A post in which it is the BIG day

Today was the day I've been waiting and preparing for all year. I had planned to take it easy - I sure didn't want to be pooped out tonight. But of course I had stuff to do. First, I had to buy gifts of desperation.

I went by Wilson's today to try to find Russ's ornament display. I've looked everywhere, and this was the last resort. They didn't have it either. So I'm going to have to get him a gift card. I really hate that, but I have done my very best to try to find this thing and haven't even found a picture of one online. I also went to Greer to buy Amanda's Christmas present. She loves Jadite, but it's pretty scarce these days - it's a hot collectible. Plus I'm buying at what surely has to be the top of the market. But every time I think that Jadite has hit the peak, it goes up again. Unbelievable. I wasn't really happy with the piece I found and went to buy today. I've been going to the flea market and stuff in hopes of finding something better, but it just didn't happen. On Justin's advice, I went back today and bought her an egg cup. I don't really like it, and it's too small to look like much of a gift, but it was what I could find.

When I got home I laid up for a bit and took a little nap. When I got up, I had a pie to make. Lady Beth had asked us to bring sides tonight, and I asked about making a macaroni pie. After I sent the email out, I remembered that Miss Kat and Russ don't really like macaroni pie, but they have both told me they will make an exception for mine. It is a really excellent recipe (it's not mine, so I'm not blowing my own horn yet). I put the pie together and stuck it in the oven, and then got ready.

I drove to Lady Beth's myself. I called Russ and Billy to see if I was supposed to ride with them (Russ doesn't always tell me); but they had MC and sa at the house and had a car full already, plus I had a bunch of stuff to take with me, including a hot pie. I wasn't nervous on the way up, which surprised me. I've been so looking forward to this, and was expecting to be very emotional. I did mist up a bit while I was washing dishes after making the pie, but in general I did a good job today of just not thinking about tonight.

When I got to the house, everyone was there except for Russ, Billy, MC, and sa. Everyone greeted me enthusiastically and affectionately. My pie had turned out a little runny (I had under-cooked it with the idea of finishing it there) so I popped it in the oven. I got out the cookbooks, and then just visited with people. It was pretty much like a Christmas party, which of course it was.

When everyone got there and got settled in, Lady Beth called us to order and we did my induction ceremony. We started off by joining in a circle while Marty and Petal did drumming to bring us together and bring the power. Although Marty and Petal aren't formal members of the Kindred, I really love them, and it felt absolutely right that they were a part of my ceremony. The ceremonies are individual for each person. Mine was focused on herbs. Lady Beth did a reading about the nature of herbs and their powers of protection, nutrition, and magic. Everyone brought an herb to add to a jar, an herb for me, and they added them one at a time, explaining why they chose the herb that they did. I was very happy, but I didn't cry and stuff, which surprised me. Then Lady Beth got out my Kindred necklace and put it around my neck. That was powerful. And then I was in. Afterwards, everyone came up to hug me and welcome me as I knelt there. It was perfect, and completely unplanned. Miss Kat was the last. She just walked up to me with a little smile that kind of said Like we both don't know I own your ass already? Silly boy. in a sweet, loving, teasing kind of way. And of course we both knew that already.

It was a lovely ceremony, and a lot of work and thought went into it, but I didn't feel transformed, which puzzled me. I was expecting to feel that a huge change had taken place, but I didn't. I felt more as if I had slipped a last puzzle piece in to place, as if things were right and proper, and as they ought to be. It was much more powerful than that, but that is the best (inadequate) words can describe the main feeling. I think I had my transition this Spring. When we showed up at the dungeon in Atlanta as a group, and I was flagging purple for Miss Kat, that was when the shift happened. That was unexpectedly powerful for me. Later at SELF, when Miss Kat and I played, that was very powerful. In both of those situations, the Kindred were there, surrounding me and part of me, as I was part of them.

When Lady Beth sent out the initial email, suggesting that they combine my ceremony with the Christmas party, (once I got over the initial panic about the date the book was due moving up) I was a little bit non-plussed. She added that everyone knew I was family already, and they may as well just go ahead and do the ceremony, in what at the time seemed a rather off-handed fashion. But it wasn't. She was exactly right, as usual. By that time I was already part of the family. What happened tonight was really just a formalization of what everyone could already feel. And really that to me is more touching and more personal than a formal, transformative ceremony would have been. I'm not a formal kind of guy. Tonight the overall energy was more like "come on in to the Kindred- and take your shoes off", which was exactly what it should have been.

We ate supper after the ceremony. I had expected to eat leftover macaroni pie for lunch next week, but no. Gratifyingly, the pie was enthusiastically devoured. There are few things more satisfying to me than going home from the potluck with an empty dish. They washed the pan and handed it back to me. Lovely. I also got a lot of compliments. Even better! I am such a compliment whore. I ate some of the pie, and I have to say, it was excellent, even if I am bragging on myself. Everything was good. Billy made his fabulous baked brie, and really I could make a meal on that alone.

We also exchanged gifts. I didn't bring any. It is officially against Kindred policy to give holiday gifts, but apparently it keeps happening. I didn't know that. MC and sa brought lots of really great stuff! They gave us pictures of them that were just wonderful, and we each got a beautiful amulet that was made from coins they had hand-stamped on the ren fair trip I missed. They also gave us discs loaded with pictures that MC had made at different events. All lovely, thoughtful things, but not so expensive that you felt uncomfortable taking them, so spot-on perfect.

I got a very special gift from Wilenda - a pink tutu! In truth, deep down, I've always wanted one. She heard me say that a while back (we were talking about her making costumes for her children, I believe) and actually made one for me! It was a lovely thought, and a very special thing. Who would have thought I'd have to wait for 43 to have one of my very own? I put it on immediately, and did a few practice twirls. Michael (formerly Sir Michael) came with her, to my surprise. He was as gracious and gallant to me as ever, and congratulated me sincerely with an unexpected hug.

It was a lovely evening and I really enjoyed it. I feel like one of the family. As I was leaving, Lynn remarked that it was a bit sad that I was driving home alone, but it didn't feel that way. I reminded her that I had my herb jar with me, and that it had a bit of love and protection from everyone in the group - I would have the whole Kindred in the car with me! I drove back with my Kindred rings and amulet weighing delightfully on my chest. It's been years since I wore anything around my neck. The sensation is somewhere between a hug and a collar, and that feels right too. It's a tug of love and responsibility. The weight reminds me that I have standards to uphold and expectations to meet, but it also reminds me that I meet those expectations and standards joyfully because of the great gifts of love that go with them. Sometimes I move just to feel the rings shift against me, and sometimes I just reach up and hold them in my hand. I haven't believed in a talisman since I was a child, but of course this one represents something real. I feel pretty invincible in my Kindred rings.