A post in whch it is the bear dinner

After fretting over the Barry situation last night, I talked to my friend Nancy about it at work today.  She really helped me to put it in perspective.  I still don't feel great about it, but I don't feel personally responsible any longer.  Apparently there are some serious issues going on, and training thing is just the tip of the iceberg.  Still, I hate to see him doing badly.

Tonight was the bear dinner.  I had debated whether or not to go.  I really didn't need to spend the money, but since I hadn't gone to the last one I went.  It was at Tokyo Bay in Anderson.  The boys had really talked it up, but I wasn't as impressed with it is as they were.  The big attraction is a roll called 'Lady Gaga' that has Pop Rocks in it.  Aside from the roll being a little sweet, I wouldn't have known they were in there had I not been told.  I had an Ahi Hawiian that was overly seared, and the dressing it was served with was too sweet.  Plus, my meal was about $10 more than it would have been at Irashiai.  So while I applaud Anderson getting sushi, I have to say that I wouldn't go back to Anderson for it.

Daniel came with his wife Melissa again tonight.  She is such a nice woman, but that is such an odd situation.  I always try to be extra nice to her because some of the guys are weird about her coming.  I told jokes and generally was charming.  At one point I made her do a spit-take.

A younger guy named Eric sat near me.  He is really cute, but he's also still in larval form.  Jake sat next to me.  He also is cute n' larval.  The big surprise tonight came from him.  He invited a co-worker and his girlfriend to the dinner (no idea why, they were a straight couple).  When they first arrived, we didn't know they were part of the party, and there was a great deal of speculation about the guy, who was gorgeous.  She was beautiful too.  When they saw Jake and came over to sit down, I felt vaguely like an ass for objectifying him, but he actually got better looking close up; and he had hands like bigfoot.  They were both so pretty that I didn't think they could possibly be real.  For some reason, I find young gorgeous people annoying these days (I am fully aware this is probably because I am feeling old and conspicuously un-gorgeous lately), plus I felt like the creepy gay guy because I couldn't look at this guy without lusting over him; so I just mainly let Jake talk to them. 

That left me talking to Daniel and Melissa (Eric wasn't having much to say).  Now I like Daniel and Melissa just fine, but their situation makes me vaguely uncomfortable.  He's bi-sexual, and she's supportive, which is great.  I mean I'm glad it's working for them and all, but he is a bit of a blow-hard, and I get the feeling that she has picked me out to be his guy.  I'm not good with that at all.  I sympathize with his plight.  Many gay guys feel that bi-sexuals are just gay guys who can't accept their own homosexuality - primarily because a lot of gay guys go through a phase where they identify as bi-sexual before they accept that they are in fact gay.  But there are true bi-sexuals.  I used to be very bi-phobic (having dated a couple of bi-sexuals when I was younger), but I'm not really any longer.  I am just not looking to get involved with a guy who's married, first of all.  With or without his wife's sanction, that's just a recipe for things to get really complicated.  Plus, at the end of the day, he's not available.  He's married and they have children.  If I did break that up I would feel terrible about it.  Plus, I'm just not that interested in Daniel.  So while I don't mind having dinner with them, I really don't want to lead them on either.  That can be a rather tiring tight-rope to walk after putting in a full day of work and driving to Anderson.

I did get to speak to the other bears, of course, and it was good to see everyone.  I didn't get to interact much with RBL, but then I didn't expect to do so.  I did interact enough though, to see that Russ was distinctly not himself.  Russ has been lacking in Russervescence lately.  I hugged him tonight, and asked him if he was OK, and he said he was, but he clearly was not.  It just wasn't the venue to go into it.  But I'm worried about him.

So the combination of my discomfort level with Daniel, combined with the vague annoyance of being surrounded by un-obtainable young beautiful people and my worry about Russ led it to be a vaguely unsettling evening.  I ended up feeling dissatisfied for really no good reason.  I was glad to get home and go to bed.