands, and my father said a surprisingly humble and touching blessing/prayer. We started eating, and I tasted the best macaroni pie (made with penne, actually in the dream) I have ever tasted. As I commented on how good it was, my mother said "It's Miss Ruby's recipe."

Yeah, it was quite a night.

A post in which I pay for being sick

I woke up early, for some reason, yet still felt the time change. I fortified myself with a bucket o coffee, but reasoned that I had quite enough cigarettes last night.

I pretty much knew things were going to be rough today. Man was I ever right.

I got to work, turned on my computer, and watched my desk explode.

I eventually got on top of the wave and was able to at least put out the fires. I thought I was going to get some calls caught up this afternoon, but my boss had other ideas.

He had an inspiration for a power point slide. Apparently these slides spring fully formed from him mind, like Athena from the mind of Zeus. He just doesn't understand that I can't see the vision in his head. So he sends me the vaguest of directions, and then doesn't understand why what I do isn't exactly what he wanted. He gets impatient with my asking questions to try to figure it out. Today, the answer to my questions was "This is really simple." Yeah, that helped. The good news is that I have gotten better at this, and was able to give him what he wanted on the second try. The bad news is that he seems to think I am a bit slow because I didn't get it on the first try. Bosses.

I only took a half lunch, but I had to get away from my desk for just a minute or I was going to go crazier. When I got back, some strange gremlin was in my computer, and commands just randomly didn't work. I didn't have time to re-boot.

By 5:30, I did the Fred Flintstone down the dinosaur's tail and got the fuck out of there. I'll probably be able to catch up tomorrow.

Last Monday there was five inches of snow on the ground. When I got in my car today it was 87 degrees. I got home and opened the windows to get some fresh air in the house. I shot things on the computer for a while to wind down. I did a load of laundry (I'm down to the last of the unusual things that need washing, finally), and heated up the last of the pizza for dinner.

There was an old movie on tonight called Lured, one of the few dramatic leads that Lucille Ball played. This was made in 1947, right before she became Mrs. Desi Arnaz. Kind of a film noir, and quite ahead of it's time, actually. It was set in England. Lucy loses a friend to a serial killer (then called a "homicidal maniac"), and goes to work for the police undercover, answering lonely hearts ads to help flush out the killer. It was excellent. She had that great style of one-eyebrow-cocked wry delivery, like Eve Arden or Rosalind Russell, down cold. Like Rosalind, her great timing worked as well in a dramatic role as it did in a comedy, although there are notably few examples in both of their careers. (For a star turn by Russell, catch Sister Kenny, in which she plays a famous polio nurse who basically invents physical therapy - a bit of a saccharine script, but still a great performance.)

While that was on, I did a little beauty maintenance. Sandal season is coming up, and frankly, I had this nasty hoof problem going on. I was appalled at the state of my feet when I looked at them this weekend. So I got out my blacksmith's hasp and went to work. By the time I had made some progress, the movie was over. I closed the windows, greased the feets up good and turned in. I wonder if straight guys worry about how their feet look, or work on them. I don't usually notice their feet looking particularly heinous (Well most of the time - I did see this guy last summer who was with a woman about half his age. He was wearing Birkenstocks, and had a toe ring on one of his crabby old man toes - it had the thick, claw-like yellow nail and everything. I was totally grossed out). Maybe they just don't talk about it.

I got a message from James tonight, and apparently the Wednesday night dinner thing is over since he got a new job.

It's been a long day, and tomorrow is another one.

A post in which I visit Miss Kat and dana*

dana, if you may recall, had called me last Monday about visiting them. But what with my schedule and theirs, we weren't able to work it out until today.

I woke up this morning and realized the time had changed, so I re-set all the clocks. I hate that Spring forward thing, but at least I don't have to listen to Michael bitch about it. I can be grumpy about it on my own, quietly.

I mostly took it easy today. I did a load or two of wash, had a visit from a friend, changed the sheets. I also napped up a bit because I figured I'd be out later than I planned on tonight. I was right about that. I talked myself out of going to the flea market this morning, deciding that going yesterday was enough, but it was GORGEOUS outside today, and I'm sure I missed some good stuff. Anderson Jockey Lot would have been the place to be. Or even better, Barnyard. But I was a good boy. I 'm trying to talk myself into doing housework on weekend mornings instead of spending money at the flea market. I'll get back to you on how that little resolution works out.

I didn't realize how warm it was out until I left for Miss Kat and dana's about six. It was really nice outside.

I filled up the car, and got a pack of smokes (yes, I know - that's nuts, I just spent three days trying to hack up a lung), and headed on over.

We talked and visited, and Miss Kat made those wonderful lime cookies she makes that are my very favorite. We ordered out pizza for dinner, LOL. I ate pizza for dinner last night, breakfast, and lunch today. Miss Kat was like "Can you eat pizza again?" I told her I could eat pizza dead, you just have to prop my head up and put the corner in my mouth to get me started.

I got to see the wonderful Max and love on him. I saw Jack too, and played with him for a bit. He about had a little doggy heart attack when the pizza man rang the bell. Helen made a brief appearance at the top of the stairs and said hello.

It was a lovely evening, as always, and we talked and caught up on each other's lives. It does my heart good to see them so happy together. Miss Kat put in Epic Movie, so we'd have something brainless to watch that we could talk during without really missing anything. I wondered how much money that black little person has built up now - he's in all those movies. I had a great time, and before I knew it, it was almost 10pm. I had to get home.

I have my first day back in 2.5 days tomorrow. I'm going to have to hit the ground running.