A post in which I want my Rhondee

Today was pretty quiet, which was good. 

They strawberries came in (an 'end of the month' special from Noisy Rabbit), and after work I took them over to Rhonda to divide them.  Of course I had to taste-test them first, so I had a few.  Although they smelled fantastic, I didn't think they were that sweet.  But then strawberries can always be pepped up with sugar if need be.  There has been so much rain this year it's a wonder anything has any taste. 

We went to supper.  Now usually Miss Rhonda doesn't really know what she wants, but tonight that was not a problem.

We went to the Lifeit Cafe.  This was the raw food place she had read about a week or so ago.  I was a bit skeptical, I'll admit, but I was game.  The food was fantastic!  I had a marinated mushroom wrap that Latrice (the owner and chef) called the 'man sandwich'.  It was super tasty, as was the dressing (which she made) on the accompanying salad. She also makes her own herbal infusions.  Today she had a gorgeously red hibiscus/lime/ginger/othergoodness thing that was gorgeously delicious.  It was like natures bounty distilled, mixed with love and sweetness, and served in a cup.  We talked to them after we ate, and conspired on how we could help the business (which is obviously being run on a shoestring) to grow.  Latrice is SO talented, we just have to a) get the message out; and b) overcome the reticence some might have.  I'd like to ge the bears in for a dinner, but they are notably fussy about anything unusual.  But perhaps I could enlist the local power triad...

Rhonda didn't want more ice cream after last night, I don't need it, and I certainly don't need to be pushing it on her, so I took her on a field trip.  I needed to go to the dollar store, and hadn't been able to go after work (because I had berries in the car).  I knew Rhonda would love the big nice new Dollar Tree near work, so we drove over. As I  had suspected, Rhonda was thrilled, and proceeded to look at everysinglething there, while I picked out cards.  And picked out cards.  And picked out cards.

I have received numerous graduation invitations (or gift solicitations) this month.  Several of my cousin's kids, Cole, Zack, Jody's brother Cody, and Michael are ALL graduating.  Plus Father's Day is coming up.  Plus it was Wilenda's birthday, and I wanted to send her a card, however belated.  By the time I picked out eight graduation cards, and various other cards, I was pretty much ready to go.  But I had to visit la sall de bain first.  In doing so, I was quite surprised to find the Dollar Tree terlitt paper was fairly cushliony and absorbent, so I picked up a couple of rolls to try at the house.  Cottonelle it ain't, but it's a LOT cheaper...

So after that adventure we went back to her place, divvied up the berrys, and talked for a while.  I got a text from Gary, cancelling for the party tomorrow night.  I am so discouraged.  Rhonda and I talked for a while, and then I went home to bed.   

A post in which I'm freaking out, a bit

So I went to the doc's office first thing this morning, expecting to be told that I was wasting their time, and why didn't I just go on already?  Dr. Go came in frowning.  "I'm not happy with these scans." he said.  We looked at them together.  The place on my shoulder (where I have a cyst) is white-hot.  If it is just a benign cyst, it shouldn't be taking so much sugar.  I also have a small place on my neck ("That's just you and your talking." quipped the doc).  There is also a place under each arm - one almost on the surface of the skin, and one deeper in.  The doc says that if it was cancer, he would expect it to recur in my chest, where the bulk of the problem was before, but he also says "Cancer doesn't read textbooks."

So the next step (as it was anyway) is to get the cyst out of my back.  He's going to have a surgeon do it so that it can be biopsied.  (And at some point presumably we will get the results - the wait was interminable before.)  Sigh.  Back to Dr. Mann, whose office had the organizational skills of a pack of drunken weasels before.  But whattayagonnado right? 

The doc had my chemo nurse, Cassie, on call, and sent her in to talk to me.  The woman is a saint.  She looked worried.  Both she and the doc both looked a lot more worried than I felt.  I've had this cyst in my back for years.  When it came up before, I expressed it and it went away.  It has been uglier and larger this time, but it was infected.  I took a lot of antibiotics to make it go down so they could take it out, and it responded. 

I actually left the office feeling OK.  I knew I had to have this out, and had just been putting off making the appointment until the follow-up PET scan was over.  Dr. Go had told me that other things besides cancer show up in a PET scan, and I just had a big infection in that cyst about a month ago.  It could also be draining bi-laterally through the lymph nodes in my armpits.  So there are a lot of caveats here.  My main frustration is that they are going to do the cyst and biopsy on just that first.  A negative biopsy on the cyst doesn't prove anything (and I'm sure it will be negative), so I will just have to go for another round of tests.  They lymph nodes that are hot now are too small to be found readily to biopsy, so even if it is cancer, I'm in much MUCH better shape (as far as stages anyway) than I was last time.

But I wanted to talk to Rhonda.  I called, and thankfully she answered her phone.  I told her what was going on.  She is of course solidly in my corner.

I got to work and settled in for the day.  Adam continues to pursue.  Part of that is flattering.  It gratifies my ego that such a young man is so ardent.  Part of I'm taking with a grain of salt.  I'm well aware that a good part of this could just be that I told him no.  I don't have a lot of experience with telling men no, but apparently this sets off a default response that makes them all the more determined.  So it is not that I have suddenly become irresistable or anything. 

By the end of the day, doubts started to creep in on the scan situation.  Dr. Go usually is pretty sunny.  If there is bad news, he'll break it and is quickly on to something else.  He spent a lot of time looking at these scans with me today.  Cassie was clearly very worried.  Neither of those are good signs.  If it is cancer again, then we're directly into bone marrow transplants this time.  If we can find a match.  And that cyst shouldn't be taking so much sugar...

They boys were having dinner tonight at a restaurant I have wanted to try, but I didn't feel like facing the whole hootenanny today.  I thought about going home to isolate, but I knew I would just dwell and worry.  Plus I wanted my Rhondee.  So I called Rhonda and went over there to get her.  We went out for nasty Chinese buffet, and afterwards walked around Target for a bit before going over to Cold Stone Creamery for ice cream.  It was every bit as good as I remembered from Monday night. 

During dinner, Rhonda talked to me about the Gary debate I'm having in my head right now.  She reminded me that a) I am not a lesbian, so the three dates with Gary (however extended) do not imply marriage; b) there has been no discussion about fidelity as of yet; c) I'm a grown adult who can do whatever he wants; d) the things I want are just as important as the things Gary wants; and e) she is pretty sick and tired of me flogging myself over various decisions.  She had some points.  But then I may have been so receptive to them because she was telling me what I want to hear.  Rhonda was surprisingly pro-Adam.  But she doesn't want me to deny myself something that I clearly want.  Of course the fact that she's a-OK with it doesn't mean that I am, or that Gary will be.  I'm left with a) I really need to talk to Gary about his expectations at this point; b) I think he is moving faster than I am here; and c) I don't want to hurt him.  I really, really don't want to have a 'relationship talk' this early, but I feel like I should.  Oy.  Sometimes it just sucks to be a grown-up.

By the time all that was over I was wiped.  I dropped her home and headed to my place to get ready for bed.  Since I've been sleeping poorly, and had this news to worry over today, I took a pill.

A post in which I question myself*

So I was up early again this morning.  Not early enough to go back to sleep, but early enough to cheat myself out of another hour and a half or so of sleep.  I don't know how much of this is that I get my test results back tomorrow, and how much of it is just regular insomnia, but it's a pain in the ass.

As sometimes happens when I'm up early, my thoughts turned to things they oughtn't.  Food and sex.  I didn't need to eat anything extra (God knows), and I really shouldn't have looked for anything extra to eat (if you know what I mean), but I played with my phone for a while and Frank ended up coming over.  He is super sexy, and I do like him to boot. 

So I get to work (early) and get to work, but I'm also on Facebook.  I do chat sometimes during the day in between other things.  There is a guy I now peripherally on there named Adam.  Adam and I started chatting in a more in-depth way than we have previously today.  A lot more in-depth - to the point that things got rather steamy.  I hadn't taken the formerly mild flirtation seriously because Adam is much younger than I am, and moves in an entirely different circle.  But he really upped the ante today. 

So by the end of the day, we were sending text messages.  When I got off work, I just moved away from my desk to play Angry Birds for a while (yes, still) to 'let the traffic clear out some'.  So I did.  And I continued to send texts.  And I totally lied to myself.  Not even very well.  What I was actually doing was waiting for an address.  Adam had already invited me over, and frankly I was inflamed from the chat today.  If he had sent an address, I would have left work and driven to his house. 

But he didn't.

Eventually, I found out that he lived south of work (and not north, as I had mistakenly thought).  I left the office and went home.

There were sugar snap peas in the fridge that needed to be cooked before they went bad, so I set about preparing them.  I also made a big salad (using some of the washed raw peas for crunch, and again a) not missing the carrots one iota; and b) slathering the whole thing in French dressing, thereby negating at least part of the health benefits) for supper and ate the rest of the Brussels sprouts. 

Adam had asked that I call him tonight, and I did.  Despite the fact that he continued to woo me, since I was home, had a full tummy, and was comfy on the sofa, that made it easier to resist temptation.  Of course, I had already given right into temptation this morning, which also made it a bit easier to be objective.  After I called him, I had a text from Gary.  So I called Gary and we talked for a while.  It reminded me how sweet a guy he is.  He's getting serious pretty fast - faster than I am (apparently).

So I have to think about that.  On the one hand, a hot 25-year-old throwing himself at you is a difficult temptation for any man.  As much as I like to think that there are a lot of 'man things' I don't have to deal with, temptations of the flesh are not one of those exemptions.  Obviously.  I am a horn-dog. 

But then there's the Frank episode to consider. 

I have waited a long time to meet someone like Gary.  He's smart, he's funny, he seems to really like me a lot. If the sex isn't red-hot, that may be at least partially my fault.  Is sex with emotion behind it just too complicated?  Am I spoiled for the ease of one-offs?  Am I intimidated by a commitment?  We haven't really had the 'fidelity' talk yet, but I'm pretty sure if he found out about today's shenanigans he would be hurt.  So what the hell am I doing?

There are concerns.  Gary isn't a social person.  I have a very active social life.  In some ways taking him to RBL's last weekend brought back flash-backs of Michael.  Michael was like having another handbag to keep up with or something.  He just wasn't social.  But this was the first time that Gary met the boys, and it would be completely unfair to draw any conclusions from one meeting.  There was also an incident at lunch.  Gary told me that he still eats at Chick Fil A.  He wasn't aware that they had been caught still giving money to anti-hate groups (at least I saw it on FB), but defended his position to eat there, although he later backed off a little.  But see Billy still eats at Chick Fil A, and I don't hold that against him.  There is Gary's schedule, too, which sucks. 

But there is no such thing as a perfect fit.  Life, and people, just don't work that way.  So I'm not sure what's going on here.  Am I in fact scared to commit (even though I bitch constantly about being alone?  Really?)?  Did Gavin hurting me so badly make me skittish?  Did the break-up with Michael hurt so much that I'm just afraid to try again?  Have I just been by myself too damn long to be with anyone?  Am I just a low-down dirty dog?  Well I guess any of these are possible, so I have some thinking to do. 

A post in which addiction rears it's ugly head

For a first day back, it was pretty quiet.  Usually after a holiday weekend, there are a bunch of disgruntled people who are just unhappy they have to work at all, but apparently they didn't answer or return calls today.

I had gotten all the write-offs that I had completed in last week, and was able to finish the ones I didn't have documents for last week today.  I didn't get any of them back (despite today being the deadline) because Alan had been out for a week, and he had the back-up that he always does to tend to when he returned.

The main reason it was so quiet was that Larney wasn't at work today.  I hadn't realized it, and it may not have been planned, but after two freakin' weeks of the Chair Saga, I could only breathe a sigh of relief.  For which I felt guilty.  But it was just SO nice to have some peace and quiet.  It takes so much energy to deal with her.  I like her, but I would like a little bit less of her.  I hope she isn's sick - I don't wish that on anyone - but I won't say I didn't take a deep breath and enjoy the silence today.

I stopped at Aldi on the way home for salad dressing and a few fill-in things, and then went home to make a large salad for dinner.

Well that was the intention anyway.

I had found where to download Angry Birds online today, but couldn't do it at work.  I did so when I got home tonight as I was putting the groceries away.  When it finished I turned it on to play for a bit.

Suddenly, it was 8:39pm. 

Eventually, I managed to drag myself away.  I made the salad, and when I went in the fridge, I saw the brussels sprouts, which needed to be cooked.  I cooked them.  They turned out kind of chewy - I'm not used to working with the fresh ones.  I usually use frozen, and these were big.  I could have hit them with the water again.  But they were OK.  When I was making the salad, I broke my little lidded bowl that I had been keeping carrots in.  I barely dropped it.  But that's the way it goes sometimes; and I loved it, but it only cost a dollar. 

My salad turned out really good.  I didn't miss the carrots, I was really tired of them.  I had lettuce, tomatoes, baked chilled diced beets, blue cheese, and croutons.  I decided to treat myself to some French dressing, even though it is loaded with HFCS.  I really should make some - I found a recipe and it isn't that hard.

After supper I cleaned up, and then it was more birds.  I actually stayed up too late AND missed a text from Gary.  I guess the addition will pass.

I sure HOPE so...

A post in which it is my bonus day**

Things got off to a bit of a slow start.  I wasn't really sure what I wanted to do today.  I made myself a lovely breakfast and put a load of towels in, but wasn't really sure what to do afterward.

I had a couple of buddies come by, and then got in touch with the boys.  They wanted to go see The Great Gatsby today, but I had already seen it.  As good as it was, I really didn't feel like shelling out to see it again today.  Eventually, they told me I could just come over and hang out, which I set out to do.

I took my pineapple with me. 

I had gotten a pineapple in my bunny basket this week.  Billy has a pineapple cutter-upper gizmo, which I had teased him about when he got it. Billy loves kitchen gadgets, and I would usually rather use a knife.  But I had this big uncut pineapple.  I took it in, ate my crow, and asked Billy to use his gizmo, which he was happy to let me do with a minimum of ribbing.  In short order my pineapple was ready to eat for lunches this week and stowed in the fridge.

We settled in to watch movies on DVD.  We watched Tiny Toon Adventures: How I Spent My Vacation, which is one of my favorites, and which Logan hadn't seen before. When it was over, we found all these Easter eggs in the end credits. I had never seen them, and they were pretty funny. After that we watched Lust in the Dust, which was also new for Logan. 

By the time the movies were over, we were all hungry, so we headed out for supper at La Parrilla for

Mexican. The food was good, as usual, but we discovered that the margharitas are delicious!  After a good supper, we shopped for a bit to walk off some of the dinner before we went to get dessert.  I played Angry Birds for the first time tonight, and I can see how it is addicting. 

We went to Cold Stone Creamery for dessert, and I have to say it was the best ice cream I've had in a very long time.  I REALLY enjoyed it.  We ate it outside, in the beautiful cool evening, under the indigo sky, on an outside bench; just enjoying each other's company and comparing desserts.  It was a lovely end to the weekend.  It was really good to spend some time with my boys. 

A post in which much yard work is done*

We both slept in for a while this morning.  When we got up, I did a scramble with mushrooms, caramelized onion, and feta cheese, served with toast and my homemade peach jam.  It was a nice breakfast.  By the time we finished up and started cleaning the kitchen, it was time for Jody to show up.  I had set up with Laura to borrow Jody to do some yard work (which desperately needed to be done).  He arrived right on time at 10am and I put him to work trimming bushes. 

We finished cleaning up in the house and settled in with a marathon of Making the Team on Logo.  Gary

hadn't seen it before, and was hooked pretty quickly.  Here was the downside.  Gary had to go home this afternoon.  I thought we had the rest of the long weekend together, but they had already given him his schedule at the new job, and he has to work tomorrow.  I hadn't realized that.  I kind of had to use Jody when his schedule allowed, and there are things at the house that HAD to be done.  Gary was a good sport about it, but we were both kinda bummed. We couldn't really have wildhotmonkeylove with a 15-year-old in the yard and in and out of the house all day.

So we just watched TV and talked.  I ran in and out when Jody had a question or needed direction.  He did work hard, and did a good job.  He got a lot done today.  We went to lunch at Red Robin (that's where Gary wanted to go - apparently they don't have one in Columbia), and stopped for his lunch on the way back.  Gary and I had pie while Jody ate his lunch.  After he ate he finished up, but it had been a long day and I'm sure he was tired.  He got the stuff put away and I ran him home. 

I got back and snuggled up with Gary for a bit of serious canoodling with Gary, and then he had to leave.  I packed up pie for him to take home.

I just kind of chilled though the evening.  Since I had spent so much money this weekend, I just stayed in and had a salad tonight and watched more cheerleaders on the tube.  I was pretty tired, but stayed up for a bit, just because I could.  It was a holiday weekend, after all.  After Gary sent me the text that he was home and safe, I went on to bed. 

A post in which there is lots to do*

I woke up early, but was able to go back to sleep thank goodness.  I woke up feeling GREAT.   And hungry.  There were a lot of errands to run today, and a lot of cooking that needed to be done.  So I started off with breakfast.  I made a delicious hash with leftover potatoes, mushrooms from my basket, and some cheese curds Rhonda had given me, which I topped of with over-easy eggs.  Telish!  With that I had toast and the last of some baked apples I had in the fridge, with iced coffee to drink.

I loaded up the car and headed out:
I dropped off the recycling
I went by the library and dropped off a book on DVD I had finished
I dropped my coupons for Swheat Scoop in the mail (the promotion ends this month)
I went by Swamp Rabbit for eggs (they do have pretty reasonable prices on locally sourced eggs).  While I was there I picked up some Happy Cow cheese.

It was a gorgeous day, and I was at the Rabbit before they even opened.  But there were serveral others waiting, so they went ahead and opened the doors. 

When I got home, I opened all the windows (the weather was beautiful), cleaned up the kitchen, and started cooking.  There was a head of cauliflower in my basket, and I had decided to make a curried cauliflower souffle.  That is one of my favorite recipes and I hadn't made it in a long time.  There were also two big (and not so pretty) yellow squash.  I had decided to make a Barclay Cafeteria squash casserole.  I found the recipe last year and fell in love with it.  After reading both recipes though, I realized that they were pretty similar - the main difference was the way they went together.  I have a large casserole dish, so decided just to throw it all together in the manner of a souffle and see how it came out.

The first challenge was the squash. They were HUGE - to the point that they had started to go to seed.  I would never buy squash like that, but after thinking about it, I just peeled them (the skins had gone thick and hard) and seeded them, then decided to slow cook them to be sure they were tender.  I had to add some water to them because they had started to dry out.  I cooked them with caramelized onion (of course) some salt and pepper, butter, and a little curry powder to put some curry flavor in the base.  I also added some carrot since I had all those big carrots in the house.

Then I cooked the cauliflower head (whole, as I usually do, over medium heat with a couple of bay leaves).  When it was done, I mashed it and added it to the squash and mashed it all together with a potato masher.  I made the cream sauce for the souffle, using the extra milk, flour, and butter called for in the squash casserole; and then separated the eggs called for in both recipes.  I tempered the yolks, mixed them into the  cream sauce, and added that to the squash mixture.  Then beat the egg whites into stiff peaks.  I folded them into the vegetable mixture, poured the lot into a large buttered casserole dish, and hoped for the best.  I figured because it was so large that it would fall, but to my great surprise, the lot rose beautifully. When I pulled it out of the oven, it was puffed, brown, and done through.  I would never have tried it for company, but I was very pleased.

I did some laundry and left the souffle to cool while I went to buy cat litter (I had forgotten it earlier), and when I got home, I divided the cooled (and deflated) souffle into lunches for the week, eating the rest of it for lunch today.  Tasty indeeed.

By the time I got all that done, got the kitchen cleaned up, and got ready, it was almost time for Gary to arrive.  I had coordinated for us to have sushi with the boys tonight.  We met at Irashiai, and the food was good, although the waiter brought us the wrong plate, and insisted it was what we ordered.  We ate it, but I was not best pleased.  I had asked that they not invite a bunch of people to dinner.  Gary put in notice at his job today, and it was an emotional day for him.  Plus I invited them to meet Gary, not the whole hootenanny.   But Russ being Russ, they had scheduled a game night tonight.  Gary is not good with groups of people all at once, but he was game to go over.

We went to the house, and Jay, Eric, Brian, Bill, John, and Jake showed up.  It was a passel o' folks.  Logan had a new game he wanted to play tonight called Ladies and Gentlemen.  Gary and I went outside with Russ to take a tour of the patio and plants. When we came back in about a half hour later, they were going over the rules.  They continued that for at least another half hour - this was without playing at all.  Oy. 

We hung out for a bit and had a drink, but I was wiped, and Gary was a bit overwhelmed.  The instructions for the game went on and on with no signs of the game beginning.  Eventually, we said goodnight and took our leave.  After some canoodling, I was out like a light. 

A post in which I go in for the test*

Of course I couldn't sleep.  I was up around 3:30am, and around 4am I just gave up and got out of bed.  I threw the beets in the oven, balanced my check book, and fooled around on line.  It was one of those times where it seems like there are just acres of time in front of you, and then suddenly it's almost time and you're going to be late.  When I got out of the shower I had to hustle to make my appointment, but I ran to the store and picked up some whipped cream first. 

When I got to the PET Scan place, it smelled just as bad as I remembered; but it wasn't as strong, because I'm not as sensitive to it now.  I was the first one there, and the guy that checked me in was just dreamy.  He was in his 20s, had curly dark hair, and ice blue eyes.  I was just standing there, being glad for a socially acceptable excuse to look at him, which I did the entire time he was checking me in. 

They came up for me pretty quickly, gave me the injection, and left me in the room.  I had worn shorts, but it had turned off cool overnight, so the guy brought me a blanket.  The nurse who was doing the procedure was very nice.  I think he was gay, but I'm not sure.  I told him it scared me to death to come in there after treatment and all, but he mistakenly thought I was afraid of the test itself.  He was very reassuring, but of course I have had several PET scans now.  It isn't the test that is scary - its the results.  I guess because I had been so keyed up and worried, once I was actually there, I slept for the hour I had to wait before they did the test. 

I had worn soccer shorts this morning because you can't wear anything with buttons or zippers to take the test in.  The problem is that they don't cover very much.  Since you have to lay still for about a half hour, your mind wanders.  This morning I started thinking about sex during the test, and came out of the scan machine, feet first, with a big ole hard-on!  That was embarrassing enough, but of course the nurse taking me out of the machine was a woman!  I just grabbed my backpack as soon as I could and held it in front of me. 

And thank goodness the test was over.  I could immediately employ my power of Southern Denial, and went out for breakfast.  I went to K&S for pancakes and eggs, and afterwards met a buddy at the house for a quick visit before I went on in to the office. 

I took one of the sweet potato pies I made in to the girls.  I was going to take one to Rhonda and Tony, but Gary told me he loves sweet potato pie, so I kept one at the house for him.  Of course the pie was eaten, and I gave out the recipe repeatedly.  I ate a piece as much to get the whipped cream off it as anything else.  I make that for other people.

And then it was time to go.  I got most of the write-offs I needed to do done, but found that I didn't have all the documentation I needed to do two of them.  I sent off emails asking for it, but that was all I could do on those cases.

***

I had set up to take Rhonda out tonight, and checked in with her before I left the office.  She was a go.  I took her to see Epic tonight.  When I saw the promos, I knew she would love it.  Beyonce played the fairy

queen, and it was all about fairies and boggins. They wore little flowers for hats and stuff, and it was just cute as it could be - right up Rhonda's alley.  We saw it in 3D, munched popcorn, and she really seemed to enjoy it.  Parts of it stretched a little long for me (notably the finale, which went on for a very long time), but it was pretty good.

Afterwards we went for a late supper at Red Robin.  I just love their food.  Despite the lateness of the hour, our service was wonderful.  Rhonda ordered one of their fantastic salted caramel milkshakes.  I had thought I would get the end of it (they're pretty big), but she drank every drop!  I think that is the fastest I have ever seen her eat anything, and I was very amused.

It was a nice evening, and good to spend some time with my best girl. 

A post in which I just work, mostly

I managed to throw off my funk again today.  I had tons of write-offs to do, so I just buckled in and worked on them.

I got my Noisy Rabbit basket today.  It wasn't quite as full as last time, but it looked good.  The lettuce was a bit played out, but for the most part it looked OK.  There were beets in there - as in raw beets.  I've never cooked them before so that will be interesting.

Although I felt that I needed to go straight home, I had a couple of errands to run first.  I went by the library and the grocery store on the way home, but didn't linger. 

One of the things I had to do tonight was clean out the fridge.  Larney had given me some sweet potatoes that I had baked and skinned, but hadn't decided what to do with them.  I decided to make a couple of sweet potato pies tonight.  One of the reasons I had gone by the store tonight was to get pie crusts.  They had pretty ones tonight, but the girl threw mine in the bad and broke them tonight.  Grrrr.  But after they thawed a bit I was able to pice them back together.  My pies came out nicely.  I hadn't made any in a long time.

I spent some time talking to Gary tonight.  He is still wrestling with a job decision.  He had decided to stay where he was, but the other company came back and improved their offer.  Also, the company he works for now has cancelled yet another day off.  After talking to him for a while, it seemed obvious what he really wanted to do.  When I pointed that out, he agreed, and told me he had just needed a sounding board.  So he is going to have to work Saturday, but we'll still have the rest of the weekend. 

After I got off the phone, I couldn't get motivated to get ready for bed.  I kind of hung around, putting it off.  It wasn't until I turned the light out that I remembered to re-set my alarm.  I have that PET scan in the morning, and I have to be up very early.  Sigh.  At least the long weekend is coming up.

A post in which security looms large

I had hoped for a simple day at work.  Having dealth with Monday's unpleasantness, I had once again accepted the fact that I am at the mercy of my employers, am subject their whim. I was prepared to put my blinders back on, engage my Power of Southern Denial, and get on with it.  But the rest of the staff hadn't dealt with it, and the HR meetings to explain the new ways we are being screwed started today.  There is an aggressive campaign to move people into health care savings accounts, and to accept "HD" (High Deductable) health care plans.  They're even offering to pay a premium of $750.00 to entice people to accept an insurance package with a $4,000.00/year deductable (for single people - double that for a family).  I hope they didn't fool many people into taking that.  Most of the staff here don't make enough to afford that.

When the meetings let out, the disgruntled people around me returned to their desks (I had decided not to go - I know the bare bones already, and I'll find out the little peripheral screwings as I go along.  No point in taking the whole lot at one time.) discussing their unhappiness with the new plans.  So I went through some of the details with them. In fairness, some of the provisions make sense. There was a loophole for chiropractic care that many people at the office had been abusing to get 'theraputic' massages each week, which was costing thousands of dollars.  I can understand why they wanted to close that.  But many of the changes, of course, are designed to shave more money out of our health care costs, the better to fatten the wallets of the board and investors.  It's hard to accept that the purchase of a couple more mink back-scratchers for the privileged few is deemed more worthy than the health care we need.

It gets to the heart of the eroding social contract.  It used to be that you signed on, you devoted yourself, and you worked until you were too old to do it any longer.  In exchange for that, you had sustenance, and if something bad happened, you were protected.  If you got sick, you were taken care of.  Not any longer.  No value at all seems to be placed on people any more.  We're as disposable as kleenex, and as valued.  The focus now seems to be on what they can get away with not doing.  It's sad, and it's scary.  I make good money.  Not great money.  But I can live reasonably well, and can for the most part keep my place up.  I'm able to put a bit away for my dotage.  I'm one of the lucky ones. 

But I'm all too aware of my tenuous grasp on the middle class.  Our generation is said to be the first who will do worse than our parents did, financially, and I definitely have.  When I got sick, I comforted myself.  "I may not make the most money," I thought, "but at least I have health insurance, and I don't have to worry about getting the treatment I need."  Indeed I didn't.  But that was two health care revisions ago.   I shudder to think what would happen today if I became seriously ill, or God forbid had a relapse.

I've worn blinders for years because things have been pretty good at work.  I looked the other way right after I started, when they did a suspicious lay-off.  Most of those 'laid off' had health issues.  I looked the other way when they started out-sourcing jobs.  We send a lot of work to the corporate offices in Bejing.  We also now have a satellite office in Manila.  So I work for one of those companies that is moving jobs overseas.  If they can figure out a way to farm my job out to some third-world person at one-third my salary, they will do so with no hesitation.  When things like this happen, it forces me to think about things like that. 

So by the end of my little thought train, I was dying destitute in the gutter.  That's a downer.  I went home in a funk.  I ate left-over quiche and a salad, supplemented with piece of cornbread that I really wanted.  I was watching Master Chef, and one of the contestants talked about how his mother had died of Hodgkin's Lymphoma.  I felt the breeze of a methaphorical scythe brush me lightly. 

Gary called to talk.  Apparently he is still in the midst of a dilemma about where to work, but I acted as a sounding board for him, and by the end of the call he seemed to have made a decision.  The down side is that he won't be able to come up until Saturday evening.  The upside of that is that he doing it for an honorable reason that is a credit to him.  He's a good man.  Plus that gives me the room to get some things done, to take Rhonda out Friday night, and to have a little time to myself.  I don't want to squash things right away by spending too much time together. 

He made me feel better too.  By the time we got off the phone, I was in a much better frame of mind.  That was most welcome.

A post in which I go do dinner

I so dreaded going in to work today.  But I figured it pretty much had to be better than yesterday.  It was - but that was a low bar to clear.  I had a fairly productive day. 

The Crocs hikers came in today.  I couldn't tell from the picture, but I guess I should have known from the color name (espresso) that they were brown.  I wanted new brown shoes anyway, so that was fine.  I put them on.  They are wondrously comfortable.  I am still worried a bit about the back of the shoe being too high, but by the end of the day I knew that I would keep them.  I'll order a black pair too.  The orange laces can always be changed, right?

I got in touch with Rhonda today and reserved her for Friday night.  I have a special little treat in mind for her.  She has agreed to go, and I'm looking forward to it.

Tonight was dinner at Dad and Eve's.  She had cancelled dinner yesterday because Dad was having cataract surgery today.  But the surgery went exceptionally well (it was 8 minutes long!), so she invited me on over anyway.  I stopped to get flowers on the way since the ones I had gotten her for her birthday were so sad, and the selection was once again lacking.  That store used to have such nice flowers.  It's a shame.  I did find an acceptable small bouquet of striped minature carnations, which I like, although that is not what I wanted.  When I got to the house, she already had a gorgeous bouquet of deep fuschia alstromeria on the table when I got there.  Such beautiful flowers.

Of course there were moutains of food.  Dad wanted country-style steak.  There was steak, an ocean of gravy, rice, pasta salad, beets, cole slaw, cornbread, and sliced tomatoes.  I was dying for tomato sandwiches (I haven't had any good slicing tomatoes yet this year), so I had a couple.  There was strawberry cobbler with whipped cream for dessert.  We pretty much ate until we hurt, and adjourned to the den for a visit. 

It went pretty well.

A post in which it is a crap-tastic day

The day started off rough.  I woke up mid-dream again.  Ugh.  That is tough.  But I got up and started the day.  Bearily.

I really didn't feel like being at work today.  I mean there are always places I'd rather be, but I was just having one of those days where I feel a complete disconnection.  So I started off irritable.

I opened my email to find the 5,637th notice about open enrollment.  Now they do that every year.  But they make changes to our benefits throughout the year as well.  In December, they forced us onto the pain-in-the-ass mailed prescription program, and told us that we no longer had the option of going to the drug store.  The newest wrinkle in this processe is the 'mandatory re-up' feature.  The entire benfits package is now dismantled every year, and we are forced to 'agree' to the new package in order to keep our benefits.  If they just raised the deductable, that would be bad enough, but this new 'agreement' every year makes me very nervous and suspicious.  We are self-insured, so we could be agreeing to almost anything.

I called HR to ask about this.  The HR clerk was immediately defensive.  I asked if this was just going to happen every year now.  She said perhaps it would (in other words - yes).  She tried to tell me that the company was the helpless victim of increasing health costs, and that if they didn't raise deductables and decrease benefits that the company could not stay profitable.  I pointed out that we get quarterly earnings statements (we're publicly traded) showing the millions of dollars in profit that the company earns (we just finished a company-wide celebration of our THOUSANDTH profitable quarter in a row) .  She said "Do you like your job?  Do you want to keep it?"  Yes, she actually said that.  She tried to foist the blame off on Obamacare, which the majority of conservative ninnys who work here would accept at face value.  But my step-mom worked in insurance.  I know that we're self-insured, and I know what that means.  It means that we pay our own healthcare costs.  Blue Cross administers our plan, but that is all.  So rising health insurance rates really have no effect on our package.  She explained to me that if profits don't stay up, that the company would have to lay people off.  I pointed out that HR is supposed to be our advocate.  She said for me not to make HR the 'whipping boy', because all of these decisions were made far above their heads.  The message was clear.  Shut up.  Take what you're given and be damn grateful for it or you won't be here at all.   We have no advocate, and HR just rubber-stamps whatever management dictates.  So what I got was "Napoleon is always right."

Now I guess I should have realized that was what I would get.  But my company just received a 'Best Places to Work in the Upstate' award, and I guess I was believing our press releases.  Still, after working here for twelve+ years, it's still a kick in the teeth to be reminded how infinitely replaceable you are.  So that wasn't good.

I calmed down (marginally, and with effort) and decided to tuck into the day's work.  I had a fairly heavy day, and needed to start working on write-offs.  I had two little accounts that had come screeching in at 5:20pm last Friday.  I LOATHE tiny accounts.  They are usually the most vocal, and the most insistent - not to mention the biggest pains in the ass to deal with.  These were BOTH screamers, which is unusual.  So I had a shouting match with one (on which I was sent in completely blind, with no indication that there was a dispute, to get creamed), and then after I got off the phone was admonished by the manager next to me because she finds my phone manner 'disruptive'.  The second ended up the day by demanding an apology, and then threatening to write a letter of complaint to the board.  That is a real threat.  No matter how scummy the account, no matter how shitty their payment history, no matter how little they buy - if a complaint letter is received in California there is a Major Inquiry.  So I'll have to deal with that over this worthless little prat whose company is failing, and who wants to make a major case over his 'dignity' because he doesn't want to pay $220 crummy dollars.  It was the little garnishing turd on the top of a shit sundae of a day.  I left the office on the dot of 5:30.  There was no way I was working late to extend this day. 

I got almost home, and then realized that I had to stop and get cream if I want coffee in the morning, and that I was out of gas.  To top it all off, I'm broke.  I mean, white-knuckling it to make it to the end of the week.  I think I have enough to get gas, so I did. 

When I got home, I  put on my pair of 'real' Crocs, which came in today.  I hadn't expected much of a difference, and there wasn't a HUGE difference, but they undoubtedly fit better. The strap on the back of them actually did something besides just hang there.  That's what it does on the fake ones.  So I am pleased.  I'm not sure that they were worth paying twice as much for, but they are nicer.

I should have eaten left-over quiche and a salad, but I didn't have the patience to make a salad or the intestinal fortitude to be 'good' tonight.  I tucked in to my container of Fresh Market pimento cheese, and at the whole damn thing.  I felt moderately better afterwards.  For a while.  But that's stress eating, and I know that's bad.  I finished off the meal with baked apples, and played on the computer until too late.  I should have gone to bed long before I did.  I pouted and didn't look at my phone all evening, so I missed a text from Gary.

There was nothing to do but hope tomorrow will be better.  It should be.  It's a pretty low bar to clear.

A post in which it is a lazy Sunday*

I was up early again.  Too early.  I couldn't get back to sleep, and I didn't want to to bother Gary tossing and turning.  So I got up.  The cats refused to leave the bedroom (of course, because I wanted them out of there), so I just shut them in and found quiet things to do.

I got the Garmin that Dad and Eve gave me all updated, cleaned out the addresses, and put in some that I would use.  I balanced my checkbook.  I tried to decide what to do about breakfast.  I had sweet potatoes baked that had not as yet been assigned a purpose.  I also had lemon-oregano potatoes left from lunches last week.  So I could do sweet potato or potato pancakes.  Then I thought about those ramps.  I had cheese and farm fresh eggs I bought yesterday.  I decided to make a wanna-be quiche.  It's a recipe I've made for years. 

I went all the way across town to get a Marie Callerndar pie crust (becuase they're the best), but when I got to Publix it looked like a football team had stocked them - in the middle of a freakin' game.  Every single crust had been broken all to pieces.  So I had to settle for Pillsbury.  Grrr. 

I got home and chopped up my ramps.  I had looked them up online to see what to do to them, and what the flavor profile was like.  I sauteed them with a little butter and salt, and then hit the pan with some white wine to de-glaze it.  After considering, I decided to go with a mild cheddar (instead of the feta in the fridge) to be sure I didn't cover up the flavor of the ramps, which were the signature ingredient.  About the time I put the quiche in the oven, Gary got up and I made coffee.  We had coffee and chatted while the quiche baked, and then had breakfast while we watched re-runs of RuPaul's Drag Race.  After quiche, I made toast and we had baked apples (warmed up in the still-warm oven after the quiche came out) and my homemade peach preserves (I had made sure to have a jar out so he could try them).  Breakfast was a success - Gary really seemed to enjoy everything. 

I cleaned up the kitchen, and we lazed around the house until it was time to get ready to go to the movies.  We had decided to go see The Great Gatsby, and had looked up times earlier.  Sadly, it wasn't showing in Imax, but we did find a 3-D showing with no problem.  We had left it too late to have lunch, so we just went on to the theater and grabbed some snacks before going in. 

The movie was fantastic.  The costumes were gorgeous, the scenery was amazing.  Leonardo DiCaprio was excellent - he really gave a stellar performance.  Daisy, played by Carey Mulligan, was gorgeous and of course tragically flawed.  She was ethereally lovely, and so perfect for the clothes of the era you could almost not even notice her performance.  Those lovely, huge, golden hazel eyes were just pools of indecision and torment.  Her impossibly long neck was so graceful in the vintage-style frocks.  We agreed that the costume designer, Catherine Martin, most assuredly has an Oscar headed her way.  She'll be nominated for certain. 

After the movie, we kind of shook off the spell, and headed for supper at Monterrey.  It was a nice end to the weekend.  Gary has confessed to being smitten.  I'm a little worried that he had idealized me a bit too much, and put me on a pedestal that I'll surely fall from, but I really like him.   

Then we headed for the house.  He had to go home.  I was exhausted.  It had been a great weekend, but I hadn't gotten eough sleep Saturday night, and had been on the go most of the time. 

I tucked in with the Food Network Sunday night line-up and waited for the text from Gary that he was home safely.  It was raining yet again.  When I got the message that he was OK, I turned in, and was asleep in minutes. 

A post in which it is a quite full day*

I was up early.  Too early.  I went to see Jeff for a bit, and when I got home was sleepy again, thank goodness.  I got back in bed and ended up sleeping until almost 10am.  I sent Rhonda a text to see if she wanted to go out to breakfast, and she said she would, but she also wanted to run a few errands. That was fine with me. 

I picked her up and we headed first to Swamp Rabbit.  I'd never heard of it, but Rhonda had found it online in her continuing quest for local/sustainable/non-GMO food sources.  It's a little place tucked away on the wrong side of town, and you would never find it if you weren't just looking for it.  It's a small place.  There is a bakery/cafe area where they offer scones and the like, there is small grocery area, and there is a cold room with produce.  It had a pretty yuppified air to it.  There were a lot of highly-strung looking white women in there shopping, many of whom seemed to be pregnant or with small children.  So good for them

for looking after their kids' health.  I just don't want to be around them, generally.  Some of the produce was very nice, and some of it not so nice, but it was all pretty expensive.  Rhonda wanted some strawberries, but the large containers didn't look very good.  She got a quart.  I bought some pears (at $3/lb, not too high for organic, but pretty high - they were really pretty though), some mushrooms, and some ramps.  Now I have heard of ramps, but have never eaten or cooked any.  They were gorgeous, but they were also $15/lb.  Wow.  So I decided to get a few to play iwth, but I didn't buy a pound.  On the way out, I picked up some Happy Cow cottage cheese (@ $6/lb, but I know it's BGH free), but I refused to pay $10/lb for feta cheese.  That's just crazy.

We left and dropped by my place.  I put my stuff away, and gave her a bottle of sesame oil she wants for a recipe.  We went by Stax Omega for breakfast, and I had one of their fantabulous omelets.  I have no idea what they do to them to make them so delicious, but I was craving one this morning.

After breakfast it was on to Whole Foods.  Rhonda wanted some steel-cut oats, but had balked at paying $7/lb for them at Swamp Rabbit - in a bag they had been in for who knows how long.  I didn't blame her in the least.  At Whole Foods they were $1.49/lb in bulk.  So she got some, and I picked up some organic feta for $4.99/lb on sale. 

After that, I had to run Rhonda home.  I got in about 2pm, and started getting the place in order for Gary to come.  I also had cooking to do.  I had been trying to decide what to make for lunches this week.  I also had three bell peppers left from my bunny basket, and then Larney gave me two more from hers this week.  I had intended to chop and freeze them, but then I thought, why not just use them instead?  I haven't made bulgarian pepper and cheese delight in a long time.  It's an old Moosewood recipe for using up bell pepper when it's in season.  I decided to make that today.  I put that together while the sweet potaotes I had from Larney baked.  When I got them out, I slid the casserole in and prepped the last two Granny Smith apples I had to be baked.  I let all that cool while I cleaned up the kitchen and got ready. 

Gary worked today and didn't leave until 6pm.  That was good because it gave me some time to relax a bit and sit down after all I had done today, but it was bad because by the time he got there we were both starving.  We wanted sushi (which we were supposed to go for last Friday), but I decided to take him to Sushi Masa rather than Irashiai tonight.  Sushi Masa is smaller and more intimate.  They also have a signature Pelham Roll (maki) that I really enjoy and haven't had in a while.  I ordered the appetizers and we decided what rolls we wanted.  The food was good, but not as good as I remembered.  He was very impressed with the dynamite yaki they do (another Masa exclusive), and it was quite good; but the mussels yaki weren't quite up to par, and the California Sundae roll (which they invented and introduced to Greenville) wasn't as good as the one at Irashiai.  So while it was quite good, and Gary was very pleased with the things he tried that he hadn't eaten before, I was a bit let down with the food.

After dinner, it was back to my place for canoodling.  It had been a good, full day, and we were very glad to see each other, but I was wiped, and he had worked all day.  We didn't stay up too terribly late. 

A post in which things settle down a bit

Thank goodness! 

The day started pretty roughly.  I was up with brutal insomnia at about 2am.  I got online and Rhonda was up too. We made plans for dinner tonight.  I did eventually get back to sleep, but was in full REM sleep when the alarm went off.  That's always a rough start to the day.  I shook my head and got up to get ready for work, but it was at least twenty minutes before I stopped being all bleary-headed.

Work was thankfully quiet today.  The steady carpet-bombing of new account placements continues ($242k this month so far, and intimations of still more to come), but I was able to keep up.  Alan was out of the office, but took care to schedule the twit meeting for this afternoon via conference call.  I have no idea what is so important that it couldn't wait until next month, but he is the boss.  We took the call in his office, and it was  plain after the usual fifteen minutes or so that he was just asking questions to stay on the phone.  He seems homesick.  He is in Canada until the 28th, but I hardly thought he would miss the office.  Bosses. 

Rhonda sent a text at 4:57pm to cancel going to dinner.  Grrr.  I had packed a fun-time conversion kit and everything. 

Somewhat at loose ends, I finally decided to go to The Fresh Market and use my Christmas gift cards to pick up some gourmet nibbly things to treat myself.  It is, after all, Friday night.  I got the usual: some of their delicious salmon in dijon-dill sauce, some lovely orzo pasta salad (although not as good as the orzo salad at Adam's Bistro), some grape tomatoes, croustini, and their fantastic pimento cheese.   I usually get an almond pillow cookie for dessert, but they looked kind of flat tonight, so I got two toffee chocolate chip cookies instead - transcendentally good.   I may have a new favorite.

I ate supper with great relish when I got home, and then decided to call Miss Kat and Dana.  I hadn't been over there in a couple of weeks.  They were free, and I went over and had a nice visit.  So it turned out to be a nice evening after all.

A post in which my stint of sainthood continues

I'm getting heartily sick of it.  I don't think I was cut out for it.

Work was beastly today.  I had the twit report to do, the US Reserve, three new accounts (one of whom was a diarrhea-mouth with an over-developed sense of his own importance who kept me on the phone for thirty freakin' minutes explaining why our expectation that he pay within agreed-upon terms was unrealistic, and how unhappy he was with the 'tone' of my email to him - yergh).  It just went on and on.

The cancer center called to schedule my follow-up PET scan, and as usual had scheduled it incorrectly, so I had to call and re-schedule it immediately, but at least the appointment is made now.

At the end of the day, I still hadn't finished the twit report, but I'll be able to finish it up tomorrow.  I had to leave the office so that I could go home and mow grass - which is right up there next to a colonoscopy on my 'favorite things to do' list.

Lisa did give me half of her excellent pimento cheese from the Pelham Falls Deli.  It wasn't as good as The Fresh Market, but it was pretty damn good.  That was a welcome little snack to tide me over until lunch.

The bunny boxes came today, and although I didn't get one, Larney did.  She sent me home with sweet potatoes, fresh brussels sprouts (which Gary loves, I found out), two red bell peppers (I still have three green ones in the fridge from last week, that have to be cut, seeded, and frozen), and an enormous onion.

I was starving when I got off work, and debated stuffing myself on the way home, but I knew if I did I wouldn't mow, and I really wanted to get that done so that it didn't interfere with Friday night.  I could have done it Saturday (Gary won't be arriving until around eight), but it tires me out and I didn't want to be all tired when he got here.  So I went home and mowed.

Happily, the wheel stayed on the mower, and despite my not taking the time to eat anything before I went out there, my blood sugar didn't drop through the floor either.  I got finished, and it's good that it's done and out of the way. 

I got in the house about eight, and cleaned up, but just couldn't face another salad.  I thought about running out for something indulgent, by after the shoe-buying frenzy this week I really oughtn't, not to mention the extra calories.  The dilemma was solved when I discovered I still had tater tots in the freezer, which are one of my favorite things, and are undeniably indulgent - a suitable reward for my efforts today.

I contentedly munched and watched Chopped.  I had a message from Gary, and when I finished eating, we talked for about an hour.  That was a good end to a day of frustration and duty. 

So tomorrow at work should be much better - the crush is over for the moment.  And the yard is taken care of.  So tomorrow evening I can relax, enjoy my Friday, and look forward to Gary's visit.  Tomorrow will be better.

A post in which it is a quiet day

More so than usual.  I forgot my phone charger and my phone was going dead.  I debated driving home on my lunch hour to get it, and then thought that was absolutely ridiculous.  Have I become such a pad person that I can't go a day off the grid?  Sitting behind a freakin' computer??  So I turned off my phone and got on with it.

I didn't have a  very busy day, and Alan left for the rest of the week (after telling me the twit meeting is scheduled for Friday, and that we would do it by phone for pete's sake), so it was a fairly quiet afternoon.

I broke down and spent some money that I really didn't want to spend, but which needed to be spent.  My feet give me so many problems that about the only shoes I can wear in any real comfort are either Crocs or running shoes.  I can get by with others if I put in the plantar faciitis pads I bought, but in general if I want to wear pretty shoes, there is a price to be paid for it.  It's a price I am increasingly disinclined to pay.

I bought another pair of fake Crocs at the beach (after a good bit of searching), but they don't fit.  Logan had made a good point at the time.  If I'm going to wear them practically all the time (which when I'm in the house I do), perhaps I should just go ahead and plunk down the $30+ dollars for the real thing.  I have been on eBay searching for some more fakes, and found them, but some of them aren't as cushlony as the real ones, and of course I won't know until I get them.  If I could buy more like the ones I have it would be fine, but a lot of the knock-offs I found at the beach were not as comfortable as the ones I have now.

Apparently Crocs has been diligent in protecting their copyright, and they have the market pretty much cornered on ridiculously priced rubber clogs.  I went online looking for an 'outlet' type site, and was directed back to the official Crocs website.  I was nosing around there in the sale section, and found this pair of shoes on sale.  They are ugly, but they aren't as ugly as the clogs, and if they are super comfortable they'll be well worth $30 (I can hardly buy decent shoes for that), and will solve my 'Friday casual shoe' dilemma.  At least they appear to be actual shoes.  I ordered a pair.  I'll give them a shot.  The only thing that really concerns me is the high heel piece.  I can't wear Adidas shoes because the high heel piece kills my achilles tendon.  I guess I'll find out when they get here.  Of course this is less about vanity (although there is a generous unhealthy portion of vanity to be sure) and more about the continued post-chemo/age concessions.  I feel that treatment has prematurely made an old man of me, and I'm not happy about it.  But then I remember that I'm alive, and some small concessions seem to be a small price to pay.  It makes me feel ungrateful.  It's just a difficult adjustment for someone who loves shoes as much as I do to make.

While I was compromising, I found the 'classic' (classically ugly, they don't say) clogs on sale (though still quite ridiculously expensive) on Amazon and ordered a pair.  Although I've worn my fake ones for years, this will be the first pair of real Crocs I've ever donned.  Even on 'sale' they came to $25.60, which is just highway robbery for a pair of hideous rubber clogs, but if you have to have them to walk, what are you to do?  You suck it up and pay it.  Which is what they're counting on.  Never mind that they're injection molding them out for a nickle a pair, and causing a great share of human misery (although from what I can find they're trying, and no worse than any other company that has third-world production plants) to the bargain.  Apparently I'm a typical American, and have decided that the suffering of others is preferable to my own.  They do allow me to stay on me feet with much less pain, which is crucial for me now. 

I ate my veggie medley for lunch, and if it hadn't particularly improved by sitting overnight (as things with garlic sometimes do) it wasn't any worse.  Meh.

After work I debated going home to cut grass for about a minute and half before deciding to put it off.  I hate doing that.  I went by Aldi for fill-in groceries, and picked up a few little nibbly things for the weekend, just in case Gary and I don't feel like going out but want a little nosh.

I made another big salad for dinner, and then realized half-way through that I had forgotten to put the apple in.  After supper I hulled the rest of the tiny strawberries so that I could take them with lunch tomorrow.  I watched TV until bed.  I didn't hear from Gary, but he was closing tonight.     

A post in which I cook

I had been putting it off, but tonight I really needed to use up the rest of the stuff in my bunny basket.

I had originally intended to make curry, but this afternoon I started playing around with an idea for a garlic/lemon/butter glaze for veggies.  That sounded good, and it would go with the Greek-inspired potatoes I made last weekend.

I started by caramelizing some onions along with thinly sliced carrot (I have several pounds of huge carrots from the basket), and then added a couple of bell peppers (ditto).  To that I added the three big zucchini and a splash of soy sauce.  Then I put in two peeled and thinly sliced Granny Smith apples (they must be good for something) and two enormous cloves of chopped big purple garlic.  Then I chopped up and added all the spinach, and poured white wine over all.  When it seemed done, I glazed it by melting a half-stick of butter in and then thickened with a cornstarch slurry.  It wasn't bad.  The apples didn't belong, though, and kind of threw off my flavor profile.  Usually a counter-note of sweetness is good, but this didn't work so well. 

That done, I packed up some lunches, and put the rest of the veggie medley in the freezer for next week.  So lunches are sorted for this week. 

By the time I got all that done it was almost eight o'clock.  I made an enormous salad for dinner of the end of a head of iceberg lettuce and the beginnings of a head of bib lettuce from the basket (which was quite dirty).  I topped that with some cut up cheese chunks I had in the fridge, some cherry tomatoes, yet more carrot, another peeled and cut Granny Smith (which worked better in the salad) and some croutons. 

I put the strawberries I had from Eve in to soak while I ate.  They were amazingly dirty.  Then I drained them and cleaned up the kitchen, before coring enough of them to take with lunch tomorrow.  I don't know where she got the berries, but they are really small ones.  I had hoped they would last until the weekend, but they are pretty far gone.  I'll have to eat them.

When all that was done, I collapsed on the sofa and sent Gary a text.  We ended up talking for almost an hour, which is very unusual for me.  He's coming to spend the night Saturday night, and he's off Sunday.  We're both looking forward to it immensely.  I explained why I didn't feel like talking last night, and he understood.  I wanted to put my best foot forward and not talk to him when I was grumpy, but he says I've already put my best foot forward.  He's such a nice guy. 

A post in which I get a prescription filled - eventually

So the goal today was that I had to get my blood pressure medicine filled.  I missed the hours on the pharmacy Saturday, and we didn't get home in time Sunday.  I'm not supposed to skip that pill, but I took my last one Sunday - I figured I would definitely need it before I was in a car with my dad for six hours.  I was up early and went to Wal-Mart to see if I could get the prescription filled before I went in to the office.  No dice - they didn't open until 9am. 

It was Lisa's (at work) birthday today, and she had enlisted me weeks ago to act as her 'sushi sherpa' and go get sushi for lunch.  She has enjoyed sushi, but doesn't know what to order.  She tried to get some of the other women from the department to come, but there were only two takers.  Since Sushi Masa was closed today, we rode down to Irashiai.  Although I had feared that they would come and then refuse to try the new stuff, I had under-estimated the gals.  I ordered for the table, and everything was devoured in complete delight.  They really enjoyed the meal, as did I.  It was very pleasant, and Lisa was tickled.  She even paid for lunch for everyone, so it was a win-win. 

As the afternoon wore on, though, I didn't feel so great.  I haven't skipped a day with my blood pressure medicine in a long time.  By the end of the day, I just wanted to go home and go to bed.  But I had my prescription to fill first. 

I spent almost two hours at Wal-Mart trying to get my ^%%$$#@!! blood pressure medicine filled.  I got there at about 5:45 and left at 7:24!!  They always make you wait (this despite the fact that my bp meds come in a freakin' blister pack, and require no counting at all), and tonight was no exception.  It was Monday night, and there weren't a lot of people, but they also had little staff.  The ones that were there were not at all interested in expedience - they want you in the store shopping while you wait.  By the time I left my feet were killing me and I was very frustrated.  But a) I didn't spend a lot of extra money - I spent less than $5 over the cost of my medicine tonight; and b) I had them fill the prescription for six months rather than three, so it will be a while before I have that to go through again.

I had intended to eat my left over spaghetti tonight, but when I got home I just decided to have a salad.  There was no time left to cook, as I had thought I might do, and my feet weren't up to it by that time anyway.  So I ate a salad and left the spaghetti for lunch tomorrow.  It wouldn't have been a bad meal, health-wise, but I opened one of the packs of cookies I bought last week...  So I ruined that initiative. 

I curled up on the sofa and played on the computer while I watched Gigi.  I love that movie.  Never has the life of a courtesan seemed so innocent and wholesome.  I exchanged a few text messages with Gary, but I was out of sorts after the Wal-Mart marathon and didn't feel like talking tonight.  I think it may have been partially spores and allergies from being in Grandma's yesterday.  It was probably partially being kind of down about her - it is hard to leave her there at the home, even it if is the best place for her.  My blood pressure most likely played a role also.  But whatever the reason, I didn't want to subject Gary to my mood tonight.  He's coming to spend the night Saturday, and I'm really looking forward to that. 

A post in which I find that sainthood is exhausting

I was up before the alarm went off at 6am.  I just went ahead and got up. 

I made coffee and girded my loins. 

I had a sweet text from Gary, telling me he was thinking about me. 

I went ahead and got ready and just headed out, after sending Eve a text to tell her I was on the way and would be on time.  It was Mother's Day, after all.  I gave her her card and pickles when I got to the house.  We loaded up the car and headed out.  Dad drove up, surprisingly, but since he got those new hips he's been in a lot better shape. 

I called Mother on the way up and told her happy Mother's Day.  Happily, my card had gotten to her yesterday.  She seemed in good spirits, and was getting ready for church with Lisa.

When we got to Wilkesboro, Grandma was really tickled to see me.  We gave her the presents we brought up, and I pinned on her orchid.  She chatted excitedly as Dad signed her out and Eve pulled the car around.  Lunch today was at Ruby Tuesday.  Although Wilkesboro boasts several new restaurants, RT's would take reservations.  Our server was super nice, and indeed everyone there was very understanding and did all they could to make our visit pleasant, which was all the more surprising since Mother's Day is such a crazy busy time for a restaurant.

Seeing Grandma was wonderful and terrible.  I was glad to see her, and I was glad to make her happy.  But it's terrible to see her in this state.  Her poor hands are twisted with rheumatoid arthritis to the point that they are almost useless.  We got her a cup with a lid, and I took the tails off her shrimp and cut them up.  On the one hand I wanted to help her eat, but on the other I didn't want to embarrass her.  She went through a long period that she wouldn't eat in a restaurant because she had such a hard time eating.  She chose food today that she could pick up with her hands if she had to.

By the end of the meal, she was frustrated enough with trying to manage the silverware to let me feed her.  She wanted chocolate cake, and I fed it to her.  Such a war of emotions.  On the one hand it made me glad that I could help her.  It touched me and made me feel protective and tender.  I felt so close to her.  But on the other side of that it broke my heart to pieces that she needed me to do that for her.  But it was mostly love.  She was like a baby bird.  We both laughed after I cut a too-big bite of cake, and she had to struggle to get it in her mouth; and then I just cut smaller bites, and it was OK.  She ate until she couldn't hold any more. 

After lunch we went to her house.  She doesn't get to go very often.  That too was sad.  It is important for her to know that her house is still there, but the state of it is pretty bad at this point.  The house hasn't been lived in for years.  The damp and mildew are getting to it.  I helped her go through her closet, pulling things out for her to look at, and sometimes she would just say "That's moldy."  She thanked me for going through it with her.  She said "You let me look and don't rush me."  She picked out a couple of blouses to take back with her, and a pair of pants.  I don't think she can even wear the pants, but that wasn't the point.  The point was that she got to decide, and had control.  My aunt and uncle take care of her most of the time, and she can be very fussy about what she wears.  I know that it can be very hard to try to please her.  But since I don't have that day-to-day responsibility I had patience to burn, and made sure that she got some of it today. 

She's still growing and changing.  At my age, I treasure firsts and surprises, and she gave me a big one today.  We were talking about life at the home, and she was relating that they had fussed at her for going to the door of her room to ask that someone come to help her to the bathroom.  "If you just turn the light on, we'll know." They told her.  "Well it would be a shame for me to sit here and shit my pants." She replied.  Had I been eating, I would have choked.  I have never in my life heard my Grandma Shumate, a lifelong faithful member of the Baptist Church and unofficial steel magnolia, ever use a dirty word.  But this new practicality has influenced other areas of her life.  When she told us that she needed to go to the bathroom, I told her I would help her.  She then asked me about my experience working in a nursing home when I was younger - she checked my resume before she agreed, and then she actually did allow me to help her.  I averted my eyes to protect her modesty, but this is something she would never have allowed even five years ago.  I guess after a while, undue modesty becomes an undue burden.  So while I hate that she had to compromise, I respect her finally doing so with aplomb, and on her own terms.

While we were at the house, I got her recipes that she wanted me to have.  Many of them are in her handwriting, and of course are doubly precious for that.  The only other thing I wanted from the house was my great grandmother's pickle crock.  It is actually a butter churn, but Grandma used it to make pickles.  Sadly, it has had a rough life. It's chipped up.  There is a large crack in it, and when I picked it up I was afraid it might come apart.  But it held.  I'll take it home and glue it back together some.  It won't be usable, but it will be stronger. 

By the time we got done at the house, and she had seen my aunt and uncle, my cousins, and my cousin Tonya's kids, she was wiped out.  I could tell how tired she was.  We took her back to the home, and I got her to her room.  The attendant came in, but despite the fatigue, she wouldn't lie down until after we left.  I pinned her corsage to the cork board by her bed, and gave her hugs and kisses, and then we left.  It had been a really good visit, and I know she really enjoyed it.  On the way out, I thanked the staff for being so good to her, and taking such good care of her.  As homes go, the Villages of Wilkes is a really great place.  She isn't a number there, and the people are kind. 

Dad was in a foul mood, as he usually is after he leaves her at the home.  We stopped for drinks (I was driving now) and we headed for home.  Eve hadn't had much of a Mother's Day.  She had been in the car all day, which is hard for her, and had to help my grandmother with the potty chair.  I felt bad for her.  We started talking about where she wanted to go for dinner, and I kind of buffered Dad a little, because he was in an ill mood.  After going by several places that were obviously packed to the rafters, we actually ended up just driving back to Greenville and going to Capri's.  Our waitress was super nice, and we had a nice dinner.  Dad came out of his funk some, and it was pretty pleasant. 

I dropped them at their place, and took some strawberries from Eve.  I loaded the car with my stuff and gratefully went home.  When I got in, I just got ready for bed.  I was absolutely worn out.  I did call Gary and talked to him for a few minutes, and then turned in.  Tomorrow it's back to work...

A post in which it is the weekend*

So when I woke up it was Saturday.  Although I was glad it is the weekend, really this is laid out to be a less than stellar one. I basically had chores to do all day, and then tomorrow is Mother's Day stuff all day.  Sigh.  I hate being a grown-up.

I ate my left-overs from supper last night for breakfast, and then got to work.

I made the cucumbers from my bunny box into Korean refrigerator pickles.  Eve loves those, and since I had no idea what to get her for Mother's Day, I just decided to take her the pickles, which she loves.  I got a thank you card from her for her birthday present today.  In a way, it was nice, but in a way it was odd and sad.  First, you don't send thank you cards to immediate family, and the fact that she felt the need to do it was kind of inherently sad, but secondly I just got her a gift card.  I mean, I tried to make it a bit more personal by getting it from Swoozies, but as presents go it was a pretty poor showing, which makes it sadder to me that she was so glad of it.  I don't know, I guess that's an odd way to feel.  It was a cute card, and I'm glad she realizes that I do try. 

I started doing laundry.  I had to have my super-fatty-fat-fat jeans clean to wear tomorrow.  I am NOT wearing work pants, and sitting in a car for 6+ hours in my other jeans would be torture.  So I got that done and changed the sheets. 

I  made the potatoes from the basket into Greek-style potatoes, but they didn't turn out so well because they were baking potatoes, and so really not suited to that recipe.  But they didn't burn.  They'll be edible.  I'll just have to put a bunch of butter or something on them because they'll be dry.  But I could make some kind of sauce to go over them, or I could mash them to top the shepherd's pie in the fridge, or I could make them into potato pancakes... With potatoes there are just a lot of options.

I changed my sheets.  I surfed around on my phone some, and Frank ended up coming over for a while.  He's always fun, and he's a nice guy.  I found out today that his dad has cancer.  He is understandably upset. The prognosis doesn't sound great.  I listened and tried to be supportive.

After he left I got cleaned up and finally planned to leave the house.  I had errands to run, and wanted to get some supper.  I called Rhonda, but she had already eaten.  That meant dinner on my own.  I loaded up the car and headed out.  I dropped off the recycling, and then called Rhonda about dropping by.  I had decided to leave the rest of the Korean pickles for the boys for when they got home.  Eve wouldn't have eaten them all, and they're Billy's favorite. 

When I got to the house, Rhonda said she would ride with me if I wanted to go to supper, so we went to Irashiai.  I had been craving sushi all week, and hadn't gotten to go with Gary last night as planned.  After supper we went to Wal-Mart.  I take my last blood pressure pill tomorrow, and really needed to get them re-filled, but by the time we got there the pharmacy was closed.  I picked up some other things, and we looked at shoes, but I didn't find any I liked.  I picked up some of the new Magnum Gold ice cream bars.

Now the Magnum ice cream bars are the best I have ever tasted.  They have done a HUGE ad campaign about these new gold ones, but I found them pretty disappointing compared to the other flavors.  Still, Rhonda loves ice cream, and had never tried the Magnums before.  And the worst Magnum is still pretty damn good.  So we munched our bars and watched Kathy Griffin on cable.   

When I got home, my disc with my pictures from Sean and Eddie had come in the mail today.  I threw them into the computer and messed around with them for a while.  I finally got the hang of the crop tool, and I put some of them up on Facebook, but I had to go to bed.  Tomorrow is going to be a very long day.