I have three fairly separate and distinct circles of friends. I have Bear friends, LOCK friends, and then I have another group of friends I have known far longer. Most of the people I know fall into one of these three circles - a couple more than one.
In my Original Circle of friends (hereafter referred to as OC friends), there are several key parties each year that the social calendar kind of revolves around. One of those key parties is coming up.
Here's the problem. The hosts of this party have suddenly decided to make this party an invitation-only affair, after years of it kind of being a kind of viral invite. There was a core group who received invitations every year, and they kind of put the word out about the date. The guest list grew by word of mouth. Friends would bring someone, who just kind of ended up coming back year after year. I was the guest of another person originally, having been invited by one of the host's friends. It wasn't uncontrollable. In any given year there were between 35-50 people.
The hosts this year made a point of telling certain invited people that this was an invitation-only event now. The problem is that at least one of my friends wasn't invited, and found out about the exclusion.
Which leaves me squarely in the middle here.
On the one hand, it's their party. If they don't want to have certain people there, they shouldn't be forced to have them there. You can't prevail upon a host to invite someone they don't want. That's rude. It feels wrong to me to turn this into a political thing and not go because someone I want to be invited isn't. I'm pretty sure they were trying to do this quietly in order to avoid just that.
On the other hand, I don't know that I would enjoy the party that much. It feels wrong to go knowing that a friend's feelings have been hurt over it and that this person (or people - I don't know who all is off the guest list) has been excluded. The hosts had to know that there would be feelings hurt over this after so many years of casual attendance. It's really hard to change the rules on something like this mid-stream.
So I don't know what to do. And I hate the feeling that I'm going to have to take sides between my friends.
There's more than one of these dramas going on right now in this circle. One way or another, it feels as if the group is splintering. I just hate that.
I've been going to this thing for years. If I'm not there, my absence will be noticed and the gauntlet will pretty much be thrown. And either way, I'm afraid the party is spoilt for me now.
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4 comments:
Queens and drama,Drama and queens lol How often in our community has one group decided to ignore,exclude or ostrasize another person ,group or couple because of something silly? It's the main reason we have never acheived(and never will acheive )eguality.The men's men hate queens , the theatre crowd excludes non -theatre people,the church crowd downs the bar crowd,the mall crowd looks down on the jockey lot and thrift store folks ,the young ignore the older, the older resent the young. The thin want nothing to do with the bears ,the bears clique together and exclude people not sexually interested in them,couples act weird towards singles.Its been the same in all civilizations since time began,not likely to change, although , the african-americans did bond together and affect some change in thier condition( albeit they have splinter groups hateing too ) but havent been granted or acheived true Equality,Its the same with gays and lesbians ,they are human and must have someone or something to catagorize and resent in their own way and have turned on themselves.(Log Cabin republicans spring to mind, THAT, I just don't get but "to each... etc" ) Bar flys to tee-totalers ,theatre queens to drag queens,leather men and bears to twinks and PNP bois ,all think they have THE WAY and the answer. THINK .....SOUTHERN BAPTISTS.....THE CATHOLIC CHURCH.....MAO....THOSE SALEM WITCH FOLKS ....HITLER.....AND ALL THOSE NICE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD FOLKS WHO .......LET it happen and said NOTHING .Got to ask ,What's a sweet, wonderful, man like you going to do IN THE MIDDLE ?
Oh wow, Steve, I'm glad I don't run in your social circles. I wish I could give you advice, but what I'd do would certainly piss a lot of people off. ;-)
Well the bears tend to be less clique-ish than most, which is one of the reasons I feel more comfortable there.
This group, in the past, has been pretty egalitarian, which was one of the things I liked about it. But there are stress marks now about more than one issue, and it seems as if this circle is going to split over something, one way or the other.
I'm not sure yet what I'm going to do. It seems like whatever I do, someone's feelings are going to be hurt and they're going to be put out with me.
Yeah, you're a bit less diplomatic than I usually try to be. But then you don't have to be as diplomatic. One of the perks of having a less socially active (and hence, less complicated) life.
I'm just like saying (with all respect to Rodney King), why can't we all just get along??
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