Well, the Mitch thing is officially dead. Sigh.

I talked to him briefly today. I asked him out again for this weekend. He is heading to California for a week starting Saturday. This can be interpreted two ways:

1 - Either I'm getting the brush-off.
2 - He just doesn't have room in his life for a boyfriend, which is probably why he doesn't have one.

Add to the fact that he has never returned an email I have sent or phone message I have left, and I just think I'm getting the brush-off. Dammit. It wouldn't be such a big deal if I hadn't really liked him so much. And if I hadn't seen some potential there. And if he hadn't been so sexy. And witty. And apparently just not into me. Double dammit.

Why do guys play these games? Why make such a huge deal out of wanting a relationship, not wanting to be a "hook-up", and then just dropping me like a hot rock? I don't get it. Is this some way to legitimize sexual activity to avoid guilt? Some way to preserve self-esteem? I have had my share of sport sex. I'm an adult. But why act in such a purposefully deceptive way? Maybe it's just young'un drama bullshit. He thinks he wants a relationship, but has no capacity, time, or inclination to actually act on that expressed desire. I guess that's what I get for investing hopes in someone so young. I just don't get it. Could I still be paying back karma from my youth? Anyway. Moving on.

I'm pretty disappointed. My hopes raised and crushed twice in one guy is a bit much for me lately. I used to surf through this kind of crap regularly when I was younger. But either I don't have the emotional resliency that I did then, or I just no longer have the patience to put up with the bullshit. And patience has never been my strong suit.

I did my obligatory load of laundry, ate some dinner, fooled around on the computer, and went to bed early.

They were showing "Terms of Endearment" on TCM, and I tuned in, more out of avoiding a commercial than anything else. I remember seeing that movie when it came out, and not getting what the big deal was about. There was Oscar buzz, etc, but it seemed to me at the time like nothing really happened in the movie. I saw it through totally different eyes tonight. How fantastic. The depiction of a real life couple with real life problems. They seemed like real people. It was like looking into people's lives. I also, needless to say, had an entirely different appreciation for Shirley McClaine's role as someone growing older, wrestling with her insecurities about losing her desirability, trying to date, and trying to deal with incorporating the roles of mother and grandmother into her self-conception without losing her identity. It was fascinating. The water works started when Debra Winger had to tell her kids she was dying, and I cried when she died, I will admit. What a difference a couple of decades of perception makes.