A post in which it is a Happier New Year than I expect

I woke up feeling pretty crappy this morning. I've been trying to get better so I could go to Kimbley and Laura's party, but by noon I knew I just wasn't going to make it. I called Kimbley to cancel. I tried to keep my vacation trials to a minimum - they have their own problems right now to deal with - but some explanation was necessary. Kimbely was very nice about it, as I figured she would be.

I resigned myself to staying in. But I was pretty depressed about it. I have spent NYE home alone before. I've always hated this holiday even more than Christmas. But I love Kimbley and Laura's party, and having to miss it made me feel lonely and pitiful.

By afternoon, I was feeling some better. That was a good thing. I had an appointment to get my hair cut today, and after missing on the 23rd I really needed that haircut. I got ready a bit at a time, and went on in.

Of course Russ was talking about their NYE get-together at the house tonight. Just a couple of friends for some kind of take-away and a relaxing visit. I decided to go. I felt guilty about going there after canceling on Kimbely and Laura. But it wasn't like I intended to do this. This was much more low-key, there was somewhere inside to smoke (yes I know I shouldn't be smoking at all, but if I'm at a party I'm going to - much better to be somewhere I could smoke inside in the warm), and no one would care if I left before midnight. It just seemed like I could handle this.

Ben came, as did Miss Kat, dana, and Greg was up from Atlanta. And it was very nice, friendly and relaxed. The time went faster than I thought, and before I really knew it, it was after 11. I was feeling tired, but I decided to stay on to midnight to ring in the new year with friends. I did, and left shortly after.

So I got home and got to bed. I'm glad I went. Staying at home alone tonight would have just been too depressing.

A post in which my body just checks out for the day

Even after the nap yesterday, I slept through the night and most of the day today. I did some little jobs in between. I washed the wine glasses and wine rack and put them back up this morning. Fortunately they weren't that dirty and didn't have to be soaked. Then I had some breakfast and lay down. When I woke up it was almost noon.

I made some lunch, checked some stuff on line, put away yet more packing paper. I put the old valances from the bedroom in to wash (Justin wants them to quilt with), and lay down for a bit. When I woke up it was about 3pm.

I had to go to the drug store to get my prescription today (I've taken all the other antibiotics at the house), so I started gearing up to go out. I brushed my teeth and did my cat chores. Then I had to rest for a while. I took a shower and got dressed. I wanted to put it off again for a bit, but I had to get out and get back before the fever came on again - it's supposed to be really cold tonight. I felt OK. I got to the drug store and got my prescription and a heating pad (I wasn't going to be caught without one again). So yes, instead of buying beautiful antique glass today, I bought a heating pad. Oh how the mighty have fallen. Then I went on and got some take-away for dinner. Did I mention that I love my new car? Screw the outside, I know it has the aerodynamic styling of a guinea pig (I still love the color). The interior is great. It may not have the pick-up, but it looks like a space ship or something inside - and I am already completely spoiled to auto-climate-control. How did I ever live without it?

I came home and ate while I watched telly and fooled around online. My fever thankfully did not spike again tonight, but I had taken some ibuprofen before I went out, which may have headed it off. My big debate now is whether or not I will got to Kimbley and Laura's party tomorrow. I really want to go - I've only been to ONE holiday party this year. But I'll have to see how I feel. I've been putting off dealing with Epstein Barr until stuff was done, which was how I got into this shape. I have to get back to myself before I have to go to work. As suckacious as it is to have this on my vacation, it is good to have all the time I need to get better.

I have also been thinking about spending some time with Justin. I want to go off for the day with him. Friday would be perfect. However I feel tomorrow, I think I'll be OK on Friday. But Friday is New Year's Day, and I think everything will be closed (antique store close at the drop of a hat - most are owned by retirees). Saturday is the bear party, and if I'm going to that, I need to lay up and rest that day. That leaves Sunday. Not ideal to wear myself out right before I go back to work, but I am going to wring at least one day of fun out of this vacation if I possibly can.

A post in which I pay for pushing it

I woke up this morning feeling terrible. I wrote it off to smoking too much last night. After getting up, taking some ibuprofen, and having some coffee though, I felt better. It's my vacation, but thus far I haven't enjoyed it very much. It was another very full day today.

Because I'm pretty sure I have Eve's bronchitis, and because I run out of antibiotics today, I called the doctor and made an appointment to go in.

I also had tons of errands to run. There were loose ends to tie up from Christmas, from buying the car, and from cleaning out the house. I sat down to make a list while I was waiting for the window man to come. He was coming in today to fix the frame around the greenhouse window. I called Dana - she was coming over this morning to look at the wire before the window guy got here. I texted her when I got up, then called at 8. She had said to call her when I got up. I figured if they were true to form she would have plenty of time to get over here and have a look. She would have, but I didn't hear back from her.

While I waited, I finished putting the glass back in the cabinets. I got things together in groups and ready to go. By the time the window man got here, again at 10:30, I had everything organized. While they got to work I loaded the car and headed out. I took recycling again (I had all the paper from unpacking the glass), went and took some more stuff to Goodwill. I ate some breakfast and made some calls.

When I got back to the house they were still working. I did some peripheral things (trying to stay out of their way), and headed back out for a bit. There were other things I needed to do, but I went out as much to drive the car as to actually accomplish anything. When I got in, they were finishing up. The window sill looks great. When they walked out the door for the last time, I literally leaned against it and gave thanks. But I didn't have much time. I had to get cleaned up and get to the doctor.

The doctor was pretty good about my self-medicating over the holiday. I was expecting an earful. She said I definitely have an upper respiratory infection. I thought I would feel better after being on antibiotics for two days, but apparently not. She called in the rest of a course for me to finish up. She also warned me again about Epstein Barr. I haven't gotten over this episode because I'm not getting enough rest. That lowers my resistance, and means I'll pick stuff up easily. She sent me home to bed. She says if I don't get more rest I'm never going to feel better. Fair enough. I know I've been pushing it - my body has been telling me that - but I had to get the house back together. I have a day of antiquing scheduled tomorrow with Justin after we do the Pickens Flea Market. Then I'm resting all day Thursday before Kimbley and Laura's party.

I stopped and got a pizza on the way home. I got two compliments on the car today while I was out running around, which frankly surprised me. I don' think the car is that pretty, but apparently it is quite noticeable. That was kind of gratifying.

When I got home I ate some lunch and lay down. I wasn't feeling that bad now, but I told myself I would lay down for at least two hours. I took a little nap. When I woke up, about two hours later, I felt OK. I decided to go out and pick up some supper. I also decided to go by the mall. The company gave us gift certificates for See's Candy this year, and I wanted to go pick mine up. This was a completely superfluous trip. I was only going really to drive the car around some more.

When I got to the mall, I found that See's Candy has already pulled out for the year. I decided to walk around a bit anyway, just to check out the after Christmas sales and enjoy myself a bit. I didn't really need anything, but when I saw the Eddie Bauer store was closing, I went in and found a terrific pair of jeans for $26! They'll be perfect for NYE. I noticed, though, that my batteries seemed to be running down awfully fast. After a nap I should have been good to go, but I was feeling distinctly run down. I decided to head home. I was too tired to even stop for supper out. I went by the grocery store and picked up a few things and went home to eat.

I ate some salad (I haven't been eating enough veggies lately), and some Spicy Cheez-Its (they were on sale, OK? And they're indescribably delicious), then lay back to watch a little telly. I started feeling worse. Then I started getting cold. I wrapped up and realized I had a fever. I got chills. My feet were like blocks of ice. Whatever this is I have, it had settled in with a vengeance. I took some more Ibuprofen and realized that there was no way I would be able to go with Justin tomorrow. I was very disappointed. Then I realized that my phone was in the car. I had been charging it and left it in there.

I had to call Justin, but I was having chills already, and it was freezing outside. I lay back and waited for the fever to break, but it just didn't. Eventually, I knew I just had to go on out there. I wrapped up and got the phone. When I got back in I was shivering uncontrollably. I didn't think my feet would ever be warm. I don't own a heating pad, so I got an ice pack, filled it with hot water, and wrapped it up with my feet. After about an hour, I called Justin. I am SO pissed about missing tomorrow. There goes my ^&*&^%#!! vacation.

After I talked to Justin, I fell asleep for a while. I woke up about midnight, and decided to check my auction. The Insight, for some dildonic reason, doesn't come with floor mats standard. I had been bidding on a used set on eBay. I tuned in in time to watch the end of the auction, and to watch some douche try to outbid me during the last 30 seconds. I HATE those people. He didn't get my damn mats either. After paying for the mats, I went on to bed.

A post in which I hit the home stretch, and meet Gracine!

Today was going to be a big day. I was finally putting the glass back in the cabinets in the Green Room! I was very excited about that.

I started by sorting piles - Goodwill, trash, and recycling - then got out the boxes of glass that had been put away earlier. I have new glass from Dad to put in the gorgeous garden window in the kitchen as well. Justin had done a lovely job placing the glass for me the last time he did it, so I took pictures of the placement with my phone before I moved it all.

I was happily placing glass in the cabinets when the phone rang. It was the window people. They were asking about my satisfaction level, etc. I told them about the lateness, etc, and then we got to the garden window trim. I had been really debating with myself about saying anything at all. I was pretty close to just sending a check and calling it a day, but I knew it wasn't right. Still it looked good if you didn't touch it, and would make access to that wire easier for dana later when she wired the house. But since they called and asked, I started talking about it. The woman interrupted me, and said "Let me get Mr. Williams on the phone with you." He is the owner, and had personally quoted me because a woman I work with's husband used to work for him.

I started talking to him about what they had done. I finally just said, "Look. Your office is right around the corner. Come look at this work. If you would be happy with it in your house, I'll write you a check and that will be the end of it." He came by. He looked at it, and I explained that the rest of the work was really beautiful, but that I just wasn't happy with this finish. He tapped it, sighed, and said "Well I see why he did what he did, but I can also see why you're not happy with it. I'll come in first thing tomorrow, tear this out, and put wood in for you around the sill." So I was happy that it will be fixed and be right now, but I am inwardly groaning that I'm going to have workmen in the house again. It will be worth it in the long run, I keep reminding myself.

After he left, I was placing glass and planning my errands for when I got done. I was also waiting for a call from the dealership. My car was supposed to be ready around noon today. At 11:00 I couldn't stand it any more. I called Bob and asked what was going on. He had found one car, but turned it down because it had 600 miles on it. He said he had found another that was fresh off the truck, and was leaving to get it at 1pm. It would be ready by 5 or 6pm tonight. Although I was impatient, it was OK. I have more stuff to haul off, and this would give me time to do it in the Bomber so I wouldn't have to do it in my brand new car.

I was working away when the phone rang again, and I was called out on an errand of mercy. My house is really starting to look like my home again (only cleaner) and I am SO ready to have this done. Being in the home stretch is just maddening. But Miss Kat asked me a favor, and with all they have done for me I just couldn't refuse. I put down what I was doing, cleaned up, and headed out. I went by Miss Kat and dana's house and delivered my Christmas present to dana. She was very happy to get it.

After a brief visit with her, I headed back to the house. It was about 4, and I figured I had time to finish the last of the clearing-out on the Bomber and an errand or two before I went by to pick up the car. I was wrapping Russ and Billy's present (we had made plans to do Christmas and go to dinner tonight) when the phone rang. It was Bob. The car was ready!! I dropped everything and flew to the dealership.

I went through the usual signing my life away. That's to be expected. I finally got into the finance office, and the guy started his patter about one of the 500 convenient extended warranty options. After about fifteen minutes of this, I just interrupted him and said "Look. I know you have to do this, but I'm not buying any of this stuff. If you could bare-bones it for me, I would really appreciate it." Much to my surprise, he stopped, drew a line on the paper, wrote "Declined" on it, and had me sign it. I thought that was pretty funny. The car was finally mine! I went out with Bob to go through the programming class he is required to give, and was so excited I forgot the keys. We had to go back in for them.

An hour after I arrived, I drove off the lot in my beautiful new car!! I was so happy!

Gracine, my beautiful new car! A 2010 Honda Insight

I headed out, gleefully watching my gas mileage and just getting used to the new car. I had plans tonight, but I had to go by to show Dad the very first thing; he had been so much help in buying the car. I drove straight to the shop. He was fairly busy, but I just walked in and handed him the keys. He walked right outside with me and we went for a little test drive. He actually liked the car a lot more than he expected to. It is a good driving car, and still has that newness of course. He was impressed with the way it drove and the feel of it on the road. He said it didn't feel like a little car, although of course it is. He was absolutely delighted with the auto-shutdown. When you stop at a red light, the engine shuts completely off if the heat isn't running. Every time it did that he laughed delightedly - it was so funny. He was hoping we would get caught by red lights so it would shut down again.

It's not the perfect vehicle. I'm not thrilled with the looks of it (although I love the color - it's supposed to be sky blue, but actually has a blue-green shimmer in real life, like a light aqua-marine), the rear visibility isn't great, and it has the open cargo hold (I asked about a cover at the dealership - $200!!). There is a huge blind spot off the right rear, but it has correspondingly large side mirrors, which I'm going to have to get used to watching closely. But it drives well, and I love the inside of it, which is what I'm going to be seeing anyway. It's a very nice car, will run like a Honda, and I can afford it. I am a VERY grateful and happy ex-Chrysler owner.

Dad's test drive out of the way, I cheerfully ran all over town. I went to my house and picked up R&B's presents. I ran by and got Miss Kat's present also, which was the only one I hadn't bought. Then I went on to Russ and Billy's house. Miss Kat and dana came over as well, and we had a good visit. Russ had brought home some of his Aunts' fabulous holiday cakes for us to try. There was a decadent red velvet with a rich cream cheese icing and nuts. There were so many layers it was more properly a torte than a cake. There was also a gorgeous coconut cream cake that managed to be simultaneously light as air and deliciously moist. Miss Kat and dana had already eaten though, so we did Christmas with them before we left for dinner. Everyone seemed to like their gifts. I got a setting of BB's china from Russ and Billy, and pair of Stewie fleece pants that were very cute, and soft as love. Miss Kat and dana gave me a silver dollar and a gift certificate to Barnes and Noble - Yay! There is a Bette Davis DVD collection I've had my eye on since last Christmas that I'm going to get. I've been kind of waiting for Michael's present to get here before I go shopping, since he usually sends me movies.

Russ, Billy and I went to Portofino's, which thankfully was open tonight. That tortellini was every bit as good as I remember it being. After a lovely meal, we went back to their house and I visited for a while, but once again I was just too tired to stay late, and Russ has to work tomorrow. It's another long day tomorrow, but today has been a good one.

I went out to my new car. I had already thought she might be a Grace, but her name is Gracine. I always name my cars. They are almost always girls. The Bomber was the first boy car I ever owned (and it may have actually been a boi). I used to have a strict three syllable name rule. My Datsun years ago was Isabelle, and then there was my tan Nissan Tessie Truck. But I broke the three syllable rule when I got my next truck, which was Big Beautiful Burgundy Beulah (I just called her Beulah for short). And then of course there was the Blue Bomber.

Gracine sat, patiently waiting for me. Her stereo sang to me softly and beautifully as she carried me quietly home at 38.5MPG in the city. I think I could seriously love this car, faults and all. Because after all, nothing is perfect in life, right?

A post in which the work continues

The goal today was to get things cleaned out where furniture sat so I could put the furniture back in place. It's been torn up for a week now, and I'm starting to exhibit signs of schizophrenia.

But before I started on that I put one of the backed-up 8,000 loads of laundry in to wash. I did a couple of loads, and just kept the washer and dryer going all day while I worked. The cleaning and sorting took most of the day. I washed walls, floors, and the backs of furniture I can't move by myself. I finally cleaned out from under the bed, which has been needing to be done forever. Fortunately I had my grandfather's shotgun to threaten the rabid dust bunny civilization into the garbage. Dust bunnies is so stupid. They didn't know the gun wasn't loaded. I also cleaned out the long-neglected laundry room, which has been in a state of pure white trash squalor for quite some time. I can actually put the vacuum away now without it sitting on a wash of detritus and shoes.

When I got to the place, I called Miss Kat and dana to come help me move stuff and bless their hearts, they did. They came over and we put stuff back into place. By that time I was ready to sit down for a while. I knocked off for the day. This is supposed to be my vacation.

We had a good visit, and then they toddled off home.

Russ was due in today, so I called Billy to see what they were doing for supper. It turns out Russ was late though, so Billy and I went on to dinner. I wanted to go to Portofino's because I have had a fierce craving for their specialty tortellini all week, but they were closed for Sunday, as was Capri's. We went to Olive Garden. I'm not a snob about that place; some of their food is really tasty.

I'd had a light lunch, so by the time we got there I was ravenous. We ate the first bowl of salad in about two minutes, and called for more. Billy ate a little of it, but I finished most of the bowl. My entree was delicious, but I didn't finish it because we wanted dessert. They had a new dessert on the menu that is basically beignets (with less powdered sugar) served with a chocolate hazelnut sauce for dipping. They came to the table fresh, pillow-soft, and just almost too hot to eat. They were phenomenal. The sauce could have been better, but it was pretty good too, and the little pastries themselves were so good that it really didn't matter.

Stuffed to repletion, a wave of exhaustion just washed over me. I said goodnight to Billy, went home, and collapsed in the bed. I turned on the Fox Sunday night lineup, but I was asleep before Family Guy even came on.

A post in which I work my ass off on Boxing Day

I think the tradition on Boxing Day is that you clean out closets and stuff. If so, I truly observed it today.

I got up this morning with a mission. Every room in the house is torn all to hell, and I was determined to re-claim the living room in the name of some semblance of order. I thought if I could just get one room back it would preserve what's left of my sanity. But in the meantime, I felt pretty bad. I've been over-doing, plus I'm afraid I picked up Eve's bronchitis. Fortunately, I had the remainder of a round of antibiotics here. I took one, had some breakfast, and dug in to work.

I re-hung the blind in the living room, and then did the ones in the bedroom. I am finally done hanging %^$#@!! blinds! I feel like that's all I've done for a week now. I had to take them all down for the window people, then put up temporaries in the bedroom, then go buy the new ones, then install them all. I took a moment for personal triumph and sat down to drink a glass of water. Then I got right back to work.

Before I could start cleaning, I had to get all the crap out of the floor and out of the piles all over everything. The goal was to get everything I could out of the house to start. I started sorting. Garbage out first. I usually only put out a 15gal bag every other week, but I filled the bin up today. Then I sorted the recycling and Goodwill piles. I loaded up the car as full as it would possibly go and hauled that load off. Then I came back home and started cleaning.

I decided while everything was torn all to hell anyway I might as well deep clean the half of the living room that was torn up. That took most of the day. I washed walls, wiped everything down, and then scrubbed the floor by hand. When all that was done, I took a breather and drank a cup of soup I had started in the crock pot yesterday.

I called Billy. I was supposed to go to his place last night to watch The Christmas List, which he had recorded for me, but we got back too late. We had put that off to this afternoon. He was going to the movies with his sister today, which worked out fine. While they did that, I got cleaned up and finished putting the living room back together.

By the time I finished all of that, I was feeling pretty rough. I know the feeling now when Epstein Barr is kicking my ass, and I had it. I had to knock off for the day. I turned on telly, took some ibuprofen, wrapped up in my big new Slanket, and lay my ass down for a bit.

By the time Billy called me after the movie, I was feeling better. I headed over there and we went out for sushi. That was what he wanted, and it was my thank you dinner to him after all. I can pretty much eat sushi anytime, and it was excellent. Ben and Billy's sister went with us. I had met her before, and really like her. She is super nice. We had a lovely meal, and then they took off. Billy and I put on our jammies and settled in to watch the movie he recorded for me, covered in puppies. That movie is cheesy and lame, but I love it anyway.

By the time that was over, we were both ready for bed. I went home, walked gratefully into my intact living room, and then made my way through the destroyed bedroom to hit the hay. I took a moment to admire the finally completed new blinds before I turned off the light.

A post in which it is Christmas

I had set the alarm for 5:15 this morning, but didn't need it. I was up twice last night, and then again at 4:30. This is the worst sustained bout of insomnia I have ever had. I just decided to make use of the time. I wanted to wear my new hoodie today, but it hadn't been washed. So I put in a load of laundry and had some coffee and a coupla smokes. By the time I got ready and all it was dry.

Before I left the house, I decided to triumphantly pull the brand new living room blinds up for the day, only to have one of them land at my feet when I pulled the string. I guess that one will have to be re-mounted.

It was a nasty, wet, drippy, freezing day. Fortunately I had packed my gifts in a big plastic storage tub last night for transport. I was supposed to be at Dick and Eve's in time to leave by 7am. They wanted to get to Chapin in time to see Ava open her Santa gifts. Usually Eve is a real stickler for time, and I was expecting a call on the way over because I was running about 10 minutes late - but no call. When I got to the house, they were still getting ready. Dad was in the shower still. So I just hung out, drank more coffee, and talked to her while she got ready. Her bronchitis sounded terrible, but she said she felt OK.

Eventually we got the car loaded and headed out. The SUV was so full of presents Dad had to drive by the side mirrors. Lisa had really knocked herself out to make a vegetarian breakfast that Dad could eat - he is on a very restricted diet right now. But Eve has to have something to drink at all times. She drinks tons of diet soda. I was the same way when I drank it. I think that nutra-sweet makes you more thirsty or something. Anyway, we stopped at Hardee's for a drink. I reminded them that Lisa was making breakfast, but they both ordered food anyway. Dad had a loaded omelet biscuit. It was Christmas. I just didn't say anything. He has lost 18lbs at this point, but I'm wondering if he's going to start slacking off again.

Eve, packed in among the presents

We got to Lisa's house about 9:30. Remarkably Ava was still sleeping, but of course the commotion soon woke her and she remembered it was Christmas. While Lisa started her opening gifts, I put the strata together for breakfast and got it in the oven. None of her family are morning people - even the baby. But by the time I got the food in, they'd had their coffee and were starting to officially wake up. Christmas began in earnest.

I made out like a bandit for presents. I didn't get anything this year I didn't like. Cole gave me a sparkly ball to play with at my desk. They had given one to Ava for her birthday and I'd had a fit for it, but had forgotten all about it. Lisa picked out a cha-cha cake server for me in the shape of a high heel for Ava to give me; not something I would have bought for myself, but it's much. Dad got me the butter dish, salt and pepper shakers, and the bread plates to match my set of Depression glass. That finishes everything I wanted for the set! Eve got me a huge lavender Slanket. It was really nice - it's big enough to wrap around my feet. She had gotten one for everyone this year and had their names embroidered on them, but on mine she had "MrThing" embroidered on!! I got a huge kick out of that. Lisa and Carl gave me a dinner plate in BB's Wedgwood pattern, which was great. It was a lovely Christmas.

Everyone seemed to like what I got them. Dick and Eve seemed to genuinely like the antique wrought iron door stop I got them, or if they didn't they were really nice about it. They put it on the hearth when we got home. Cole's boxing gloves fit, to my relief. Lisa was happy to get her blender, and it didn't seem to bother her that it was white (her kitchen is done in black and brushed steel, which I hadn't thought about when I found it).

Ava loved the kitchen set that Dick and Eve bought her. Eve had gone to a lot of trouble getting pretty much everything you could think of to go with it. There was a complete set of metal child's cookware a including colander and wok, utensils, dishes, cups, etc. She played and played. Lisa had gotten her a little table and chairs with (amazingly) a tablecloth and napkin set that had a good bit of pink in it. When we finished opening gifts, Ava took the monkey pajamas I had given her to Carl and insisted that he put them on her. She then took all the linens from the table, laid them out carefully on my back (I was lying in the floor) and arranged a picnic tea party all around me in the floor. It was very cute.

Ava playing at her little table in the monkey jammies I gave her. She was far too intent to look at the camera.

Cole is apparently a serious guitar player. He got a new electric guitar that was fairly intimidating. He tuned it up and played with it for a while, then spent the rest of the afternoon trying to tune up the beginner guitar they got for Reagan to limited success. The strings that came on it weren't very good.

We spent the afternoon visiting, talking, and just enjoying Christmas. The house was beautiful, and it was obvious Lisa had put in a lot of time cleaning and decorating. It was very relaxing and enjoyable. It was a good Christmas. We ate dinner around 7. Carl had grilled a delectable salmon, and Lisa made a variety of vegetables and a brown and wild rice medley to go with it in deference to Dad's diet. We had ambrosia salad for dessert.

But eventually, it was time to hit the trail. I was tired. I haven't slept through the night in two weeks now, and I was feeling it. Plus I have overdone for the last couple of days.

Dad said a prayer of thanks for the great day and the visit with the family; then spent the next half hour trashing Paul and Cindy. Eve cried because she hadn't heard from Brenden. Dad had been pretty good all day today, but he just can't maintain that level of amicability for such a sustained amount of time. When we pulled in to the house, he castigated Eve roundly for not having hauled off the trash this week, of all things. Never mind that she's had Christmas to organize, has been working at the shop during the busiest season, and has been sick. I apologized to her, and helped him load the trash into his truck to haul off tomorrow. He had several employees call in for tomorrow, which will be very busy because customers will be redeeming the gift certificates their wives got them.

By this time, I was whooped. It's been a long day. I went home, brought more stuff into my completely trashed house, and collapsed into bed. Merry Christmas everyone!

A post in which it is Christmas Eve*

Not that I took that much notice of it.

I did have my morning guy come by this morning. That was another little present for myself. Apparently I have been pretty damn good this year.

My goals today were to get my car if I could, to get the computer back up, and to get my presents wrapped for tomorrow.

I worked cleaning up the green room to clear out where I could set the computer back up. When I put it back together, it didn't work. I was very upset. I called Michael, thinking that he could walk me through whatever I had done wrong, but he couldn't. He was very patient, but it was morning (not his best time) and he had to catch a flight to Florida today to see his family. I was more upset when we got off the phone. I texted Billy. I knew he would be sleeping in, and didn't want to wake him.

I was up twice last night, so I was really still tired. After breakfast I was still sleepy, so I went back to bed. They called me from the dealership about 11 to tell me that they wouldn't be able to get my car to me until Monday. I was pretty bummed about that, but I'm off work, so I'll be able to go get it as soon as it is ready. That was somewhat cheering.

I got up and called Billy. No answer. I have all this financial stuff going on this week, and I really needed to get online to balance my checkbook. Trying not to panic, I had started to straighten up the house a bit when he called me back. Sweetheart and saint that he is, he said he would come over and take a look.

The house is a disaster. It's making me nuts. But I can't really start putting anything back together until the blinds are taken care of. Because of the way the new windows are mounted, my old blinds wouldn't go back up. That was fine with me, it was a good excuse to get rid of them. (I hate washing blinds almost more than buying a car, and they were filthy. But I would have had to do it if they would have gone back up because I would have felt wasteful throwing them away.) Eve had suggested that I get some of the new bigger blinds that are made to look like old Venetian blinds from the 50's. I decided that sounded like a good idea. Since I just spent a fortune on new windows, I really want to show them off. So while I was waiting for Billy, I ran to Home Depot and bought $200 worth of blinds. I blew the smoke off my Visa card, went home, and got to work.

Billy got there shortly after I got home, and I worked on blinds to keep from pacing and acting nervous so he had room to work. He couldn't get the computer working either. Although this made me feel less stupid, it also upped the alarm level that a professional IT guy couldn't get it to work. I was envisioning a Christmas vacation completely cut off from the world, and not happy about that.

Eventually, we decided that the modem/router was the problem. Billy had his laptop with him, and found one that would work at Best Buy. So off we went to the shopping center on Christmas Eve. I was reminded of last year when I had to go buy a DVD player on Christmas Eve. Only this was much worse. The parking lot was so full I didn't think we were going to be able to find a space. Inside was a mob scene.

The one Billy found online cost about $90. We couldn't find that one in the store. After looking for a while, Billy told me the one he found that would work was $100. I told him that I didn't care about $10. I was very mindful that it was Christmas Eve. If the cost of getting out of there faster was $10 I was willing to pay it. We went to the front of the store, and got in the long, snaking line. It looked forever long, but it actually only took us about 20 minutes to get to the register. Where the $100 thing rang up for $182. I was like "excuse me"... Turns out the part was in the wrong place on the shelf. So we went back again. Billy enlisted the help of a very busy salesperson, who fortunately knew exactly where to find what we needed. It was $106. We never did find the one that Billy saw online. After fortunately being able to bypass the forever long line, we triumphantly checked out - then had to get out of the parking lot. Whoever designed this parking lot had parents too closely related. It was a nightmare. We finally got out after about a half hour. Getting home after that was nothing. I hung the Visa out the window for a bit on the way home to cool it back down.

I got back to work on blinds, and Billy went back to work on the computer. He worked and worked and worked. He eventually did get everything working again. I am insanely grateful. He spent of four hours today fooling with that. He wasn't able to cook the dish he had agreed to take to his family's Christmas tonight because he spent too much time with me. Friends like that are worth their weight in diamonds. Unfortunately I can't afford that (particularly after this week), but I'm going to buy him dinner, anyway.

So Billy went on to do his family stuff, and I kept working. I had finished the blinds in the study and put up valances in there while he did computer stuff. I had some valances that my mother gave me a couple of years ago that a woman she works with made. She didn't like them, so gave them to me. They aren't what I would have chosen, but they were free and all the work was already done. They look pretty good. I haven't had any window treatments in the study since I've lived in the house, so it was high time.

After all this, I was pretty worn out, but the house looks so bad I felt compelled to go on for a bit. I hung the blinds in the living room, washed the valances, and hung them up to dry tonight. Then I decided I had done what I could do for today. I took a long scalding-hot shower, put on my jammies, and ate some supper. It was kind of piece-meal since I haven't gone to the store this week, but that was fine.

Then I turned on telly and wrapped the gifts for tomorrow. While I was doing it, I finally let myself watch Muppet Christmas Carol. I'd been saving it as an incentive to wrap gifts, but I still ended up wrapping them at the last minute. That done, I picked through my ruined house and gratefully lay my body down. I have a long day tomorrow.

A post in which the car stuff is resolved - definitively

As are my window issues, mostly.

I was up early this morning (I still haven't slept through the night). I went on outside and wiped down the interior of the car. It looks better right now than it has in a year. I figure if I can't get a deal worked out tonight I may keep it after all.

I got ready for work, herded the cats into the back room, and waited for the window man to show up. And waited. And waited. I'd had a conversation with him about Monday, and explained that I really couldn't be so late to work again. He had told me he understood, and that he would be here today "first thing". Apparently I should have been more specific about what his idea of first thing entails. I started calling him at 9am. I got him on the phone about 10 minutes later. "Did I tell you I would be there now?" he asked, seemingly bewildered. I explained that he had, and reminded him about our conversation, and my need to be at work on time today (even though it was already too late for that). "I can be there in 45 minutes for sure." he said. Nice.

An hour later, he rolled in. As I headed for my car, his wife/girlfriend/whatever came up to me and said "I have to apologize to you personally. It's my fault we're so late. I didn't get a shower last night, and I just had to have one before we came today." There are few times in my life when I am speechless, but this was one of them. I'm standing there, basically just amazed that she would use a personal hygiene issue to be late to work. But then I quickly thought a) it's the day before Christmas; b) I'm about to leave this woman in my house for the day; and c) hopefully I will never have to see any of them again anyway. Getting ugly wouldn't have resolved anything - this was almost over. I wished them a pleasant Christmas and left for work.

I had already set up my desk to run while I was gone, so there really wasn't much for me to do today anyway. The main reason I wanted to be there on time was to make my boss happy, and all things considered, he has been pretty laid back this week. I guess it's the pre-Christmas thing or something. Whatever it is, I'm grateful for it. Work went smoothly, until close to the end of the day, when I was trying to get Canada's numbers from them to finish the weekly slides (yes they had to be done this week, my boss is addicted to them). I begged all afternoon, but their stuff is always late (despite the extra time they've been given), and apparently they had all decided to take the day off. I was panicking because I couldn't stay late today - I was meeting my dad and his friend at the dealership at 6pm; but after being two hours late today (plus being off for nine days in a row starting tomorrow), I couldn't really insist on leaving on time. My entreaties elicited no response at all. Eventually, my boss just told me to distribute the stuff without their comments. I gratefully did, and left.

When I got to the dealership, my dad's friend Steve was there. He recognized the bomber, and enthusiastically waved me over. He introduced me to the sales guy we would be using, who was a former employee of his, and purportedly a super nice guy, honest as the day is long, etc. Yeah right, he's a car salesman for crying out loud. Anyway, he seemed nice enough and we went to test drive the Insight, which I had yet to sit down in.

It's a nice car. It drives pretty much like a regular car. The dash is very cool. There's enough headroom in it, and the rear visibility wasn't a huge problem for me. There is a good amount of engine noise when you accelerate on the highway, but when you get to cruising speed it quiets down. It's a nice car. The body style is not my favorite, and I hate the open hatch in the back. I'm going to get one of those "window shade" type covers to go over it inside. I'm not in love with it the way I was with the Bomber before I bought it, but this is a very nice car, and my first Honda. It gets great gas mileage, has great warranty/guarantees on it, and I'm sure it will be reliable, which is the important part. I can go wherever I want without worrying if it's going to die on me, and I don't think I will have all the problems with this one that I had with the Bomber after I bought it (crossing fingers). I love everything about the Bomber but the engine. Unfortunately, that is a key part. So I guess I'm putting away childish things. The Bomber was kind of a mid-life crisis car anyway.

So then we get to the buying part. I would usually pretty much lick Rush Limbaugh's feet than buy a car. I'd rather do almost anything else. But I didn't have much to do here. Steve is a pro, and has been on the other side. About the time the back-and-fourth started Dad showed up too, so I just let them do it. That was really fine with me. Turns out the price the other dealership had made me yesterday was on the base model, and I needed the EX because it comes with cruise control. I'm not giving up my cruise. The EX is about $2k more than the base model. It wound up that I got the EX for about $600 more than the base model I had priced. I think I probably could have worked the same deal at the other dealership if I had been prepared to go over there and sit for five hours and leave and stuff. We bought this car in 90 minutes. That is from driving on the lot to driving off. That to me was TRULY impressive. So if for nothing else than sheer lack of aggravation, it was well worth enlisting Dad's help. They're going to try to get the car for me tomorrow, but I'm to have it by Saturday at the latest. Of course they had to get one from another dealership, but if I'm going to pay the ridiculous amount for a new car, I'm gong to get the color I want. I'm firm on that.

Dad invited me back for dinner. I've spent a lot of time with them this week (and I have more to go at Christmas). Dad and I get along better when we see less of each other, but he's done so much for me there was really no way to say no. So I went. Eve, who was fine on Monday, looked like death warmed over tonight. She was careful to tell me that she was antibiotics, but of course she hadn't been on them when we went out Monday night. Plus she prepared all the food. I'm supposed to watch myself around sick people because Epstein Barr lowers your immune response, and my neck is still somewhat swollen. I haven't been able to slow down enough to really get well - there's just too much going on. But I guess it was too late now anyway.

So we had a nice meal, and related tales of daring-car-buying-do. It was a pleasant evening.

I returned home to view my finished windows. They are beautiful. There is only one problem. The beautiful garden window over the kitchen sink - the one I was really excited about. They had issues fitting it to the sill, and with the power that for some reason ran down between the windows. They had to re-box the sill, which was fine. But they did it with aluminum siding. It looks great, it's beautiful work, but when you touch it it feels cheap and trailer-esque. I can't see being able to ripen tomatoes on the sill and stuff, as I regularly do in the summer. I'm not happy about that. I'm not supposed to pay them until I'm 100% satisfied. But I'm weighing that against a) the future wiring I need to have done; and b) having to deal with the hassle of letting the crew in the house and all again. Sigh.

The Greenhouse window

A post in which I deal with car sh&!t

I spent most of today going back an forth places.

I got to work in the Bomber, which today was running like a top. That is usually what it does after one of the episodes. But I'm worried about being able to go where I need/want to go over Christmas. If it breaks down over the holiday I'm going to be stuck. So I called the dealership as soon as I got to work today to find out if they were open, and if they could fix the car. They are closed after tomorrow, and asked that I bring it in immediately so they had more time to look into things. I called Eve, met her at the dealership, dropped my car, went to their place, and picked up Dad's huge diesel dually. It is about two and a half times the size of my car. I was fine driving, but nervous about parking it. Fortunately a lot of people are off this week, so the parking lot at work was not as crowded as usual.

I went on in and went back to work. The dealership woman was supposed to call me after the diagnostic on the car was run to tell me what was wrong. About 2:15, I still hadn't heard anything. I called and was told that the problem was a cam-sensor, whatever the hell that is, and that it was causing the engine to skip. She then told me I needed front brakes, a throttle flush, a brake system flush, etc etc etc. I told her to do what it needed, and asked for a total. $950.00 (!!) At first I was so stunned, I just kind of was like "Yeah. OK. Um. Fine." I was seeing my profit-sharing winging cheerfully away. Then I called Dad to ask what a cam-sensor was. He was not sure, but said it sounded like I was being screwed.

I called the woman back to talk to her about the bill. She immediately knocked $100 off when I questioned it, which told me that it was padded out the ass. We ran through the list of work. It turns out they wanted $210 to put front brake pads on, and most of the other repairs were comparably, and ridiculously, priced. That made me mad. Big O Dodge tried to screw me years ago on a small truck they had, and I've never forgotten it. But my Dad knew a man who used to work there, and later talked me into buying a truck from them. It was a used Nissan, and I drove it for 10 years, so I couldn't complain about it, although I never took it to them for service. This brought it all back with a vengeance. I was really pissed. I told them to stop all work and went immediately to the truck. I drove over, paid my bill ($100 just to diagnose the problem, plus an oil change), and took my key. I told them they'd enjoyed the last dime of my money that they would ever see. I meant it.

Then I started thinking about what I was going to do. Dad says he knows a man that can fix it, but this is a major repair for a car that is only four years old. If this is now, what's next? I've been thinking about trading it for a while, but the last time I looked about doing it I couldn't find a dealership that would pay it off. I decided to do some checking. I've been looking at hybrids, so I already knew pretty much what I wanted - a Honda Insight. True, it is a first year model, and it doesn't come with a manual transmission, which I will miss. But it's a good, practical, reasonably-priced car, and sounds like what I want. If I was going to buy a first year model, Honda is the company I would buy it from. Plus the Prius is just eaten up with ugly (in addition to being much more expensive), plus Toyota of Greenville left a bad taste in my mouth the last time I tried dealing with them anyway.

So I called a Honda dealership I'd heard good things about, and asked for a quote. I let them run my credit, and basically just told them I wanted them to pay off my car and take it, and make me their best offer on the car I wanted. After some hemming and hawing they did, although I wasn't terribly impressed with the offer. I told them I would sign the papers today though, if they'd knock another $1,000.00 off the price; this mainly because they'd offered to take the Bomber off my hands. They demurred. I wished them well and rung off.

They called back in about 15 minutes to knock $500 off. I was sorely tempted. But I knew that they weren't giving me anything for my car (despite tortured Dealership Math to the contrary), and hadn't made me a terribly impressive price on the new one. I told them I would think about it, and called Dad to ask what he would do. As usual Dad was convinced that I have no idea what I am doing, and he could do much better. He said we would talk about it tonight when they took me to pick up the Bomber.

At dinner that night, we discussed it. We looked at Nissans because he knows a guy that works there, but Nissan isn't making anything I want right now. Their only hybrid starts at $27K, which I just can't afford. Eventually, he called a friend of his who used to work in the car biz. He is retired now, but hangs out with a guy who works at a local Honda dealership. Eventually, we negotiated that Dad's friend would meet us at the lot tomorrow night, get in touch with his friend at the dealership, and see what they could work out. When Dad dropped me off at my car, he said he would come too. Really, I am totally OK with that. It would suit me fine if he just went and bought it and called me to sign the papers. He used to do that when I was younger, and it was fine with me, but I never knew what he was going to come home with. Dad was a camel trader in a former life or something; he seems to really relish the process. I'm glad someone does. I loathe buying a car the way I loathe Rush Limbaugh's every hypocritical, misogynistic, homophobic breath.

So tomorrow night should be interesting. There will be three of us (not counting Dad's friend's friend who works at the dealership) trying to buy a car. It's a win/win for me. Either I get a super price on the car, which suits me fine; or I will know that from now on, I can ignore that "you got SO shafted" look Dad gets on his face whenever I buy a car, in perpetuity, with impunity. It's put up or shut up time. I'm really actually interested to see how this shakes out.

On Dad's instructions I stopped on the way home, at 9pm, in the freezing weather, and cleaned out the inside of the car. I gave it a good vacuuming. I should have time to wipe down the inside while I'm waiting for the return of the window man in the morning. Then I'll run it through the car wash on the way to work. If you're going to do a trade, always better to have the car looking as good as possible. I have put myself in the hands of the master. I wouldn't do that and then ignore his advice.

A post in which the window man cometh - eventually

The first pictures of the new windows...

I was up bright and early to do the last of the jobs before the window man got to the house. I scooped bewildered cats into their carriers and dropped them, protesting, at the vet. That would take care of them for the day. Then I went home, got ready for work, and prepared to let the window people in so I could leave. I waited. And waited. I was told that the crew would be there between 8:00 to 9:00. At nine, I called the window place. No answer. I eventually got an answer about quarter after, and was told that a truck had been late coming in. The crew would be there between 9:30 and 10:30. I had already told Alan that I would be late and he had been pretty good about it, but I now had to call and explain the delay. He was non-committal, but I know him well enough to know he was not Best Pleased. But there wasn't much I could do about it.

I had just called the office again, at 10:35, when they pulled in, over my flowers again. I have to say, I was not very impressed with the crew. It was a rather unimpressive-looking man, a woman who appeared to be his wife/girlfriend/whatever, and what appeared to be their son, who looked to be about 15. This after I had been told (during the sales pitch) that I didn't want to trust my windows to a "handyman", and that installing windows at this point was something that you needed a skilled person to do correctly. But the man had a good handshake, and an air of competence (I seemed to feel, perhaps a tad optimistically). He assured me confidently that the delay in getting there would pose no problem in completing the job today. I swallowed my reservations, went to work, and just tried to not think about it.

I had asked him to call me if there was going to be an extra day needed or anything because I would have to make arrangements to board the cats (their rules are that you aren't supposed to have any animals in the house while they are there), but he assured me this would be unnecessary. I thought they might give me a call when they got through (I had left my cell number in case they needed me), but I heard nothing. I tried to think that "no news was good news", but there was a seed of unease deep within me. That unease grew as I made the journey home.

I soon had more than one reason for it, however. The car started acting up again. It began bucking down the road shortly after I left work. That's the best way I can describe it. It feels like the clutch is dis-engaging and re-engaging. It's done this before, but this is the worst episode I've had. Usually it only does it for a minute or two, but this was more than one episode. I tried stopping and re-cranking it, but that didn't help this time. I made it to the vets and got the cats. I promised the Bomber that if it would just get me home I would take it to the dealership tomorrow. Of course this would happen right at Christmas. The worst possible time.

I made it home, engine light on all the way, to find the crew still at the house, wrestling with the garden window in the kitchen. I had been afraid they would leave this job for last, and my fears appear to have been founded. All the windows were in except for that one. They apparently could not get it seated properly, and there was much cursing and running in and out of the house going on. They had called in another guy, but things didn't seem to be going well.

I had planned to take Eve out to dinner and to see Donnie's Christmas tree tonight as a treat. I had already called her to ask her to drive. I now had to call and apprise her of the window situation. We agreed to go on to supper, and drop back by the house afterwards.

We went to Capri's. We both love Capri's. Our family has been eating there for years and years. Both Eve and I pre-date the manager there. The food was as good as ever, and we enjoyed the meal. I got a call during supper from the window man. They were knocking off for the night, job un-finished. He said he is booked tomorrow as well, but can come back on Wednesday. So that's two more days that the kitchen has be torn up. But I'd rather have it done well than done quickly. What could I say? Of course I said that was fine.

We went back by the house, let the cats out, locked up, then headed for Greer. Eve has never seen Donnie's tree, although my Mother has been to his house with me for several of his big Holiday Extravaganzas. As I thought, the tree reminded her of her father's huge one he used to put up every year. Poppy (her father, not my Mother's father - sorry I know this is confusing) was really IN to Christmas. Their house always looked like something out of a picture book during the holidays.

We had a nice visit with Donnie, complete with a tour of the house and of course the new wine cellar. Eve liked Marty and fell in love with Donnie, as people do. It was nice for us to go off and spend a little time together. It made me feel good to do something special for her after the difficulty last week.

She dropped me at the house and I picked through the remains of my house getting ready for bed. They had apparently broken some of the old windows getting them out. There was broken glass all over the kitchen and bathroom, which I found out after slicing my foot open. I should have known better, I suppose, but I had seen the wife sweeping out the house earlier. I patched my foot and swept the floor. I admired the windows a bit, and hung blinds back in the bedroom. My old blinds aren't going to work because of the way they were mounted, but that's a good excuse to get rid of them. Fortunately I had some spare blinds from when Mother bought her patio home. I put them up and went to bed. I'm dreading seeing to the car tomorrow. Sigh. Yet another thing to deal with. I'm really tired of having more stuff to deal with. Living in downtown Baghdad isn't helping. I have to keep reminding myself that this is temporary. I hate living in disorder. It's very depressing to me. It reminds me of when Michael was getting ready to leave, among other things. But it will be wonderful when it is over.

A post in which I pay for my hedonism*

I woke up about 7am this morning feeling like the floor of a camel tent. Ugh. I was also starving. Unusually, I usually want to eat when I'm hung over, and the fattier and more unhealthy the food the better. Fortunately I had my leftovers from lunch yesterday, which were satisfyingly greasy and full of artery-hardening goodness. I scarfed them down with actual exclamations of appreciation and went back to bed.

When next I opened my eyes it was 10:45am - YIKES! I had all the packing up to do today. Every bit of it.

I dragged myself to the couch. I didn't feel terrible, but I was really, really drug out. Extremely tired. After sitting up for a while, I got to work. I would pack a while, and would then have to sit down for a while. But it had to be done. It was my fault for putting everything off until the last minute (not to mention partying so hard last night). I just had to bear down and do it. So I gritted my teeth and got on with it.

Eventually I got to the point that I needed dana to come over, and as soon as she got my message she did. It is so great to have friends you can rely on. We moved the big pieces of furniture out of the way and visited for a bit.

When she left I finished up the last of the little odds and ends, moving them all out of harm's reach, hopefully.

I did manage to round up a buddy to come by for a bit, and that made me feel a little better.

The house is destroyed. I had to unhook the computer because it was under a window, so the internet is down. I am totally disconnected from the world (except for the cell phone) at home for the first time in eight years. It feels very surreal. Even my phones had to be unplugged and moved. The house looks like those pictures you see of homes after the tornado leaves, only the roof is still on it.

By the time I got done though, I was really too tired to care. I brushed my teeth and crawled to the bed.

A post in which I am selfish

Well one of my Christmas ideas I was most looking forward to fell flat this morning. I was going to get a gag gift for Miss Helen, and got up early to go down to Anderson to get it. Unfortunately, I guess because of last night's weather, a lot of the vendors hadn't shown up - including the one I needed to see. I was very disappointed. I kicked myself for not buying what I wanted months ago - I knew I was going to do this last Christmas. Why I put it off is a mystery to me.

Since I was down there anyway, I wasted time walking around to see what was there - precious little. The day had turned off pretty, if cold, and there were plenty of people out there shopping, but there wasn't much to choose from. I headed on back to the house eventually to get ready to go shopping with Justin.

One of the nice things that happened last night was that Justin and I emailed and set up plans today to go antiquing at a place called Anne's Antiques. I had always meant to go in there, but never quite gotten around to it. But before we could leave, we did Christmas presents first. I knew Justin was dying to open his. He knew what it was before he opened it, and it was big hit. I got him a Cherry Blossom sandwich tray like mine - it has long been one of his favorite pieces in my collection. I kind of dodged a bullet there, because he was just convinced that was what I had gotten him, although I thought I had played it really cool. He told me he would have been disappointed if that hadn't been what it was, so I was really glad I got the right thing!

I was also finally able to get the Official Justin OK on my boat shoes - they passed muster. We then had a confab about the bedspread. He was very good about helping me to focus and make a decision. I ordered the new one online before we left the house. It is the most I have ever paid for a bedspread, but hopefully it will be correspondingly beautiful. I think it will coordinate with my valance fabric Mother gave me, and I should be able to pull some colors I like out of it to re-paint the bedroom. There are a lot of different colors to choose from (crossing the fingers).

I wish I had gone to Anne's before today. The woman working there was very nice, they had a nice inventory, and many of the prices weren't outrageous. We went over to pick up some soup bowls Justin had found that matched his pattern. While we were there, we of course walked through, and I found some blue Bubble Glass. You can see the first piece I bought (I have posted pictures of this pattern numerous times). It is just going from there at this point. Today was quite a coup - four dinner plates and a saucer, and not insanely priced. I snapped those right up, along with a Cloverleaf saucer. I love that pattern, but don't see it very often. It tends to run high, but this saucer was reasonable. $3 I could live with.

Cloverleaf saucer in green by Hazel-Atlas, circa 1930-1936

I was pretty happy about the visit to Anne's, and had told Justin that we would just go to that store. I was trying to be careful no to over-do because I have Christina's graduation party tonight. Since I haven't been to a single holiday thing I was really looking forward to it. But on the way to lunch we had to ride right by Southern Estates. We went in there just for a run-through, and I was glad we did! I found a Princess vase that I decided I couldn't live without, and bought yet another ash tray. I really have to stop buying ash trays. I can't believe I went out and bought more glass, since I'm going to have to pack all of it for the window people to come. I also felt kind of guilty buying a bunch of stuff for myself for Christmas, but I have already done my Christmas shopping (except for one present - an idea for Miss Kat continues to elude me). Justin told me he didn't think I should feel bad.

Princess Vase in green by Anchor Hocking, circa 1931 - 1935

We left there and out for a Mexican lunch. Mexican has become kind of a habit with us when we are out antiquing. It was very nice, but by the time we were done, I was flagging. I had overdone it. I got in and lay down on the couch for a nap. I knew I was going to need some rest to go to the party tonight. I put off all the packing up for tomorrow, so that should be an adventure. But I don't have anything else planned, and lunches are done for next week, so I should be OK. Hopefully.

I napped for a while, and woke up feeling like crap. But after I stirred around for a bit I felt better. I just laid up on the couch and played on the computer until it was time to get ready. By the time I got done, I felt OK. Not great, but OK. I was determined not to miss this party.

Nicole had called because we had talked about riding together, and she came on to the house. We had a hilarious time actually just getting there, jetting in and out of stores to do stuff at the last minute, since neither of us was really prepared to go. I got there in a better mood than I had gotten ready to go.

Donnie was there, and I got to give him his gift, a silly Christmas ornament I had gotten him. I visited with everyone. George (aka the Loch Ness monster and his wife were there. It was good to see them again. Many of the usual crew were there: Mark, Rick and James, Amy, and a lovely couple I hadn't met before, but really enjoyed meeting.

I was having such a great time that I over-taxed myself. Before I knew it, I was too far gone. I was drinking, and I think these last couple of weeks have cleaned out my system too much. I just couldn't handle it. So I ended up in the floor, and was having a hard time thinking about moving. Fortunately Nicole was very nice about it, and equally fortuitously, she could drive a stick. I managed to get outside, and she picked me up in my car and took me home. Whew! What a day!!

A post in which it is a better day, with ugly weather

Despite more insomnia last night (despite pills, I was up at 2am!, and never really got any good sleep afterwards),I felt much more serene this morning as I sipped my coffee on the porch. The peace was back. I had needed one thing to give, and it had. Now that I know I have a peace accord in place with Dad, I have one less worry about next week. It's going to be hard enough already. I haven't packed one thing in preparation for the window people.

Today was our Christmas lunch at work. As last year, they had barbecue again, which means I get baked beans and cole slaw for lunch. This year though, they also had a gorgeous sweet potato casserole. I really loved it. So of course I had a sugar crash this afternoon and a headache by the end of the day. But that's my fault for being picky.

Work went smoothly, but the weather started to get ugly. It was raining yet again, and sleeting also. The temp was dropping and it started to get really ugly outside, but having been inside all day I was fairly oblivious to it until Justin emailed me to say that Amanda had cancelled on the get-together at his house tonight. That gave me pause. I told Justin that if Amanda was scared off, I should probably forgo as well, as much as I hated doing it.

Then when I got off work and had to go out in it. It was well and truly nasty. I had initially thought that I would go to Russ and Billy's tonight. They were having a birthday party for a friend of Billy's, and that would at least have been in town. But by the time I got home through the driving sleet, with the temperature at 32, I decided that I should probably stay home. In addition to that, I wasn't feeling the best. I've overdone it this week I think.

So I called Billy, apologetically canceled, and prepared to spend the evening in. I can't remember a December when I have missed so many parties and evenings out. But I didn't feel too badly about staying home tonight. I put on snuggly clothes, and wished my new windows were already in. It was chilly in the house with the wind blowing against it.

I turned on the computer and chatted online while a cavalcade of arcane bibble-babble flashed across the television. The movie Enchanted came on, and I watch that. I still think it needed more Susan Serandon, although it was still quite enjoyable. So I laid back, relaxed in denial, and let the literal and figurative storm build and rage.

A post in which thing start off rough, but get better

I was up at 3:30 this morning with insomnia. Even I usually make it to 4:30. I finally gave up and got up. Some days it feels better just to get on up than to struggle to sleep when you can’t. Sometimes it's a relief just to leave the battlefield. On the other hand, my health must be improving if my insomnia is being so hateful to get along with. Since the Dad thing is on my mind so this week, I checked my email, but still nothing. I sent Dad another email asking for a truce for Christmas. Just one day with no political lectures, no sermons, no guilt trips; to be able to just have a pleasant holiday, and not something to endure. I’m not up to a day of endurance right now. I feel worn thin, like an old blanket.

I made my coffee and sat on the porch. Even that didn’t offer the little envelope of peace it usually does. I’m depressed about Dad. I feel bad about putting Even in the middle of it last night. I’m tired. I feel like my usual thick skin has just been rubbed off. I feel like I’m all prickly raw nerves. At least I’m not mad any more.

I got up and went to work. Despite everything that’s going on this week, I’ve been very productive at work. Account reconciliations and weekly slides are done. I finished the write-offs today, so they’d be ready for approval when my boss gets back tomorrow.

About 10 (after I figured Dad was at the shop), I called Eve to apologize for putting her in the middle, and ask her not to say anything to Dad if she hadn’t already. Dad answered the phone. But in a Christmas miracle, he seemed not to be spoiling for a fight. I asked if he had gotten my email, and he said no, so I just asked for a truce. He very nicely agreed. And then he sent me another email later, but I just let it go.

I did call and talk to Eve later, and apologized to her. She took it in stride. She seemed surprised that I would consider her feelings that important, which made me feel a bit worse. I called Lisa, told her everything was OK, and that I was sorry for getting her upset yesterday. She was fine. She said she sounded so bad on the phone yesterday because she was sick. Dad and I fighting (or indeed any of us kids and Dad fighting) really isn’t news any longer. It’s kind of like bad weather. You know it’s coming, you just don’t know when.

I felt much better after that was done, and my day smoothed out. I didn’t feel as tired.

But I had to wrap presents tonight. I’m going to Justin’s house tomorrow to do gifts with him and Amanda, so I at least had to wrap those two. I decided it would be a good idea to wrap James and Jeff’s presents as well , to have with me just in case they dropped by. Of course at work, I had intended to go home, eat a quick supper, and wrap all evening. But then I always intend to do that, and it never happens. I was happy to get those four wrapped, since I didn’t start until 9pm. The gifts turned out pretty, and I put ribbon on them and everything, and now I'm excited about giving them. I LOVE to give presents, I just hate wrapping them. I especially love giving presents to Justin. He gets so excited. It just kills him having to wait to find out what a present is, or to have to wait to give someone a gift he knows is a good one. He is so anxious he doesn't trust himself not to spill the secret. I find that very endearing and sweet.

I fell into Fishville again and wasted some time there after I ate, and then a friend on there started chatting. His name is David, and I haven’t seen him in years. David is a bit of a restless spirit, and he kind of drifts along on the kindness of friends. He’s in Chicago now. And he’s gay again. The last time I saw him he had been engaged to a sixteen year old girl. So we caught up for a bit. And then I was frankly just lazy. I can’t really blame this on Epstein Barr, it was mostly me. But between the lack of sleep, the drama, and the worry over all that’s going on right now, it’s been a really rough week.

I took some sleeping pills and went to bed.

A post in which I am feeling exhausted

I was up at 4:30am this morning for Dad's latest salvo, and my little rant below.

The day didn't improve a lot from there.

I was able to leave work today to get to the post office. I got Bernadette's card in the mail - maybe she'll get it by Christmas. I can never remember postage to France, and they seem to change the rates every year anyway. I also mailed Brenden's gift card. That just got me more upset. I hate that things are still the way they are between Cindy and her family and Dick and Eve. I've been patiently being the peacemaker for over a year now, but all of the sudden I've just had a bellyful of it, as apparently I have with many things.

I called Paul to tell him Brenden's gift was on the way, and talked to him for a bit. He isn't mad at me, for which I was glad. I had to kind of cut him off in mid-rant the last time he called me. It was Dec 1, our year end, and I wasn't sure if he believed me or not when I told him. He was supportive today though. He agreed that I've paid my dues here.

I called Lisa and talked to her to give her the news that she is the new Favored Child. Dad can't ever get along with more than two of us at a time. I've had a good run, and frankly a much longer run than I expected as Favored Child. I can't say I'm really surprised to see it come to an end.

Eve called this afternoon to tell me that they are leaving Christmas morning at 7am (??!! - madness, I know, but they want to be there in time to see Ava open her Santa stuff). I told her that if Dad didn't straighten up I wouldn't be going anywhere with them. She got really quiet, sighed, and said "I'll talk to him." I was like no. I need to hear this from him. Bottom line is that I am not getting in a car with him for four hours to hear a political lecture, a sermon, or a guilt trip. Then I felt like a jerk because she had called me all excited that Paul had sent her a new picture of Brenden in a Christmas card. So she was really happy, and I just pulled the rug out from under her. What a thoughtless bastard I can be. I just don't have the energy for this crap. I'm tired, I don't feel well, I'm having to work anyway. Christmas is coming. The window people are coming. Just the thoughts of all that is going on is exhausting to me. I can't imagine how I'm going to whether it all.

I'm supposed to go to Christina and Jennifer's party this Saturday, and as much as I want to go, I just don't know if I am going to be able to do it. Justin texted me yesterday about him and Amanda coming down Friday, but I texted him today and just asked if I could come up there. I can't clean up the house enough to have company by Friday. Then there is the party Saturday, the packing up to do, and dana and I are moving furniture on Sunday. I have no idea where I'm going to find the strength to do it all.

I went home, turned on my denial switch, and spent the evening on the sofa. Because that's what I needed to do. Sure.

A post in which my father is driving me crazy - again

He started it. I sound like a six-year old. Which I guess is as good a place as any to enter in to a dialog about my father.

It started on Sunday. He picked a bunch of that right-wing bullshit (which he no doubt finds profound) out of his email, and forwarded it to me. And I'm sitting there reading it Monday and thinking 'why the hell would he send this to me?' He knows I would never agree with any of it, and it would just piss me off. So I emailed him back and asked him why.

His response:

You are right, I knew you would consider the views in that tacky E-mail to be junk because it points out the junk views and laws that the current leaders of our country have us living under. I should not have sent it to you.

It is like everything else that I can not talk to you about. You see, you are my only son and I would like to share my core values with you. I know you think you are far smarter than I, and my views are antiquated. But one day you may realize the life I have lived and the experiences I lived through, resulted in insight you have not had time to learn, yet.

My number one core value is my Faith in Jesus Christ. We live in a nation where we are not allowed to acknowledge him in public. Obama told the world in one of his speeches that the United States is no longer a Christian Nation. I think he is wrong. Perhaps he should study the principals this country was founded on, #1 being Freedom of Religion. I don't care if our leaders are Repubs or Dems, black or white, Christ should not be removed from Christmas. In our nations capital, we do not celebrate Christmas, rather it is Winter Holiday. We no longer have Christmas trees, they are referred to as Holiday trees. By executive order, no religious theme can be expressed in any decorations at our White House.

Political correctness is going to be the Death of our entire way of life in this Nation.

This is my view of things, and if this offends you, I have truly failed in my duties as a Daddy.

For those of you who weren't raised Baptist, that's a big ole load of religious guilt, with a sizable helping of emotional blackmail thrown in. Not to mention a good portion of the latest Cafferty File for good measure.

I shook my head, swallowed it, and deleted the email, as usual.

But apparently I'm enough like my father that I couldn't let it go. I can't believe he has started this crap again.

I then got a press release about the Catholic church's stance on the new marriage equality act passed in Washington DC this week. Apparently, if they are forced to non-discriminatory hiring practices, or having to extend benefits to same-sex couples, they are threatening to close homeless shelters and adoption agency in DC. Very Christ-like. I shouldn't have sent it to him, but I did.

His response:

Yes Stephen, the catholic church is extremely compassionate toward any person in need of any kind. Our own church has over 30 ministries that support those less fortunate in our own community. We give food, clothing, shelter, medicine, financial aid, counseling, pray with them and for them 24 hours per day, everyday. We support missionaries is every foreign country, feeding the starving, building houses, drilling wells for fresh water, build churches, medical clinics, schools, build homes for and support orphans.

But the church has basic core values that we cannot support.

We do not believe in abortion and refuse to finance any group that supports it or promotes it.

The church teaches that homosexuality is against nature and against the teachings of our lord. We believe that marriage refers to a union between 1 man and 1 woman. Groups that support otherwise are acting in direct opposition to our core beliefs. The church cannot support those groups.

You are my only son and I love you very, very, much. I will love you as long as I breathe. I will love you, feed you, shelter you, protect you to the last ounce of strength in my body. I pray for you every day. You see, I have learned to separate you, my son, from your lifestyle. I love you as no-one else on earth ever will, but your lifestyle is a source of sadness for me. Please understand, I am not trying to start a fight, or insult you. I love you too much to ever do that.

Love, your Daddy

In other words, more of the same. Note the closing - pulling those emotional heart-strings. I haven't called my father Daddy in at least fifteen years.

I emailed him back, telling him, basically, to leave it. I'm 42. I won't be indoctrinated, and I don't see a church that would rather pull the crust of bread from a homeless man's mouth than be fair to someone like me as anything I want to be a part of. Thought I'd get that out of the way before they started trying to guilt me into going to Mass with them again this year for Christmas. If I was going to align myself with an organized religion, it certainly wouldn't be with an organized religion as intolerant and blood-soaked as the Catholic Church.

And so we pick up the clubs and go at each other's bloody heads yet again. I should be angry. Angry would help me take part. But I'm just tired.

I'm tired of our history. I'm tired of this battle. I'm tired of trying to maintain some semblance of mental health in the face of his constant rage, censure, and disapproval. I'm tired of trying to hold on to my sense of Christian duty towards him in the face of the constant belittling and sneering that I endure in his presence. I'm tired of trying to charm my way around his temper when I want to scream. I'm tired of trying to live in denial of the fact that my own father subscribes to the belief that I, his own son, am an abomination - a monster destined for hell.

Work is insane. I am lonely. I seem to have a better chance of being struck by lightning than to ever again enter into a meaningful relationship. I'm exhausted with my health. I just can't fight everything. I don't have the energy.

And now, on top of everything, he starts in again. I've already told them that I will ride with them to Lisa's house for Christmas. If I don't do it now, he's going to see it as an insult and get his ass on his shoulders about it. If I do go I'm going to have to listen to either a) a sermon; b) a political lecture; or c) his wounded guilt act for over four hours in a car. I just don't think I'm up to it.

The only thing that I can do is lay this down, pray about it, and try to give it over to God. That means doing more swallowing and smiling. More artful deflecting. More charming. And at this point, I just don't know where I'm going to find the strength.

So I did pray this morning. I tried to open my heart and let the peace in to take the place of the frustration and anger. Maybe this was God trying to get my attention again. If so, He truly does work in mysterious ways.

A post in which I'm feeling run down

I was tired when I woke up this morning, but my throat is distinctly less swollen than it has been, so I think I'm on the mend.

I need to get Bernadette's card in the mail. Every year it's a struggle, but this year in particular. The post office has cut the hours on all the offices back drastically. Usually the main office is open extended hours at Christmas, but this year none of them open until after I'm at work. It was a total waste of time to detour by there this morning. For an institution that says they don't have enough business, they are certainly doing all they can to discourage it.

I talked to Michael today and he's having a worse time than I am. He has all his shopping left to do, and is flying home on the 24th. He has to find gifts for the whole family that are not only small enough to fit in his suitcase, but that also won't break in the baggage hold. Better him than me. But I got his address corrected and got his Christmas ordered. I have everyone done now but Miss Kat, who is damn near impossible to buy for. dana is supposed to be working on a gift idea, but I have a back-up plan if I don't hear back from her. Of course, nothing is wrapped. As per usual. But I'm not watching Muppet Christmas Carol, my most favorite Christmas movie ever, until I wrap gifts. Hopefully that will be the incentive I need.

Dad sent me a bunch of neo-conservative emails this weekend, and I asked him why yesterday. His answer was a bunch of maudlin crap, basically. That has put me in a really bad, broody mood. I should be able to let it go - I usually do - but either this sick thing is wearing me down, or I'm getting to be just too much like him.

I brooded all the way home, and by the time I got there I was in such a bad mood I didn't even want to be around myself. Plus I was really tired. I stopped to get cat food on the way home, but was too tired to even go back out to the car to bring it in the house when I forgot it. Despite best intentions of starting to pack up tonight, I did nothing. I ate some leftover pizza, and lay on the sofa until it was time to go to bed.