A brighter, if foggier, day dawns*

I woke up feeling so much better today. Part of it was probably the 10 hours of sleep I got last night. I was so tired when I got home that I just made some popcorn and went to bed.

I woke up to thick fog at 6am. I put in "Dreamgirls" again, and was blown away again. It is a miracle to me that Jennifer Hudson did that kind of performance in her first movie. The song that resonates with me though, is the "Listen" song that Beyonce Knowles does. Her character is mostly a pretty singing doll through most of the movie, and I really don't feel she was a lead. But she has that one scene. Appropriately enough for a singer, her character is defined by song. They gave her the mic and told her to let it all out - all the things she had been waiting to say that she hadn't said; and she blew me out of my seat, just as she did the first time. I of all people can understand living with someone who won't change and begging them to hear you, because you can see it all slipping away. I saw that movie shortly after Michael moved and that scene made a deep impression on me because I identified so strongly with what she was going through. My pain wasn't nearly as beautiful and artistic, but she was singing the way I felt.

Lordamercy, how gay am I?! Beyonce as a path to inner strength?! I guess whatever works.

I made coffee and sat on the porch and smoked and thought. I felt clean and good, and strong. Apparently I've been through another bad patch this week. I wish I knew how long this is going to continue. But I'm ready to get to my feet again. I guess that's the whole secret isn't it? Finding your strength, getting up, and going on.