A post in which it is New Year's Eve

Bleah.  I hate New Year's Eve.  It's basically an excuse to have a party, and usually I'm all about any excuse to have a party, but NYE is different.  There's so much pressure to be happy.  There's all this pressure to have a good time.  At the same time there are these maudlin looks back over the prior year, and you're supposed to be sorry to see the year end.  So it's this last desperate hurrah that is at the same time supposed to be gleeful.  For me, it's also another reminder that I've spent another year by myself.  This year, it kind of underscores my fear that being by myself is just the way it's going to be.  I'm afraid that I'm just to ornery and have too much baggage to be in  relationship anymore.  If someone would have me, I don't know that I have the capacity anymore. 

And then there is the kiss.  The kiss at midnight is supposed to set the tone for your love life for the rest of the year.  I try not to be a superstitious person, but that's a big Sword of Damocles to hang over your head if you're a single person.  I've tried ignoring it.  I've tried mocking it (Nicole and I kissed at Midnight one year just to see what would happen the next year).  But that kiss hangs over me every year.     

I have tried staying at home, which always makes me feel pitiful.  I've tried going to parties, which makes me feel less pitiful; but at midnight, when all those couples are kissing, there you are.  I don't have it in me to try to find a date for NYE.  I can't find a date on a regular night, much less on a night with so much baggage.  The best thing, for me, is to be at a quiet gathering of friends.  Russ and Billy usually do a small get-together for just close friends and Kindred members.  There isn't a bunch of pressure, and it isn't a huge foofaraw.  I enjoy seeing folks, just hanging out with people I love and really not thinking a lot about what night it is. 

So I had been following up with RBL about NYE.  Repeatedly.  To crickets.  RBL never make plans any longer.  At least they don't with me.  I don't know if it's the difficulty of getting three people headed in the same direction at once or what, but trying to nail them down for plans these days is like trying to scotch tape a slug to a chunk of Crisco.  Generally these days you find out what they plan to do roughly ten minutes before they walk out the door.  But in the end, I figured they would do something, so I wasn't really worried.  They do a little something every year, and last year when I was in treatment (I actually used the New Year's time off to recover from chemo) they begged me to come, even though I was sick as a dog. 

Then I got a text today from Billy at noon, telling me they had decided to stay in tonight and have 'couple time'.  Really?  On New Year's Eve?  And you're deciding this now??  But then I had another little talk with myself.  True, it wasn't much notice.  But we didn't have plans.  It is not the obligation of my friends to provide me with entertainment, and even if it had been, Russ and Billy have contributed generously through the years.  I have no cause for complaint. 

Then I had the brief debate with myself again.  Would it be more pitiful to stay home by myself, or to try to glom on to someone?  I decided it would be more pitiful to stay home and ring in the new year by myself, and set about trying to cadge a NYE invitation in twelve hours.  I had just seen Miss Kat and Dana last night, so I couldn't foist myself off on them.  I called Rhonda to see if she wanted to come have a sleep-over, but she had already made plans.  On a whim, I dropped a text to Kimbley and Laura.  I figured since they'd had to cancel the other day, they might be amenable to my coming to hang out with them. 

Fortunately that turned out to be the case, and I made plans to go to their house.  They have custody of Laura's two nephews, and Kimbley's three nephews would be there for the night, so they had a house full of boys.  Kimbley was working today, and was working late.  Laura was in depositions today for a lawsuit (I couldn't believe that any attorney was working on NYE, much less working late, but apparently that was the case).  So we were going to do a late supper and watch the ball drop.  I figured since supper would be late, all those boys would be hungry, so I set about making a pot of my jock-approved dip to bring with me.  I know it's jock approved because I served it at a football party I had one time and this straight guy said "Dude, you should open a restaurant and just serve this!"  Good enough.

So I went to the store, go the chips and dip ingredients (cheese is just outrageous), got home, put the dip together, and just set about waiting for the word on when K&L got home.  In the meantime, I set about cleaning out some closet.  Getting rid of old clothes was one of the things that has been on my 'to-do' list for vacation that just hasn't happened.  I have accomplished remarkably little in this time off.  But I set to this evening.  There was a bewildering array of pants in the closet, some of which I hadn't tried on in quite some time.  So I set about trying them on and putting a good many of them in the pile to go to Goodwill.

The call from Laura came about 8pm and I headed over there.

The dip was a big hit with the boys, and I really enjoyed seeing K & L, as I always do.  They are good friends and I love them a lot.  I don't get to see much of them anymore because they are busy raising their family, which I understand.  The boys keep them hopping.  But when we get together it's like we just saw each other yesterday.  We got caught up on each other's lives, watched the ball drop, and toasted in the New Year. 

I was with people I loved, which is all I wanted.  I had a very nice New Year's Eve, made my way carefully home (my friend Bernadette used to say that NYE was the night all the amateur drunks were on the roads), and went to bed, profoundly grateful that it was over, and things could go back to normal now.  Well, as normal as they get for me anyway. 

A post in which I have a good day*

I woke up this morning determined to MAKE it a great day.  I'm still on vacation.  There is still tons I can do.  There are still things to look forward to, and I was going to look forward to them. 

***
There's more going on than just the Kimbley & Laura thing, although that's part of a greater problem/trend.  I kind of feel like people don't have time for me any more.  Russ and Billy stay so insanely busy now that it's really hard to claim face time with them anymore.  When I do get to see them, it's usually at some kind of bean feast with seventeen or so other people.  That's been ongoing, and I'm trying to adjust to that.  Then K&L cancelled on me - for the second time.  Even Rhonda, who has no car, is on the go and busy a lot of the time. 

Part of this is Jason, I know.  I still have not heard peep one from him after I had to leave him a voice mail to break up with him.  Not a call, email, text - nothing.  That makes you feel really insignificant. 

Another thing that's been going on (lately) is that Russ was trying to set me up with a guy named Joe.  There are issues there, because Joe's lover just died a month ago of a heart attack.  But we'd been talking online, and he was really keen to meet up and reconnect (I know him from before his lover).  On the one hand, I didn't want to be the rebound guy, and I know it's too early for him to start dating (whether he knows it or not).  On the other hand, he needed someone, and that calls to me.  Plus he was really bringing the pressure to bear, and it was pressure that I really didn't want to resist.  (Will-power is not my strong suit, which will not be a surprise to you, gentle reader.)  So I told him I would meet him, but because he is hungry, I had the talk with him.  At that point, he ran screaming for the hills.  I went from being his dream guy realized to persona non grata.  Within the space of about three minutes.  He had to go take a call (we were chatting online) and he would 'brb'.  Well he didn't cb. 

Spending this time off has been nice - I needed the break - but it has kind of underscored the problem.  Either I'm lonely, which is bad; or I'm worried (sometimes) that I'm way too comfortable by myself.  Sigh.  I have so many blessings.  I really do.  And I try to count them and be grateful.  I have so many things for which to be grateful.  But at the end of the day, I come home alone.  Sex is great.  I love it, and I've gotten much better at reaching out to people who make me feel fulfilled rather than 'less than'.  But it's kind of like trying to fill up on cotton candy when you're hungry for food. 

But enough whining.  Really.

***

I gave myself a mental shake by the scruff of the neck, got up and called Rhonda.  She was free, so I headed off to get her to go to Barnyard.  The first order of the day, though, was breakfast.  Usually Rhonda is never hungry.  But I was this morning, and she needed to eat something to take a pill or somethingand I was hungry, so we were looking for a place to eat.  I had thought about going to Denny's to try one of their special Hobbit meals, but the Denny's in Greer is above the flea market.  There is also a restaurant near Barnyard I had wanted to try for a while.  It's called the Landmark Diner.  I pass the place all the time, but had never been in, although I was intrigued by the banner about the 'Best of the Upstate' award they won.  I'm not sure what they won the 'best of' about, but it appeared to be a fairly standard meat & three.  The breakfast, while quite adequate, was certainly nothing outstanding or anything I would be super-stoked about eating again.

As we sat down though, a table came in, and the guy walked over to me.  I realized it was my old friend Travis.  Travis and I were friends with benefits for years.  He's a really sweet, really hot guy, although he isn't really much of an intellectual.  We fell out of touch the last time because I saw him at the flea market, and called him to be sure that my cell number was in his phone, but after a couple of calls I didn't hear from him.  He explained the next time we ran into each other that my number had "gone out of his phone".  I don't think he knew how to program the number in.  But it was really great to see him, he looks wonderful, and he seemed glad to see me.  We exchanged numbers again, and he said he would call me. 

Our mission today was to find a cute change purse for Rhonda, and that was reason enough to go, since we were really more interested in the time together and the walk than actually buying anything.  Good thing - there wasn't really anything I couldn't live without, although we did find her change purse.

I dropped Rhonda off at home, and on the way back to my house called Travis.  He is staying with his parents right now (long story) but we talked and agreed to meet at his place.  Now there are four main drawbacks to Travis:

1) He lives in Traveler's Rest.
2) The aforementioned telephone issues.
3) He wears ghastly cologne - and a generous amount of it.
4) He has horrible feet.  He works as a sculptor, and many times is barefooted in the studio.  Apparently this does terrible things to his feet.

I can work around all of these because he our time together is fantastic.  We make the earth move.  We are very into each other.  So I'm thinking "Well there are worse things.  I can overlook the feet.  It could be a refreshing change to be with a guy who is less complicated."  He pretty much killed that by explaining that he had been looking for me as someone to 'relieve the pressure' while he was single.  In other words, he's on for a good time, but he's not thinking about dating me.  Which is probably just as well, I guess.  I don't really think it could work, which is why we haven't dated before.

We did spend some delightful hours in his beautiful home getting re-acquainted however.  His company was just as delightful as I remembered; and if his feet were actually worse, well, I didn't really need beautiful feet did I?  His house is older, and gorgeous.  He has an artist's eye.  Everything is just enough, but not too much.  Each piece is beautiful and belongs exactly where it is, while having the casual elegance of just looking as if it landed there.  That is so hard to do. 

This evening I had planned to see Miss Kat and Dana for Christmas with them.  I had tried to get in touch earlier, but missed them.  Then Dana called me back while I was at Travis's house.  When I got back in touch with them they were on their way to Gaffney shopping.  They had been trying to invite me to go with them.  Well crapitall.  I would have loved to have gone.  But then I started thinking about it.  There wasn't anything I really needed from there.  I would have enjoyed going more to spend time with them than to shop anyway, and Dana had said they would get in touch about the evening on their way back, so things might still work out.  I went home, did some laundry, and had a spot of lunch and a nap.

Just about the time I was wondering if I would hear from them, I got the call with the all clear and was invited.  Yay!

We had a lovely visit, and I enjoyed the time with them.  They gave me a t-shirt that I loved, but that was unfortunately again one size too small.  I guess I should take it as a compliment that I don't look as big as I am.  They told me where it came from, so I'll exchange it.  I also got a movie card to go to the movies.  I guess I'll have to use it to go see The Miserables.  I had Miss Kat's present delivered, and she got it.  I had also gotten Dana a Floral platter.  I thought she would appreciate it, and she seemed to.  It was a nice evening, and really good to see them. 

A post in which I am disappointed*

I woke and fell into the internet vortex, which ended in a buddy named Jon coming by.  I haven't seen him in forever, and it was nice to renew ties.  He's a really nice guy. 

After he left, I got in touch with Kimbley and Laura.  I had set up today as the day we were going to get together.  I wanted them to have a copy of the cook book, and I was trying to take as few as possible to Dan'l and Jim's next weekend, since I don't have enough for everyone.  But Laura called me back to tell me that Kimbley had a headache and they were cancelling.  I understand that migraines are terrible things.  Russ suffers from them.  But they cancelled the last time we made plans.  My feelings were a little hurt, and I was terribly disappointed.  But there was little to do.

I laid around most of the day.  I took a nap.  I did a little laundry.  I stayed in, ate left-overs, watched TV, and pouted a bit.  Completely without justification, but I did. 

A post in which it is Christmas dinner

I was up early this morning to get the peas started.  I haven't made them before and didn't know how long they would need to cook.  I weighed my Amish cheese for the macaroni pie.  I wanted to make it with all Amish cheese, but I found when I weighed it out that I had paid $25 for a pound and a half of cheese.  Yeah.  It had better be good.  A half pound was swiss, which I wasn't using, but there was a half pound each of sharp cheddar and butterkase so I had enough to make the pie itself.  I would just have to go to the store for the last half pound to put on top.  I put that together, and then put the sweet potatoes together.  I was having those because they are Tony's favorite.  I really wanted to do this dinner today for Tony.  Rhonda isn't close to her bio family (with good reason), and Tony doesn't see a lot of them.  Generally if he gets a home-cooked meal it comes from my kitchen.  I should actually cook for him more often, I guess.

I ran to the store for cheese and the couple of odds and ends that you're always missing when you start putting a big meal together, but I had most everything I needed.  When I got in, I put the cheese on top of the macaroni (it's actually better if you let it sit before you bake it), and did the topping for the sweet potatoes.  Then I baked the corn bread.  I was having Parker House Rolls because they're my favorite, but Rhonda eats her peas  with corn bread, so I wanted her to have some.  I made homemade corn bread today, which I hardly ever do.  I'd rather have Jiffy, and when I make it for myself that's what I make.  My corn bread came out pretty, which is tricky because this recipe is a bit iffy to make.  A lot of the time it falls.

I did the corn pudding for Rhonda.  That's her favorite, and made the Quorn Turk'y Roast.  I got in touch with Logan, and found out that he wasn't going out of town with Russ and Billy, so I invited him to come eat.  I also called Lady Beth and got no response.  I had talked to Dana earlier yesterday and invited them, but hadn't heard back.  So we were four, which was fine. 

I took a break and went to get Rhonda and Tony.  Tony was excited, bless his heart.  He loves my food, and I love cooking for them.  It does my heart good to feed them.

When we got back to the house, I made some kale Rhonda and I had found when we were out shopping.  It was beautiful kale, and I sauteed it with spring onion and other stuff to try to get it tender.  Unfortunately that didn't happen, and it didn't turn out very well.  I had too many things going on.  I peeled my potatoes and put them on to boil, and when they were done and mashed, I pulled the macaroni, corn pudding, and sweet potatoes out of the oven and put the bread in.  I made the gravy and we were ready to eat.

We used the mod red dishes I haven't had down in forever.  I guess I really need to get rid of them since I have so many more dishes now, but it makes Rhonda nervous to eat off the Depression Glass, and I don't have enough Wedgwood dinner plates to serve on yet.  I would have hated to use my Bubble Glass since I use that for everyday.  The red dishes seemed a good compromise.  I had intended to set the table, but I have to do that right before you eat or it's impossible to keep the cats off the table.  As it turned out by the time dinner was ready I had so many things going on I didn't even think about it.  I didn't even get a tablecloth out, and I really wish I had.  But the meal was good, it was enjoyed with people I love, and spirits were good.  It's hard to want more than that. 

There was a LOT of food.  I had made over on purpose so Tony would have left-overs to take home.  The macaroni was epic - of course with that Christian designer cheese it should have been, but it was a notable pie.  The furkey was fine, my gravy was good.  The rolls I forgot about, but they came out fine.  The potatoes were a little lumpy.  I should have mashed them by hand, and they could have cooked for just a bit longer.  The kale was vile.  Rhonda loyally took it home, but I doubt they ate it.  I wouldn't have.  The corn pudding tasted good, but was under-done.  They ate it anyway.  The sides were just barely done enough to be passable, but the middle was gushy and doughy.  The sweet potatoes were a triumph.  It was the first time I have ever made Grandma's recipe that they set up and were right.  I was very pleased with that.  The corn bread was bad.  I'm just going to use a different recipe.  I have Miss Ruby's, which actually won a prize at the fair.  I don't know why I haven't been using it.  I hate that other one went in the cook book.  I didn't taste the peas - there was just too much food on offer - but Rhonda said they were good.  Bless her loyal little heart, she probably would have said that anyway. 

They packed up food to take home, and so did Logan, and I still had plenty left to eat on.  I was wiped.  It had been a long day on my feets.  Even though I had worn Crocs and all and tried to save my legs, I was pretty much all in.  Tony offered to wash up, bless his heart.  I knew I loved that boy.  I sat and talked to them while they washed dishes, getting up occasionally to put something away, but basically I didn't have to do anything, which was wonderful. 

When the kitchen was clean we went into the living room to talk and visit for a while.  After the dinner settled we had Mother's Peter Paul Mounds cake for dessert.  She had made it for Christmas, but everyone ended up eating pound cake, so I had brought half of it home.  That is one fantastic cake.  It was one of my favorites when I was a child, but it is incredibly rich.  I was glad that it was eaten and appreciated. 

Dessert finished, I ran them home, came back and fell into bed.  I felt like I had done something good today.  I guess I don't get any stars in my crown for something I get so much pleasure from, but it's still a good feeling. 

A post in which it is my down day*

Rhonda had been quite worried that because of all the stuff I have going on I wouldn't have any vacation during my vacation.  I cured that today.

I woke up and fell into the internet vortex until I met a guy named Tori.  He was conspicuously cute, furry, and had private parts that should have been in the Louvre.  Gorgeous.  And tasty.  But I digress.  Of course since he was from Atlanta he had a complex.  He thought he was an uggo because everyone down there is insane.  I hastened to reassure him as best I could.  Sincerely and with great relish. 

After that, I was feeling lazy.  I declared it was nap time. 

When I woke up, I got in touch with Rhonda and scheduled their Christmas dinner for tomorrow.  I also got in touch with Billy and found out that they would be leaving for Savannah tomorrow, so couldn't do dinner.  Grrr. The last thing I had asked them when we left them Sunday was when they were free for dinner.  I'd had crickets from them since.  I told Rhonda that dinner was on, and that unfortunately the boys would not be joining us.

I did get up and get cleaned up.  There were some things I needed to pick up for dinner tomorrow.  Also, I was making extra-big limas for Rhonda tomorrow and I needed to get them soaking if I couldn't find frozen ones.  I started at Publix, and picked up a couple of things, but they didn't have the big limas.  I knew they didn't have them at BiLo.  So it was on to Whole Foods, where we had actually seen them.  Apparently extra-large limas come from Peru (who knew?). 

That accomplished, I got home, put my limas in to soak, and put the sweet potatoes in the oven. 

With my potatoes cooked and my peas quietly soaking, I turned in.  There's a full day ahead of me tomorrow, and company coming.  I will enjoy it too :)

A post in which it is still Christmas*

I woke up this morning with still more Christmas ahead.  Frankly, I was glad it was going to be over today.  I love Christmas, I've just had a bellyful of it at this point. 

I got up and made the pickles.  I decided I had time for a quick buddy visit, and ran into a friend online, so he came over for a bit. 

After he left, I started getting ready to go.  I was just about to step into the shower when I got a text.  Ava was still throwing up.  So I was put on hold.  We were going to try for later in the day. 

Well that took me from eating another part day of vacation, to pretty much eating a whole day.  But there was little I could do about it.  I watched some telly, played online, and waited.  And waited.

After a couple of hours, I got a message that they were planning to leave in an hour.  After two hours, they actually left.  I headed on over to Dad and Eve's.  I had an Ava present for Eve to wrap, and wanted to be sure I got there in plenty of time for her to do it.  I knew she had been holding dinner for hours, and figured she would be fit to be tied, but she was actually pretty calm when I came in.  Dad was in the bed, and she was in the kitchen getting things done.

Lisa and the kids came in, and we prepared to eat. 

Christmas this year was - well odd. 

1)  Eve had made at least a pound of lump crab meat into crab imperial.  Then she covered the top of it with potato chips?  I don't know either.  I mean I can see that for a tuna noodle bake or something, but crab?  Really?  When I walked in, she asked me to look at it 'to see if it was done'.  It was nearly incinerated.  I mean the chips were on the verge of burning.  I took it out of the oven.

2) As part of the balm for Cindy and Paul hurting her feelings (yet again) over the whole picture thing (grrrrr) Dad had taken her to an auction.  Where she had purchased a set of Christmas china.  Now I've always thought Christmas china was stupid, but to each his own.  But she served Christmas dinner on plastic plates??  And plastic serving dishes?  With at least three sets of dishes in the cabinets, and a new set of Christmas dishes.  I don't get it.  This is the woman who taught me an appreciation of the finer things, and an appreciation for using finer things. 

3) One of the things I asked for for Christmas was a gift card to Fresh Market.  I LOVE to go to the Fresh Market.  It's like a treat for me.  Well I did get the card.  It was for $10.  I don't mean to sound ungrateful or anything, but $10?  At the Fresh Market, that's a couple of loaves of bread.

4) Eve knows that I collect Depression Glass.  They both know my pattern, because they bought me several pieces for my matched set a couple of years ago.  She also knows that I collect her mother's china pattern.  Despite that, she gave me a plain white fancy lidded asparagus dish.  It goes with nothing I own.  It is of no use to me (prior to this I didn't even know there was such as an asparagus dish). So I don't get it.  But of course I was gracious.  I just don't get it. 

I did get some nice stuff.  I got a hoodie I wanted that is very pretty.  I got some Aveda foot cream that I really needed.  I got some nice things.  I guess it sounds ungrateful to complain.  It's just some of the things I got were so.  Odd. 

We had hors d'oeuvres for Christmas dinner, which I love.  In addition to the crab, there were many other yummy things.  The table, despite the plastic plates, was set nicely with a tablecloth and place cards.  Despite the late start, when Ava got to Dad and Eve's she was fine - ready and raring to go.

It was a nice Christmas, just an odd one.  I enjoyed it, but I'm glad it's done, and that I can get on with my vacation now.

A post in which it is Christmas II

We woke up this morning to Christmas Day.  I was first up, and decided just to go ahead and get a shower while I was waiting for everyone else.  Unfortunately, I woke Mama up doing my neti pot.  After apologizing for rousting her, I ran through the shower while she got things organized for the day, unloading the dishwasher, etc. 

It turned out that Cole was going to make red velvet pancakes for Christmas breakfast, which suited me fine.  I had brought my waffle iron down thinking I would make waffles like last year, but doing less work was perfectly OK with me.  The problem was that he was watching some friend's dogs while they were gone for the holiday.  And Cole wakes up late and slowly.  We got him up around 9am, and after coffee and stockings, we opened gifts. 

Mom seemed to like the butterfly charm Rhonda and I had picked out for her last weekend.  It was a pretty thing.  I had gotten Cole some guitar instruction DVDs, but of course his real present was the cookbook.  Lisa's purple Corningware was a big hit.  I was glad, because I was really not sure about it, but she really seemed to like it.  She had forgotten about the grapefruit spoons I had picked up for her months ago, so that was a surprise even though I had called her about them before I bought them.

When Cole left to go look after the dogs - and we still hadn't had anything to eat but candy - I got up to make myself an omelet.  I have reactive hypoglycemia.  I need protein in the morning to help balance my blood sugar anyway, and I can't just not eat.  I feel terrible for the rest of the day if I do.  Neither Lisa or Cole are big breakfast eaters, so they don't think about it, but I really don't have the luxury.  I just made myself some eggs and didn't make a big deal out of it.

Eventually Cole came back and made the pancakes, which were good.  I had brought him some real maple syrup (Lisa's budget not really allowing for such luxuries) and we ate and relaxed while we were waiting for time to go get Ava.

Ava had been with her father for the ten days leading up to Christmas, according to the crazy custody agreement they came up with.  Lisa had been fretting about it for days, and was upset on the way to church, and still this morning.  Now I understand wanting to see your child at Christmas.  That's perfectly normal, and I can understand that she missed her.  But I can't understand worrying yourself to death about it.  She was with her father.  It wasn't as if she was in imminent danger or something.  Mom says I don't get it because I'm not a mother.  I guess that's it.  Anyway.

The time came, and Lisa and Mother rode to get Ava.  I took a few minutes to just enjoy the quiet before the tornado hit.  Love that child to pieces, but when she's around it's the all Ava show, all the time.  Last year she had been so wound up that it was craziness on Christmas Eve. 

She came in today in pretty good shape though, especially considering it was Christmas and all.  Her presents were the ones left, and we all gathered around as she opened things.  She got a lot of stuff, as usual. The boots were a big hit :)  Her father had gotten her some boots too, but they weren't very pretty, they didn't have heels, and the ones I got actually matched her dress better.  She immediately put mine on, and there was a little petty place in me that was glad I had up-staged her dad.  Of course the bigger part of me was just glad that I had been able to find something that she liked so much. 

Now by this time it was 4pm.  There was not a pot on the stove, and there had been nothing to eat since pancakes.  Lisa had planned a big Christmas dinner, but was still playing under the tree with Ava.  I understand that she wanted to spend some time with her, but you can't just not feed people.  But, not wanting to be disruptive, I just decided to start the meal myself.  Bad call, apparently.

The planned meal was chicken and dumplings, green beans, and Mom's sweet potato casserole.  Easy enough.  But for some reason, Lisa had decided to make dumplings with boneless, skinless chicken breasts.  I don't know either.  I asked Mom what we were cooking the chicken in, because there were these huge containers of chicken broth sitting there, but since Mom said we were cooking the chicken breasts in water, I shrugged and put them on.  Well that was wrong.  Lisa wanted them cooked in the broth.  "No problem", says I, "just let the chicken cook, take it out, and reduce down the broth, and you can put your chicken stock in."  So she wasn't best pleased, but that problem was fixed.

I put some broccoli on to cook, and started looking for the green beans, which were in the freezer.  Now Lisa and Mom both have this space-age low-moisture cookware, about which I know nothing.  I just use plain ole pots and pans.  I had been laughed at for putting so much water in both the chicken (really?  how the *&^%$! are you gonna cook dumplings without a pot of broth?) and the broccoli.  So I let Lisa put the water in the beans and turned them over to her.  After about ten minutes, I checked them while I was checking the broccoli.  They were in a frozen clump in the pot.  Because we were trying to get things ready, I turned them up, and told her I was doing so.  Well long story short, they scorched (just as they did last year...).  This was my fault for turning them up, despite the fact that she was standing at the stove cooking dumplings.  Basically, I felt ill-used over that. 

But everything else was done, and done pretty well (the 'too-much-water' broccoli was perfect, I might add).  We sat down to eat.  Well most of us did.  Ava was squirmy and fidgety.  Lisa figured (correctly) that she had to go potty.  So they were gone for 10-15 minutes with that.  We sat and ate without her.  When they got back, they almost immediately had to go back to the bathroom.  So by the time they were back at the table, we were finished eating.  We sat with Lisa while she ate what she was going to, but you measure Ava's mealtimes with a calendar.  She wanted dessert, so she was eating.  Eventually.  But after we started drifting away from the table (I had major fanny fatigue by this point), she was pretty much done.  She eventually ate a few more token bites to secure dessert.

Lisa makes divine ambrosia.  I don't like it enough to make it (it's a major pain in the ass to make), but I enjoy eating hers.  But by that point I really didn't want any dessert.  I set about getting my stuff together.  I had packed up the clothes while they were gone to get Ava.  I had Cole pack me some ambrosia to go (as usual) and had him cut up the chocolate pound cake for them (I explained that it would freeze, but he just cut it up in huge chunks and threw them in gallon plastic bags - it will probably mold, but it's his cake and not up to me to tell him how to eat it). 

I stayed for a while after supper, but I had another long day tomorrow, and had to be up in the morning to make pickles too.  I said my goodbyes and headed on out. 

I drove home in and out of rainy, drizzly, yuck.  Traffic was light though, and I made it home in good time.  I enjoyed the visit, but was really glad to get back into my own bed tonight!

I got home in time to get the text from Lisa that Ava has come back sick from her father's yet again.  She spent the evening being violently ill.  Sigh.  I feel so sorry for Lisa. 

A post in which it is Christmas*

I had decided to bake Cole a chocolate pound cake for Christmas.  It's his favorite, Lisa hasn't tried to make one, and my recipe is better than Granny Brown's which is the one Mama uses when she makes him one.  Unfortunately making a cake required a trip to the grocery store for cream.  I picked up some other things while I was there (I've decided to make a big Christmas dinner for Tony and Rhonda later this week) and got back to the house only slightly damp and started on my cake, only to find I was out of cake flour.  Back to the store I went.  Thank goodness they were open today.

I popped my copy of Katie Perry The Movie: Part of Me (a Christmas gift from Russ) in the computer to keep me company, and started making a cake.  I had been very disappointed to miss the movie when it was in the theater.  Her concerts are such visual spectacle that I really wanted to see it on big screen.  The movie was surprisingly light on concert footage, and surprisingly heavy on personal angst, but was still enjoyable.  I got my cake in the oven, and sorted the gifts. 

One of the reasons I had to get the cake in the oven early was that my hair, which had been great up until a day or so ago, had suddenly become Who-hair, and I couldn't do a damn thing with it.  Russ was working today, surprisingly, and had told me he would work me in.  I needed to have the cake out of the oven so it could cool while I was at the shop.  That unexpectedly worked out perfectly.  He sent me a text just as the cake was coming out of the oven, and I had time to turn it out to cool before I left.  It looked great.

I went to the shop (still in the rain) and had my hair cut, then got gas on the way home since I had forgotten to do that yesterday.  I got in touch with Lisa, who told me she was running behind also (not a huge surprise, but it worked in my favor today), and that as long as I got there in time for church, the later I came the better.  That meant I didn't have to hurry, which suited me fine.

I signed online to check messages, and ended up getting sucked into the internet vortex.  I went to visit a buddy of mine for a bit - hey it's Christmas for me too, right?

Then I got home, got cleaned up, packed the car, and headed out.  It was lousy weather, but better than it had been this morning.  There was almost no one on the road, and the roads were drier than they would have been had I left earlier, so that all worked out fine.  I made record time to Lisa's, and got there in time to visit a little and try the pound cake (which was excellent, if I did make it) before it was time to get ready for church.

Sigh.  I wasn't thrilled about going to church.  Mother had informed me that I was going, which I wasn't happy about.  Plus by just telling me I was going, she was setting a dangerous precedent that I know Dad and Eve won't have any qualms about trying to use.  But it was Christmas, I didn't want to make a fuss, and I could probably use some church, I know.  Also, I found out that Mama was being confirmed as a member tonight, which basically left me no choice.  Plus, I figured with it being the Christmas service, usually that is more 'Church-lite'.  So I ironed my shirt like a good boy, got all dressed up, and off we went.

My spirits were not lifted when we got there and it was one of those new big mega-churches (in Chapin, who knew?), but again, it was one night.  The service started innocuously enough.  We had a seat saved up front because of Mom, which was nice.  The service wasn't packed too badly (as I had worried) because there were like four services for Christmas Eve.  We were at service #4.  There was a cute girl sitting in front of us who looked kind of like a lower-rent Renee Zellweger, and I amused myself by trying to figure out where her haircut had just missed the mark.  But she had on a very cute dress, although I didn't like her shoes.

They had a cute little girl sing to start the service, and we sang some hymns.  The choir director, I noted, took her job very seriously - moving her arms in a notably regimented and measured fashion which no one seemed to be following very well.  Then the pastor (who had come to speak to Mother when we came in) got up to preach.  Apparently, despite it's being the third time that day he had done the service either a) he wanted folks to feel they had gotten their money's worth; or b) he had decided to make an impression on the Christmas-and-Easter-only crowd; but his service was surprisingly adamant, emphatic, and protracted.  We were in the service overall for about an hour and twenty minutes. 

But eventually it was over.  We went back to the house and ate our potato soup, which had been simmering in the crock pot while we were at church, along with some nibbles.  I was delighted to find that Lisa had gotten me some eggnog, which I LOVE, but which I had been resisting all season.  Since no one else drinks it, I had the perfect reason to indulge.  I asked for them to go ahead and open their cookbooks tonight.  Mom really spent some time flipping through hers.  Cole like it, but I didn't get a big reaction.  I was glad I had kind of tempered my expectations.  He's not really demonstrative anyway, and that's really the kind of thing you appreciate more as you get older. 

Mom and Lisa wanted to stay up and talk, but after the long day I was pretty wiped out.  I had to beg off and go to bed.

A post in which it is a day out with Rhonda

I woke up in a great mood.  I decided I wanted to see Rhonda.  She was up and wanted to go run around, so I picked her up and we were off to Barnyard flea market.  I hadn't really planned to buy anything, but of course since I decided not to carry my backpack, we bought pretty much everything that wasn't nailed down.

I bought:
- a long underwear shirt for me
 - a t-shirt for Rhonda
 - some Mio for the house
 - some Amish cheese (the guy was down from PA selling it)
 - a present for Dana
 - another present for Mother

We generally just had a gay ole time.  The weather was nice enough (if overcast), and we were in fine spirits and enjoying each other's company.  Rhonda told me that she needed to look for an electric can opener, but I dissuaded her from buying one at the flea market.  When she went to look at something else, I quickly called Billy and dispatched him to buy one and have it wrapped and under the tree from me for later. 

After the flea market, we went to lunch at Fried Green Tomatoes, where we had a cutie lil young'un waiter who was nice too, and the baby limas were so good that I could have thrown them in the floor and rolled in them.  I got a pint to go. 

Next we went to Whole Foods, since Rhonda said she needed a few things.  She's got this idea of making her own granola.  She's crazy about it, and it is expensive.  Also, a lot of it is high in sugar, and she doesn't need that.  As it turned out, most of what she wanted from Whole Foods was stuff I could help her with, so she didn't have to buy that much.  I picked up a Quorn Turk'y Roast, and some peanut and coconut spread I had read about at the oil place yesterday in a list of Oprah's favorite things.  I'm pretty stoked about that. 

After all of that, we went back to my house, stowed the finds, and I got cleaned up for Christmas with Russ, Billy, and Logan while Rhonda wrapped their presents.  So far, I have not wrapped a single present this year!  And Yay me. 

The afternoon was pleasantly uncontrolled chaos.  When we got to the house, Billy was still wrapping presents.  He was in exactly the same place I found him yesterday.  Russ was purposing all over the place.  I got Logan to make the DVD player work and put in a Christmas DVD, then retired to the sofa to wait.  Eventually, everyone gathered in the living room and we set to.

Rhonda was quite surprised to find the can opener!  I love elfing on that level.  I had made sure that she got the other things she wanted too, and she seemed to like the bracelet I bought here.  I felt a teeny bit bad about that, because RBL ended up getting the practical things, and I bought fun stuff (except for the can opener).  She was also tickled with the pillow cases.  Logan really loved the tshirt I bought him, and Billy was happy with his movie tickets.  Russ griped about the fact that he wasn't going to get his until Christmas day, but then he's a grouser. 

I got a gift card to Fresh Market (Yay!) and a new pair of snugly lounge pants.  It was a nice Christmas.

Next we had dinner out with Vince and Brian at Lieu's.  They have finally closed on the condo, and Brian is preparing to leave for Oregon again.  There were a bunch of people there, and we had a raucous but pleasant meal. 

By the time all that was over, I was pooped!  I dropped Rhonda at her place, helped her carry in her swag, and then headed home.  I have another long day tomorrow.

A post in which it is vacation!!*

It had been a while since I shared a bed.  Last night I remembered why.  I was up and down all night.  It didn't help that neither Chip nor I are used to sharing a bed.  He's a bed hog, and I'm a blanket hog.  Eventually I just got up for good.  He wanted to be up by 8am, and I went in the bedroom to find him already awake.  He declined my offer of breakfast, showered up, and hit the road.

I had thought I would take a nap after he left, but there was a ton of stuff to do, and I was too excited. 

First I went over to White Horse flea market to look around.  Sadly, there weren't many people out today.  In Anderson at the Jockey Lot, there is a whole rush of Christmas activity usually, but not at White Horse apparently.  That was fine.  I was in a terrific mood, and walked around smiling at people for no good reason.  I bought a pair of the new 'arctic blue' sunglasses after being assured by the hip guy selling them that I looked 'fresh'.  Whether I did or not, I'm not too proud to take the compliment.

I picked up some produce so I'd have some stuff to cook up and eat on while I was out of work, but the main purpose of the trip today was to get cucumbers.  Eve had declared Christmas at their house was to be Dec 26th.  Apparently they aren't going to get up and drive to Lisa's since Ava isn't going to be there.  While I can understand it, I'd be a bit put out if I was Lisa.  Eve had asked that I make my refrigerator Korean (inspired) pickles, of all things, for Christmas.  Since I probably wouldn't be back at the flea market until next weekend, I needed to go ahead and get the cucumbers.  The problem was that there weren't any little pickling cucumbers.  All I could find was big honkin' salad cukes.  After going to every produce vendor, I finally just gave up and got the big ones.  I didn't think it was worth going to another flea market just for that.

After stowing the produce, I decided to go ahead and get the oil changed in the car.  It needed to be done before I hit the road.  In theory, this should have taken about twenty minutes.  In actuality, of course, it was about three times that.  Although they told me my tires did not need to be rotated, I needed some filter that goes to the AC, and they didn't have it there.  So I waited.  And waited.  And waited.  I had been told it would take them "10-20 minutes" to get the filter there, and when I asked about 20 minutes later, I got the same answer.  That told me that either a) they were totally blowing smoke up my skirt; or b) that they had no idea how long it would actually take.  I left to go home, on the understanding that they would call me when it got there.

I had just the time to get to the house, change out a load of laundry, make the bed, and throw some lunch in the microwave before they called.  I went back over, and it took a surprisingly little amount of time for the filter to be installed, after which I was free.  I had put the recycling in the car before I went back out, so I took that off.  I was at the Family Dollar when I got a text from Jeremiah.  I told him I was close to the house, but when he found out it would be a half hour before I could see him, he begged off.  Apparently I am supposed to lay up at my house, showered and ready for him at all times.  Whatever.

I got back to the house and started getting cleaned up.  I had a text from Billy about picking up Logan's second present from me (Billy had picked it up for me, but I wanted to wrap it in my own paper), and I headed over there to pick it up.

I found Billy in the midst of present-wrapping.  He apparently enjoys this.  As we all know, as much as I LOVE to by Christmas presents, that's how much I HATE wrapping them.  I just have no patience with it.  Billy offered to wrap my presents.  I was thrilled to accept.  We visited for a bit while he finished up some of their stuff he was working on, and then scampered home to get my presents.

When I returned to the house, there was a work truck in the driveway.  I was struck with a sense of foreboding.  Anyone but him, please; I thought as I parked.  Sadly, my 9intuition was correct.  It was Brenden, the clinically depressed deck builder.  Brenden, for those of you who don't recall, lived with Russ and Billy for a while a year or so ago while he was building their deck.  He's a nice enough guy, but his life is a train wreck.  He's also clinically depressed, and has been suicidal.  Brenden likes me.  Oy.

It's not that I dislike Brenden.  I'd just rather not dislike him from a distance, and preferably out of his company.  To make matters worse, Brenden reported to Billy a month or so ago that he had been experiencing a series of sex dreams about - wait for it - yes me.  Ugh.  I do feel bad for Brenden, and I don't have it in me to be unpleasant to him, but he's just.  So. Creepy. 

Determined to make the best of things, I went into a great kerfuffle of activity.  I unloaded gifts, discussed paper with Billy, wrote out gift tags, organized the presents, and kept up a running commentary about the gifts, etc.  I tried to keep things light.  I tried to keep my interaction with Brenden to a pleasantly brusque scuff-and-go rhythm.  Of course Brenden found a way to deflate my carefully constructed social souffle. 

He got around to asking if I had heard about his dreams.  I plead ignorance, partially because I didn't know if Billy had been allowed to tell me about them, and partially because I was fervently hoping that he would be too embarrassed to tell me about them.  No such luck.  He started off by telling me he'd had a series of interesting dreams about me.  I wasn't biting.  Although I made no show of curiosity about his definition of interesting at all, of course he proceeded to enlighten me.  Oy. 

Of course, what he expected was for me to strip down naked and throw myself at him, panting for him to have his way with me.  I guess that's what straight guys always expect.  He had about as much chance of that happening as I do of Blake Harper begging me to carry my love child, but of course I couldn't tell him that.  So I danced the light fantastic all around his tissue of sexual connotation all afternoon.  I'm fairly good at the verbal parry, but it was exhausting.

The official reason for the visit was to deliver Russ and Billy's Christmas present, which was very nice.  It was a cedar and teak garden bench he had made himself.  He is good with his hands.  But he wanted to see Russ's reaction, and so was waiting for Russ to get home.  Of course, this being the midst of the Christmas rush, Russ had closed the shop on time, and was out being Russ.  Piddle-farting around in the retail rush and generally wasting time.  We waited and waited.  The gifts did get wrapped, thankfully.  Russ came in (finally) and dutifully admired the bench (which really was very nice). 

Brenden being (finally) dispatched, I exhaled, and we went out to Irashiai for supper.  It was a very pleasant evening, and I feel really caught up now that the gifts are wrapped!!

A post in which it is the last day of work for a while*

Oh man was I ready to get out of the office today!  Unfortunately there was about three tons of bullshit to wade through before I could leave.  There was so much to do that if they had offered to let us leave early (they didn't, so that was no worry) I wouldn't have been able to go.  I got through the quarterly nap for the credit department, had lunch, got through the twit meeting, and finished up the last of the ISO documents with little time to spare.  And then it was time to GO.  Finally!

I scampered home because my friend Chip was coming up from Florida for the holidays and stopping to see me on the way - and yay me.

He was running about an hour behind, which was fine.  That gave me a little time to de-David the house, change, and relax for a little before he got there. 

He came in looking good.  It's been two years since I've seen him.  He has put on a little weight, but then a) who hasn't?; and b) he's quit smoking.  And good for him.  We decided to go to India Palace for dinner.  He wanted Indian, and apparently no one in Florida will eat it with him.  I would have taken him to Saffron, but this time of year the traffic on Woodruff Road is basically immovable.

As it turns out, it was a good call.  Naresh seemed glad to see me.  The food was great (Chip was very impressed), and they have their own bread, called Poori bread, which is incomparable.  The Palace is the only place to get it.  

We had a lovely meal, caught up over dinner, and headed back to the house, for more catching up.  It was a really nice evening, and a great kick-off to my vacation.

A post in which it is food day

Well as the serendipitous fates would have it, I was back up at 2am.  So the cake got glazed.  I also cleaned the kitchen, had a snack, and checked email.  I eventually did go back to bed, but I was just sleeping well when the alarm went off.  Two more days until vacation. 

My cake turned out pretty, and it was almost perfect, but the top of it had gotten a little over-done.  Other than that I was happy with it.  It was dense but not heavy, fine of crumb, moist, and had a good flavor.

I knew today would be a long one, and it was.  I worked on the report for the twit meeting (also scheduled for tomorrow - really) all morning, and then finished up the slides for the All Hands Nap tomorrow afternoon.  Alan sent back two revisions.  I waited three hours to be safe, then distributed the slides, at which point (of course) he sent the third revision.  Grrr.  I also eventually did my regular work. 

Most of the cake got gone.  I usually give the remainder away, but it had turned out so well I decided to take a couple of pieces home with me.  I cut up what was left and packed some pieces up for me, and some for Dad and Eve.  Chocolate pound cake is her favorite. 

By the end of the day, I was tapioca-headed again, and I left on time.  Plus I had stuff to do.  I took the cake by for Dad and Eve.  She seemed very pleased to get it.  Then I went to my house and got in the kitchen.  I make mashed potatoes that I should have made last weekend, finished my shepard's pie, and threw it in the oven.  I had some of it for supper, and when I cleaned up the kitchen I was miraculously free for a little bit.

I got online and chatted a little.  One of the reasons I wanted to have some cake at the house was that I have an assignation tomorrow.  A buddy of mine named Chip will be on his way up to see his family for the holidays.  He lives in Florida, and breaks the journey by staying a night with me.  I thought it would be nice to have a piece of homemade cake to offer him, although of course he really comes for the... hospitality.  He was on Bear411 and we chatted for a bit and made plans for tomorrow. 

Then I turned in, hoping to get some sleep.  Tomorrow will be another long day, but after that it will be over for a bit, and I'll have a nice long break.  I am SO ready!!

A post in which I make some progress

They had announced earlier in the week that we had a big charity folderol at work today, and that we were all to try to look less like reprobates than usual because there would be TV cameras on site.  Now I didn't figure anyone would see me.  The credit department is stuck on the second floor in an off corner, and usually no one comes up here.  But to show that I'm a good do-bee, and because I had a Christmas-y tie that I hadn't worn yet, I got up this morning, ironed a dress shirt, put on my tie, and wore the soft-as-love flannel sport coat I bought, which I love, but which is close to too tight having scarcely been worn.  I looked pretty good, but I was devilishly uncomfortable.  Also, allowing to the elderly people who would be here as representatives of those being helped (I guess), they had raised the thermostat to somewhere around 'deep-fat fry'.  I was roasting.  The jacket came off as soon as I got in.  The tie made it until about noon, and the undershirt was shortly after.  My grandfather always said that a well-dressed man always wears an undershirt, but apparently that was back in the days before central heat.  Or maybe they were just thin-blooded.  My nipples showed through my filmy pinpoint oxford, but at a certain point I was just beyond caring.

Because my step-mother freakin' lives to wrestle me into a tie, I had a few pics made before I started taking stuff off.  I wondered briefly why it thrills women so greatly to see men suffering in dress clothes.  Then I thought about girdles, panty hose, shaving legs, make-up, hour-long hair-dos, and the cultural expectation to go through life thirty pounds or so underweight.  It was less of a mystery after that. 

There was a lot to do today.  I got started early, and was pretty productive.  I did my regular calls, finished the slides for the All Hands Nap, finished the write-offs, scared the crap out of a millionaire who is trying to steal $344k (he'll probably still be able to, but I caused him some anxiety today), and got some ISO done.  I'm dangerously close to finishing that crap.  That's one part of a three-part craptastic idea upper management had.  But at least that will be one part done.

We did have free Mexican for lunch again today, which was nice. 

I left work on time, since I wasn't getting anything else done at that point anyway.  My brains were fried out, and I had reached that stage where you are no longer productive.

Plus I had a cake to bake tonight.  I was on the way to the store, but detoured to see if I could find one last little present for tiny Rhondee.  I didn't really expect to find it, but I DID!!  I was so excited.  I just love to buy Christmas presents.  I am now more excited to give her the little gift than her real present.

Unfortunately, my Christmas glow was smirched by a guy in the parking lot trying to work me for cash.  Sigh.  I just hate it when they do that.  If I give them money I feel like a chump, and if I don't I feel like I've just told Jesus he can't have a dollar.  I didn't give this guy any money, but it harshed my buzz.  He looked pretty well-nourished, dressed, and clean to be destitute, plus he had cigarettes, so I figured he wasn't too badly off.  The deciding factor though, was that he didn't have his patter down.  He was going on and on, and I was standing there thinking I need to get home, so that's what I said, and I left.  But I thought about Matthew 25:40 all the way home: 

And the King shall answer and say to them, Truly I say to you, Inasmuch as you have done it to one of the least of these my brothers, you have done it to me.

Sigh.  I should have given him something I guess.  I was so conflicted I forgot to go to CVS on the way home. Again. 

But I got home, plugged in the computer, and put in Pee Wee's Playhouse Christmas Special, which I now watch every year.  I bought it upon the enthusiastic recommendation of my friend Justin.  Although I was initially under-whelmed, it's worth owning just to see the very odd appearance of k.d. lang.  It's from early in her career, when she was still trying to mainstream, and it's pretty - weird.  The special was taped at the height of the show's popularity, and there is quite a plethora of celebrity appearances. 

I got my cake in the oven and sat down to eat a large salad for dinner.  There is nothing on TV.  I mean nothing.  Amazing this close to Christmas - there weren't even any decent Christmas specials on. 

I finished up my salad, cleaned up the kitchen, and got the cake out of the oven.  The top looked a little done, but the batter was good, and it didn't fall, so it should be a good one.  I wasn't going to stay up to glaze it, so decided to leave it up to fate.  If I was up with insomnia (yet again) early in the morning, I would glaze it then, and if not I would just serve it plain.  That recipe doesn't call for the glaze - it's something I added.

A post in which we celebrate Dad's birthday

Work continues to chew my nerves slap up.  Alan started pushing me for the All Hands slides today.  We have to get them in and make sure they're perfect so everyone can sleep through the meeting without interruption I guess.  Who the hell calls a staff meeting for the Friday afternoon before Christmas?  Well he does.  He had a meeting on Christmas Eve one time.  The man is nothing if no meticulous.  Plus sales is trying to revive accounts of Purchase Past, I have labyrinthine write-offs to do in Canada, the ISO project to finish, the twit meeting to prepare for on Friday, and then there's my regular job.  Oy.  I'm really going to need a vacation at the end of this week.

One bright spot today was that I picked up the cook books from the printer.  They turned out really nice.  I love the cover.  After I finally decided on the name (going back to the title I really liked originally, but decided it was too gay), I decided just to embrace the gay.  I was also inspired by a Bewitched marathon on Logo the weekend before I dropped them at the printer. 

Since Dad was having dinner tomorrow night with friends of theirs (a man he knows shares a late December birthday), we decided to do his birthday dinner tonight.  Tuesday night is our dinner night anyway.  He wanted to go to Bonefish, so after some kerfuffle back and forth, we set up dinner for 7pm. 

We had a leisurely dinner.  I excused myself shortly after we got there to secure the check.  You just have to wrestle Dad to get it from him, and I don't feel that it's right for him to pay for his own birthday dinner.  I had Lobster Thermidor stuffed mahi, and it was really delicious.  If the portions were a little light, well I could use lighter portions anyway.  They had Bananas Foster, one of my very favorite desserts, and Dad ordered it for me even though no one else was having dessert.  I tried to share it.  Eve took one bite, Lisa looked as if I had asked her to munch on slug intestines (there was no chocolate), and Dad invoked tummy trouble.  Not being proud, and since it is, after all, my favorite, I ate every bite except for the one that went all down the front of my shirt.  So I left looking like a complete pig, probably with justification.  The waiter, bless him, did exactly as I asked and brought the check already rung up (I gave him my card when I flagged him down initially), and there was remarkably little ugliness about that.  Usually Lisa (proud, proud, proud, despite penury) gives me a ration of shit. 

We told Lisa goodnight and headed back to the house for the usual visit.  She had to drive back to Chapin tonight, and I worried about her.  She worked today and does again tomorrow.  That makes for a very long day, and I know she's worn down already. 

Dad opened his gift when we got back to their place, and if he didn't like it, he did an excellent job of acting like he did.  The gift receipt was in the bag, so I'm covered either way.  He knew that I had thought about him anyway.  I had intended to do the Grand Reveal of the cook book at Christmas, but I was just too excited.  I got the book out of the car and let Eve have a preview.  She and Dad both were surprisingly complimentary.  She loved the cover and the font.  She said it looked 'happy' (which I'm thinking in retrospect, hmmmmm), but even Dad liked it.  So my worries were for naught. 

Since I haven't slept through the night in about a week, I went home, took a pill, did a tiny bit of elfing for Lisa, and gratefully fell into bed.  I was wiped. 

A post in which there is so much shopping

It's a shame I don't have a bit more money to do it with!

We had a free pizza lunch at work today, which was nice.  That also took the pressure off finishing up my shepard's pies tonight, although it would still be a good thing to have done.  Work today was trying to get to what I need to do.  I have to get my calls out of they way first, and I have so many files on my desk from the end-of-the-year dumpage that this is difficult.  I did manage to get a write-off done before I got sucked into a stupid conversation with a bankruptcy trustee in Canada.  As stupid as the bankruptcy laws are here, they are infinitely more dildonic in Canada.  By the time I got off the phone, it was 6pm, and I was done.

My first stop was Total Wine.  I hadn't picked up Tony's present yet, so I got that out of the way.  Next was Ross.  I was looking for a little present for Rhonda I had decided to get, but no dice.  Dammit.  Wish I had known she wanted this before now.  I did get a picture frame for the photo Lisa gave me from the Thanksgiving session, which I had been meaning to buy, and just not doing it for some reason.

I had to pick up Dad's birthday present tonight.  I had asked Eve for some suggestions because Dad is impossible to buy for.  Really having his birthday in freakin' December (two presents in one month - really?) has to be out-lawed somewhere in the Geneva Conventions.  Her suggestions were sketchy.  She suggested a hoodie. I'm thinking really?  A hoodie?  I asked her if he had one, and she said he did, but he didn't really wear it very often.  Which would figure, because I had never seen him in it.  But the other ideas seemed to be things she wanted him to have, rather than things he would actually like to have.  I started to the big and tall place, but their prices are way high, and Burlington Coat Factory was right on the way there.  They have a good big and tall section, so I decided to check there first.  I ended up picking out a zip hoodie for Dad.  Will he ever wear it?  Who knows.  I tried to pick out something he would like - navy and gray, and very basic.  But I got a gift receipt to wrap with it just in case.  He'll know I tried at any rate - I hope it really IS the thought that counts.

I could have gone home then, and I was pretty hungry.  I also needed to cook.  But I wanted to check the Ross on the other side of town for Rhonda's present, and I figured I wouldn't feel like cooking tonight anyway.  I headed for the other side of town, and once again struck out at the Ross there.  I couldn't remember whether or not I had anything to wrap Dad's gift in, and didn't have a card, so I ran in the Dollar Tree for that stuff.  Thankfully, I didn't get stuck in there tonight, although I was cruised rather aggressively by a woman in there.  Either that doesn't happen that often, or I don't notice it, but I was only uncomfortable for a moment. 

After that, I gratefully headed home.  I was cold and tired.  I got in and started putting things away.  I made a big salad for dinner, and drank the last of the iced tea in the fridge.  By the time I got the kitchen cleaned up, it was after 9pm.  I brushed my teeth and turned in with the computer, chatting online for a bit before I finally went to sleep.  Of course, since I wasn't really interested in guys tonight, I was the belle of the ball, and talked to a couple of nice guys.  My feelings are still a bit bruised though. 

A post in which it is a rainy day

But a nice one. I was up at 7am, but just got online and messed about for a while.  I saw Josh online, and chatted with him for a little bit, but he had little to offer but 'guy' answers that weren't really answers at all.  Apparently, despite the hundred or so text messages we exchanged last week, we didn't have plans yesterday.  I told him how this made me feel very peripheral (i.e. shat upon), and he insisted that I wasn't peripheral, then said "I'm sorry that you feel that way." which is really no apology at all.  I just don't understand how he could be so sweet in person, and such a jerk today.  A guy thing I guess.

I didn't want to wake Rhonda.  I turned the computer off eventually and tried to go back to sleep, but no dice.  When I heard her stirring, I just went ahead and got up.  I wanted to shower and all before brunch so that if the boys wanted to go play today I would be ready to do so.

Brunch was at Stax Omega (where we always go) and the food was as good as ever.  Logan was having a hard time finding something to eat since he's eating vegan this week.  I applaud his efforts, but I know it isn't for me.  I would love if it were possible and practical to do it, but the fact is that there are just too many critters and critter by-products in our food system to really do it well without it being a big encumbrance.

As it turns out, the boys had plans to day to go and wrap presents for AID Upstate, and then Logan had his family Christmas tonight, so they weren't free to play - well at least initially.  Marty and Petal wanted to go to the Anderson Jockey Lot, and I told them I would go with them and act as tour guide, which I was happy to do.  Rhonda went with us, and Russ wanted to go, so he dropped the boys off and came too.  Now it was the makings for an epic trip, but the weather had turned off misty/drippy, plus we were getting a pretty late start, and I knew there wouldn't be many folks down there.  There weren't.     

All the outside vendors were gone, and a lot of the inside vendors hadn't bothered to show up.  But of the vendors that were there, we saw. Every. Single. One.  Russ was in Lady D mode again today, and we were there for hours as he painstakingly combed though every craptastic thing that was on offer.  He and Petal spent about twenty minutes at one point going through a rack of vintage women's clothes that looked as if they would have been rejected by Goodwill.  But it was nice to spend some time with Marty, Petal, Russ, and of course Rhonda.  I just tried to relax and treat it like a social occasion, but towards the end my feet and legs were hurting from all the standing and waiting, and I got rather inpatient. 

Eventually, though, it was time to go.  We bid our farewells and I dropped Rhonda at her place, then headed to mine.  I was pretty tired.  I wanted  a nap, and there were things to do, but I didn't feel like doing them.  It was rainy and dreary, which was pretty much how I felt.  I was mad at myself for letting a guy do this to me.  I fell into the internet vortex for a while and chatted online while I watched Princess Bride for the forty-leventh time.  I was chasing guys basically to watch them run, because they were having none of me.  John was online, but I didn't feel like riding out to BFE today, and I'm trying not to go back out there anyway. 

I saw Josh online again, and just as he initiated a conversation, Russ sent me a text and told me to come over.  I wasn't going to turn that down.  I signed off abruptly, but texted Josh on the way over.  He wouldn't answer his phone.  Crickets.  Whatever.  MEN!  I'm going to become a lesbian.  Well no, I can't afford a neovaginoplasty.  They're like $15,000.00.

Since I was already in a crappy mood, I went ahead and called Jason.  I had planned to do it yesterday, but had put it off.  Of course I got his voice mail.  So I just left a voice mail basically telling him I was done, and suggesting that he spend some time with his dad and his friend Rodney over the holidays.

The decks now officially cleared, I got to Russ and Billy's just in time to see the end of a gay romantic comedy (which I was SO not in the mood for) and then we headed to dinner.  We ended up going to Cheddar's tonight.  I guess because of the holiday hang-over from all the parties and the nasty weather we were able to get a table.  Dinner was nice and it was good to spend some time with the boys.

By the time dinner was done, though, it was time to go to bed.  Tomorrow starts the crappy week at work.  I have a lot of work to do before I can go on vacation, plus Dad's birthday.  I'll be ready for a break after this week.     

A post in which I am once again disappointed

It started off to be a lovely day. 

I woke up in a good mood and went to the flea market.  There wasn't much on offer, but then I didn't need much.  I had only gone over to get some onions, but while I was there I was of course going to stroll and see what was on offer.  There was no glass, but while I was wandering, I heard one of the sellers say she sure wished she had a banana, she was craving one.  Aglow with Christmas cheer, I thought easy enough.  I went inside to see one of the produce vendors to get her a banana.  As I was going through (I rarely go inside any more), I noticed a whole table of tiny high-heeled boots for little girls!  Now I think that it's a really bad idea that they make such, and I loathe the sexualization of young girls as a concept.  But I also knew that Ava would LOVE to have a pair of those boots.  I could just barely resist long enough to call Lisa.  With her reluctant consent, I had official leave to buy them.  They are white high-heeled(about 1.5") boots, and they are about the most precious thing you have ever seen.  I try to be a good uncle.  I really do.  And I know it's wrong to spoil her.  But this is the gift I am really excited about giving this year.  I just CAN'T WAIT!

With the boots bought, and even more aglow at this point, I went to get the banana.  I felt like a saint.  I felt wonderful.  I figured I couldn't possibly get any goodness points for something that made me feel so good immediately.  When I didn't have change, the produce vendor just gave me the banana for free.  I thought well I really am not going to get any points at all in heaven for this now, but I felt so good that it just really didn't matter.  I gave the surprised woman the banana, bought my onions, and left.

Tonight was my date with Josh.  I was so excited to see him, but I had no idea when he would be free.  I knew he worked last night, so he would be sleeping, but when I saw him last week he saw me Saturday day, so maybe...  I sent a text, but got no response.  I figured he needed his rest.

I went on home and started cooking.  I made the filling for my shepard's pie, but didn't start on potatoes.  I figured there were other things I needed to do.  I changed the sheets, folded a load of laundry, straightened up the house, and had a lie down because I had been up early and didn't want to be too tired to enjoy myself.  Still no word from Josh.  I sent a couple more texts.  Crickets.

I put away my filling and cleaned up the kitchen some, but eventually it became obvious that I wasn't going to hear from Josh.  I was SO disappointed.  I had really been looking forward to today.  I thought about staying home and sulking, but didn't really want to do that. 

I got in touch with the boys, but they were going to a party that had been a bust the last time we went, plus they didn't invite me to tag along and I didn't feel like begging tonight.  My ego had really had quite enough of a beating for the day.  I called Rhonda, who was free, and agreed to go out to dinner.

I haven't seen much of Rhonda lately, and she always makes me feel better.  After she offered to call Josh and set him straight, we went out for Chinese buffet, and to Kmart to look at the Christmas finery.  I found a copy of How the Grinch Stole Christmas (which I have been wanting to see, and didn't own).  Then we went to Sonic for a peppermint milk shake (they are selling them at Chick Fil Yuck, but I won't buy one there).  Peppermint is one of my very favorite flavors of ice cream, but my shake wasn't very good.  We went back to Rhonda's to watch the DVD, but she apparently can't work her own DVD player, so we ended up browsing Netflix instead. 

We ended up watching Santa Claus: The Movie.  I had never seen it, and neither had she, but I had seen a documentary about the making of it, and they actually broke reindeer to harness for the movie, which I found fascinating.  The real reindeer weren't actually in the movie very often (most of the reindeer in the movie were Disney-esque animatrons), but that wasn't the only disappointment.  Despite a stellar cast (Dudley Moore, John Lithgow, Judy Cornwell), the movie managed to be rather long-winded, over-acted, and tedious.  I believe there are good reasons it hasn't become a holiday classic. 

With that done, we were both tired.  Because we had brunch in the morning with Marty and Petal (and I think as a treat for me) Rhonda came to stay the night at my place.  We didn't get to do our usual slumber-party stuff though.  By the time we got to my place, it was late and we were both tired.  I got her settled in, put the Grinch in the DVD player, and was asleep before it went off.  I don't think it's but about 26 minutes long either. 

A post in which I visit Miss Kat and Dana

I was up at 4am today, and finally got on up at 4:20.  Profit sharing had posted to my bank account, and I had to send it to Visa.  Sigh.  Disheartening.  Usually over Christmas break I have some money to do stuff, but not this year.  Still, I can't wait to have eleven days off - to get in some sleep if nothing else.  Besides, I know there will be some fun stuff to do. 

It was hard to get motivated at work today.  There were things I needed to do, but Alan was still out of the office, so was Larney, and they were releasing information on that school shooting in CT.  I can understand being in the place where you decided to check out - I've been there.  What I can't imagine is wanting to kill a bunch of kids first.  I can't imagine going to the afterlife with that kind of evil weighing you down.  I can't get past the families.  I can't imagine how horrible it would be to bury your 6-year-old child a week before Christmas.  That is indescribably horrible.

The day even got off to a crappy start from a personal perspective.  Wednesday I had decided to send Brenden a present, and Cindy and Paul a Christmas card so I wouldn't upset Paul's promise to send Eve some new pictures of Brenden.  She's been living for that, and watching the mail every day.  But since then there has been a blow-up over some guns that Paul left at Dad's shop for over six years.  After repeatedly trying to get Paul to come get the guns, Dad sold them.  So Paul is mad about that, and they aren't sending the pictures now.  Supposedly these were 'family' guns and had a great deal of sentimental value or something, but if they were so freakin' important they should have been a little more motivated to come get them.

Either way, I was back in the middle.  I couldn't let Eve continue to wait and watch and hope in vain.  I had to call and break the news.  Not giving myself time to decide not to do it, I just went ahead and called to break the news.  She did pretty well (she was in a store when I reached her), but called me back about an hour or so later in full melt-down.  She wanted Paul's number so she could call and reproach him, etc.  Fortunately, I could honestly tell her that I didn't have a number to reach him.  It wouldn't have helped her case anyway.  More histrionics is only going to make things worse.  So I listened to her cry for a while and felt like a complete ass, but there wasn't anything I could do to help.  Eventually she calmed down a little and rang off.  Sigh.

So I spent a good part of the day procrastinating.  I had a bad case of the why does this matters today.  I finally just did some invoice break outs for Canada just so the afternoon wasn't wasted.

They were cleaning the fridge out at work today, and all those taco left-overs from Wednesday were going to be thrown out, so I took some food home.  I'm not proud.  I had some black bean burgers that Morningstar Farms makes in the freezer, and they make wicked good veggie tacos so I had a feast. 

I got in touch with Dana tonight and went to see them.  Miss Kat had her office party tonight though.  She had thought it would be right after work, but they moved it to 8pm, so she was gone most of the evening.  It was good to see Dana and hang out with her though.  It's so nice to be at their house. 

A post in which I get in trouble

Insomnia again.  Ugh. 

I buckled in and got some ISO stuff done today.  I hate doing it so much that I didn't finish that part, but I made some good headway. 

The collection agency rep was up from Atlanta today doing a holiday run-through.  He took me to lunch, so we went out for sushi.  Steve was amazingly lucid behind the wheel today, and I didn't feel that I was going to die at any time during lunch today, which was a pleasant surprise.  Lunch was good, and they were glad to see me at Sushi-Masa.  I really should eat there more often.  Their squid roll is still one of my favorites, and they serve korokke at lunch too.

After lunch, it was home for the quick-change.  While I was there, I decided to mix a Christmas CD for Vince, as kind of a thank you for his getting the Katy Perry CD for me a couple of weeks ago.  While it was burning I opened my mail.  I had a card from Bill, John, and Jake.  And here I thought I made John uncomfortable.  (Well I still may, but they sent me a card.)  I thought that was very sweet.  Bill later told me they don't usually send Christmas cards, but he decided to do so on a whim this year. 

Tonight was dinner out with the RBL Thursday night lineup.  Logan was going to see The Hobbit tonight, so he wasn't there, but we were still 12.  Lee came in with two guys, Jimmy and Chad.  Jimmy I didn't know, but Chad has kicked me to the curb several times online.  He was gracious enough to make no mention.  The lovely Joel showed up with a date named Matt, who was conspicuously beautiful.  It was Joel's birthday, and presumably he had quite a present waiting to be opened.

Dinner tonight was at Portofino's.  I was still trying to be good, and ordered the Pomodoro pasta.  I hadn't eaten a huge lunch today partially because I knew I would be going out to dinner tonight.  They finally seated us, and we waited.  And waited.  After about forty-five freakin' minutes we finally got some salad.  I know we were 12, but they just weren't that busy tonight, plus they seated us around 8pm, after the dinner rush.  After I had some salad, though, I felt better. 

I had been sending messages back and forth with Josh today about the weekend, ect; and was really looking forward to seeing him.  I mentioned this to Billy and we were talking about my personal life, and the relevant decisions therein.  I've made a decision about Jason.  I still haven't heard from him (he was supposed to call me last Saturday).  I'm just going to call him this Saturday and tell him I want a break.  Maybe he should touch base with me once he gets down here. 

From there we moved on to Josh.  Billy is happy for me that I'm really interested in someone.  That is uncommon in the last six years since Michael left.  There was a small problem though.  Josh apparently had his hair cut by Russ and didn't go back.  Russ has been after me to find out why.  Well I knew, but I knew that the answer wouldn't make Russ happy.  Russ's feelings can be pretty easily bruised.  I had talked to Josh about this, and gotten a text earlier in the week about it from him, giving me permission to talk to Russ about it since he was kind of hounding me for an explanation. 

When I told Russ the reason, he was upset.  Being Russ, he can't let anything go, and sent a text message to Josh apologizing, etc.  The next thing I see is a text from Josh that says "YOUR ASS IS GRASS".  Now I didn't know Russ had sent Josh a text until that point.  I went outside to call Josh, who wouldn't

answer his phone.  The only thing I could do was find out what Russ had sent, and text Josh profuse apologies.  So now Russ is mad, Josh is upset with me, and I really, really don't want to be in the middle of all this. 

I sent Josh a copy of the text he sent me earlier in the week giving me permission, and apologized profusely.  He said we still have a date for Saturday.  I got Russ's feathers somewhat smoothed, through long practice, although I could tell that he still felt ill-used.  Sigh.

So now if I start dating Josh, things will be tense between him and Russ.  But one hurdle at a time.  I just got my date for Saturday confirmed again.  One day at a time. 

So I ate my pasta, visited with the guys, and flirted.  It was a nice evening.