A nice morning, kind of gone to hell

I woke up at 5:30 this morning, and just decided to get on up. I caught up on my Bear411 messages, and was able to get a head-start on the morning routine.

I decided I had time for coffee, which I can rarely do on a weekday. I made one of the best cups of coffee I have made in a while, and sat on the porch, watching the sky change from deep purple to indigo to robin's egg blue. I really do relish these small luxuries. It's nice to be able to enjoy Fall again (the last two were pretty damn rough), which has always been my favorite season. I love the crisp evenings, and the fact that the mosquitoes seem to have gotten their last bites in when I mowed the grass on Monday. I love coming home in the evening and sitting behind the screen door, letting fresh cool air into the house. The trees will be changing color soon - I really need to get up to Hendersonville since it's such a pretty drive in the fall. We've been having the kind of weather that makes me feel like being outside. I'm thinking I may give the bushes a good shape up before it gets cold. They're a bit ragged at the mo.

I had some time to reflect on things as I watched the birds wake up and begin to sing and fly around.

First - I have lots of anniversaries coming up. My anniversary with Michael is next Monday. We would have been together eight years if we were still together. I won't be sending a card this year, since he didn't send one last year. I guess I need to let that go. Of course I just passed my birthday, and am another year older. The breakup anniversary is coming up next month on the 22nd. It's hard to think I've been alone for two years. I've changed so much. I'm getting used to solitude again. I don't know if that is a good or a bad thing. We just marked Ava's birthday too. And the holidays are coming up again. I will have to send cards this year, but I'm really on the fence about decorating. I just plain don't feel like doing it. I may if Justin and James can come down to help put the tree up. And now, of course, Grandma's birthday as well. I guess as you get older there are more and more year marks that come up.

Second, I have been smoking too much since Michael left. When I lit up this morning, I got sleepy initially. That's a bad sign. If nicotine helps you relax, that means you're getting dependent. I really am going to resolve to stop smoking during the week again. Also, I used to not smoke when I drank coffee. I thought it interfered with the flavor of the coffee too much. Now a cigarette and a cuppa joe seem to just go together like peas and carrots.

Third, I really have to take a moment to wax eloquent about the virtues and quality of 8 o'clock coffee. Michael got me started drinking it when we were dating, and I was really impressed with how good it was. He moved on to obscure, really strong stuff later; but since he left, I am back with 8 o'clock. I am drinking a bag of french vanilla right now, and I have to say it is as good as (or better than) anything I have gotten at Starbucks. Stuff doesn't have to be expensive to be good. I finished my cup and smacked my lips this morning.

After coffee and cigarettes, I got the monkey nerves and jittered through the rest of my morning routine.

I had some time left over, so I decided to go on to UPS to pick up my birthday present from Lisa. She sent it UPS, not knowing what a hassle it is for me to deal with them. The driver for my area won't leave packages on my porch, so I always have to go over there to pick them up, losing my lunch hour, or try to get there before they close after work, which is difficult. The woman yesterday gave me a wrong address, so I ended up on a wild goose chase this morning. I decided to go by the facilty I know about in Mauldin, and got stuck in a huge traffic jam - dammit - so despite the fact that I left the house early, I got to work late. And I still don't have the ^%&$%#@!! package. Sigh.