A post in which I have Spring Fever

Pretty badly.

This afternoon I suddenly had an indescribable craving for coconut cake. I mean I just went bestial. I could have squatted over one and dug chunks out of it with my hand, grunting "Cake. Good." But apparently I have just lost control of all of my appetites.

I was feeling very irresponsible when I got off work. It was raining, though, which kept me from going out to find a place to roll naked in the grass or something. I ran by Publix to get some coffee, since I was almost out. The bottom dropped out just as I pulled in to the parking lot, of course. I decided not to get out in that madness, but I wasn’t about to leave without my coffee. If ever I doubted my coffee addiction, it was proven today. I sat in the car and waited for it to slack off a bit, then promptly stepped into a four-inch deep puddle when I got out of the car, drenching my feet. Nice.

By the time I got home, though, it had almost stopped. I went on in the house to responsibly eat my homemade food, but got on the computer and just pretty much fell into it. I went on Manhunt and chatted, but didn’t get drawn into the vortex (despite efforts). I also went on Bear411 and chatted on there for a while. The guy from CO has stopped messaging me. Just as well I guess.

I talked to Gurry, a guy I knew years ago who is back in touch. I also started talking to a younger guy named Sean. I had looked at his profile, and he’s cute, but he’s 25, with all the inherent difficulties. Old movies to him are from the 80s. The 1980s. He subscribes to the 'cult of masculinity' culture that swept the gay community in the 90s (and is fairly defensive about it). He does read though, which is a plus. So I’m chatting with this guy and trying to find something in common, and really he’s cute and all, but it’s so not working. He’s so much younger. He still goes to bars. But at least he’s local.

But all I can think about is men. Well, men, food, and sleep. I can’t seem to get caught up on sleep from last week, but I have incessant hormones and appetite to deal with too. I just want to throw some guy down, smear food on him, eat it off, fuck the daylights out of him, and then throw one paw across him to prevent his escape and go to sleep.

I also talked to a guy named Allen. He owns a hotel up near Asheville, and we’ve been virtually sniffing around each other for years, but things have just never fallen into place. I would really like to go meet him though.

Of course, since I was on Manhunt, two married guys were talking to me. One of them I've known for a while. He's unhappy with his lover, but not really willing to do anything about it. The other is new to town, and apparently really wants to cheat on his lover, but can't admit it to himself. As a consequence, he's trying to set up assignations with 8,700 'ground rules' so that he can justify to himself that it isn't really cheating, before just not showing up at all. Geez. He was easy enough to get rid of. I just called his bluff and he went screaming into the night (or at least away from his keyboard).

So I spent all evening on the computer chasing men to watch them run, or pining over long-distance guys, and basically just feeling like I’d like to connect with someone again. It would be nice to have a date.

Yeah, so officially so much for the fading libido of an aging lothario, which is what I thought was happening around January. George has awoken from hibernation with a vengeance, and he’s pretty much giving me no peace. Sigh.

I did no hatting tonight. Bad, naughty, wicked Steve. Lighting the Grail-shaped (or perhaps phallic-shaped) beacon and all.

I’m officially sick to death of babying this tattoo. It’s been almost two weeks now, come on! I'm like heal up already!! There is one place that got scabby, and it just will not turn loose, plus it’s itching like crazy and I can’t scratch it. I love having them, but man do I HATE taking care of them while they heal!

Basically, I'm just discombobulated and unsatisfied.