A post in which I am restless

Well so much for sleeping through the night. I was up at 2:30, but I ate some peanut butter toast and was able to go back to sleep after about an hour.

I was back up early today for the &*^%&^$##!! quarterly meeting. The powers that be have decided that their blather is important enough to rip us from our beds a half hour early to hear it. Fortunately, they have cut down on the number of presenters. They used to have the VP from every division do a (lovingly and endlessly detailed) presentation on what their department is doing, which just took forever. Now, just the head honcho, the charity organizer, and HR speak. Our president’s speaking skills have vastly improved as well. I wondered when he would take a class or something. I used to pass the time by counting the ‘um’s when he spoke. For a while there he was up to 20-22 per minute. That’s a lot of umming. So things have improved, but he still speaks for too long. He talked for about 35 minutes this morning, and even a good Baptist minister knows that you can only speak for 20 minutes before all anyone can think about is their butt. Maybe we should break for a hymn, or a company song, or something…

I had coffee (with cream, yay) before I went in, and did have a moment on the porch; my own little Walden Pond. When it’s quiet and cool in the morning, it really is a little oasis of tranquility. I took stock a bit this morning. The house is fairly straight. I feel like I look pretty good (for me anyway). I seem to have come through that wave of strangely crippling depression from last week relatively unscathed. Things are fairly together right now. I feel like I’m setting the stage, like I’m ready for something to happen, but nothing is. I used to think that I needed to keep a place in my life for someone, but now I’m actually thinking it may be time to give that up. It may be time to look into a fulfilling spinsterhood. Maybe I should just volunteer for a charity work. AID Upstate (or another charity) has to be looking for volunteers. Maybe I should go back to church. I just feel like there is this huge empty space in my life that I’m ready to fill. In less profound musings, I was thinking that this weekend I should maybe try to tackle house cleaning early. Maybe if I clean for two hours Saturday morning, I could reward myself with café con leche and Cuban toast at Latin Express…

Work was work. Since I had packed in my breakfast (if I eat early enough to do it before the quarterly meeting, my sugar drops and I have a headache by lunch), I promptly dropped tomato guts all down the front of my baby blue shirt. I and I thought I looked so natty today too. Before that, anyway. I bugged Jim again for that missing file and did my calls.

I hit the gym after work. My workout came hard today. I felt really tired and bloated up from lunch still for some reason. I got through it, and decided to weigh. I’m up 7 pounds since the last time. I tried to tell myself it’s just one of those fluctuations, but it was damn discouraging nonetheless. I only took a week off for Chrissake!

I came home and was restless. Being home by myself has stopped feeling like a refuge and started feeling constrictive. I could have cleaned, of course, but who wants to do that. There was nothing on TV, and nothing I wanted to eat for supper. I thought about going somewhere, but I would have to eat first (I don’t expect people to be able to provide a vegetarian meal out of the blue – for some reason people find it very intimidating to offer you food that doesn’t involve a piece of meat), plus I had sheets to change and dishes to wash.

I turned on some re-runs of 'Friends' and did my chores. But I stayed restless until I was tired enough to go to bed.