My heart is broken

Well M broke up with me today by fucking email. Out of the fucking blue. In the middle of the fucking work day. This morning, everything was apparently fine. We had been passing an email back and forth today about how our day was going. The subject of the email was “Hi Honey.” Here is the last response I got:

I have been thinking about us, our relationship, and my emotional development; I enjoy our time together and the friendship that we have developed, but the emotions of a deeper relationship just aren’t coming.

I think we have the opportunity of a really good friendship and support for each other. I would very much like to remain being your friend and doing things with you.

It sounds like a fucking rejection from a job interview or something.

Yesterday was our one month anniversary. Here is the email got from him yesterday,in response to my Happy Anniversary email:

And what a wonderful month it has been. I also have enjoyed getting to know
you and sharing our time together. I don’t think it was just your heart that I
woke up.

I can’t explain why I have started to show my softer side, but you
sure have made it easy to be myself.

I have no idea how to process this. It is out of the fucking blue. I am devastated.

I did finally get him on the phone today, at which point he had nothing coherent to say, other than that I am at a totally different place than he is.

Maybe I wasn’t ready to be out there again. I certainly don’t feel very strong at the moment. I just want to go somewhere and cry. But I have to somehow get through the rest of this Goddamn fucking awful, awful day.