Who I am, and what I want:

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"If love was a choice, who would ever choose such exquisite pain?" Anna and the King

My lover of six years and I ended our relationship in the fall of 2006. He moved out early in January 2007. Our relationship was a great life experience, and I learned a lot. But I'm not in stasis mode any more. It is time for me to get out there again. I would really like to meet a nice guy to go to dinner and movies with, or just hang out and snuggle on the sofa. Sex would be nice too. I’m lonely, but not desperate. I’m hoping to have someone to share my life with again, but if I do this again, I’m doing it right. I won’t go in to a situation that is wrong for me just because I’m lonely.

I embrace my sexuality as a vital part of my masculinity (translation – I’m a horn dog), but I don’t think it defines me completely. I try to be the best man I can be, which may or may not meet stereotypical expectations on a given day. I try to be a man of courtesy, compassion, and empathy. I try to make my part of the world a better place to be. My ultimate goal in life would be to have everyone I meet on this journey look back on our meeting as an enriching and positive life experience. I try to remember that it costs nothing to be kind. I try to be the man I AM, embracing all the facets of that person, and refusing to be forced into a box of societal expectation. Obviously, this is a pretty tall order, and on a good day, I hit it about 80%. On a bad day, I vow to try harder tomorrow. I am quick of temper, but quick to get over it.

I love gay people, and I love bears in particular, but the ‘cult of masculinity’ mentality troubles me. I love a hot scruffy guy in a flannel shirt as much as (or probably more than) the next guy, but I won’t demean someone or make someone feel unwelcome because they don’t look or act like a lumberjack. I like folks in general, and relish variety. My one criterion for my friends is that they don't bore me. In short, some of the bravest and toughest people I have known have been the nelliest, because they can’t duck when it’s convenient. It takes big brass ones to be out at the DMV on Monday morning. And I’ll get down off that soapbox now.

Obviously I am slightly opinionated. I smoke when I drink. I drink and smoke socially. I cuss way too much for a reasonably intelligent person.

I love bad movies, particularly at 4:20. I enjoy a broad range of music, but in general I have a limited tolerance for techno bar disco that sounds like Freddie Kruger’s heartbeat. I don’t do sad movies or books, because I’m too softhearted, and there is enough grief in life as it comes; I don’t borrow it. I love to read, and read both literature and crap. I enjoy bad books the way I enjoy bad movies.

I am unreasonably vain about my cooking. I don’t eat things that walk on land, unless they can express their appreciation for my having done so, but I really try not to be a obnoxious about it. I won’t lecture you about factory farming unless you ask.

Here are the things I have now figured out are crucial to me in a life partner:

- A sense of humor!! You must be able to make me laugh, the more the better; and you must get and appreciate my jokes, and just why I’m so incredibly witty.

- You must be a fundamentally happy person. Yes already. I expect you to be looking for someone to share a good life with, not someone to complete you or fix you.

- If you are looking for the perfect guy, please know that you have NOT found him. If you put me on a pedestal, I’m gonna fall off and hurt myself and probably you in the process. You should be looking for a real person, and be practical enough to know that I may ride in a white horse, but all that means is there’s a stable around somewhere that needs mucking out. If you can't deal with shit, you really don't want a relationship. I love romance, but hopeless romantics tend to be very disillusioned by reality and pragmatism. I need someone who can share and sustain love in the real world.

- You should truly relish intimacy. I am a toucher, and I like to be touched back, even outside the bedroom sometimes. You should be able to express and show affection in ways that are non-sexual also. You should not have a lot of stop signs on your body, and should be open to trying new things in the bedroom. If you like lovin in the morning PLEASE step forward!

- You should not be a jealous person. I am a shameless flirt and a very social person. You should be open to some level of an open relationship. I’m not going to be out running the streets all the time, but I refuse to base our man-to-man relationship on a model designed for straight people that doesn’t work for them half the time. If you want to know more about this, please IM me. I’ll be happy to go into more detail.

- You should be financially OK. I am not saying rich. I could care less if you have a vacation home or drive a new car. I’m saying that you should be employed, or employable, and have a financial plan for the future that doesn’t rely on winning the lottery. I'm a 40 year old Virgo, I need a man with a plan.

- You must be able to communicate effectively in a relationship. We should be able to talk about feelings and problems together, hopefully without too much yelling, and reach compromises, which we will both agree to and keep.

- You should be a fairly neat person. I like the place nice. Ideally, you like to work in the yard, cause I hate it.

- You need a have a face I can fall in love with. Of course, that is entirely subjective, and really no help.

Nice pics are great, but a nice guy who is a bit of a smart alek is going to get my attention.

I am a sucker for: men that make me laugh, beautiful eyes, a nice smile, a guy that knows the best sex starts in your brain, guys who post funny pics of themselves, a man who can carry on a conversation, and has read a book in the last 4-5 years. Oh, and if you have a fuzzy butt I can bounce a quarter off of, screw the chatting and just come to my fucking house.

Not much on: those who mistake inscrutability for depth, folks who take themselves too seriously, if you feel the need to put MASCULINE in your profile like 15 times in 3 paragraphs, guys who kiss with tight puckered mouths, men who use pics in their profiles that are apparently from high school or the womb, men who wear leather as a justification rather than an expression of who they are.