A post in which BB is gone

I got the call this morning that BB passed away early today. Eve had gotten to the hospice just in time to be with her at the last. I'm really glad we got to go see her last night. I'm also very glad that she went peacefully, not in any pain or fear. Would that more people had as peaceful a passing. Eve had taken Father Bob, their priest, up to see her this week.

What does upset me is that Cindy never came to see her. I know the rift with Cindy was large in her mind. We talked about it every time I went to see her. She had sent letters to Cindy basically begging for her to make peace with the family, but Cindy never responded. I have tried to think of someone I hate enough that I could let them die without trying to make amends, and I can't think of anyone. As many problems as I have had with my father, I can't see walking completely away and cutting him out of my life. I hate that BB had to die with that weighing on her heart. I know she was always hungry for news of Brenden, her only great-grandchild by blood, and the last of her family line. I'm sorry that hunger went unsatisfied. But BB is gone now, and I guess any guilt Cindy may (or may not) feel is just something she'll have to deal with.

You can read more about BB's life here.

For those of you wondering, here is the story of how we called her BB. When Cindy was little, she couldn't say "grandma", and BB didn't really want to be called that anyway. BB's nickname in college had been Booba (one of those upper-class nickname things, I don't know either). When asked, she told Eve that Cindy should call her Beautiful Booba. Of course Cindy couldn't say that any more than she could say grandma, so it was shortened to BB.

There is one favorite BB story that I haven't shared with you, gentle readers. As I went back through some momentos today, I ran across an old Christmas tag from a special gift. It seems right that I should remember that story and share it with you now.

I had asked for a paperweight for Christmas. I had started collecting glass, and really had my heart set on one of Millefiori Italian glass. BB did indeed buy me a beautiful Murano Glass paperweight that year, which I still have. It was not in the Millefiori style, but it is lovely, and I treasure it because it came from her. After the gifts were all opened, however, and we got ready to enjoy dessert, BB handed me another package.

Her friend Doris had died the year before. Doris was a lifelong friend BB made in college, and was practically another grandmother to us - indeed she was seated with the grandmothers at my sister Lisa's wedding. We always looked forward to her visits. BB was missing her sorely. One of the hardest things about getting older is that your friends begin to leave you.

Inside the package was a red marble block that Doris had brought BB years ago from a trip she took out West. It had been in BB's formal living room for years on the secretary, and I recognized it. BB had made a special tag to go on the package. It read:

"Stephen, you wished for a paperweight. As you can tell, this is not a new one. It is valuable, however. Doris gave it to me many years ago. I'd like you to have it and I feel sure she would also. Love from both of us. BB"

Well of course there was little I could do but sit by the Christmas tree and cry. She was crying a bit too. I thanked her for such a wonderful gift, and told her I loved her. It is one of my fondest Christmas memories. I still have the tag, and the bow she tied on it is still on there. I still have that marble block too, although something so precious can't be used simply as a paperweight. It's on my dresser where I see it every morning.

I love you BB. I'll miss you.