Pondering Significance

I've been thinking about why the china cabinet sat empty for so long today. That room in general remains pretty much unfinished and casually half empty. Or maybe not so casually.

I read an article one time that made a big impression on me. It was talking about how you could tell by your furniture if you were really open to a relationship or not. One of the signs was whether or not you had two bedside tables, or only one. At the time, my room was arranged so that there was only room for one bedside table, but you can bet that when Michael moved in, it was arranged differently, because I never forgot that.

The spare room, where the china cabinet is, is where most of Michael's things were. His piles of books he couldn't part with (but never read), the computer stuff (still in there), his beloved file cabinet with all the bill statements from years back (I don't know either). The china cabinet was used at that point for book overflow. A lesser cabinet would have probably collapsed under the weight, but this one was made of sterner (though uglier) stuff, and bore up.

The rest of my house is done. I have it all furnished, and indeed there really isn't room for another stick of furniture in any of the other rooms. Only the spare room remains vaguely echo-y. Putting the glass back in the china cabinet yesterday was an acknowledgment. I have re-claimed that space as mine.

Can that glass come back out if I need the room? Sure. I guess today I'm kind of wondering if it ever will. I'm wondering if starting to finish that room is really acknowledging that Michael isn't coming back, or starting the filling-in process that is me giving up on the possibility of someone else in the future.