Busy, busy day

It was the last day of the month at work. I processed the write-offs, processed new clients (since they were trying to get them off their desk for month end), and called on my other clients.

When I got off work, my stomach was still all torn up, and I was craving some peace. I decided to go to the library.

They had an exhibit at the library on the 150 most prominent architectural buildings in the United States. They had pictures of each, and captions of interesting facts about each building. It was a great exhibit, and very relaxing. By the time I left, I felt almost human again. I also got some more books, since I was almost out. I'm on my latest Charlaine Harris right now, Club Dead, but I generally tear through hers pretty fast.

I talked to Dan a bit before bed on the computer. He is such a nice guy.

Recovery Time

I ran through the flea market today, but no one was there. The weather was overcast and windy, which made it cold.

Today I just hung around the house and caught up, since I did almost nothing around here last week. I cooked a big pot of green beans with red potatoes and onions, did laundry, changed the sheets, etc. I cooked some sweet potatoes I bought to make BB a pie. That was the only things she asked me for was one of my sweet potato pies. I’ll have to take her one this week.

But I am just plain ole worn out. My stomach is all torn up too, I think from all those strawberries last night. The only thing I left the house for today was to go to CVS to pick up a prescription.

Next week, I have to start work on my hat. There is only one weekend before the Hat Party. I was lucky enough to find the base for my hat at the flea market yesterday, so next week I get the rest of the stuff. The yard is all growing back in, so it will need some attention soon. It’s going to be a busy week.

Dana's surprise party!

The Cake

I went to the flea market this morning for a quick run through, and found another cobalt Moderntone plate like the one I found the other week. It is so strange how you find one piece of something, and then start seeing it frequently, even if you have never seen one before. I also bought a pink plate that I can't identify. It's a swirl pattern, and per Gene Florence, a lot of the swirl patterns haven't been idenitifed because there were so many of them put out by obscure little glass companies that are long gone. I saw another 3-legged bowl like the one I bought thinking it was Windsor, but in a vile color that would have been a dead give-away if I had noticed it before.

After doing a few things at the house, it was time to head to Russ and Billy's house to get ready for the party. Billy had kindly offered for me to finish icing the cake there, so I wouldn't have to transport it already decorated. That was GREAT, but then I had to pack up all the icing ingredients, and make sure I had them all, plus my kitchen utensils I had to have, etc. Billy has a great kitchen, but I needed a few familiar pieces to work with. I decided to use my Depression Glass for the service too, so all that had to be taken out and packed up for transport. I also used the Columbia plate for the cake, since I bought it at the flea market when I went with Miss Kat and dana. Now it has another memory of them for me. :)

After stops for wrapping for the present, for a card, for extra butter I forgot, and to pick up lunch, I got to their house and set up.

First, I made the cherry butter cream for between the layers. A traditional butter cream, flavored with cherry juice and Kirschwasser (a German cherry brandy). I adapted the recipe from a Black Forest Cake recipe. After painting the cake layers with a mixture of butter, a bit of Kirschwasser, and powdered sugar, I spread on the cherry butter cream, which I topped with sliced tinned black cherries.

Then it was time to make the outer icing. My charge was to make a "light, whipped" icing for the top layer, but it was supposed to be coconut as well. The problem is that most light whipped icings don't have tons of holding power, unless they are full of shortening. My idea was to combine Cool Whip and marshmallow cream to get what I wanted. I had eaten cupcakes with marshmallow cream on them before and they were great. It would have the lightness of whipped cream (plus Cool Whip doesn't deflate), plus the hold of the marshmallow. In theory, it sounded great. The problem was, I tried adding some powdered sugar to the mix, to stiffen it up to hold the coconut. As soon as the sugar went in, the whole thing turned to liquid. The sugar pulled the water out of the Cool Whip (which is just sugar, air, oil, and water, suspended in a petroleum wax emulsifier). I had a marshmallow puddle that wouldn't have stayed on the cake by itself, much less hold coconut. Adding more sugar just made it sweeter. Adding cornstarch had no effect.

So I just had to start all over again. I dumped the marshmallow drool into a container, stuck it in the freezer (I already know what I’m going to do with it for the campout), cleaned the mixer, and started all over again. I just made a butter cream icing, and whipped in the leftover marshmallow cream to try to lighten it up, and then mixed in the coconut. It wasn’t really all that light – I was upset because the results weren’t what I wanted. But it did make an icing that would cover the cake without running off.

The cake was good. I think it would have been better if the cherries hadn’t been so sweet. In retrospect, I would have used cherry pie filling (gussied up) in between the layers, but I was trying to use the best, and the Black Forest Cake recipe specifically called for Bing Cherries. I would also have done an easier (but really bad for you) lard-based icing for the outside, which would have whipped up to be closer to what they wanted. But once again, I was trying to do something better. For the first time making something like that though, and pretty much flying by the seat of my pants, it was pretty good.

Russ and Billy, in addition to hosting, donated lovely decorations of balloons, and a banner to go over the table. When Nicole got there with the other decorations, the table looked really good, I have to say.

dana was totally surprised, you could tell. She was stunned to silence when she walked in, and just stood and stared.

she seemed to really like the gifts she got, and it did seem that people knew her well enough to get her things she really liked. she gave a very touching little speech after she opened the presents – which told me just how deeply she was moved. dana is generally a person of few words (of course, comparatively, most people seem taciturn around me), and though she has no problems asserting herself if need be, she is not the type of person to make herself the center of attention. The things she said were really sweet, and obviously from the heart.

There was play space available, but only Miss Kat and dana took advantage of it. They really needed the time together, you could tell. The headspace was just radiating off of them when they were together. It was very moving to be near them.

Of course there was much conversation and laughter, and it was a really nice party. I had a great time, and I think the others did as well.

The margaritas were delicious, and well worth the time I spent turning fresh strawberries into margarita mix. I mixed them a bit strong though, and I think that may be why the party broke up kind of early for a LOCK people thing. I was home in bed by 12:30.

Nicole and Lori helped me with the party, and I was really glad for their help – particularly when it came time to clean up and they just jumped in there with Billy. After the week before of work and worry, and then the party itself, I was whooped.

C-Day

Well today was cake baking day.

I actually ended up with plenty of time to chill before I baked.

I got an email today from a guy I used to know back in the bar days. It was really good to hear from him, and we started getting caught up on what we had been doing, etc. He is a nice guy, and an attractive one, and he seemed to be intersted in me. All good. I ended up inviting him over for a while tonight, just to talk and see where things went.

We did talk, for several hours. He is a talker too, so there was lots to say. We sat on the porch for a while, since the weather was nice. But as the evening went on, I started to get the feeling that this guy was pretty ego-centric. This idea was kind of finished off when he informed me that sexual practices which require the removal of his rings were just too much trouble. And I'm sitting there thinking "Yeah, you're a giver."

So I said good night, and sent him home.

Then I started baking. I had arleady partaken of a couple of glasses of wine at that point, so I was pretty relaxed. The cake went together surprisingly well, despite my panic when I broke a yolk separating the eggs, and had to use two cold eggs out of the fridge. I just put the bowl with the whites into a warm water bath until I was ready for them, and they were fine. Then I whipped the whites too soon - I had forgotten to pre-heat the oven. But I beat them a bit more afterwards, and they went in fine. And my cakes did not fall.

I am INCREDIBLY relieved. I could have done the rounds of the bakeries for Italian Cream Cake layers (the icing will not be the traditional icing), but that would have felt like cheating.

I should sleep like a baby tonight.

Back to Russ and Billy's

I had forgotten to get an extra cake pan from Billy, since this recipe calls for 3. Fortunately, Billy had three that matched, so I just borrowed all three. Also picked up the coconut that they were giving me. It's not on Weight Watchers, so he said they wouldn't use it.

I also went shopping for the cake stuff.

I am really nervous about making this cake. It will be by far the most elaborate thing I have ever made. I am no baker, and this cake is leavened primarily by beaten egg whites. I just know it's going to fall.

I was talking to Mom tonight on the phone. I had to call in the expert because I was at the store without my recipe and needed to double-check on the nuts. I also wanted to make sure the coconut would be OK, and that I didn't need to buy fresh. I found out that, contrary to my belief, Mom hasn't actually made this cake before. It is from a book she says is good though. I was thinking I was using a vetted recipe, so there was no need for a trial run. Looks like I'm going to just be nipples to the wind tomorrow though... It is so good to have a mom to call when I'm in over my head. She knows me so well too. She said "You better have a glass of wine or something and sit down for a while before you start baking - you know you can't bake when you're stressed. Your cakes fall when you try it." Which is absolutely true.

So I put a bottle of wine in the fridge for tomorrow when I got home.

More party prep

Did some shopping for the party tonight, and got most of the rest of the food. Talked to Billy and took the food and strawberry mix over there, since I figured that would be one less thing to worry about on Saturday. On the way, I stopped and got the special mints from Capri's. They are chocoloate and candy coated butter mints, and they are fab. Unfortunately, they were also $5 bucks a pound (!!), but I couldn't really say anything because I had practically begged the restaurant to sell them to me. I couldn't find them anywhere else.

I ended up hanging out with Billy most of the evening. Russ was late getting in. When he got there, we had dinner. It was nice just to hang out at their place. Haven't done that in a while.

Dinner at Justin's

Picture of waiting bowls on vintage glass "snack trays" at Justin's. In the front right corner, you can just make out the handy cigarette holder for the "ashtray" portion - too cool, and kinda gross at the same time. LOL

I had planned to do more shopping tonight for the party, but Justin invited me for homemade vegetable soup and I really couldn't say no. It was really good to see him, and we got caught up on each other's lives. I have had so much going on that I haven't seen much of him recently, and I think he's lonely. Lord knows I know all about that.

But we had dinner, and talked, and had a good visit. "Suddenly Last Summer" was on TCM, and he keeps telling me I need to see that movie (Elizabeth Taylor did look ravishing - so young, sigh), but we ended up talking all evening. It was good to see him; and I could really use the break from party prep anyway.

Quick Guacamole

I make this to rave reviews:

4-5 avocados, suitably ripe and soft. This is the hardest part. They should yield slightly to gentle pressure of your thumb. The skins should be pretty black for Hass Avocados (the smaller, wrinkly ones).

1/2 cup sour cream (I used reduced fat - you can't tell)
1-2 heaping tablespoons mayonnaise (for extra creamyness, always Duke's)
1-2 teaspoons lime juice (bottled will work, fresh is better)
1 cup salsa
good sprinkle of garlic powder
couple of dashes of tobasco

Mush it all up together and mix well. I leave some chunks in the avocado because I like to be able to really taste it.

For the full monty, add:

1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro - this make a huge difference to the taste - dried won't work
I always use fresh lime for the full monty, because the oil from the skin isn't in the bottled stuff.
Chopped fresh green onions, to taste
Chopped black olives if you like.

For a variation, I put a bit of curry powder in this. It is lovely with all the creaminess, and adds a floral undernote. All measurements are approximate, I never measure for guacamole, just dump stuff in until it's enough.

Enjoy.

A decent Monday overall

Small "Bubble" berry bowl in sapphire blue, by Anchor Hocking Glass

Today was a pretty good day. I was ready for work in time to run by Goodwill on the way in, and get some odds and ends out of the house. I had lunch (nasty Chinese buffet) with Russ and Miss Kat. I usually don’t go out to lunch any more, but I needed a break today. I was able to find out from Russ at lunch that I am not having company this weekend. That allows me to focus only on my other stuff this week. As much as I would have loved to see my friends, it is good that I don’t have to worry about the house being company-ready by Friday night.

Did some shopping on the way home. Oddly, on the way to Wal-Mart (I hardly ever go there) I was pulled to go into the Goodwill store out on Woodruff Road. I almost never go in there, because that road is so well traveled, and the store is usually really picked over. But for some reason, I just felt that I was in there to find something. Looking around, I found a little Bubble berry bowl, one of the small ones that goes with the larger one my mother gave me the other weekend, for $1.50. It was just sitting there, like it was waiting for me. So I bought it and, feeling my reason had been realized, left.

I went in BJ's (yes, a real store, similar to Sam's) to get party food, but they had almost nothing I was looking for. The list is very specific, since dana doesn't eat a lot of different things. So I got two things and left. So much for buying in bulk making this cheaper.

Had a lovely supper, a bit of quick guacamole made from a great avocado I found this weekend, with some crunchy pumpernickel pretzels.

Also spent some time talking to a really nice guy on Bear411. His name is Dan, and I really like him. He’s funny and smart, which I like. He lives in Asheville, but I guess it wouldn’t be the first time I had dated someone in Asheville. He’s from Arkansas originally, so he’s a Southern boy too. That’s not really a criterion, but it is a nice thing. He made me laugh, and I went to bed with a little smile on my face.

Stubbing my toes - still

How long is it before the little twinges stop? Am I doing myself favors by brusquely pushing them aside? Or is this the right thing to do?

I’ll be in the midst of doing things, and stub my emotional toe again on memories. I have never thought of myself as a dweller, but I guess I am.

I went into the out-building this weekend to get tools, and all of Michael’s gardening things are still out there. Immediately memories came back. The year he spent all that money on gardening stuff, and plowed up the back yard. The year he got the brass dragonfly yard ornament for Christmas. I later found it after he left, buried in weeds in the back yard. I went back in the house, and kept doing what I needed to do.

When I cleaned the bathroom, my terrycloth bear puppet is still in there. We were somewhere and found Michael’s monkey puppet when we were dating, and after I gave it to him, I chased him all over his apartment, tickling him with it. Years later, we found the bear puppet in a store in Charlotte while we were visiting friends. I decided not to buy it, but he bought it anyway, and surprised me with it later. They were both in the bathroom together until he left. I wonder if he still has the monkey puppet, and if it reminds him of me.

This morning I took our old comforter to Goodwill. After we shopped for a year for a comforter, I finally just picked it out and brought it home, where his old cat Vesta proceeded to destroy it. We slept under it for years, and it was in terrible shape and covered with picks. But it was hard, for a moment, to leave it in the bin at Goodwill, full of memories of fights and cold nights and togetherness. Another bit of my past discarded.

I still have the vase under the kitchen sink that my last flowers came in. The last anniversary before we broke up. I just can’t bear to part with it yet. Should I? Or not? I can’t decide. I’m trusting myself to know when the time is right.

It reminded me of a story my grandmother told me about cleaning out the house after my grandfather died. She found a packet of strawberry seeds he had bought. He had been planning to re-sew the strawberry patch in their back yard. She said “They seemed so much a part of him for a moment that I just had to have a good cry over them.”

So I’m still stubbing my emotional toes, over a year later. Do these memories get sweeter? Or do they stay tinged with pain? I guess I’ll find out. The past is part of who I am, and I don’t want to reject that. There were good years and good times. But these little moments are hard. I push past them and go on. I'm afraid if I don't, they'll weigh me down. But I worry about losing pieces of my life in the process.

I guess that's the way it works though. You decide what to keep and what needs to go.

Happy Easter

I didn't really celebrate. I didn't have time.

I did go through the flea market this morning, but there weren’t that many people there. I hadn’t even thought about it being Easter Sunday. I did get some fruit and produce, and a really cool cigar ash tray that I could just see Sir Michael using. I also wasted a dollar on a little 3-footed bowl that I thought might turn out to be Windsor pattern, but I should have known better.

I got home and tried to take a nap, but ended up watching part of a movie instead. I decided I better get moving. Turns out I had seriously under-estimated how much I had to do, so it was a good thing.

I have an old comforter that the cats had destroyed, and that I wanted to get to Goodwill because they recycle fabric (I don’t think they could sell it), but I was embarrassed to take it in the state it was in. I drove all over town looking for an open laundry, and finally found one. Coin laundries have changed a LOT since I used to use them. There are no coins any more, first of all. You put bills in a machine that charges a card that runs the machines. So I felt like a dingus standing there with my container of quarters. And I felt like an idiot because I couldn’t figure out where the money went in the card machine at first, but one thing hasn’t changed – a coin laundry is kind of like an elevator. For the most part, people ignore each other and try to pretend they aren’t there. So I don’t guess anyone was watching. Or not openly. While the comforter was drying, I went to the grocery store. Publix was closed because of the holiday, so I went to Bi-Lo, which for some reason no longer carries the soy milk I use.

After the store I picked up the comforter, and then went home to spend the afternoon in the kitchen.

I wanted to make a batch of authentic marinara sauce. That turned out to be like trying to make authentic potato salad. Everyone seems to have their own recipe that they are adamant is the right one. Some recipes were adamant that no wine should be used; some were just as adamant that it is crucial. Some insisted that the sauce had to have some form of seafood in it because of the name, and some said the name came because it was the dish that was served to sailors when they came in from voyages. Personally, I was thinking that if I was a sailor back from a long voyage, the last thing I would want would be sauce with more fish in it. Also, I decided that if Puttanesca doesn’t have real prostitutes in it, then Marinara needn’t have fish in it. One interesting thing was that the consensus seems to be that the sweetness in Marinara is supposed to come from the natural sugars in the vegetables, cooked slowly to caramelize them. That sounded right. It also made sense to me that sailors coming in would need veggies because of scurvy, and because fresh veggies would be lacking while they were at sea. So basically I winged it. I took several recipes that sounded good, used the parts I liked from them, and guestimated the amounts of ingredients. It turned out pretty good. Rich (I used the wine) and sweet (I used the veggies, plus a bit of sugar), with just a tingle on the back end (from the addition of some dried red pepper, which was in several recipes I found, and sounded good). I cooked up some whole wheat pasta to eat with it, and was able to freeze half the batch of sauce.

I also boiled and deviled a dozen eggs. I LOVE deviled eggs, but I rarely make them because they are like an orgy of cholesterol and fat. But I used Easter as an excuse and made them to eat on this week. They turned out good too. I just made traditional eggs. I have three recipes that I use.

I also worked on a bit of laundry, changed the sheets, and did another kitchen project that’s secret. I can’t talk about it yet. But it was very messy and took some time.

By the time I finished all this up and cleaned up the kitchen, it was 7:45pm. And I decided I was done for the day. I am tired. There is more house cleaning that needs to be done, but I am going to try to get an RSVP from my weekend guests before I kill myself on the house this week. I really want them to come, but if they don’t, I can focus on another project I have going without having to split my energies and focus. I have a lot of irons in the fire at the mo.

I was a very good boy today, and I'm tired

Well after the flea market, I did take a nap. I'm still having sleeping problems. But after that I got up and got to work.

- I cleared off the top of the fridge, and then cleaned it. I have been putting that off forever. Then I washed the cookie jars.
- Replaced the tank on the toilet, another job I had been putting off.
- Scrubbed the bathroom floor.
- Scrubbed the kitchen floor, cleaned the baseboards, pulled out all the appliances and cleaned under them.
- Cleaned the sides of the stove.
- Cleaned all the wood parts on my kitchen chairs.
- Put away all the miscellaneous pieces of Depression Glass that have been floating around in the kitchen.
- Cleared and cleaned the kitchen table.
- Took out the trash, then got out the clippers and clipped all the bushes back from the back gate.
- Dusted some of the floors in the study.

Still a lot to go, but I'm making headway. I may be having guests next weekend, and I really am embarrassed to have people see the way I had let things slide. There's been so much going on, and I've been gone so much, I just haven't had time. I'd also like to be able to have Walter over. As I was watching an episode of How Clean is Your House? today on BBC, I was thinking, "I have turned into one of those people - my filthy house is affecting other areas of my life now!" Craziness. And really crazy in light of the fact that my ex's slob tendencies were a huge bone of contention between us.

Anyway, more cleaning tomorrow. This is long overdue. But I'll reward myself with a little run through the flea market first. I've also been eating crap. I had french fries for lunch today. But if I don't give myself some kind of reward, I won't keep at it. I was going to get fried okra, which I have been craving, but apparently they don't make it at Church's or KFC any more. Shame.

Block Optic 6 1/8" saucer in green, by Hocking Glass Company. Circa 1929-1933

Moderntone 6 3/4" salad plate in cobalt blue. By Hazel Atlas Glass Company, circa 1934-1942

Pretty nice day at the flea market today. Got some minor pieces, but didn't pay a lot for them. The weather is beautiful, and there were tons of people out. I paid 0.50 each for the plates I bought today, and got a little tiny Glasbake custard for the same price. Some day I have to find a pricing guide for that stuff.

Nice start to the weekend

Today has started out nice. I know I have to clean, but I have some time to do it. Russ and Billy are in Atlanta at Frolicon this weekend, so I won't be tempted to party.

Since I was craving pancakes, I made cakes, eggs, snausages, and coffee for breakfast, and had a ciggie on the front porch while I finished my coffee. I was thinking that I might virtuously forego the flea market this morning, but then thought that I my system might well be unable to handle so much virtue at one go. So I'm going before I clean.

The Hat Party is announced

I got my invitation to The Hat Party today. The Hat Party, for the uninitiated, is the party of the Spring for my social circle. My friends Dan'l and Jim have a gorgeous home (for which I periodically hate them) in Tigerville, with 6 acres of landscaped grounds. They have a large garden party each Spring, and we all make fancy hats and wear them. It is always a lovely time, and it is always good to see everyone.

There are winner and 1st and 2nd runners-up prizes given in each of three categories: funniest, most original, and most flawless. Since there are fags involved, competition is notably fierce, but in good fun. There is a theme each year, and part of the thing is how well you execute the theme. All the prizes are coveted, but none more so than "Most Flawless - Queen of Nine Planets, Before Whom All Must Bow Down". I have won several prizes through the years, but have never won Most Original. I'd like to win that one sometime, and then I'll just forget about competing and have fun. Yeah right. The prizes are awarded by the votes of the guests - everyone gets one vote in each category. So it's kind of a popularity contest as well. I will not so humbly share that I am the currently reigning Most Flawless, BWAMBD. You're not allowed to win that one two years running, so I'm going to try for Most Original again this year.

The theme this year is Tropical. For some reason I am struck by inspiration as soon as I open the invitation each year. A picture of a pretty much fully formed hat falls into my brain, and then I have to figure out how to make it. Bigger is better, and more is more, but there have been some notable mishaps when overly ambitious designs have fallen apart during the Parade of Hats. So I have my vision, and now just have to figure out how to make it. I immediately ordered supplies. I have another project I'm working on right now, so no construction can begin until next weekend is over, but this gives me some time to think about implementation. I won't be able to reveal the design until after the party (4-13-08) because designs are top secret. I know some couples who won't let each other see their hats until the day of the party.

Wish me luck!

Profoundly, Profoundly grateful to be home

After a bagel and a schmear for brekkie, I froze my ass off making my way to the courthouse. I didn't have my dress coat, and thought, "Oh the courthouse is only a block or so away, I'll be fine." It was 30 degrees this morning, and there were high winds. An "all weather" suit down here is different than an "all weather" suit up there. Distinctly different. I got to the courthouse, thawed out my hands, and met our attorney and his associate. I was glad he brought the associate, who was a sharp guy, and seemed to have a lot of enthusiasm. I was glad I brought extra documentation that I had organized, because their file on the case was a mess. Attorneys LOVE paper. They always want more of it. But it is never really organized, and usually is flowing out of overstuffed manila folders. My theory is that they make nests with it, like chimpanzees. This behavior has yet to be observed by Sir David Attenborough.

We went over the case, and proceeded to the court building. Things didn't look good, because the judge who drew the case oversaw criminal cases as well. He had a full criminal docket, and I was told that it could be late afternoon, or even several days, before he got to our case. He was intending for us to settle this case. Of course we had already tried that, but the defendant had resisted all overtures. His attorney has a reputation for being a loon, and being totally unable to manage her clients. Sometimes you have to do that.

Fortune smiled, and we were told that a retired and very distinguished judge (the guy had been profiled on the History Channel yet) was in the building, and agreed to try to act as arbiter on the case. We eventually worked things out. We didn't get what we should have, but I think we'll get something.

After a very nice lunch and most stimulating conversation with the attorneys at a posh restaurant near the courthouse (this was more like it), I had a bit of time to kill before my flight. Unwilling optimist that I am, I dropped in a small bar on the way to the airport that I had looked up. This being a Thursday afternoon, it was pretty quiet. My problem this afternoon was just the opposite. This bar didn't have a very beautiful clientele either ("Jurassic" pretty much covers it), but I actually had a bit too much attention today. (There is just no pleasing some whiny fuckers, is there?) After being chased around by a chattier, younger version of Ben Stein for a while, I did meet a nice enough bear guy. We had a drink and talked a bit, and he was at least friendly. Once again, no beauty, but at least pleasant.

Then it was off to the airport again, my most favorite place to be treated like cattle. The temp on the way hit 35 degrees, the warmest it had been while I was there. I was assured by the attorneys that it was exceptionally nice weather today for them for this time of year. All the more reason to get my butt home. I did at least have my regular coat to wear.

After changing the gate on the flight to the one directly the furthest away that was still on the same concourse, they announced that the flight was over-booked, and were asking for a volunteer to fly out tomorrow. After several increasingly lucrative offers, they then threatened to bump someone if there wasn't a "volunteer". They then abruptly started seating the flight. As usually happens, I ended up wedged in next to one of the biggest guys on the plane. I really didn't mind, as he was conspicuously gorgeous, with big furry manly-muscled arms and pecs you could eat breakfast off of. He, however, seemed distinctly uncomfortable. Oh well, not my fault. After all the threats, we ended up with one vacant seat on the plane. Apparently two people missed the flight after all that. The plane, though swelteringly hot inside, did take off fairly on time - a small miracle.

This South Carolina boy is glad to be home.

I had sworn that after all this, I was sure as HELL not doing any laundry tonight. But I did anyway.

I fly into Cleveland - the Clevelandites are totally unimpressed

Cleveland greets me with pissing, freezing drizzle and snow.

It has been a long, fairly crappy day.

I went into work, where I worked like a man possessed to put together all the extra documentation we need for trial. Then I dashed to the airport.

I flew into Cleveland, only to land in snowy, slushy, overcast drab muck. I had no umbrella, of course. The took me to an exposed (of course) rental car area, and gave me a Pontiac that was fine, unless you needed to back up. The back end was tilted up, and half the rear view mirror was taken up with a charming view of the rear dash. What little view there was over the dash was further obscured by a spoiler, covered with snow, and the condensation, since the wires for the rear defrost stopped short of the top and bottom by a good 4 inches. After backing up - VERY gingerly - I headed for the highway. In the snow. Usually when it is weather like this, I stay the fuck home. I made it to the hotel, finding my way despite snow-covered signs, and had to call them to figure out how the parking worked, since I was staying in downtown Cleveland.

After the (mandatory) valet took the car, I went to my room, and collapsed wearily on the bed. Of course, 20 minutes later, it stopped snowing. Since there were no restaurants around, I ordered Chinese delivery for dinner. So much for living large on expense account.

Now a sensible person would at this point have stayed in, gone over his briefs for trial, and gone to bed early. I imagine most sensible people tend not to hear Rosalyn Russell's voice from Mame in their head going "Live! LIVE!"

So with Rosalyn still echoing, I called for the car, and headed for the local watering hole. Where I was resoundingly snubbed. By everyone there. Now admittedly, there wasn't much of a crowd because of the weather, but I was thinking that would work to my advantage. So wrong. When this happened in Ft. Lauderdale, I kind of understood. That's kind of the East Coast answer to LA, shrine of the body beautiful. But even there, I eventually found someone to talk to. I would also have understood if I had wandered into some kind of nest of Adonii (a standing and modeling bar or the like), or a twink bar. Not so. These guys were no beauties. And not kids. But not one of them had the time of day for me. All friendly overtures were soundly rebuffed. So I went back to the hotel and went to bed.

More busy-ness

Got off work tonight, dreading all I had to do to get ready to leave town tomorrow, but I did it all.

I also ran some hummus by to Russ, since I had some homemade in the fridge, and had promised him some. Then came home and packed everything up.

More family discord

I spent a good part of me evening tonight, listening to the further deterioration of the relationship between my dad and stepmother and my sister Cindy and Paul, my brother-in-law. Apparently there were more rounds today in the fight. I hate to see things come to this, but I kind of understand how it has played out. The whole situation is very sad.

Paul had it out with my dad and step-mother individually again this week.

He also told me, for those who are following this, that Cindy received the lamp I sent for her birthday, and was very happy with it. He said she would be doubtless be in contact with me about it directly.

I also talked to Miss Kat, which was nice, and caught her all up on the LOCK event this weekend. I had kind of thought that I might go over there last night, but I found out at work today that I have to go to Cleveland this week for an overnight trip, so I have to get ready, and do stuff around the house before I go. This is just not good timing, but it has to be done.

Another day of irresponsibility, at least in part*

I had volunteered to be tour guide for Lady D at the Anderson Jockey Lot this morning, after finding out that she was a flea market aficionado. I figured this would be fun and interesting, and that was certainly the case.

We got a bit of a late start, since everyone had been up so late last night. Russ said everyone didn't get to bed until around 3:30. Plus, they decided to leave from there, since it was on the way to Atlanta, so they had to pack up all the stuff that morning.

Lady D showed a marked prediliction for dragon/fantasy figurines, which seems to be a theme with BDSM people, I've noticed. She also, surprisingly, likes dolls, and bought several bags full of them right off the bat.

dax has mobility issues, so we didn't get to see as much of the lot as we would ordinarily cover, but Lady D still managed to find plenty of stuff to buy. Since I had taken my glass book with me, of course I didn't find any Depression Glass, which is actually just as well. I have bought a good bit lately. Plus, that left my hands free to help carry Lady D's things.

It is just fascinating to watch a Domme in public. Lady D just has the ability to pull others into her head space, seemingly with little to no effort. I have seen both Carmina and Miss Kat exert this casual control over others. I wonder if it is just something they have been doing all their lives. Russ can talk the birds out of the trees. I used to think he just had an unusual gift o' gab, but I now think there may be more involved. I don't feel it around him usually, but maybe he just doesn't use it on me. Or maybe I just don't notice he is doing it. When you're around a Dom, their will seems kind of like a tide around you. You just kind of get sucked in. I am very susceptible to headspace, so even some subs do it to me, which is a very interesting experience.

We walked up to a booth that sold knives and sundry fantasy items at the Jockey Lot. Immediately, I could pick up on the fact that the girl running the booth was responding to Lady D on more than one level. Within about 5 minutes, Lady D basically cleared me out so she had room to work, and the girl was digging things out of back stock, just to show Lady D. You could tell she was at pains to please this woman she had never met, whether she could understand why or not. It just fascinates me. I have had people respond to the submissive in me in the same way at times; nothing that overt, but still most interesting.

After shopping, they left for Atlanta, and Russ and Billy and I went out to lunch. I took them to the new Chinese Buffet over near my house, and we stuffed ourselves. It was almost 3pm, and we were hungry.

Russ wanted to do a movie this afternoon, but I hadn't done any cooking for the coming week, and really had a lot of stuff to do. So I begged off. I've been irresponsible enough this weekend. After playing most of the day yesterday and today, I thought it was time I acted like a grownup for a while. Dammit.

Woo-Hoo play party!

Now, after being up so early, all the errands, the seminar, and then dinner, I was pretty whooped. But I know better than to miss a play party when LOCK people are going to be there. It is just always fun. I was also very interested to get to know Lady D and her folks better. I had never spent a lot of time around her, but I really like her style, and Russ and Billy love her, which is a pretty reliable tip-off that someone is worth knowing.

Lady D is a short dark-skinned African-American woman. She wears her hair very short on the sides and back, and in short, black and rust, tiny corksrew curls on top. She has incredibly long curled talons of nails that are always perfectly manicured. She is a short person that you never think about being short. Her personality is HUGE. She is one of those people that fill the room when they come in. Her voice is loud, and a laugh is never far from her lips, many times at herself. She is a person who consumes life in great, dripping chunks, and relishes every bite. Her enthusiasm is infectious, and she exerts a compelling will with a generous garnish of charm.

With her playfullness and sense of humor, I figured things tonight would be very fun and bouncy tonight, which turned out to be true. The music was just some mindless disco beat stuff. Russ had gotten out the surgical stapler, which Lady D had never played with before. Soon she was happily stapling a decoration of beaded thread onto gypsy's back, and adding some decorative needle work. Sometimes needlework can be intense and dark, but this was more like Lady D just delighting in new shiny baubles she could play with. Russ tried the surgical stapler on me, and although the rest of them talked about how it didn't hurt, I thought it was pretty painful. To each his own I guess.

Billy and Kay had a flogger fight, each trying to hit the other, and giggling the whole time. It was pretty funny. Russ was grousing because Kay is a toy box girl, and had some really cool toys that Russ didn't have, which of course didn't go over very well.

Lori was there, and they had great fun decorating her with braided and artfully looped strands of Mardi Gras beads.

The dungeon actually wasn't really the focus of the evening. Boomer, Anne, and lisa kind just took up in the kitchen talking. Kevin, Billy, and jan took turns playing with Kay, to her obvious delight. I hate I missed that scene.

Kevin and jan played a bit, but mainly retired to the smoking porch to talk with people. I got to spend a little time with them, which I enjoyed. jan is now on the LOCK board, which I think is a good thing. She's a smart woman, and a submissive who can assert herself to do what is right. She and Kevin got engaged at the Fall campout last year, and seem just besotted with each other. It was SO romantic. I still tear up thinking about it. It does my heart good to see them together, so obviously in love. She is always beautifully dressed in a very feminine style, and also wears great shoes. It was no surprise to me that she had pearl-beaded strappy sandals to match the pearl bugle-beaded clutch she took to dinner.

By the end of the evening, everyone ended up out on the porch, and we spent about the last two hours just talking, telling stories, and enjoying each other. It was a great evening.

Yay! Hanging out with LOCK folk

Well after being so sleepy all week, I had told myself I could finally sleep in this morning. Then I set the &^%$#@!! alarm last night out of habit like an idiot. Man was I pissed when it went off this morning. And of course, due to my contradictory nature, I came wide awake. Any other day this week, I could have rolled over and gone immediately back to sleep.

Just as well I guess. I had a million things to do today, and had to be at the hotel for the seminar about 1pm.

I packed and mailed Cindy's lamp this morning, along with a birthday card, and the biscuit cutter she had been looking for. Her birthday was the 10th, but this is the first chance I've had to get to the post office, and since she usually doesn't send me anything for my birthday, I figured late was OK. I noticed when I switched the lamps out that the one I bought at the flea market had a chip in the shade. I hadn't noticed it before. After a while though, I know it won't bother me any more.

I pulled the shower curtain out of the washer and put it back up after cleaning the shower stall.

I picked up my dry cleaning from Metropolitan Dry Cleaners, who had once again performed a miracle by de-Croonerizing my good navy wool peacoat. I really didn't know if it could be saved after he used it for a cat bed, grinding white cat hair into the nap of the fabric and getting dried kitty-snots all over it. It looks like new. I was amazed. But then I am always amazed at the things they can do. They have gotten old, dried ketchup out of good silk ties for me. These people are amazing. So after praising them extravagantly, I left. Oh and for the parting of the cat-hairs on navy wool? The cost was $10. That is just pretty damn reasonable for a miracle.

So after running a few more errands, I came home and straighted up a few more things, then got ready to go.

***

The seminar was very interesting. It was on "consensual non-consent". A complex topic, since of course all responsible BDSM play is consensual at the core. These are very complex scenes to set up, and even more intensely psychological than the usual scenes. Harder to read, and easier for things to go wrong. But for committed and experienced couples, they do add a whole new level you can play within.

The first presenter was Lady D. She lives in Atlanta, and has four people in service to her. She is a very experienced Domme, and a former hypno-therapist. She is very good natured, and fun loving, and is the first one to laugh at herself, but she is a serious player nonetheless. I find that generally the more secure people are with their talents and self-image, the more relaxed they are, and the easier they are to get along with. This is true of just life in general I guess.

Lady D brought two of her people with her for the demo. A man named dax, and a woman named gypsy. After she did a lecture, there was a fairly tame scene with dax. Frankly, I was a bit let down. I had been expecting something much more exotic and interesting from Lady D. With her red herring out of the way, she and gypsy then went into the real scene, taking me by surprise. I'm sure most of the others realized long before I did that we were witnessing the true scene. It was really compelling, and very well done.

After a break, Boomer did a scene with a lovely young woman he brought with him named lisa. Boomer, despite his reputation (he is one of the premier men with a single-tail whip in the Southeast, if not the country) is always nice, and invariably approachable and friendly. His scene, while very stimlating, was pretty much a typical scene (if there is such a thing). I felt kind of embarrassed, because people were not as quiet as they probably should have been, and were moving around and stuff. Regardless of what was happening, I felt people should have been more respectful of his time and effort.

The spoken presentations for both classes weren't as informative as I had hoped they would be. They were heavily laced with personal anecdotes, that, while interesting, weren't always at the heart of the subject. I can understand that though. Dominants may work from the heart and mind, but they tend to express with their hands, like artisans. Such people often have difficulty expressing themselves verbally. Additionally, BDSM sex is bi-lateral, happening on both the spiritual and physical plain, and in ways that can be highly specific to each person. Public speaking is hard, even for people experienced at it, and just because you can do something doesn't mean you can teach it. Trying to speak publicly about something so personal, intense, and complex is a daunting task.

Nonetheless, the classes were very interesting, and I had some exposure to an area I previously had known little about. I was glad I was able to go.

After it was over, we all went to dinner, which was nice. I LOVE to see the LOCK people. They are all such interesting, open-minded, compelling people. Since I know them now, it's like seeing family when we all get together. Carmina and adder were there. Kevin and his finacee jan were there. Boomer and Anne and the girl lisa was there. Lady Beth was there, looking better, but I noticed she didn't eat very much. Kay was there. Miss Kitten was there with a beautiful man named Jason, who came with her from Atlanta. And of course Russ and Billy were there. Lady D was also there with dax and gypsy.

We had a nice meal, with lots of conversation. My only problem was that there were too many people for me to get to talk to them all I wanted. I got to eat with Carmina and adder, which was good since they weren't coming to the play party later. I have really grown very fond of Carmina and adder. Carmina is a very no-nonsense and plain-spoken person, which I like. You never have to worry about where you stand with Carmina, she will let you know. She's also almost stereotypically the "gruff exterior with the heart of gold" type of person. adder, unsurprisingly, adores her. She also has that ability to project her Domme personality into everything she does. It was fascinating to watch her take control of our waiter and basically just exert her will. He saw to her every need in a most interesting fashion.

I have also developed a special fondness for Kay, a newer addition to the group. She was sitting across from me. She came to us through a group called KEY, and she is very much a unique type of person in the scene. To quote a movie, that girl is pure sunshine. An exuberant, zaftig girl, she refreshingly doesn't seem to have a lot of baggage about her weight, and always dresses beautifully, and in colors she likes. As is typical in the scene, I find, she wears beautiful shoes. She has a shiny curly bob of thick chestnut hair, and a perpetual smile on her face. She also doesn't have issues with being a switch. I would really like to have a scene with her one day - I think it would be so much fun.

I got to talk to Anne, and meet lisa. Anne is another particular favorite. She always praises my cooking to excess, which is always the fast lane to my heart. But even aside from that, she is always so nice, and genuinely interested in how I'm doing. As a partner with Boomer, she has a lot of people wanting to approach and get to know her. I am always touched that she takes an interest in me. She asks me questions that lets me know she remembers my situation. Plus, she is always gorgeously dressed in clothes that I wish I could wear.

Despite the typical restaurant issues at that Ruby Tuesday, we had a lovely meal, except for jan, whose steak was underdone, and then they messed up their check. We won't be taking a group to that restaurant again. Russ and Billy eat there all the time because they can get Weight Watchers friendly food there, but they are burnt out on it, and after all the problems, we are going to have to find somewhere else to take people.

Well there goes my commitment to Getting Things Done

The house is disgusting. Really. To the point that I am grossed out, and have decided I have to do something about it. To that end, I was going to stay in tomorrow and make some serious dust rabbits fly.

But then Russ and Billy called me tonight, and told me there was a LOCK seminar tomorrow. Apparently I didn't get the email, but there was still room for me to attend. This is where my determination to live life to the fullest runs right into my Virgo need for clean and order. I have found that the things I regret in life aren't the things that I do, but the things that I don't. So, I totally blew off cleaning and said I would love to go. Which of course I will. But my life is starting to feel a bit out of control.

But my mother and I had this talk, and we both decided we wanted to be remembered for something other than keeping a clean house. At this point I don't think I have to worry about that. But I guess the dirt will still be there when I get around to it.

I did a bit on the bathroom. I find I can tolerate doing it better if I do little bits of it at a time. So tonight was the vanity, mirror, and light fixture. And then I went to bed, feeling semi-virtuous.

The concert!

After a more than usually bullshit-laden day at work, I was ready for the Renee Fleming concert last night.

I ended up going with Todd Jamison. I was really glad he was able to work it out to go. He is such a nice guy, and such good company. We both really enjoyed the show. She did a varied program, with the longest piece in the first half being an atonal arrangement written in the 70's by a man named George Crumb. I imagine it was more fun to sing than it was to hear. I guess she gets tired of doing the same arias over and over, and likes to do other things when she can, and we Greenvillians, who were kind of in on a pass, were in no position to grouse. It was absolutely amazing to have her here.

We did find out why she's here. Her father is apparently living in Charlotte now, and she came to see him. He was at the show. This is exciting, because if we are very, very lucky, she'll come sing for us every now and then. It would be absolutely amazing to have such a world-renowned artist appear with any regularity in Greenville. I was literally agog when I heard she was coming. The audience, as is our wont here, was very generous with applause and love. She got four standing ovations, and at one point quipped, "this is what I have been missing in New York", which of course just made everyone clap harder. She didn't know that here in Greenville we'll give a standing ovation to just about anyone. I have frankly seen some pretty undeserving shows get them, but I will say without reservation that Ms. Fleming deserved hers. Her range is astonishing, even forgetting that she is 49! She has obviously taken great care of her voice.

I have to say, I didn't care for the Crumb arrangement, although Donnie thought it was brilliant, and one woman down near us was apparently thrilled - giving a standing ovation of one at the conclusion. I thought it was a bit cosmo for the audience - if not, it was a bit to cosmo for me, I guess. I also did not care for her accompanist, whom I thought did too much and whom I found distracting at some points. My impression was of an aspiring concert pianist, not content to accompany. The rest of the program was more accessible. She leaned heavily on the Strauss German pieces she favors, which are not my favorite, but which she sang beautifully. She also did a lovely medley of "The Water is Wide", which is a favorite of mine from my choir days. Again, I must mention her exceptional range. As a full lyric soprano, she can do the full range of notes from mezzo to coloratura, and we got pretty much the full range last night. She lightly warbled in the bird-like coloratura fashion at one point, then coyly smiled to let us know it was just for fun, and she wasn't taking it that seriously. Her energetic and surprisingly extended forays into mezzo territory were as full-bodied and rich as a robust and well-aged burgundy.

We pedestrians (or traditionalists) waited patiently for the Puccini at the end of the program, and I have to say, we weren't disappointed. The arias she sang - "O mio babbino caro" and "Vissi d'arte" - were triumphantly gorgeous; and she made them look and sound easy. I detected only one wrong note (I'm not nuts, Donnie heard it too) in an otherwise recording-worthy performance. She did "Summertime" from Porgy and Bess as an encore, and it was absolutely enchanting. She did "I Could Have Danced All Night" as her second encore, which was very nice, but she wanted audience participation like at a concert, and so you couldn't hear her some of the time. She then did a third encore, singing "Over the Rainbow". Frankly, I would have preferred a little more Puccini if she was going to nod to popular stuff - having Renee Fleming sing "Over the Rainbow" was pretty, but kind of like having a master chef make you a grilled cheese sandwich. But once again, beggars can't be choosers - not that she made us feel that way in the least.

You could tell that she was here mainly to relax, have some fun, and sing for her father. You could also tell that she was enjoying the intimacy of the venue, being used to singing for much larger audiences. The Peace Center interior is looking a bit shopworn (it opened in 1990), but the acoustics are very good. You could see her face, so she mugged and shared little jokes, which would have been impossible to do in a larger facility. It made the whole thing seem very personal, and as if you were seeing a part of the real Renee. I know this woman is a show person, and used to performing, but last night felt much more intimate and friendly than a typical performance. It was quite a warm feeling. I guess this "review" sounds pretty critical, but I am spoiled for some of the best performances ever, captured on CD and listened to repeatedly on a good sound system. And I am a Virgo, after all.

Donnie was there too, with Nicole, and after the concert, we went uptown for sushi and cocktails. We went to "Tsunami". I hadn't been there before, but had heard very good things about it from several people. The food was really pretty good (the mussels yaki were particularly good), and reasonable for sushi, but the service wasn't that great, and it wasn't very comfortable. Many of the tables are those bistro tables with tall chairs. We had a nosh and a good gossip session, and of course re-hashed the concert. And then it was home to bed. At midnight. I'm going to be dead tomorrow.

Bad news for my waistline

I got a flier in the mail today when I got home. They have opened a nasty ole Chinese Buffet like a block from my house. So of course I threw off the healthy dinner I had planned on and went to try it. It was pretty much classic Chinese Buffet food. Everything was fresh last night, because they were busy. I hope they keep enough business for the food to be fresh. I did find it interesting that they just opened a gallon can of ketchup and left it open on the bar LOL. I used to have a roommate who thought leaving food in the can to refrigerate it would poison you, so I always notice stuff like that. I also love the weird anachronisms of food you find at a Chinese Buffet. They had some weird stuff last night. Strange seafood with sweet sauce (shrimp with a sweet mayo-based yellow stuff dribbled over it, called for some reason "coconut shrimp") is practically expected. But they also had lots of stuff for the rednecks - french fries, onion rings (who wants onion rings or fries from under a heat lamp?), fried fish, etc. They also had spinach stuffed puff pastry(?), which I found very interesting.

After that I was lazy, so I went home and finished the last of the Spiderwick Chronicles books I got from the library. They are cute, and the story is interesting, but these probably made as good a movie as they did a book. Pretty simplistic. But then I expected little else from children's books. I just like to read the book before I see the movie. Although I have to say I did not enjoy Atonement, so I decided not to bother with the movie. I can see the appeal of Spiderwick though. I would have loved those books as a kid.

Mounds of laundry continue. Tomorrow is Renee Flemming (!!), so I know I won't get anything done tomorrow night either. I am seriously considering foregoing the flea market this weekend and cleaning house. It is awful. And if I am ever to have Walter over, I am going to have to do some tidying up. Not to mention Kim and Aggie would horrificated.

A Dinner Date!!

I finally found someone to use the extra Rene Flemming ticket today. My friend Todd Jamison is going to the concert with me Thursday. I'm happy about that, since I know he will enjoy it, and he'll be fun to see the concert with also. I can't believe how difficult it was finding someone to go with me. This is a once in a lifetime concert for Greenville, I can't believe no one was interested. Rene Flemming is a world-class soprano. It is amazing that she is performing in Greenville.

After emailing back and forth a bit today, I asked Walter to dinner. And he said yes.

It was a very pleasant meal. We went to Capri's, which is like southern-style Italian food. It reminds me of Italian like my grandmother used to make. Simple food, done well, not too adventuresome, with tons of cheese. I am unable to copy their marinara sauce, despite numerous attempts. I swear they put crack or something in that sauce, because every now and then I just have to have some. But I digress.

It was good to see him again. Since we had dated before, there was none of the "first date" jittery crap. The conversation flowed smoothly, and we caught each other up on our lives, and changes in perspective that maturity has brought. We compared memories of each other from when we went out before. He is funny and smart, and I really enjoyed talking to him. We ended up being at the restaurant for about two and a half hours!

So I kissed him goodnight, and he went home. And called me to thank me for dinner, which I thought was very nice. It also made a statement about how we have both made a decision not to do all the "stupid dating rules", like waiting before you call, not telling the other one you are interested, etc. He is a nice guy. Could feelings deepen? Who knows? We just never seemed to gel before, and I can't think why. He didn't seem to know either. I would enjoy having a good guy that I can go out with sometimes, even if nothing else happens. I really enjoyed dinner, and am encouraged.

Soooooo sleepy

Thanks to the time change (I guess), and thanks to my messed up sleeping patterns this weekend, it was almost 1am when I got to sleep last night. Needless to say, I was a zombie all day today.

Work is fine, although the work fallout from all these meetings Alan is calling is kind of a pain. I can keep up though.

Was off work early to go back to the sleep doctor. I explained to him that I am consistently only sleeping about 2 hours with the CPAP machine. He released me for surgery, since the CPAP wasn't working out, but he doesn't think the surgery will cure the sleep apnea. At this point, I told him just being quiet at night would be a benefit, so either way I feel like the surgery will be good. He left the machine with me, and told me two hours a night was better than nothing. he also thinks I may sleep better with the machine after surgery. Honestly, I haven't been as tired in the day since I had it, and haven't had to nap as much on the weekends, which is good.

That said, I went by the grocery store tonight, came home, and collapsed on the sofa. I slept until about 10, which of course screwed my circadian rythm even worse.

I did email playfully back and forth with Walter a bit today - that's still encouraging, but I'm going to have to meet him and see how that goes.

A long, busy Sunday

The time change happened Saturday night, which just messed up my whole day. I woke up at 11am (really 10), already behind.

After going with my grandfather to get biscuits for breakfast, I called my dad's mother and headed for her house, stopping to get her a pizza on the way. She loves pizza, and I always take her one when I go over. She won't eat unless I eat with her, so I sat down and had pizza after just having breakfast. She was an excellent cook, and it is hard for her having someone else cook for her. The woman that stays with her in the daytime isn't that great of a cook, and grandma doesn't eat as she should, so I always try to tempt her when I go over.

We had a good visit, but I was already running late. When I left her house it was after 3pm. I went back to Granny and Poppy's, threw my stuff in the car, and cleaned and replaced his shower head, another little job that needed doing. I left their house about 4:30.

I still would have been OK, but I got distracted and spent an hour at an antique store in Statesville on the way back. I had been wanting to find a place that my dad and I went before, and thought that was their billboard on the highway, but it was another place. Still, it was a great store. They had tons of depression glass, but the prices were pretty high on most of it.

After I left there, I was really behind - it was 6pm when I pulled out. I still would have been reasonably OK, though, if it hadn't been for traffic. There was a huge wreck in King's Mountain, right on the NC/SC border, and I ended up on a 40 mile detour around that. It was almost 9:30 when I got home. I had no groceries for the week, and mounds of dirty laundry. I didn't get to sleep until about 1am.

I did talk to Walter a bit online while I was washing clothes. It was nice. He was flirty and funny and just right. I am looking forward to seeing him again.

Bowl from Columbia

8 1/4" berry bowl, "Bubble" pattern, by Anchor Hocking circa 1940-1965. This color is called "sapphire blue", and is the original color produced in this pattern

I saw this bowl in an antique store while I was in Columbia the other week, and asked Mom if she would go back and get it for me. I just liked it. This is collectable glassware of the 40's, 50's, and 60's, which is not really my thing, but I thought it was pretty. Bubble glass can still be picked up pretty cheaply since it was made for so long. Just kind of a whim. It's in really good shape. Mom brought it up to me this weekend. This bowl was $15.00. which is full retail on it, but oh well. I had thought it was priced at $10, but remembered wrong.

Saturday at Granny's

Saturday morning we got up and made a big breakfast. They sleep in, so we didn't actually end up finishing until about noon. My grandmother has insomnia like me, and sleeps very poorly, when she does sleep.

I fixed the drapery rod on my grandmother's front drapes, since it wasn't drawing properly. She likes to have everything just so, and was very happy to have that done.

Usually, we take my grandfather to do the shopping, but mom dropped Granny to have her hair done, and they got the groceries on the way back. We usually always have a big trip to Wal-Mart and stock up on staples, but my grandfather is blind, so he can't see what they have and what they don't. My grandmother had been upstairs (she has rheumatiod arthritis in her hips, and rarely goes up there) and seen the toilet paper, paper towels, etc, that pretty much cram every closet, and decided that no Wal-Mart trip was due right now. So we just had lunch when she got back from the beauty shop. Then her sister and brother-in-law came over for a visit. They always come when my mom is there. Aunt Kathleen is a really funny woman with a good outlook on life.

It amazes me how my grandparents have worked out a system. They do have help that comes in to help them keep house now, but that is a recent development. Since his eyes are bad, she sees for him. Since her hips are bad, he does her walking and fetching. It is amazing how well they get along. Granny is almost 90 and Poppy is 87. They have been together so long, and have been working together so long, they are almost like two halves of the same person. They have been married for 67 years. I can't imagine. Mom says that when something happens to one of them, the other one won't last long alone. I can believe that. But maybe that is as it should be.

That's not to say they don't get on each other's nerves, spending so much time together. The woman that comes in to do some cooking and a bit of cleaning for them is named Louise. By all accounts, she is a very nice and accommodating woman, but the best thing about her is that she gives them something to complain about besides each other! They spend so much time with just the two of them, they need a break every now and then.

After Kathleen and Pete left, we talked and watched the news, then got ready for dinner. That turned out to be quite a discussion. We used to take them out for dinner, which they liked, since they are usually cooped up in the house. Because of my grandfather's eyes though, he gets food on himself when he tries to eat, which embarrasses him. So he won't eat out any more. That means my mom usually gets stuck cooking when she's up there. They are VERY particular about what they will eat. It's pretty much country food and nothing else, and they won't try anything new. They like Italian, but my grandfather won't eat anything if he sees you put garlic in it. Mom wasn't up to cooking, so we ended up going to get them hamburgers. I think my grandfather likes eating those because he doesn't have to manage a knife and fork.

After that, more talk, until another 2am bedtime. We always take a pie up for them, and have coffee and pie late at night, so we had pie and coffee at about 11pm.

Dinner with Mom

Work went surprisingly quickly today.

Left and headed for Statesville. I listened to the Hairspray soundtrack in the car on the way, listening to "I Can Hear the Bells" several times. I can't decide if I am a co-dependent lunatic, or am just savoring the mood and anticipation of seeing Walter again.

Met Mother for dinner at the K&W, where we secured our usual booth, ate, and caught up one what has been going on with each other. She has a cruise planned for this summer to the Bahamas with some girlfriends, and she's really looking forward to that.

After that, it was on to Granny and Poppy's house. We sat up until 2am talking, talking, talking. It was nice.

I am an idiot

It's been a nice day today. It has pleasantly slow, since Alan is in CA for QEM. I got all my stuff done, and have had a moment for a couple of emails back and forth with Walter - and he's been responding to them, which is nice.

I keep telling myself not to get too excited. I have met one guy in the last year that I knew pre-M, and it was pretty disastrous. I've also met a guy I was really excited about, and then it didn't go anywhere. So I'm trying to keep a lid on it.

But we had a good phone conversation this morning, and some really funny and nice emails today.

And I have two songs stuck in my head. "I Can Hear the Bells" from the new Hairspray, and "Act Insane" by Varla Jean Merman.

I am an idiot.

Such a good boy I was - an interesting email

I hauled off the recycling last night, cleaned out the fridge, packed my lunch for tomorrow, did a load of laundry, and packed my clothes, so I'm all ready to go.

Rhonda came by last night to pick up the stuff that Jaimie left at my house for her a while back. She is still missing Tony's birth certificate, which J says she can't find, but I think she got back a lot of the stuff she wanted.

The cool thing happened this afternoon.

I ended up with a ticket for Rene Flemming, because Rodney is now going to be out of town (dammit). I went back through my emails, trying to find this guy on match.com that I remembered liked opera. None of my friends like it, and I hate to see the ticket go to waste. Well I couldn't find him, so I decided to see if I could sign in to match.com for a mo, just to email him.

No dice. They wanted $35 to sign back up before they would let me log in. But they did tell me I had an email. Well that was the straw. I've been trying to expand my horizons anyway, in the face of utter datelessness, and I was curious about the email. So I paid my fees and signed in. Well the email wasn't that interesting, but while I was looking around at the people who had looked at my profile, I saw an interesting looking ad for a guy in Greenville, so I dropped him a line.

Turns out he is a guy I used to see from time to time before I met Michael. His name is Walter. We liked each other, but things just never seemed to gel. I'm not really sure why now. Anyway, I dropped him a line, and he emailed me back telling me who he was, etc. It was really great to hear from him. I had wondered a couple of times what happened to him, but the numbers I had for him weren't good any more. I am encouraged. At the very least, maybe we can have a couple of dates. He is good company, and a nice, funny, smart man. Plus he plays piano, which I love. I just love artsy guys. They are so intense. Of course the down side of that is the starving artist thing. Sigh. I wish I could afford a trophy husband.

A visit with Dad

Well this sounds calculating, and I guess it is, but I went to see Dad last night. I did need to go, because I hadn't been over in a while, and because I wanted to thank them for bringing me food and Tylenol last week when I was sick. But the timing was decided because when Dad is feuding with one section of the family, he's usually exceedingly nice to the other parts of the family, so it was a pretty safe time to go. This theory was proven correct again last night, and we had a really pleasant visit. They caught me up on the latest goings on they had with BB and the home she lives in, and we talked about Lisa's amazing presence of mind after Carl's shop burned down. I really wish I could take things in stride as well as she can.

We ate dinner and talked about cruises, since my step-mom is trying to talk my dad into taking one. It was nice.

We even *gasp* talked about politics a bit, before I changed the subject. Usually politics is the great juju of topics around my dad, who would vote for a gilded wooden idol if it ran on the Republican ticket. I am more moderate, but do identify as a Democrat, which equals brainless to my dad - an opinion he is not in the least hesitant about sharing, or indeed blasting at me from across town. Usually on election years I give Dad a wide berth. One year, he tried to pick a fight with me when was over there, and I ended up leaving to prevent the fight from escalating. After I got home, he called me on the phone that night to continue the fight. It's pretty nuts. But he was, for my dad, borderline reasonable last night. He asked me questions about the Democratic candidates for president, which I have to say shocked me to the core. I think part of this is that even my dad, although he would rather die than admit it, has to realize what an absolute fuck-up George W Bush has been as a president. Part of it also is his unhappiness with the current Republican candidate. As a member of the extreme right-wing core, he doesn't like John McCain, who is too moderate for them. I wonder if he'll hold his nose and vote for McCain, or if he'll vote for one of the wing-nut Republicans he tends to like (Alan Keys, for example) in a write-in. I should have asked him.

As it was, after he made some scathing remark about what a joke Bill Clinton had been as president, I made the remark that whatever you felt about his personal life, he had been pretty good for the country. I was amazed that I had voiced anything like that. Usually that kind of remark is like a red flag to a bull to my dad. But owing to the complex environment of his outstanding feud with one sister, and the appalling record of the sitting president, he dropped it. I felt like I had just survived a bungee jump, and immediately found something else to talk about.

I stayed over there til about 9, at which point I went home to a screamingly unfed Jinx.

Tomorrow night is packing for Wilkesboro, so I have seen Dad and Mom, my mother and both my mom's and my dad's parents this weekend. Next week I'm planning to go see BB, and two weeks ago I saw Lisa, Cole, and Ava. So after the BB visit, I should be pretty well visited up for a while.

I went home and logged a bit of time on Bear411. I have reasoned that I'm never going to meet anyone if I don't start looking around more. Russ and Billy know lots of guys, but all the single ones that show up at their place they claim as toys if they are desirable, and most of them are coupled anyway. I may have to start going to a bar too, although I shudder at the thought. But I have to find some way to get myself out there more. Russ and Billy go to Charlotte and Atlanta regularly. Maybe I should go with them. I messaged a few guys in Asheville and Charlotte, to see if I would get a response. The problem is that most of the guys on Bear411 are partnered. Then you have the ones only looking for sex, and the ones who think a book is to level the legs on your coffee table. There just aren't a lot of guys like me.

So I'm not skinny enough for gay.com (still not a single response), I'm not vanilla enough for match.com, and my IQ requirement seems to be by and large too high for Bear411. Russ says he spends a good amount of time on another bear website, maybe I'll check that out. I just can't see stumbling across someone in a bar. It seems so random. Plus, when you get to be my age, generally the people you meet in bars are the people who are there every weekend. That's just not fun to me. I have thought that the best place for me to meet someone might be at River's Edge. If they are there, it connotates a certain amount of openmindedness automatically. But then there is that bar thing again. A lot of the single guys that are there seem to be regulars who are there every weekend to party and drink (or whatnot, of which there is a lot). And a lot of them are partnered. Plus, honestly, I'm not at my best naked these days. I'd prefer to have a guy who is attracted and engaging before he sees me naked at this stage of my life.

An eventful Tuesday!

Another long day today. Alan is still trying to settle in to the new job (it's only day 2 for him), so things are a bit up in the air at work, but I'm trying to be supportive and flexible. Unfortunately, that turned in to staying late tonight, waiting for him to approve some reports that he still hadn't gotten to. They were supposed to go out tonight, I think, but I'm going to end up having to send them tomorrow. I hate missing deadline with California. It is their only real contact with me, and I like to have my work in on time to them. But tomorrow morning isn't the end of the world.

Cindy's husband Paul, one of my two brothers-in-law (that I know of, Angela's marital status is prone to change without notice), called me today at work. Paul used to call me pretty regularly, to catch me up on their lives and stuff, but I haven't heard as much from him since Cindy and I had our falling out two years ago. I missed hearing from him, but of course I understood. Cindy is his wife. Of course he is loyal to her - that is as it should be.

Anyway, apparently my dad and step-mother have had another knock-down-drag-out fight with Cindy and him about two months ago. I, of course, hadn't heard anything about this. That relationship has been hard for a while, and I am afraid this could be it. It's really sad. My dad has really driven all of us kids away with his terrible temper. He has seemed softer since he converted to Catholicism (I know, that seems strange), and I was hoping that maybe he had really changed, but it seems that isn't the case. I see him every other month or so, but that's about as much as we can usually get along. The saddest part of it is that he doesn't understand why we stay away from him, he just thinks we're ungrateful children. He really sees himself as a victim, and doesn't realize how his terrible temper drives people away. I won't go into the details, but I'll just say that money was involved, and I'm really glad I have never had anything to do with my dad's gunshop or the funds thereof. Cindy is really hurt, and Brenden (my nephew) saw the fight and has been very upset by it. He's too little to understand about anger problems and the like. The weird part about it is that I found myself explaining rageaholics to my brother-in-law, who is a Psychiatrist. I had to explain to Paul, who sounded genuinely wounded, that Dad doesn't mean everything he says when he's in that kind of situation. He will say some pretty terrible things, and then later won't remember them (or will say he doesn't). When Dad gets mad, it's like he goes into a fugue state. It's scary. Paul told me he is done, and doesn't care if he ever sees my dad or step-mom again, and I can't really say that I blame him. Paul isn't blameless (nor am I, nor is anyone), but he has borne more than his share of stress from my family. I can truly undestand why he feels well rid of them.

After work it was grocery shopping. In the rain. Sigh. And Justin invited me up again tonight, and I turned him down again, which I felt bad about. The reasons I have to give for not going up always sound so lame to me, even though they're true. But the shopping hadn't been done because I'd been sick all weekend, and I needed stuff for breakfast, and I won't have time to do much more than a lick and a promise this weekend when I get back from Wilkesboro. So I once again did the responsible adult thing, which felt like the wrong thing, and made me feel like a bad friend. Dammit.

When I got home, Lisa called me back. I had called to check on her since the shop had burned down and all, but she was amazingly together about the whole thing. The shop was insured, as I thought, and apparently, she just sees re-establishing their business as a series of stepped-up errands they will have to do for a while. The two of them always seem to land on their feet economically. I don't know how they do it, but kidos to them. I'm responsible and have had the same job since 2000, but I have to count every dime. Lisa left her job at the bank, went to work for her husband, and hired a personal assistant to do errands and home chores she didn't like to do, yet they always seem to be fine economically, and have whatever they want. I don't see how they do it, but I envy them the ease with which they seem to live. Must be nice.

I filled Lisa in on all the latest family stuff, and we talked about she and dad for a while. Lisa has her scars too.

Then we ended up talking about our cruises, since the one she just got back from is her first, and my first was last summer. It was a good conversation. It's good talking to Lisa. I feel like we're kind of growing back together again. She pretty much told me off before she moved in with Carl (another long story), and it's nice to know she seems to want me back in her life.

Back to work

A long day today. Of course I walked back in to the usual office madness, and added to that was month end, and Alan moving into Tom's (my old boss) old job. Tom's office looks so strange without his stuff in there.

I was depressed as a dog this morning. I guess it was all that time alone, or thinking about being sick by myself, etc, but I was really low. I'm pissed off at myself because a) I am so incredibly lucky, I have no reason not to be happy; b) I'm sick of sounding like a sad sack all the time; and c) this blog was supposed to be a creative writing outlet, and here lately all I do is whine on it. Small wonder almost no one reads this thing. But then it was also for me to use as a diary, so I guess it really shouldn't matter if anyone reads it or not.

Alan, at least at this point, is striving to maintain the status quo. Aside from adding a few more meetings, no major changes so far. He has added a weekly meeting to my calendar to discuss collection accounts, that should be fun. Legal accounts don't even update monthly, since we spend so much time waiting for court dates and such, but I guess he'll either figure that out, or I'll spend a lot of time saying "still waiting".

I dived back in to my month-end stuff, which was familiar, at least, and stuff I know I can do. I figure Alan will have a bunch of changes he wants to make, he is a real stickler for detail, but I can get used to that.

***

I had an appointment with Russ to get my hair cut tonight. He worked me in on his day off since I missed last week, and I really needed it cut this week before I go out of town. It looks good. I have no idea what he's doing to it, but at this point, it really doesn't matter. It's not like I'm dating or anything. As long as it isn't on my nerves, I don't care at this point.

Just before I got in the chair, my mom called to tell me that Carl's (my sister Lisa's husband) auto shop had burned down. This is their sole source of living right now, so that's kind of scary. She hasn't been working since she had the baby. She just got home from a cruise they took for her birthday this year. What a welcome home. Apparently the shop burned to the ground. I'm sure it was insured, but still. Geez.

Ben was there too, and after the cuts were done, we went out for sushi. The sushi place we like is just up the street, and they have specials on Monday nights. Ben is a friend of Billy and Russ's that they made through the SCBears den. He's a nice enough guy, but kind of has that "engineer" thing going on. Kind of like Michael. He's brilliant, but kind of operates on a different level than normal people, which makes him a bit awkward socially. Plus, he's only 20, so he really isn't completely formed yet. Still, dinner was nice enough. It also kind of finished off the last of the depression I had been carrying around this morning. I felt more normal when we got done.

Russ is talking about quitting smoking. He challenged me to quit too, and seemed surprised when I told him I rarely smoke during the week. Usually when I smoke, it's socially with him, or with Kat and dana. Every now and then if I've had a really bad day I'll light up when I get home, but not usually. Smoking is kind of our socially acceptable excuse to be by ourselves though, when just Russ and I can hang out and talk without Billy. Sometimes you need to do that when you're married - have a bit of time away. I love Billy, but sometimes Russ can talk to me more frankly when he isn't around. I hope it isn't disruptive to our friendship if he stops.

After dinner, I left for the library. I need something to read, and I wanted to turn in some books, and get a book on CD for the trip this weekend. I ended up not getting home until almost 9pm. That's a long day for the first day back out in the world!

Weekend recovering

Well I spent most of this weekend inthe bed. That cough syrup really pack a whallop! I haven't slept so much in years. It did get kind of scary on Saturday though, when I took it and could feel my respirations slowing - yeek. I would have thought it was the power of suggestion, but I hadn't thought a thing about it since Wednesday when I had the prescription filled, and I honestly thought the pharmacist was being a bit of a drama queen. I was only taking a teaspoon every 12 hours, and I'm a big guy. But that was a weird feeling.

There was a bear movie day today for The Spiderwick Chronicles, but I didn't feel like I should go. First because I was still sleepy today, even though I dropped to a half dose on the cough syrup, and I slept a lot of the day today. The house is even more of a wreck than before, and it wasn't great before I got sick. I can see how heroine addicts lives get so out of control. I didn't even do the cat box yesterday. Plus, I have a long week coming up. I'm back to work, and have to do month end after being out for two days, plus break in a new boss. Also, I'll be getting ready to go out of town, since I'm off to Wilkesboro with my mom this coming weekend. So I'm really going to have to hit the ground running.

So I stayed home, straightened up the house a bit, and got cleaned up myself. I guess it was the right thing to do, but it made me feel really lonely.

I have been feeling more lonely, partly because I always get whiny when I get sick, and partly because this is the first time I have been really sick since Michael left. It's hard when it really hits home to you that you are the only person you can count on. There just was no one to take care of me but me. If I didn't do it, it didn't get done.

It was Lisa's birthday yesterday, and I missed it. But she's gone on her cruise. I hate remembering stuff like that after it has passed.