An unexpected date

Well Scott started sending me emails today at work. We traded back and forth, and he went more into some of the stuff he's been reading about on my blog. It started with a really nice email he sent late last night, just to tell me he was thinking about me.

It's nice to hear from a guy who doesn't play the "I'm not interested" game when he is and all that crap. He's very up front. It's flattering that he's taken the interest to read about me, and is open enough to tell me about it. He has a good sense of humor, and he teases me, which I love.

In some ways, he seems more open to meeting someone different from him than I am.

When he asked me out for coffee tonight, I thought "Why not?" I did want to meet him, and it was only coffee after all. Truth be told, I'm tired of trying to see the future and vet guys to see if they'll work out or not. I'm tired of looking for the perfect guy who's going to accept and agree with everything I do before I ever even meet him. It's exhausting. So if all we end up doing is getting coffee, that's cool. And if I piss him off and he doesn't want to see me again, I'll live.

***

We met downtown, and went over to Reedy River falls to talk while we drank our coffee. When I first saw him, I thought "Oh shit - this guy is out of my league looks-wise." He did look really good. And of course, since I was meeting someone for the first time, my body was doing some strange kind of water-buffalo bloat and I looked about 20 pounds heavier than usual. But he didn't make an excuse and leave.

Talking with him was an experience. We agree on a lot of things, and we both have a mature outlook on life where we have been in relationships and know about compromise. We're both bewildered by the way some people live. Neither of us is particularly materialistic. He was picking up his cigarette butts to throw away. If he recycles too that would be hot. We both like to laugh. He's smart, and funny, and doesn't let me get away with anything. That's good - I need that. I'll definitely have to be on my toes, but it's really good to be around someone who can not only keep up, but add to the wit in the conversation.

There are some serious differences too though. I'm not sure he would want to have as much of a social life as I am used to having. I don't know how much I would miss that, though. Do I just need a break? Or am I really changing in my need for that? Right now, it sounds great to give up the round of parties and stay home, but I'm thinking eventually, Party Steve would get restless with that. The main difference, of course, is the open relationship thing. He has definitely drank the kool-aid on the monogamy thing. He dresses it up in a bit more new-age kind of mysticism, but underneath it's still the same old line "Couplehood is a perfect chalice, and the touching of another pee-pee shatters that chalice, invalidating all that came before and soiling the purity of our love." That kind of thing. Patently silly and totally impractical to me, but then he is hardly alone in that viewpoint. So many Americans feel that way, and live lives of serial monogamy because of it. So few people can be pracical about sex. There is so much baggage that goes with it from our Puritanical roots.

But I'm not throwing out the baby with the bathwater here. We're not getting married today. And we did have a really good time tonight. It worries me that he seems judgmental of things he doesn't agree with - he uses the term "sleeping around" in place of "open relationship", and called this woman a whore tonight. I am notably skittish around that word, since many would say that's what I am. I prefer the terms "free spirit" or "earthy", but don't kid myself that many wouldn't see it that way. I haven't even gone into the kinky thing with him - I don't know if he's read enough of the blog to have gotten into that or not. He was notably non-plussed when I talked about nudity tonight, and seemed pretty horrificated when I mentioned River's Edge. He apparently thinks about it in much the same way that others who don't go do, and obviously just could not comprehend why anyone would want to be naked around a bunch of friends. But then, in all fairness, neither could Michael, although he put up with me doing it.

But he's smart and very sexy. He makes me laugh. He may not be casual about sex, but he's not afraid to touch me. I liked that. He put his arm around me, touched my neck, etc. After being in a relationship with no touching or displays of affection, it felt like rain on very dry earth. In a way it seemed more intimate because I knew it wasn't going anyplace - didn't announce an agenda. And he sure gave me a kiss that made me think he would be worth the wait. He also apparently finds me attractive based on things that he said, and that's flattering. The fact that he would express that after we had basically had to agree to disagree on the poly thing intrigues me. Plus, I just love a guy who keeps me on my toes.

I wanted to give him a good night kiss before we parted, but after hearing about his privacy thing, I don't think PDA's are on the agenda. (We'd had a good enough time with coffee and talk that we ended up going for a late dinner.)

So I am intrigued. I never really pictured myself with the "country boy with the heart of gold", but there are sure worse things. Plus I had a tendency to picture that kind of guy as a bit simple for me, but there's nothing simple about Scott. When I met Michael, I didn't expect anything to come of that either, and got surprised. So I'm going to just realize that I'm not getting married, and am not under any pressure to. I'm going to enjoy myself, and see where this goes. Nothing wrong with having a hot, smart, funny guy to go out with, right?

Plus, he loves to play cards. I love the way he looks at me when I say something he finds amusing when I'm being all serious. I can see him fitting in with my friends and them liking him. He reads - I didn't get around to asking him what, but that's always a good sign. Plus we agree on at least one counter-culture thing. It will be interesting to see where this goes.