A post in which I explore a moral conundrum

OK, I am in a weird situation lately about abusive people.

I know of two people (one at work, one in my personal life) whom I have on pretty good authority have been physically abusive to their partners in the past.

One person is an acquaintance in my personal life. I have independent confirmation that he was abusive to his ex-lover. I don’t see this guy that often, fortunately, but he does show up as a guest at times in the home of friends of mine. They are aware of his situation, and kind of bear up when other people bring him around. They won’t invite him directly. That’s their business. But I don’t know how I should act. I don’t particularly want to be around him, but I don’t want to appear as rude either in front of people who don’t know the deal. I’m pretty sure it’s stepping over the line to tell other friends about his past, isn’t it? I’m not sure. We have mutual friends who like the guy, and are apparently unaware of his past. I don't think they would feel the same if they knew.

I guess I could just leave my friend’s house if he shows up, but it doesn’t seem fair to make me miss the party for something he did. On the other hand, I really don’t want to be the Gladys Kravitz who goes around saying “Did you hear about…?” And I don't want to look like a dick in front of my friends either.

The alternative is that I stay at the gathering, avoid him as much as possible, and am awkwardly cordial when forced to be. Somehow, this seems like fraternizing and tacit acceptance of what he has done. It doesn’t feel right.

***

The other person is a guy I work with. I don’t see him that often, fortunately, as he’s based out of a different office. We don’t work together directly, thank goodness. Occasionally, though, I have to have peripheral interaction with him in the course of my job. He’s charming and chipper, nice-looking, well-liked by most of the people he works with, and apparently a good employee. He also apparently put his ex-lover in the hospital when they broke up. I kinda used to sniff around this guy, but of course I don’t any longer. He was in the office today, and came up the hall behind me. I tried just not to say anything, but eventually he spoke, and I was kind of forced to speak back, and hold the door for him as we entered the building together. Once again, I see mutual acquaintances at work who fraternize with him when they wouldn’t if they knew about what he is.

This situation is even more complicated, because if I do decide to go Gladys on him, I out him as a gay man as well as an abuser. I’m against outing people who aren’t discriminatory to other gay people, or use a bully pulpit to bash out gay people. Of course you could argue that beating your lover is pretty damn discriminatory.

So once again, I have as little to do with him as I possibly can, but when backed into a corner, I am polite to him. And I feel like a fucking hypocrite.

Both situations just make my teeth itch.

And of course on top of this all, as a Christian, I am not supposed to sit in judgment of others. Is this a situation where I should present the other cheek? Or one in which I'm supposed to throw the money-lenders out of the temple?