A post in which it is M's birthday

We woke up and I greeted M with an early birthday present suitable for the Edge, which was nice. Since it was early we slept for a while longer, then got up and started getting ready to leave. After some straightening up, we cleaned up and packed the car. Al and Mike weren't up (they aren't usually when I leave), but surprisingly Scott and Brian were, and I talked to them for a bit. I don't always know when Brian is teasing me, so I overreacted a bit to something he said, but he was OK about it. Scott is really a nice guy. He asked for me email. I hope I hear from him. We saw Glen and Stanley and told them good bye, then hit the road.

We headed up for another breakfast at the Berryman. The waitress we had was extra nice and took very good care of us. We saw a few other Edge alums, and had a laugh. It is nice. I really like most of the people that go down there. After breakfast we headed out for real, but I wanted to stop at a small flea market I had seen on the way in. It was almost 11 when we got there, but they were still open. I was a bit low on cash, and there's no BofA ATM around there, but the only piece I found that I really wanted was a small Sapphire Blue Fire King refrigerator dish/casserole with the lid. It was only $5, so I picked it up. We went by the cool antique mall where you get back on the freeway, but it didn't open until 1pm, so we went on.

We headed back up the road together, M playing DJ on the car stereo, playing music from Spamalot, which I hadn't heard. I was kind of tired, but M seemed fine until we got home. We got the car unloaded and I started futzing around the house, putting things in order. I looked up to find him collapsed on the couch. I put clean sheets on the bed and pointed him in that direction. I put in Wholly Moses, which he hadn't seen. It's an OK movie, but he didn't enjoy it as much as I thought he would. I have the complete collection of old Basil Rathbone Sherlock Holmes movies though, and he was interested in seeing them. We spent the afternoon relaxing and watching movies. I put in a frozen pizza for lunch and ended up having to air out the house, forgetting that I hadn't cleaned the oven after the second pound cake cooked over in it.

I told him that I would take him anywhere he wanted to go for his birthday dinner, but he just chose to get some Chinese take-away. I called it in and went to get it, leaving him to relax. The present I ordered for him probably was delivered to work, but while I was out I picked up a frosted brownie to put a candle in, and a card. When I got home I found that I had apparently used up all my birthday candles, so I had to carry in a regular candle with it for him to blow out. That was kind of cheesy, but he was good-humored about it.

We ate, finished the movie snuggling and just enjoying being close to each other. He went home around 9. He hasn't slept in his own bed in days, staying here with me so it was easier for me while I dealt with BB/family stuff, and then of course traveling with me this weekend. He has to work tomorrow too.

After he left, I futzed around the house some more, trying to put things in order so I wouldn't wake up to chaos and have to rush around in the morning. I'm dreading this funeral. I'm worried that Cindy is going to show up and that Dad's going to make a scene I'll have to referee. On the one hand, if this goes right it could go a long way towards healing the breach. If it goes wrong though, which is much more likely, it's going to be an ugly spectacle of which I want no part.

And frankly, to me, the damage is done. If Cindy shows up now it does BB no good. It won't help me feel any better about her dying with that bad feeling unresolved. As much as I wish she would come, there's a part of me that thinks it would be easier if she didn't. Of course that makes me feel bad, because this isn't supposed to be about me. It feels selfish; but funerals are for the living.