A post in which I am feeling exhausted

I was up at 4:30am this morning for Dad's latest salvo, and my little rant below.

The day didn't improve a lot from there.

I was able to leave work today to get to the post office. I got Bernadette's card in the mail - maybe she'll get it by Christmas. I can never remember postage to France, and they seem to change the rates every year anyway. I also mailed Brenden's gift card. That just got me more upset. I hate that things are still the way they are between Cindy and her family and Dick and Eve. I've been patiently being the peacemaker for over a year now, but all of the sudden I've just had a bellyful of it, as apparently I have with many things.

I called Paul to tell him Brenden's gift was on the way, and talked to him for a bit. He isn't mad at me, for which I was glad. I had to kind of cut him off in mid-rant the last time he called me. It was Dec 1, our year end, and I wasn't sure if he believed me or not when I told him. He was supportive today though. He agreed that I've paid my dues here.

I called Lisa and talked to her to give her the news that she is the new Favored Child. Dad can't ever get along with more than two of us at a time. I've had a good run, and frankly a much longer run than I expected as Favored Child. I can't say I'm really surprised to see it come to an end.

Eve called this afternoon to tell me that they are leaving Christmas morning at 7am (??!! - madness, I know, but they want to be there in time to see Ava open her Santa stuff). I told her that if Dad didn't straighten up I wouldn't be going anywhere with them. She got really quiet, sighed, and said "I'll talk to him." I was like no. I need to hear this from him. Bottom line is that I am not getting in a car with him for four hours to hear a political lecture, a sermon, or a guilt trip. Then I felt like a jerk because she had called me all excited that Paul had sent her a new picture of Brenden in a Christmas card. So she was really happy, and I just pulled the rug out from under her. What a thoughtless bastard I can be. I just don't have the energy for this crap. I'm tired, I don't feel well, I'm having to work anyway. Christmas is coming. The window people are coming. Just the thoughts of all that is going on is exhausting to me. I can't imagine how I'm going to whether it all.

I'm supposed to go to Christina and Jennifer's party this Saturday, and as much as I want to go, I just don't know if I am going to be able to do it. Justin texted me yesterday about him and Amanda coming down Friday, but I texted him today and just asked if I could come up there. I can't clean up the house enough to have company by Friday. Then there is the party Saturday, the packing up to do, and dana and I are moving furniture on Sunday. I have no idea where I'm going to find the strength to do it all.

I went home, turned on my denial switch, and spent the evening on the sofa. Because that's what I needed to do. Sure.