A post in which I do chores and fret

I woke to overcast yukkiness this morning, and took the long way to work, even though it wouldn't put me there quite on time.  My calendar was blessedly free today aside from the twit meeting.  After I re-scheduled my lunch to accommodate the time of the meeting, Alan re-scheduled it.  Twice.  But I pretty much sailed through when I finally got in there. 

I had an email from Dad today, in response to mine surprisingly.  He didn't yell and scream, but I could pretty much hear the hurt feelings and bruised pride.  Of course he thinks that I'm being unfair. He did kind of underline the idea I've had.  I can't expect him to change who he is, any more than I can change who I am.  He is mired in unhappiness, but he either doesn't want to change, or feels that it's too late for him to change; and I guess that may be at least partially valid.  I still feel like I did the right thing to limit my exposure.

I went to Aldi on the way home for fruit, and didn't spend too much money, even though I got a cart.  I found a quarter in the parking lot the last time I went, and decided it was serendipitous fate at work.  So I leave that in the car as my 'Aldi quarter' now. 

I got home and started un-finished chores.  I put a load of laundry in, fed the cats, and started on supper.  I had burritos tonight since I had tortillas from last week that I hadn't used, and since I had gotten all the stuff already.  Not bad.  Afterwards I folded towels, cleaned up the kitchen, and got out all the stuff to do my feet. 

Although my hands were busy, it was not enough to keep my mind off the boys.  I'm on a slow simmer.  I am really upset with them about the Hat Party yesterday, ditching me at the last damn minute.  But it's really bigger than that.  They just don't have any time for me any more.  I accepted the ongoing hootenanny.  There is no more time to go over and just hang out with your friends.  There have to be ten people there, and we have to be playing some dildonic game as an excuse for the evening.  (What happened to just socializing?  Apparently that has gone the way of the dinosaur.)  But I accepted that. 

This new thing with no plans ever, at least with me, is what upsets me.  Because I am no longer important.  It used to be that if I made an appointment a couple of weeks in advance, they would make some time with me.  The Hat Party proves that is no more.  They won't even commit to plans with me any more.  It's like this in my head: Oh, you think we could commit to something like that??  Right now??  Oh please.  We'll pencil you in, and if there is absolutely nothing better, more desirable, or more exciting going on in our incredibly glamorous and busy lives, we'll let you know.. say about 10 minutes out, mmmkay? But don't count on us.  I absolutely know that is the wrong way to look at it.  It's negative and self-defeating.  It smacks of insecurity.  You can't brow-beat or guilt friends into spending time with you - it will actually drive them further away.  Plus it's actually rather dad-like, which worries me a great deal.  But I can't escape the fact that I'm not even invited to the hootenanny any longer.  I'm usually not even one of the crowd.  And that hurts.  We used to be so close. 

So I turned on the TV, and tried to turn off my head for a while.  I flirted with a cute guy on Growl'r.  I did my feet (the last chance to do them before the beach), and watched RuPaul's Drag Race.  Tonight was a good episode.  All three of them came for Jinkx - the bitches - but she was ready, and sent one of them home.  And good for her.  Roxxy Andrews showed her colors tonight, and it was not pretty.  Usually I'm in the big girl's corner, but a) she ain't that big; and b) she was such a bitch tonight that she lost any sympathy I might have retained for her through the whole Rolaskatoxx bullshit.  I would be happy with anyone but her winning at this point.

But the race over, I put away all the foot stuff, said goodnight to my reluctant swain, moved the last load of clothes to the dryer, licked my bruised feelings a little bit, and went to bed.  Mama will be here tomorrow, and everything will be better.