A post in which I slept

Thank God. But there was a price to be paid. Sleeping pills suppress your REM sleep cycle, which is when you dream. Prolonged periods without REM sleep causes similar symptoms to schizophrenia. I suppose that is one of the many reasons I'm so crazy. But anyway. I did sleep through the night last night, but dreamed intensely all night, much of which was borderline nightmare. I woke up feeling drug out just from all the dreaming.

*dream sequence*

So an obscure relative had died. I was in his incredibly run-down house clearing it out with another obscure relative (who inexplicably looked like my mother's ex-brother-in-law Lane, only grown old and gray). The house was just borderline close to a shed, and full of old dusty stuff, some of which was worth money, and some of which was just crap. We were going through trying to sort it.

At some point, we stopped to eat. I prepared a noodle dish, and went out onto the back porch to eat it. One of this relative's cats had died, and the body had been cut up and put into a porcelain jar of some kind (similar to a canopic jar). In the dream I felt an overwhelming urge to eat part of the cat's brain. So I opened the jar, picked some out with my chopsticks, added it to my noodles, and devoured them. Immediately afterwards, I felt sick, and the compulsion left me.

Because this cat had been a pet, there was a terrible price to be paid. The ancient Chinese gods had been angered, and we had to endure a curse from them. Eventually they were mollified (I don't remember how), after a long period of us trying to figure out how to do that. I woke up because of something Crooner did, and was very relieved to be out of it.

*end dream*

So I was having coffee on the porch this morning, listening to it gently rain, and marvelling at the determination of the birds. The male birds were still singing out their territorial/mating songs even in the rain. The streetlights were kind of misty around the edges, and so was I. My brain was fuzzy this morning. I have been blaming the pills for that, but it may have just been overload this morning. I was kind of trying to figure out what the dream meant, which is kind of like trying to put a puzzle together with some pieces missing and no picture to tell you what it is.

I think it was my brain trying to work through my concerns about my dad and my own mortality, which I suspect have smacked right up against each other. It was probably also my protestant punishment-minded brain trying to work through why I had cancer, and some leftover guilt for eating chicken wings the other week. That was what I came up with anyway.

When I got to work, I had a return message from Michael. He has been planning to send me a more personalized update, but he's working three jobs (!!), going to graduate school, AND preparing to move to LA in June also. Small wonder he's having a hard time keeping up. I did feel better after hearing from him, and that I hadn't been just pushed to the side. I kind of had my feelings hurt about that.

On the way home tonight, I went through Garden Ridge to look for some new plasticware. Surprisingly, they have cut their excellent kitchenware section almost in half. It seems they sell mostly furniture there now. They didn't have what I was looking for, but I did get some new pillows for the sofa. I liked the old ones, but they've been slept on so much and can't be washed. Plus they're like chemo-cushions now. I liked the ones I bought tonight until I got them home. They're like a sage-y green color, but when I put them in the living room, they just look tan. Oh well. They are soft and comfy.