A post in which thing start off rough, but get better

I was up at 3:30 this morning with insomnia. Even I usually make it to 4:30. I finally gave up and got up. Some days it feels better just to get on up than to struggle to sleep when you can’t. Sometimes it's a relief just to leave the battlefield. On the other hand, my health must be improving if my insomnia is being so hateful to get along with. Since the Dad thing is on my mind so this week, I checked my email, but still nothing. I sent Dad another email asking for a truce for Christmas. Just one day with no political lectures, no sermons, no guilt trips; to be able to just have a pleasant holiday, and not something to endure. I’m not up to a day of endurance right now. I feel worn thin, like an old blanket.

I made my coffee and sat on the porch. Even that didn’t offer the little envelope of peace it usually does. I’m depressed about Dad. I feel bad about putting Even in the middle of it last night. I’m tired. I feel like my usual thick skin has just been rubbed off. I feel like I’m all prickly raw nerves. At least I’m not mad any more.

I got up and went to work. Despite everything that’s going on this week, I’ve been very productive at work. Account reconciliations and weekly slides are done. I finished the write-offs today, so they’d be ready for approval when my boss gets back tomorrow.

About 10 (after I figured Dad was at the shop), I called Eve to apologize for putting her in the middle, and ask her not to say anything to Dad if she hadn’t already. Dad answered the phone. But in a Christmas miracle, he seemed not to be spoiling for a fight. I asked if he had gotten my email, and he said no, so I just asked for a truce. He very nicely agreed. And then he sent me another email later, but I just let it go.

I did call and talk to Eve later, and apologized to her. She took it in stride. She seemed surprised that I would consider her feelings that important, which made me feel a bit worse. I called Lisa, told her everything was OK, and that I was sorry for getting her upset yesterday. She was fine. She said she sounded so bad on the phone yesterday because she was sick. Dad and I fighting (or indeed any of us kids and Dad fighting) really isn’t news any longer. It’s kind of like bad weather. You know it’s coming, you just don’t know when.

I felt much better after that was done, and my day smoothed out. I didn’t feel as tired.

But I had to wrap presents tonight. I’m going to Justin’s house tomorrow to do gifts with him and Amanda, so I at least had to wrap those two. I decided it would be a good idea to wrap James and Jeff’s presents as well , to have with me just in case they dropped by. Of course at work, I had intended to go home, eat a quick supper, and wrap all evening. But then I always intend to do that, and it never happens. I was happy to get those four wrapped, since I didn’t start until 9pm. The gifts turned out pretty, and I put ribbon on them and everything, and now I'm excited about giving them. I LOVE to give presents, I just hate wrapping them. I especially love giving presents to Justin. He gets so excited. It just kills him having to wait to find out what a present is, or to have to wait to give someone a gift he knows is a good one. He is so anxious he doesn't trust himself not to spill the secret. I find that very endearing and sweet.

I fell into Fishville again and wasted some time there after I ate, and then a friend on there started chatting. His name is David, and I haven’t seen him in years. David is a bit of a restless spirit, and he kind of drifts along on the kindness of friends. He’s in Chicago now. And he’s gay again. The last time I saw him he had been engaged to a sixteen year old girl. So we caught up for a bit. And then I was frankly just lazy. I can’t really blame this on Epstein Barr, it was mostly me. But between the lack of sleep, the drama, and the worry over all that’s going on right now, it’s been a really rough week.

I took some sleeping pills and went to bed.