A post in which I kind of blow off a friend

Well I'm not sure I did the right thing tonight, but I made a decision.

I got home and was really tired. I tried to lay down and take a nap, but couldn't sleep. I thought I was going to there for a minute, but the phone rang at just the wrong time and broke it.

I got up and started thinking about straightening up the house, which it certainly could use.

But then Laura called and said they were going to watch Milk tonight on the big screen in their back yard. On the one hand, I really wanted to see it with them. It's not the kind of movie I generally will watch by myself and I did want to see it. I don't do well with sad movies, and hello, I knew he was going to be assassinated at the end. But on the other hand, Terry was supposed to drop by tonight after work to give me back some money he borrowed. On the one hand, I wanted the money. But on the other hand, he was only going to bring back a small part of it, and if I get in in dribs and drabs, I know I'll spend it rather than send it to Visa as I should. If he had been coming for a visit visit, it would have been different, but he was just coming by on the way home from work. But at the same time, I still have this crap in my chest, and sitting out in the back yard to watch a movie all evening didn't seem like the most brilliant of ideas. I was really torn between what was prudent and responsible, and missing yet more fun after sitting home so much lately.

I finally decided screw it, and wrote a note for Terry. I got ready for the party, wrapped up well, taped the note to the door, and went on. I figured if I get sick again I was going to anyway, and I'll just go back to the doctor. And I figured Terry will understand.

The next hurdle was that Kimbley and Laura were having barbecue tonight - specifically pulled pork. I deal with that at work by having beans, slaw, and bread (although here lately Anna has been hooking me up with better), but that really wasn't what I wanted for dinner on a Saturday night. Laura even sweetly called me from the grocery store to ask what she could get me to eat. I just told her I'd eat before I came. I didn't want to have her looking for obscure veggie stuff the store might not even carry. But she made the sad friend voice, and was like "Oh, OK." That is one of the biggest problems I have with being veggie in social situations. The communal breaking of bread is a very primal thing. From way back it has been a sign of solidarity and friendship. Telling someone you'll eat before you come is at worst an insult, and at best a rejection of their hospitality - particularly in the South where our culture is so incredibly food-centric. But barbecue is one of the hardest meals to eat veggie during, since the meat is - even more so than usual - the main event and the center of the meal. I decided that I would definitely eat with them, no matter what I ended up eating.

I stopped on the way at the big BiLo near my house, which thankfully was selling veggie riblets. They're good, but you don't find them just anywhere. I took my riblets in with me and just threw them in the microwave. So I could eat everything else, and was even eating an approximation of what they were eating. That seemed to work out.

I tried to get a reading from Kimbley and Laura on what they were intending to do about the party this year, but they either haven't made a decision, or weren't comfortable talking about that decision in front of Donnie.

Mark and I got into it for about a minute. He started spouting Republican dogma at me about what a living saint Ronald Reagan was - basically if I want to listen to that shit I'll go see my dad. I just told him that we really didn't want to have this conversation, and that I usually strive not to talk about politics with Donnie's group because I know they don't agree with me. Mark is stubborn, not at pains to listen to anyone else's point of view, and has a total disregard for the unfortunate which pretty much epitomizes everything I despise about the Republican party. The fact that he has less social grace just means that he is totally open about the "screw the poor" mentality. Although his candor is refreshing (he doesn't wrap himself in the flag or lecture about "personal responsibility", as many do to justify their position - at least not to me), I nonetheless find the position itself reprehensible. Kimbley pulled rank as hostess and forbade talk about politics, for which I was very grateful. I will say that he was conspicuously charming to me for the rest of the evening, as if to kind of make up for it. I really do get the feeling that he likes me, somewhere down in there. And I can agree to disagree as long as my face isn't rubbed in it.

The movie was wonderful. Sean Penn was transcendent. Who would have guessed that the stoner from Fast Times at Ridgemont High was capable of such nuance and sensitivity? It was an amazing performance, and an amazing movie. The film successfully took the life of one man and showed how that life both created and affected a movement. It showed how one person can make a difference. It didn't sugar-coat his life or shy away from him as a sexual being either. Usually movies about gay men conveniently neuter them (as I have raved about before), but not here. I also really appreciated the use of real news clips and footage of Anita Bryant at the time to show demonstrate what the climate was really like. I have no doubt that even some of the press conference lines used by the actors were actual quotes. The final excellent touch was showing pictures of the real people portrayed in the movie, and telling where they were now. Many of them went on to have extraordinary lives and make large impacts of their own in our movement for equal rights. They really touched all the bases.

As usual after such a movie though, I was fairly shell-shocked afterwards. Plus it was almost midnight. Plus I had to be up for the flea market in the morning. So I said my goodnights to my dear friends, thanked them for their invitation, and went home to tuck myself in to bed. I was pretty well wrapped up, but it was still too cool for it to be really a good idea for me to be outside all evening. I'm very much afraid I'll pay for that.

When I got home, Terry had left a nice note telling me he wasn't upset with me. Hopefully I'll see him this week. Apparently he's getting ready to move to Washington state. So wow, he's going to be gone. John is already out there and has found work. I wish him well, but I'll miss him.