A post in which it is a long day

I was up at 3:30am this morning with insomnia. Ugh. Of course I did get sleepy again - just as I pulled into the parking lot at work. That makes for a long day.

In other, completely unrelated, work news, for some reason strange things have been turning up in the men's room. First there was a plastic fork in there right beside the toilet. Which of course made me wonder why in the world you would have a plastic fork in the toilet stall to start with, and if you dropped it why you would just leave it there? I guess I should be glad they didn't eat with it anyway. It kind of made me feel like I'm working in a crack house, but then plastic cutlery always elicits an overreaction of some kind in yours truly. Next a copy of US magazine ended up in there. Now I'm all about reading material in the potty, don't get me wrong, but I'm wondering a) who carried it in there; b) who is reading it (I know it is being read - I heard pages being turned in there today); and c) just how many gay guys do we have working here? It just seems like such an odd choice for a straight guy to take to the restroom. OK, sorry, enough with the men's room bulletins. I just wonder about these things.

I had a good lunch today - homemade white bean soup with a furkey and swiss cheese sandwich and red pear. Mmmmmm I thought about Justin while I was eating, because he believes that soup and sandwich is the best. meal. ever. I checked out the slow cooker blog again today. Part of me is intrigued, and part of me thinks that a lot of this stuff would be easier just to bung in the oven and call it a day. I am going to make that taco soup at some point though.

After much debate with myself about sounding like the whiny ex I emailed Michael today through Facebook. I didn't hear back from him when I tried to get his address at Christmas to send him a Christmas card. Then I found out that he sent Russ and Billy a Christmas card with a news letter in it for cryin' out loud. He hasn't been in touch about treatment and stuff, but I figured he was following my posts on Facebook about that. So I know he's moved on with his life and everything (he has a new husband and all), but I've still kinda felt pushed to the side. So rightly or wrongly, I sent him a message to find out what's going on. I decided that if I was worrying this much about it I should just go ahead. I wasn't accusatory or anything, it was just kind of a 'what's up?' kinda thing.

It was Tuesday, so the night for dinner out with the folks. When I got to the house though, Dad was in the bed and not feeling well enough to go. That worries me. This is the second time that's happened. I love my step-mom and all, and I don't mind going to dinner with just her, but I want to see my dad. Anyway, we went on to supper and had a nice meal and conversation. When we got back to the house I went back to Dad's room and visited with him for a bit. From his bed, he's worried about all the Coumadin I'm taking. I feel like the improved relationship with Dad is one of the big blessings I got from having cancer. I hate to feel like that blessing is going to be taken away. Dad just seems to be going down before me. He's on that shoebox of pills, has back problems, and now trouble with his hips. They're talking about doing hip replacements on him, but the doctor wants him to lose all this weight first. My dad has gained and lost the same 30lbs for years, but they want him to lose 50-75. If he did that, I think a lot of his health issues would abate, but I don't think he's going to be able to do it. Complicating this is his poor food choices, which of course I can't say anything about to him. I just feel so helpless. I don't know of anything I can do.

After a visit with him, I headed home early to turn in. I stopped on the way to get a birthday card for Lisa (her birthday is coming up very shortly) and drop it at the downtown post office in hopes that she'll get it in time. It's still up in the air if I'm sending Cindy a card this year or not. I'm thinking not at this point. It isn't an anger thing; but she never called, emailed, or sent me a single card during treatment. I could have died. I just don't see the point of trying to keep that relationship going right now.

I'm praying I sleep tonight. I'm trying to wean myself off of all the sleep stuff I was taking during treatment, but I knew this wasn't going to be fun. Last night I took pills and was still up half the night. Tonight I was so tired I just decided to go on to bed without taking anything. We'll see how that goes. I really need some rest.