Since I was up early, I decided to have some coffee. I love coffee on the front porch. That bit of quiet and stillness just steadies the start of the day. I wrapped up because I knew it would be cold, but I had no idea how cold. The wind was blowing too. Eventually, I just thought "You idiot! Why are you sitting out here freezing your bippy off to smoke a cancer stick when there is a nice warm house behind you? How bad do you want to die, anyway?" At that point I put out the cigarette and went inside to finish my coffee.
All was fairly normal until I got into the shower. I soaped up with the water off, as usual (to conserve). Then when I went to turn the water back on, I got nothing but a sickening crunch. The universal handle on my shower had broken. Again. This is the third one of these little fuckers I've had to buy since I moved into this house. That sounds OK (I've been in the house 12 years this September) until you think about the fact that my grandfather still has the original metal handles on his shower. His house is about 60 years old. Apparently I'm not the only one having this problem. The first one I got I had to go to a plumber's supply store to find, but I noticed the last time that they had them in stock at Homo Depot. There must be a demand. But I digress.
In the meantime, I'm standing here covered in soap suds, vaguely thinking "What the hell do I do NOW?" Fortunately, I keep some tools in the house. Since this has happened several times before, I am familiar with the mechanism. So I went slippy-slidey-slimy out to the utility room, retrieved the tool box, and extracted some tools. I pried the broken handle off and used pliers to turn the water back on so I could get rinsed off. I figured I'd be making a trip to the hardware store tonight.
When I got to work, still in a surprisingly good mood, I had an emergency email in my in-box from my boss. A $1.6million account filed bankruptcy last night. An account that had been lying to us about their financial state and had just done a press conference on January 19 to brag about the success of their superior business model. Yep, that's a real pisser. Of course we had a conference call with the attorney today, etc etc. In reality though, there really isn't a whole lot you can do when someone files bankruptcy. Still, when the company loses big bucks they like to see some kerfuffle, be it productive or not. So I participated in the 20 minute conference call in which the attorney told them there was little we could do (which of course I could have told them for free), and then spent a good amount of time trashing the ex-customer with my boss afterwards. He seemed to feel better. That, along with a tutorial on bankruptcy I did for our collections manager and credit review supervisor, ate up a good amount of time today.
I hit the gym after work again, and yay me. Writing about how uncomfortable I was seems to have lanced the boil, and it was much easier today. Blessedly, there was no one else in the locker room when I arrived and I changed in privacy. Also, I knew I could do the whole 15 minutes of cardio, so I wasn't worried about collapsing in a gasping heap on the floor. I recognized one of the girls from yesterday and actually talked to her a bit while we puffed. Jock-boy didn't jump up on the machine beside me today, so I was less intimidated. Captain Younganhot apparently works out every day. But with his shirt on covering up his great torso, he looks pretty ordinary. He does have a fantastic ass though I have to say. His face is nice enough. But since I didn't have to appear naked in front of him I felt much more equal. He has great arms too though. Of course I recognize that it is ridiculous to compare my body with someone half my age who is obviously physically fit. I only burned up 180 calories on the walker for some reason. Maybe I went slower. Anyway when I got done, I did a couple of reps of weights on my arms and chest (shedding the dreaded man-boobs is another goal) to knock off those extra 20 calories.
I went by the hardware store to pick up the shower handle. Moen has the gall to charge $13 for a plastic shower handle. I got the cheap Chinese knock-off for $8.
I then went by Whole Foods, got two big ole pieces of pizza, and proceeded (I guess) to undo all the good I just did in the gym. But I figured it was better to exercise a bit and eat the pizza than not exercise and eat the pizza. Rationalization at work. They do have really excellent pizza though; and I'm sure all the ingredients are organic and junk. And I had to have dinner, right? I have lost major weight twice now, but of course gained it back. I seriously believe, though, that it is the all-or-nothing mindset that dooms most people's plans to lose it in the first place. My dad will go on this kick where he will eat only vegetables and water, and of course he will lose some weight, but no one can maintain that. When he starts eating other stuff again, he binges because he has craved real food so much and gains it all back. And don't even get me started on that Atkins madness. I've got varicose veins in my neck from ranting about it, and my friends are still doing it. I'll just say any diet that tells you you can't have carrots or fresh fruit, but you can stuff more carnage into your gullet, is NUTS and leave it at that. Of course the advocates say "But I can lose weight on it." Well you can lose weight on an all saccharine and chicken-shit diet too, I'm sure, but that doesn't make it healthy or advisable. But I digress.
After the pig out, I decided to get the shower fixed. Easier said than done. I discovered that my cheap knock-off shower handle was identical in every way to the real one except for the fitted threads that went over the water spindle thingy (in other words, the part that actually made it work!), which were all cock-waddled. The bottom line was that the handle would go on, but not the right way, and wouldn't turn the water off correctly. You just kinda had to guess where to stop when you turned it off. In the process of discovering this I soaked myself and half the bathroom. Resolutely, I got dressed in street clothes again, went back out, and bought the $13 Moen rip-off shower handle, came home, and fixed the shower. By the time I got done, it was after 9pm. I guess that's what I get for being cheap.
I decided to sit down and relax for just a half hour or so before I got ready for bed. Crooner alternated between trying to find some place to lie down on the desk (I was at the computer, playing a bit of mahjong matching, which is pretty restful when a cat isn't knocking stuff off the desk while you're playing) and trying to dig a tunnel to China through the bottom of the litter box. I can only assume this was his way of telling me I need to add more litter.
I finally just decided to go on to bed. I used my neti pot, then broke it putting it away. I had shards of very sharp porcelain all over the shower. Then I sliced my finger open cleaning it up, and bled all over the shards and the shower floor. Apparently this was just not an auspicious day for me to interact with water. But it was over anyway. I bandaged up and went to bed.
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