A post in which I can't make up my mind

I had a bit of a melt-down this morning. All of the sudden it just came over me while I was getting ready for work that I had ruined my beautiful bedroom. It looks so alien now, and the blue seemed cheap-looking after the rich jewel tones I’ve been used to since I moved out on my own. When I thought about all the work that Jeff and James had put into doing such a great job, I could have cried.

I gave myself a talking to. I told myself that things would look much better when it was all cleaned up, and went on to work. I was talking to Terry about it, and pulled up some pictures to send her to compare before and after. When I pulled up the ‘before’ pics, the room suddenly looked old-maidish and cramped. Odd. I never noticed it when I was living in it. One of the big impressions on me before was how much bigger the room looks now. It looks positively cavernous compared to how it used to be. Which was part of the problem.

When I got off work tonight I called to check on dana. I haven‘t been doing a very good job of looking after her while Miss Kat is gone. I haven’t seen her since Saturday. Although I really wanted to clean up the bedroom tonight, making sure she was OK was more important. She sounded fine, and we made plans to get together tomorrow.

Conscience clear (because she really does sound just fine – she’s been so busy with new work that she hasn’t had much time to mope, although I know she misses Miss Kat), I headed to the grocery store. Since I had made no plans for what I would eat this week, that trip was overdue.

I headed home and got stuck in cleaning. When the house is torn up, it just seems like everything gets trashed. I cleared all the garbage out first: empty paint cans, disposable drop cloths, etc. Next I got all the painting tools out of the house. I dusted and polished all the wood furniture – I had gotten a layer of blue dust all over everything sanding down the spackle. Then I ran a bucket of water and started scrubbing the floor. For some reason there were dots of off-white paint that were all over the floor – don’t know where they could have come from since we didn’t use any off-white paint. The primer was tinted blue. Even after these dots were scrubbed up, they wanted to stick to the floor. Aggravating. I did find the imperfections my Virgo eye seems to delight in while I was cleaning. There was a mist of paint around the edges of the room from using a roller that was too dry; but since there were almost as many paint drops in the green that I used, I could hardly find fault with that.

I ate supper and cleaned up the kitchen while the floor dried, then carried all the small furniture back in. It does look better. Much better. But still odd and alien. I wonder if I’ve messed up the flow-through of the rooms. Is it that the room doesn’t look as if it belongs in the house any longer? Or is it just the change? It doesn’t seem to look very homey, but then no room looks homey with no pictures on the walls.

Fortunately by the time I got through cleaning, I was pretty much too tired to obsess. I went on to bed, thankful that the house would be more ordered when I got up in the morning.