A post in which my test results are back

Today I mainly tried to referee the reports situation while I waited to leave. It was like everything wasn’t real again. Lisa texted me today to find out when the appointment was scheduled, and to ask for me to call her as soon as I got out. I was touched.

Paul called today to ask about Eve’s situation. Apparently she sent Cindy a text about it, which at least relieves me of secrecy (Dad had of course sworn me to an oath not to tell them about it). Eve called me Sunday to tell me that she has breast cancer and is going to have a mastectomy before the end of September. This is her second round with it, and they are telling her that they’ve caught it early and that this is a slower-growing cancer that is unlikely to metastasize. She’s taking it pretty well all things considered. So I confirmed what was going on. I wish Cindy would call her or something. It just doesn’t seem like so much to ask, whatever has been said, to call your mother when she tells you she has cancer.

The doctor told me today that my PSA was down, but not enough. I’ve dropped from 4.9 to 3.65, but with my family history he wants to see it under 2.5 to not take further action. He scheduled me for a biopsy on the 23rd. Sigh. I guess I got most of the crazy out of my system (about this anyway) during my histrionic reaction to the first test. Whatever the cause, I’m fairly numb about it at the mo. This was pretty much what I was expecting, but still bad news.

I called Lisa when I got home to tell her the news. When I called, she was trying not to kill Ava, who had apparently gotten a dirty diaper and spread crap all over the house, the furniture, and herself. Lisa and I talked for a while about my stuff to distract her while Ava soaked in the tub, and I managed to counsel her out of infanticide.

I also asked Lisa's opinion about whether or not I should tell Mom at this point. She said I should. I pretty much knew that, but it was nice to have somone confirm it (not that I wouldn't have weenied out if she had thought I shouldn't). So after delaying for a while to eat supper and let Mom get home and stuff, I called her. It was a hard conversation to have. I hate to put more in her lap right now, but after the second round of tests, Lisa said it was the right thing to do. Mom told me she was glad that I told her, but then that is what she would say anyway. At least I spared her a couple of weeks of worry.

Granny continues to not do well. They are putting her in rehab for a couple of weeks to see if they can get her on her feet, Mom says she can’t get out of bed or dress herself right now. Mom's impression was that the doctor thought Granny was going to go last week (frankly, so did I), and now he’s kind of at a loss as to what to do. Mom and my aunts are waiting to see what happens in rehab before they make any decisions, but if her condition doesn’t improve, Granny won't be able to go home. Bed-ridden or not, I shudder to think what that scene will be like if they have to explain this to her.

Dad’s surgery went well, fortunately. He seems to be relieved of a lot of pain, which is excellent. I had to go see him tonight – I just live across the street from the hospital. I didn’t mind, but I can’t tell him what’s going on with me with him just out of surgery. It was hard not to say anything. I managed though, and after we talked for a while it was easier. It’s weird not to be able to talk to my parents about something that is wrong. I really felt kind of guilty telling Mom tonight. I hate to put more stress on her. This is the first thing I’ve had to second-guess telling them since I came out, and of course that was different. Adulthood really sucks sometimes.

I finally left the hospital later on. I think I tired Dad out but he just didn’t want to say it. I went on home and went to bed. What a day.