A post in which I go home to rest

A quiet enough day at work. The storm will break next week when the month-end numbers come in.

It's Eve's birthday on Sunday. She turns 60. Dad told me yesterday that "She's looking for some big gesture" from me because of the milestone. I thanked him for giving me so much notice! If I hadn't called to check the date, I don't know when he would have called me to tell me that I was expected to come up with something. I ordered her some flowers today. I know she loves them, and that they mean more when they're delivered where other people can see them, so I sent them to the shop. She seemed most pleased when she called me later. Of course she really wants to hear from Cindy. I hope she does. I know she'd rather have a weed from Cindy than a thousand dollars worth of flowers from me, but I'm stepping into the breach.

I was expecting Jason to come tonight, but he called me to say he wouldn’t be in until tomorrow. That was fine. I needed to rest this evening anyway. I am really worn out. I fooled around on the computer for a while before turning in.

A post in which the bedroom is back together

I am really down with the Epstein-Barr this week, but life goes on. I fell asleep in the cafeteria today at work and was a little late getting back from lunch, but the month is put to bed, and no one noticed. I took an Emergen-C and some Ibuprofen before I left work because Justin was coming over tonight to help hang pictures.

I called Khavis tonight about mowing the grass. That has to be done. I don’t think I’m going to be up to tons of yard work this weekend, plus I don’t know how much Jason will actually be at the house, but I want to be at my best when he is. I got home and straightened up the house a bit, since Justin was bringing Chad with him. It needed doing anyway since Jason is coming.

They got there shortly after 7, and I had all the hanging stuff out. After some debate, we decided just to hang things back where they were before. It helped, but I still feel like I picked the wrong wall color in there. At least the room is back together for Jason to be here. I am really looking forward to seeing him.

Justin and Chad had to leave after about an hour and a half. I just got ready and went on to bed, where I perversely could not get to sleep. I finally got up and ate a little something, after which I finally drifted off.

A post in which I reflect, and then go see dana

I have a busy week this week.

I heard from Justin this morning. He (and possibly Chad also) will be coming down tomorrow night to help me hang pictures. I was going to try to wait until this weekend to allow the paint to cure, but it will have been three complete days since the painting was finished by Thursday night, and I’m very anxious to see what it’s going to look like. I’m also going to just get things out and see if he thinks we should mix things up or hang them in the same places they were before. I feel the need for fresh perspective, since all I’ve done this week is look at the bedroom. I pulled the desk chair in there and had breakfast this morning.

When I got home from work tonight, I called dana, but didn’t get an answer. I was really tired. The Epstein-Barr is catching up with me. I keep telling myself that I’ll rest in a couple of days, but there is a lot going on right now and I keep putting it off. If I don’t do it soon, I’m going to pay the price for it. It was good to come in and not have tons of stuff crying out to be done. There are always things that could be done, but I wasn’t feeling the pressure so much tonight. I relaxed, ate some supper, and read for a bit.

I also, of course, went into the bedroom to look. I can’t seem to get enough of that this week. It crosses my mind that maybe I’m mourning for the old room (and yes, I know that’s crazy). I was thinking about all the things that happened in the old bedroom: about Michael moving in, recovering from surgery, changing the arrangement and the furniture in there, the sex (my lil gypsy love den – thank God the walls can’t talk!), and the quiet nights tucked up in bed watching a movie while the weather raged outside. Thinking about all the things that have happened in that room was a bit overwhelming. I wonder if this is what Alzheimer’s feels like. Is it like reaching a place when everything seems to be hazed and layered over with so many memories it’s hard to remember what is now and what was then? I felt weighted down by a flurry of memories and impressions.

The memory that stuck with me was the night before Michael moved out. The rest of the house was trashed, so we ended up sitting on the mattress in the bedroom (the bed-frame was his, and had already been packed up) eating Chinese food and watching Mythbusters, which was somewhat of a Wednesday night ritual for us. We both cried before the evening was over, but then we were doing a lot of crying then. Memories like that are oppressive. They argue for a regular fresh start. They are a part of my life though, and however painful, memories that I don’t want to eliminate. But it made me feel better about having a change. Maybe it’s not so bad that the old bedroom seems to be gone.

I did hear from dana eventually (good thing, I was a little worried), and went over to see her, although I wonder if she really wanted me there. She seems to be so busy with all the new work she has right now. But she was kind as always, and it’s always good to see her. I needed to get over there tonight, since Justin is here tomorrow.

Plus Jason is coming this weekend – probably arriving later Friday night. We talked tonight. It was so good to hear from him, and he’ll be staying at the house with me, which is just great! I had forgotten how good it was to talk to him. He really fills me up and builds me up. By the time we got off the phone, I was just glowing. How wonderful it would be to share a life with someone so kind, and who obviously seems to think that I’m the bee’s knees. He is so close to the perfect guy for me. I’m really looking forward to seeing him. If only he could find a job here!

I still need to work in the yard, which is becoming progressively more unkempt. But I will spend all the time I can with Jason this weekend, and rest when I can so that hopefully I won’t bear the brunt of a severe E-B episode. Maybe I can just get the grass mowed and coast for another week. That’s what I keep telling myself every weekend anyway…

A post in which I can't make up my mind

I had a bit of a melt-down this morning. All of the sudden it just came over me while I was getting ready for work that I had ruined my beautiful bedroom. It looks so alien now, and the blue seemed cheap-looking after the rich jewel tones I’ve been used to since I moved out on my own. When I thought about all the work that Jeff and James had put into doing such a great job, I could have cried.

I gave myself a talking to. I told myself that things would look much better when it was all cleaned up, and went on to work. I was talking to Terry about it, and pulled up some pictures to send her to compare before and after. When I pulled up the ‘before’ pics, the room suddenly looked old-maidish and cramped. Odd. I never noticed it when I was living in it. One of the big impressions on me before was how much bigger the room looks now. It looks positively cavernous compared to how it used to be. Which was part of the problem.

When I got off work tonight I called to check on dana. I haven‘t been doing a very good job of looking after her while Miss Kat is gone. I haven’t seen her since Saturday. Although I really wanted to clean up the bedroom tonight, making sure she was OK was more important. She sounded fine, and we made plans to get together tomorrow.

Conscience clear (because she really does sound just fine – she’s been so busy with new work that she hasn’t had much time to mope, although I know she misses Miss Kat), I headed to the grocery store. Since I had made no plans for what I would eat this week, that trip was overdue.

I headed home and got stuck in cleaning. When the house is torn up, it just seems like everything gets trashed. I cleared all the garbage out first: empty paint cans, disposable drop cloths, etc. Next I got all the painting tools out of the house. I dusted and polished all the wood furniture – I had gotten a layer of blue dust all over everything sanding down the spackle. Then I ran a bucket of water and started scrubbing the floor. For some reason there were dots of off-white paint that were all over the floor – don’t know where they could have come from since we didn’t use any off-white paint. The primer was tinted blue. Even after these dots were scrubbed up, they wanted to stick to the floor. Aggravating. I did find the imperfections my Virgo eye seems to delight in while I was cleaning. There was a mist of paint around the edges of the room from using a roller that was too dry; but since there were almost as many paint drops in the green that I used, I could hardly find fault with that.

I ate supper and cleaned up the kitchen while the floor dried, then carried all the small furniture back in. It does look better. Much better. But still odd and alien. I wonder if I’ve messed up the flow-through of the rooms. Is it that the room doesn’t look as if it belongs in the house any longer? Or is it just the change? It doesn’t seem to look very homey, but then no room looks homey with no pictures on the walls.

Fortunately by the time I got through cleaning, I was pretty much too tired to obsess. I went on to bed, thankful that the house would be more ordered when I got up in the morning.

A post in which the painting is done!!

I got up this morning and picked my way through the house getting ready for work. James had thoughtfully helped me get the dresser fixed so I could get clothes out this morning, but it’s still kind of like living in downtown Beirut. It reminded me of Christmas when the house was all torn up, although it had been in much worse shape then.

I arrived home from work to find Jeff and James cheerful, hot, and sexy in the house – would that I could come home to such happiness every day. They really are sweet guys. All the windows open, and the bedroom was beautifully finished being painted – far beyond my expectations. Even my exacting Virgo eye could find no fault with what they had done, which is very rare. It was gorgeous. Jeff had even gone around the woodwork with an artist’s brush to make sure all the lines were good. James had worked wonders with the awful fireplace in there, the concrete face of which has been quietly moldering away since before I obtained the right to vote, I am sure.

I thanked them from the bottom of my heart, and meant every word.

We fooled around for a bit, putting up valances, moving furniture, etc, trying to get a feel for what the finished room would look like. Jeff cleaned brushes. We sat and talked for a while, then headed out to dinner.

I just can't get over how completely different the room looks. It seems kind of elegant and a bit cold. I wanted it to be different - I got it in spades.

I took them to a little Mexican place near the house. The food there is excellent, plus they still have a smoking section, so really the best of all possible worlds. I’ve been there twice this week, and my food was right both times. Also great. Sometimes I have a hard time explaining the concept of vegetarian to them. But all was well tonight.

I found out tonight that Jeff had never seen South Park: The Movie, so we watched it when we got back to the house. The movie was better than I remembered, and Jeff seemed to enjoy it. I love it when the house is full of friends. It feels so good. I love my home, but I think it needs more people in it more regularly.

When the movie was over, they headed back home, and I picked around for a bit before I went to bed. The bedroom, paradoxically, is now the cleanest and most ordered room in the house. I’m waiting to clean before I re-load the room.

The closet corner again, this time much more excellently cut in by Jeff. The leopard chest is back in there, although I'm not sure I'm going to keep it now. James and Jeff moved the big pieces back into the room this afternoon.

A post in which things go suspiciously smoothly, up to a point

I was up at 7:30 to have coffee on the porch in the rain. I was pretty damn unhappy about that. More rain and humidity to mix with paint. Just what I did NOT need!

I figured I had plenty of time to work. Jeff and James had said they would be at the house “early” in the morning, but early is a relative term, and I knew they had worked last night. But I got a text from them as I was having the coffee. They asked when I wanted them there. Um, now came to mind. I was beginning to panic because a) I LOATHE to have the house torn up; b) it’s hard for me to cede control of something like this – even if I trust the people involved, which I do; c) James is of course just breezily saying it won’t be a problem because that is his way. I don’t ever assume anything is going to be easy; first because nothing in this house HAS been easy, and secondly because it feels like tempting fate to me. I also felt like we had missed a whole day yesterday.

Fortunately, although James is a very easy-going kind of person, he understands that I am not. He reassured me very nicely, and they arrived in fairly short order. I spent the waiting time putting the second coat of paint on the blessedly dry ceiling.

As seems usual with born optimists, the fates seem to be kind to James. As soon as they arrived the threatening rain backed off and the day turned gorgeously glorious. I often wonder are optimists the cause of such events? Or are they optimists because they are constantly showered with good fortune? A deeper debate for another day I suppose. I just know I have to walk a very fine line or the universe seems to feel I’m exhibiting hubris for which I must be punished. I read once in a Pearl S Buck novel about how Chinese women would strive not to be too proud of their sons, lest the gods take them away. I could identify with that mindset.

After a foray to the Kmart, where they had what we needed (more good fortune which I will attribute to James – they hardly ever have what I need), Jeff and James set to work. I must admit, it did go amazingly quickly. I forget how exponentially faster two people can be than just one. I have spent so much of my life doing things on my own. So I was pleasantly surprised that not only were they making excellent progress, they seemed to feel that I shouldn’t do any of it (in fact, James made sure I was rendered useless before they even started), which suited me just fine.

I sat to the side, and talked to them, topped off their drinks smoked, lit cigarettes for them, made food appear, and just generally tried to make myself agreeable.

The luck held until this afternoon. I had a gallon of white paint that I had bought a couple of years ago that I thought would be fine for the trim. As it turns out, I was dead wrong. The paint was sorry and thin. It was runny and refused to coat. When we went to get another gallon of good paint, it did something wonky to the good paint when James tried to cover it. Eventually, even James had to admit that things weren’t working. They weren’t going to be able to finish today.

Although I had been hopeful after they got started, this wasn’t a huge surprise to me. I’m not satisfied when I find a fly in the ointment, but I’m never particularly shocked. They said they would come back tomorrow to finish, for which I was very grateful. Jeff had done the top trim very last, and we sat on the bed to admire the good work before they left.

I am very grateful that they’re doing such a good job, and that they’re coming back to finish quickly so the house wouldn’t have to be torn up for a week. But I feel guilty about the fact that it is so much trouble to them. I love Jeff and James, and I hate that they are going to end up giving up two precious days off to do this for me. It seems like I asked for a very big Christmas gift at this point.

A blurry phone pic, showing the ceiling and tinted primer coat. Already a big change!

Closet corner, showing my crappy cutting in of the ceiling on the crown molding.

A post in which I begin the day prodcutive, but it's all downhill from there

When I woke up this morning, it was raining. Lovely. Perfect weather to paint in - NOT.

Nonetheless, I got up and began stirring around. I had to change the sheets on the bed, since Jeff and James would be staying the night tonight. I also had 8,000 loads of laundry that needed to be done. For some reason I have done no laundry in the last week or so. I also made plenty of drinks to put in the fridge since they would be working in the house. Plus of course there were holes to spackle, drop cloths to drape, and I had decided to paint the ceiling to give J&J a leg up on the room. I have crown molding and stuff that has to be done, and although they blithely assured me that it would be no issue to get it done this weekend, I was concerned.

So I tuned the TV into BBC America, and watched the obnoxious design guys take over people’s houses while I worked. I usually hate the stuff they do, but I actually liked one of the houses today. They really ruined these two gay guys’ house today though. It came out all black, white, gray, and silver. And very formal. It didn’t seem to suit their personality to me, although they claimed to love it.

About the time I got the ceiling done, I took a picture of the last patch of gold (my bedroom ceiling was formerly a deep gold which I found very restful). I sent the picture to James, Jeff, and Justin. I got an ‘atta boy’ from Justin, but Jeff called and seemed put out with me. They are painting the room for me as a present, he reminded me, and wanted to know what I was doing working in there. Well I explained about how much work it was, and how I was trying to be good to them by helping, but he didn’t seem convinced.

The last patch o gold on the bedroom ceiling, shortly before being painted over...

James got on the phone and I talked to him for a bit. He seemed OK, but then told me that they had decided not to come down tonight because of the dogs. Hmm.

I got the first coat on the ceiling, and decided to rest for a while. When I got up I checked the ceiling. The paint said four hours between coats. It had been five after the nap and lunch and all, but the ceiling paint was still wet to the touch in places. Dammit. I really wanted to get that second coat on today, but the weather was just not cooperating. When I woke up this afternoon, it had rained in the living room windows while I slept. Fortunately the wind was not blowing it into the bedroom!

dana called and came by for a visit. Miss Kat is out of town for a week this week, and I’m trying to make sure she has company and doesn’t get to lonely during the absence. Not that it is work to spend time with dana or anything. She stayed for a while, and we ended up going to supper. By the time she left, I was just completely worthless. I wanted to do nothing. So I did nothing.

I just lay on the sofa like a slug watching Comedy Central and smoking cigarettes. Despite the 10,000 calories I had consumed at supper, I was hungry again. So on top of everything else I ate some string cheese. I had vague guilt about being a bad uncle, and about my unfinished ceiling, but not enough to make my stir my carcass.

I rationalized that by in the morning the ceiling would be nice and dry for another coat of paint, and turned in.

A post in which I allow serendipitous fate to decide the pace of events

I was wiped out again today. I just kind of drug around. The lump on my neck is smaller than last time, and I don’t feel as bad as I did at Christmas, but I’m still below par.

Terry came by this afternoon out of the blue. It’s always good to see him, and we caught up a bit on what’s going on.

While we were talking, the phone rang. It was James. He said that they could do the bedroom this weekend if I was free. I am, but I was planning to do some work in the yard this weekend, and then rest. But we have the paint already, and I’ve been dying to sling some paint in that room. So I turned it over in my mind for a minute and told them to come on. Inwardly, I was cringing a bit, I have to admit. The yard is a wreck, and I should really be babying myself a bit at the mo. But this needs to be done.

Since Terry was there anyway, I went in the bedroom and started pulling stuff off the walls to give him. There were several things that I had planned on getting rid of anyway, and it seems to be a tradition that Terry gets dibs on my previously-loved items. I sent him off with an armful.

I started stripping the room: moving all the furniture that I could by myself, rolling up rugs, taking all the pictures down. I also took out the 87,000 nails that were in my bedroom walls. I’ve been in the house for twelve years, and have re-arranged the bedroom several times. Each time I do of course I have to re-hang all the pictures, plus there’s getting new things, switching things out, etc. Since the walls are dark, the nail holes show white when you pull the nails out, so I usually just leave them in there.

I ran to the store for drop cloths, spackling paste, etc. I spackled all the holes up – there were a good many! I figured that would give us a leg up on tomorrow, since Jeff and James weren’t coming until after work tomorrow night (they usually get off around 10pm).

About this time, Eve called to tell me that she and Dad had Cole and Ava for the weekend. I suppose the timing could have been worse on that, but it’s hard to see how. Of course she and Dad expected me to drop everything to run over there with no notice at all.

I went on over to their place to have dinner. I wanted to see Cole and Ava, and I figure I’ll have all day to work tomorrow anyway. So I played with the baby, talked to Cole as much as I could (the older he gets, the more taciturn he becomes – so much like his father), helped Eve clean up the kitchen, and was just generally an obliging son/uncle.

Dad hit me up about going to the beach with them, and I declined. I had the perfect excuse since SELF is that weekend, and Russ had just called me today to confirm my hotel reservations. Eve was trying to get me to cancel the trip to Atlanta so I could go to Pawley’s Island with them! Not bloody likely. I do feel sorry that Lisa has been hooked in – but not sorry enough to go. They asked me if I had heard from Cindy and Paul about Brenden going. Paul had talked to me about it, and said that it would be Brenden’s decision, but I couldn’t believe that the invitation would be accepted. They haven’t laid eyes on Brenden in three years now, except for one scary incident at the hockey rink where Brenden was playing. I just cannot understand the workings of their minds.

So Eve proceeded to have a melt-down at the dinner table because she was sure that Paul would present the trip “in a very negative way”. This of course gave Dad carte blanche to launch in to the “how much I hate Cindy and Paul” song and dance yet again. Sigh. Cole and I were embarrassed, and of course Ava didn’t understand what was going on.

After a while Eve came back to the table, and things calmed down. I did my best to be agreeable. I enjoyed seeing the kids. Still, by the time I left, I was ready for a bit o peace and quiet. Oy, it is just so much work to be around Dick and Eve.

A post in which I am worthless*

I did have my spankin boy come by for a visit this morning, but after that I was absolutely worthless. I didn’t even get the mail today. I am just wiped.

A post in which I realize why I am tired

On the way home from work today, exhausted again, it occurred to me that this might be more than just post-party malaise. Duh.

I felt my neck. Sure enough there it was, swollen up again. Apparently I am having another little bout with Epstein-Barr. Sigh. But about that time I got a call from dana, inviting me over to see them tonight. I had planned on taking it easy tonight, but that stubborn streak came over me again. I just refuse to miss quality time with my friends for some stupid lingering malaise. I went on over and spent the evening with them, and felt the better for it.

We had a lovely talk. I told them about my service date from last Saturday, and we just caught up in general. It had been a couple of weeks since we had seen each other. dana made some Rice Krispy Treats for me because she knows I love them, but the cereal was stale and they didn't turn out very well. She was so disappointed, but I didn't mind so much. It was a delight to spend time with them, as always.

A post in which I return to work

My work load was about what I was expecting today, and it really wasn't a huge deal to get caught up, but I am just exhausted. So tired.

I dragged in from work, ate some supper, and turned in early.

A post in which I have the day off

I try to take the day off after the Hat Party if I can. I'm usually pretty drug out the next day.

I got up and had my coffee and stuff this morning, and wearily started putting together a mental list of chores I needed to accomplish today. There were lots of things that needed doing, including putting the yard in shape for spring.

But I suddenly became rebellious.

It is my vacation day, I told myself. I am not going to waste a precious day of vacation working in the yard. I immediately felt better, and called James to see what he and Jeff were up to. I know they're usually off on Mondays, and they had called to invite me up last night. I had gotten the voice mail after the party. Well it turned out they did have to work, but Amanda was there, and they invited me up for lunch. I was delighted to accept, and headed up with a light heart.

We visited and caught up, sat on their deck, and James made a delicious lunch of eggplant Parmesan. I had brought some movies up with me, and had grabbed The Watcher in the Woods by mistake. It was really too hard-core Bette Davis for James I figured (I had meant to pick up Whatever Happened to Baby Jane, which neither Jeff nor James has ever seen, amazingly), but Jeff picked it and put it in, so we watched it.

Unfortunately, they did have to go in to work today. Apparently they have had to work Mondays lately. I was oh so relaxed on the deck, and really very dis-inclined to move, but it was really just as well. I reluctantly said my goodbyes and drove back home. There was plenty that needed to be done.

James called me shortly after I left, but I missed the call. It turns out they hadn't had to work after all. Dammit. But still, I really needed to get some stuff done.

I ran errands all afternoon. I got the oil changed on the car, etc. When I got in from doing all that, I took a nice long nap. I was beat.

I got up in time for supper, and turned in early. It had been a good day, but a long one.

A post in which it is the Hat Party!

The day of the Hat Party dawned pretty, if a bit chilly. Still much better than 2007, when we about froze our butts off.

I had plenty to do, but wasn't in a terrible hurry. I had coffee and worked on my hat. I just turned the telly on to TCM and left it there, even though Some Like It Hot came on, which has never been one of my favorites. (Camp drag for straight people apparently not being my cuppa.)

Russ called, and said he wanted me ready to go by 1:30 or so, despite the fact that the party didn't start until 3pm. Some folks are usually there early to hang out, but I usually like to go in a little later to make a bit of an Entrance. But it was his day, and he had a phenomenal hat, and so I just decided to humor the diva.

By the time I got my had finished, and made the accoutrement to go with it (see picture) it was time to get ready to go. So I did. And I waited. And waited. Eventually I sent a text message to Billy, who said they would be 'leaving shortly'. We were apparently on DST (Drag queen Standard Time) and no one had told me. Which was fine.

I took a bit of a nap, and they arrived after a while. Willie was with them. Now I hadn't realized at the cook out last weekend that Willie was actually Ben's ex. He is cute as a bucket of puppies, but 25, and still apparently eating his heart out over Ben. Sigh. The drama of Youth. But at the party, it seemed that he was kind of flirting with me, unless I am very much mis-reading the signs. Confusing. It's so hard to tell now if a guy is really flirting with me, or if he thinks its 'safe' to tease me because he knows me through Russ and Billy. But I digress.

It was a lovely party. But then it always is. There were a great many very good hats this year. I figured there would be, because they had a good theme this year that was fairly accessible. Some of the themes have been kind of esoteric for the straight folks. And for me, for that matter.

I got to see my favorite Hat Party people. Both Karens were there, both looking radiant. Kimbley and Laura were there. I barely see them at all any more. It's so hard to arrange activities for three. I really miss them. I do still see them, but we don't spend time together like we used to. I hung out around Russ and Billy, and their friend Carol, who was with us. I really like Carol, although I don't know her terribly well. She's always been very nice to me. She has a sad personal story that makes me have a soft spot for her. And of course the delectable Willie was around Russ and Billy. I got to see Eddie Crane, one of my dear old friends from back in the Bar Days. We hardly ever see each other any more, unless we run into each other downtown.

The competition for Most Flawless was more quietly fierce than usual this year. Dan'l had made a huge peacock feather thing, but there was another hat there that was along the same lines, and larger. It was being worn by two guys who were there to Take Home Prizes.

OK, now this is the bitchy part. The Hat Party competition has been stepped up gradually through the years. I was there one year when a friend of mine won Most Flawless with a wrought iron light fixture woven with feather boas on his head. The whole hat probably took about 15 minutes to assemble. Those days are over. Certain elements of Costume have crept into the competition through the years simply as a way to stand out in the crowd. Indeed there was an element of Costume to my hat this year (which I wore as much for the sight gag as to be seriously competitive). But in general, a Full Costume has been deemed a bit over the top. Indeed in some years past, I think elements of Costume were quietly frowned upon when it came to actual voting. That kind of ended at the Tropical Hat Party (2008) when Dan'ls sister Karen had a full costume to go with her hat and took Most Flawless. The two guys that came today came loaded for bear frankly. They made their entrance in Full Costume. They did at least one costume change during the course of the afternoon - one into full drag. They threw beads to people. Now even when Karen wore a costume for Tropical, it was just a grass skirt and stuff that she could throw on for the parade and then take off again. So the line was being moved yet again. These guys mounted a damn political campaign.

It worked. Straight people do suffer from a dearth of Glamour, and they are quite susceptible to it as a consequence. The guy who got into drag took Most Flawless. Personally, I thought it was a bit much. I also thought it kind of violated the spirit of the party, which used to be as much about relaxing, catching up with friends, and having a good time as it was about a prize. I can remember the old years, when we all took blankets out into the big front yard and watched the sun go down. But then Russ didn't win, and I really think he should have - and not just because he's my friend. So I guess that's why I'm whiny about it, although I'd like to think I am more fair-minded than that.

But I had my own difficulties this year. I had called Dan'l before the party specifically to make sure that there wouldn't be a herd of young'uns there this year. It is an inconvenience of hanging around with straight people that they tend to reproduce regularly - so that eventually any annual event turns into some kind of romper-room, or at least has to be 'family friendly' (shudder). I had been assured that no young children would be in attendance this year, and that I would be free to express the theme as I wished. That held until I got to the party. One of the women who hadn't planned on coming changed her mind and showed up - 5 year old in tow. Now she's a lovely woman, and I like her. And I understand that you can't always get a sitter. I understand that she didn't want to miss the party. I also understand that straight people have a right to a life after children, and apparently are free to drag their squalling young'uns into restaurants (as much as I abhor this practice). But. There are some places that you just should not take children. And The Hat Party is one of those places. After she arrived, Dan'l came up to tell me that I would have to put up the gag part of my hat. I ended up having to keep that part of it hidden for most of the afternoon, while I waited for this woman to leave (she didn't - the boy had a hat, and they stayed through the Parade of Hats and everything - I whipped my gag out for the parade, kid or no kid), even though I like her. She didn't seem to have a very good time, since she had to watch the kids outside through the whole thing. It did put a crimp in the festivities for me, I have to say.

I had hoped I would place for Funniest. Most Flawless was in fierce contention, as I had known it would be with this theme. Billy had Most Original pretty much locked up, since he had a tiny chicken coop on his head with real live baby chicks in it. What that had to do with Mardi Gras, I have no idea, but hey it's all about the spectacle. But apparently everyone had their eye on Funniest. I ended up not placing at all, but I was really OK with that. I know you can't win every year.

(All pictures courtesy of Nicole Overholt)

The decorations for the party. It was a lovely theme, and the place looked great as always. Dan'l and Jim have a fabulous home for entertaining.

A cute shot of me and Kimblee. I love she and Laura so incredibly much.

Billy and Carol

Kimblee and Laura. They both take great pictures, but I particularly like this one.

Russ in his hat.

The back of Russ's hat.

Me in my hat. The theme was Mardi Gras, and the conception was to have something that just looked like people had been throwing beads at me. Then I asked, 'why would they be doing that?' At that point the accompanying soft sculpture accessory came to mind.

After the Parade of Hats, they are arranged on the lawn, in numerical order, for mulling and voting. Each hat is assigned a number. That cutie stepping over the hats is the delectable Will.

Russ, in a candid shot. I think this is while we were waiting on the votes to be tabulated.

Winner, Most Original 2010 (the title that continues to elude me, drat it) Billy, Karen's husband

Winner Funniest, 2010

Winner, 'Most Flawless, Queen of Nine Planets, Before Whom All Must Bow Down', 2010

Well you see how the awards shook out. Two of the winners were there together, and I know that one of them didn't make his own hat, which seemed to be a theme this year. The winners of two different categories didn't make their own hats this year, which frankly doesn't seem fair to me. I voted for one of them, and like the guy a lot, but had I known he didn't make his own hat I wouldn't have. I guess I can understand that some people are more creative, and just because you aren't doesn't mean you don't want to win a prize, but does the prize mean anything if you just wore someone else's creation? Perhaps not everyone cares to live up do my exacting bitchy standards. I found out later that one person there had made six different hats for people to wear this year.

I was reluctant to work on my hat this year. Ever since the year there was so much drama, the competition just isn't as fun as it used to be. I think I may stop trying to compete, and just go to enjoy seeing everyone.

A post in which I have a service date*

When I woke up this morning, I decided not to do much of anything today except get ready for tonight. I had done nothing but get my menu approved this week, and had planned on having a lot more done by now.

First things first, though, I had a buddy come by for a bit. That taken care of, I cleaned up and went to the grocery store. I had enough butter in the fridge to lay out for my cake this morning, but only two eggs. I laid out the rest of them when I got home to warm up. I put away the groceries, ate a bite of lunch, and cleaned up the kitchen, then started baking.

I had decided that it was stupid not to take pound cake for dessert tonight, since I had been relieved of low-cal protocol, and since I know pound cake is her favorite. I whooped it up and got it in the oven, but then realized when I pulled it out that I had used the wrong pound cake pan. I used my fancy one again, and it is just not big enough for a full-size pound cake. It's great for Aunt Ruby's, which is smaller, but those fancy ones are basically sold to use mixes in. Those "pound cake" mixes they sell at Williams and Sonoma are supposed to be pound cake, but of course are really just mix cakes. So my cake cooked out over the top of the pan, all down in the oven (fortunately I had a cookie sheet down) and was lopsided. I will never use that pan again. I'm taking it to Goodwill on Monday. Done. The cake will taste fine, I'm sure, it just looks messed up.

Next I was to put my quiche in the oven, and discovered I had forgotten to get pie crusts at the store. I use only Marie Callender's because they are the best, and of course the BiLo near my house doesn't carry them, so I had to drive all the way back across town to Publix. Grrr. By the time I got home and got my quiches put together and in the oven, it was time to get ready to go.

I decided to just shower and stuff while the quiche baked and then pack up when they were done, but it was going to be a close thing. We weren't having quiche tonight, but Lady Beth had told me several times it was one of her favorites, so I decided to take one up to leave for her breakfast tomorrow. I'm also going to slice the pound cake and leave it in the freezer for her. It freezes beautifully, and you can just take out a piece at a time and thaw it.

My quiche came out looking pretty good, although I cracked both of the crusts. I just picked out the prettiest one to take, and left the other one at the house for me (you get two crusts, and it's no more trouble to make one than to make two, so I just made two so I'd have something to eat on this week). I got all the lists checked and checked again, and started loading the car.

When I went outside, I saw my old neighbors, Christa and Ryan, and spoke to them. They were over working on the house next door (which they still own, and are renting) in preparation for putting it back on the market. The ballerinas have moved out, having been offered contracts to dance on the road.

When I got to Spartanburg, I realized I had forgotten the salad dressing (it wasn't on a list), but I was doing fine on time, miraculously, so I stopped and got some.

Lady Beth greeted me nicely, and left me to get my stuff unpacked while she finished up some things she was doing to her bedroom. When we were both at a stopping place, we went to smoke and talk for a while, and then I started on dinner.

Dinner turned out great! We started out with a simple green salad. Then I did Allison's faboo scampi, cheese grits, and then used the pan drippings from the shrimp (rich with butter and Hungarian paprika) to make a cream sauce to go over top of all. That is a great recipe and it turned out extraordinarily well. Lady Beth was very pleased.

We ate dinner, still conversing easily about the life, different scenes, philosophies about kinkiness, etc. The one sticky part came when she asked me about my Great Truth from the week after the Atlanta trip. It's not something I'm really comfortable talking about anyway, and to be asked about it while I had a pan of shrimp scampi and a pot of cheese grits going at the same time was challenging, to say the least. But I got through it, and it was fine. I wondered later if she did that on purpose, so I would have a distraction while I was talking about it, but I'm not sure.

After supper, we cleaned up the kitchen together, which was odd to me, but Lynn had warned me ahead of time that she would insist on helping. It's part of that Virgo thing - no one can do it right except for us - which I understand.

We spent the rest of the evening talking, and just getting to know each other one on one. It was lovely. She is a very kind woman, and very easy to talk to. We took a break for pound cake (she told me she wouldn't have been tempted to dessert at all if it hadn't been her favorite - we were both so full from dinner), and it was a good pound cake. Excellent crust, flavor, and texture. I let go of the fact that it didn't look perfect. We sliced the rest and put it in her freezer.

After some more talking, we were both yawning. It had been a very good evening, but we were both ready to turn in. As I was leaving, I found the money she had put in my basket for the food. Sigh. And I had thought I was so slick and doing so well at avoiding the Sordid Subject of Coin. But that's Lady Beth for you. She told me it was the best shrimp and grits she had ever eaten! I took that as a great compliment - I am such a compliment whore when it comes to my cooking. That little compliment had me glowing all the way back to Greenville. Loveliness.

So we are going to play at some point. I am really looking forward to that. But I have to do a homework email first, listing what I have and have not done, what I would like to try, what scares me, etc. I'm pretty stoked about setting up a play date with Lady Beth. Wow.

A post in which I get my hair cut

I went to see Russ tonight. it was just that time. After he cut my hair we picked up Billy and went to the Olive Tree for dinner. That salad dressing is completely addictive. I had a big salad and some pita with tzatziki sauce – their tzatziki sauce is awesome too.

After dinner we went back to their house to hang out, talk, and work on Russ’s hat. Russ has a major competition hat, and he’s determined to walk off with Most Flawless, which he well may do. My only reservation stems from the fact that we have a really good theme this year, and there will be a lot of really good hats. So the competition is going to be fierce this year.

The weather was beautiful, and it was really nice to be outside. Or at least in the garage with the door open. I was enjoying myself so much that I just didn’t want to leave. I had planned on going to the grocery store tonight, which would have saved me a lot of time tomorrow, but some things are just more important.

I figured I would be a nervous wreck by now about the service date with Lady Beth tomorrow, but I’m not. Maybe just because there’s so much going on! I’ve had too many irons in the fire to really obsess over any of them individually. We’re in the kitchen, which is a strength for me, and I’m making a recipe that I’ve made many times before. So things should go fine.

A post in which I have a dinner date, just with different people than I had planned

I was up early this morning, and decided to do a bit of hat work since I had some extra time. I trimmed up some of the beads, but that means yet more bead work to come. I’m really tired of tying beads at this point. I also cut and placed some of the placement padding for the inside – that will help it stay more stably and comfortably on my head. I put the hat on for a bit first; because once this padding was glued in I knew I was going to have to leave it alone for a while. But there are other things I can work on tonight. I got the padding in, roughly shored into place, and hopefully weighted in and put in a position where the cats won’t mess with it before I left for work. Crooner thinks I am exceedingly cruel because I won’t let him bat, chew up, and generally destroy all those dangly beads.

Al ended up going in to work on his day off. I tried to compromise and meet him for lunch before he went in, but that ultimately didn’t work out either. I was more than discouraged, I was downright impatient. This is just a hot-button issue for me – this working all the time thing. But we ended up talking on the phone, and we both cleared the air a bit. For starters, he is trying to get out of the store he’s in, and to do that he has to go along for now, which I understand. Also, he is unhappy with the way things are, and pretty frustrated himself. This is a large change from Michael, who I believe would happily spend the rest of his life at work. Or would have when we were together, which I guess may be a clue to how well things were going at home. But I digress. I felt better after talking to him, and knowing that he does in fact have plans and hopes of actually enjoying his life some at some point. If it was with me that would be nice.

After work I went by CVS for a couple of things, and while I was there (texting with Al, and hoping he wouldn’t ask where I was) dana called to ask me out to dinner with them and Greg, who is up from Atlanta. I accepted. I felt kind of bad because I haven’t seen much of them since they helped me wade through my Great Truth after the Atlanta weekend.

They were celebrating the new jobs that dana and Greg have both landed, and it was a happy meal, even if the service wasn’t quite up to par. We didn’t mind really. We were together and having a good time. Since I had been irresponsible by not going home and hatting anyway, I just went on back to their house for a visit afterwards. I have enough hat right now that I could go to the party just as it is. The rest is extras. Extras I want to do, but still. I’m not going to turn down dinner out with friends to work on some contest.

The new thinking – trying to focus on what’s important.

I’m not overly worried about my service date for Saturday, although I completely expected to be a mass of nerves at this point. Part of it is that I know Lady Beth won’t expect everything to be perfect (even if I do), and part of it I guess is that I’ve been too distracted this week to work up a good case of nerves about it. What with the hat party coming and trying to meet a new boyfriend at the same time, I’ve just had a few too many irons in the fire. Perhaps that is a good thing.

But I’m really looking forward to next week when things slow down just a hair. I’m planning on taking next weekend as a lazy weekend.

A post in which I am again lazy

Well I was supposed to hat again tonight, but I did not. My fingers are cut up and sore from tying fishing line over and over again. Plus I was just plain lazy. I really wanted to go to bed, but instead sat up fooling around on the computer.

Tomorrow is Al’s day off, and we were supposed to have a date, but it’s not sounding good. We were texting tonight, and he said that it wasn’t impossible yet, but was looking doubtful. I’m taking that as a no at this point. I am discouraged again.

That was yet another excuse I could use for taking the night off tonight – I will have tomorrow night to work on it anyway.

A post in which I hat some more, and think

When I woke up this morning, I decided that I was looking at the glass as half empty, and I needed to concentrate on the full part. I need to wait until this week is over and see how Al's job goes rather than jump to conclusions. The chemistry thing may not even work in real life, although I think it will. It is just so hard to be patient. I want this so badly, and to have to wait a week longer is like being a child and having to look at that big package under the tree. It just feels like Christmas is never going to freakin get here. We texted back and forth all day today. Al sent me some more pics of himself, and I sent him some of me.

Complicating my feelings, Jason called today. Apparently he isn't very happy in Raleigh. He tells me that his job, though lucrative, is very demanding, and that he really hasn't had time for much of a personal life. He says that he thinks about me every day, and that if there was an opening in Greenville he would really like to move back here. His parents are here, and his friend Rodney, and he'd really like to see more of them both. He's coming to town the first weekend May, and he wants to see me. I put it on my calendar, but still don't know how I feel about that.

On the way home I went by the craft store to get some padding for the inside of my hat, and found exactly what I was looking for. I can't tell you how rare that is. I virtuously avoided going to pig out tonight, which was what I really wanted to do. I went home and ate a sensible meal out of the freezer. I worked on my hat. I think I am finally finished tying strings of beads, for which I am very grateful. I have to figure some stuff out though. I think the hard part is over though. I glued the liner in it tonight, clamped it, and put it aside gratefully.

I got my acceptance email from Lady Beth today, and my proposed menu has been approved. So now it's just a matter of putting stuff together, and I can do that.

I checked the dates for SELF to I could ask for the days off tomorrw. So I'm getting things settled and set up.

Just as I was thinking about going to bed, the phone rang, and it was Al and Mike! I rarely hear from them, but we've been meeting each other down at River's Edge every summer for years and years. They are both sweet guys. I talked to them until bedtime.

A post in which I look a gift horse in the mouth, and finally start hatting again

Eventually.

I did start off the day by calling Al. He came through the kinky talk OK, so I wanted to get some other things out of the way so I could quit worrying about them. He came through it all in stride, and he has a great voice.

I went to the grocery store on the way home, ate dibs and dabs out of the fridge, washed the shower curtain, etc. But I finally got the hat out and got back to work tonight. Thank goodness. I did make some good progress, and I don't think it will be a problem to finish.

Al and I have stayed in touch, and talked all day today. He actually sent me a very nice and reassuring message after our talk this morning.

He is a sweet, funny man, but I can't help but wonder about his job. He just seems to work all. the. time. I tried seeing if he could go to dinner tonight, but he apparently is required to put in a 12-15 hour day each day this week since the GM is out on vacation. He is "supposed to" be off on Thursday, but apparently his schedule changes constantly. I'm thinking who can live this way?

It also takes me back to one of the frustrations with Michael. He was *never* off work the entire time we were together. He was always on call. We would have to pull off the highway for him to call his boss with answers to inane questions on trips. When we were in Hawaii we spent mornings looking for wi-fi areas that would allow him to update the website. But at least he could go places. It seems like this guy just lives at the store where he works.

He has told me that this is an exceptional week, but I kind of have the feeling that it isn't. Am I projecting all this on him? Am I just looking for something wrong with any guy who gets interested, however peripherally? He did tell me that he never gets weekends off. One of the reasons I want to have someone is to go places and do things with, and that doesn't seem as if it will be much of an option here. I mean, what's the point of having a boyfriend if I still have to go to all the parties by myself? I don't want to look back on my life and see years of waiting to get to see my lover because he worked all the time. But then again, I suppose it could be worse to look back and to have never been special to anyone at all. I'm torn.

He's a sweet guy. And I like him a lot. But tonight I am discouraged.

A post in which we have a reunion cookout

I was up bright and early, but wasted so much time online talking with Al and on Bear411 that I wasn't ready when Russ and Billy got there to pick me up. But I was ready shortly, and we were off to Anderson.

I really just kind of went down for the walk today and to spend some time with Russ. I needed some produce too, but the produce was pretty sucky today. As we walked up the first row, I saw an Old Cafe Ruby Red mint dish for sale. Now I had bought one at the beach with Mother a couple of years ago, but was very disappointed when I got it home because it was sick glass. I looked this one over carefully, and it was in great shape. So I picked it up for $10.

Old Cafe mint dish in Ruby Red by Anchor Hocking, circa 1936-1940

We walked on a bit further, Billy and I appreciating the extra-generous percentage of hotties out today, and I found a 7" Fire King Jadeite Swirl mixing bowl. I have some of the others of the set, but didn't think had this one. It wasn't the elusive 5" bowl, but then they are scarce as hen's teeth. I bought this one for $8, which was pretty much a steal.

7" Fire King Jadeite Swirl mixing bowl, circa 1940's

Walking on a bit further, I saw a found a set of Horseshoe plates. Horseshoe is one of those rare patterns that you usually just don't see at all. Three of the five were a bit chipped (apparently one had gotten broken at some point), but for a dollar each, I just couldn't resist. They are so pretty.

No. 612 "Horseshoe" 8 3/8" salad plate in green by Indiana Glass, circa 1930-1933

We nosed around inside for a while, and briefly visited with a friend out there. I talked to a guy about having some stripes put on Gracine, and Billy and I discussed the cardiac episode my father would have if I pulled into his driveway with eyelash decals mounted above my headlights.

But we had to head on back. Billy had been discussing a cookout this evening, and since I had plans with Jeff and James, he invited us all over. There had been some Drama a while back, and Russ and Billy hadn't seen much of James since. There were negotiations, because Ben (James's ex) was coming with his new boyfriend Willie, and then Russ's feelings got hurt because we had misunderstood him earlier and poo-pooed his (we thought) idea for a Jerry Springer-like reveal where we invited them all and didn't tell them, but in the end everyone was OK and it was all fine.

I went home and took a nap. Jeff and James were coming down later for us to go buy the paint for my bedroom, and for them to look at colors for painting their house. At the moment though, I thought I needed the extra sleep more than I needed to have a perfect (or even reasonably clean) house when they arrived.

That lasted until I woke up, and realized that my house looked like an old junk car lot. Everything was covered in pollen because I've had the windows open lately whenever possible. I got out the duster and the vacuum and did the flight of the bumble bee through the house, trying to make it look as if someone civilized lived there. The consequence of this was that I hadn't showered when they got to the house. I hated to make them wait, but them's the breaks sometimes.

We went on to Home Depot to get the paint. I gave the friendly paint man my swatches, and while he mixed colors we looked at exterior colors for their house. I was basically no help at all. They knew what they wanted, and the debate was mainly about hues, on which subject they pretty much dismissed my suggestions, other than to go outside to look at the colors. It is absolutely impossible to pick out colors in the store. There is no scrap of any light found in nature inside, and the colors look completely different in sunlight. James was taking one color sample out at a time, so eventually I just started grabbin handfuls and following him out.

We got that basically settled, but my ceiling color didn't come out right. To the point that the paint man agreed that the color was wrong. So he had to re-mix both gallons. By this time, Billy was texting us to find out where we were. But there was little we could do. We got the paint, ran by the house to drop it off, and dashed for Billy and Russ's house.

Ben and Willie were already there, and there was remarkably little awkwardness. There were a few moments where things could have gone odd, but I was prepared to just wade right in with a tirade of words and an attempt at a charm offensive. Very little of that was needed though, and we had a lovely visit. We sat out on the deck to eat, and it was just beautiful. After supper we had a post-prandial smoke and just settled in to enjoy each other's company.

We did move in later because Billy said the mosquitoes are already out, plus it was getting a bit nippy to be outside in shorts, but everyone had a really good time. It was a great evening.

But I didn't get a ^&%%$$#!! thing done on my hat today.

A post in which I completely waste a Saturday, except the evening

Well I would love to tell you that I was responsible and worked in on my hat today. Or worked in the yard. Or indeed did anything productive, but that would be a lie. Well I did wash one of my winter coats so I could put it away. That’s it.

I procrastinated today, and wasted time online. I talked to a couple of guys, but I had a message on Bear411 from a guy named Al. I had looked at his profile before, and was going to message him, but then didn’t. I don’t remember why now. Anyway, I had winked at him or something last night, and had a very sweet message back from him today that got the dialogue going. We ended up spending most of the day today instant messaging back and forth. He’s a really nice guy. And he’s good looking. And he’s funny, which I love. And he seems to think I am the bee’s knees.

But being me, I had to find out what’s wrong with him; which I did. He works - compulsively, and apparently all the time. He is a manager for a drugstore, and they seem to feel completely justified in preventing any kind of personal life. No weekends off. Mandatory six-day weeks for management from the last week of November through December. Geez, and I thought Michael’s schedule was bad. Since the GM is on vacation this week, he apparently has to be there pretty much when he’s awake.

But it is nice to have some hope on the horizon.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, George is giving me fits. Fits, I tells ya! I am getting a lot of practice at my Western grip.

I got a text from Billy around 6 or so, inviting me out to dinner with them. Since I had just been wishing I would get the ^&%%^$#!!~ out of the house, I was thrilled to accept. We went to Miyako for sushi, and I have to say I think their food just keeps getting better. I think they are better than Irashai was, even in the old days when they were in that building. Of course, since they have moved, Irashai is awful now.

So we had excellent sushi, and I got some quality Russ and Billy time in. I love them so much. It had been too long since we just hung out. After supper we went back to the house and just visited and talked until late. Russ and I made plans to go to the flea market tomorrow, which effectively kills Sunday for getting anything done, since I made plans with Jeff and James for tomorrow.

In other words, next week will be insanely busy. But I don’t care right now. I’m enjoying being able to spend some time with my friends too much.

A frustrating Friday evening*

It was a pretty quiet day today. Alan was out, the monthly reports were done, and so I just had me regular job to do, which was a refreshing change.

After work I would love to say that I went right home and worked on my hat, but I did not.
I rode by my friends Randy and John’s coffee shop to see them, but they weren’t there.

So I went on home, got stuck in online and wasted the entire evening there. I tried to fall into the Manhunt vortex, which was really where I felt that I needed to be tonight, but no dice. I got stood up twice.

Eventually I did have a buddy show up for a very short visit. Prolly shouldn’t have done it. But I felt like I needed to. After that I went to bed. But it was a frustrating waste of an evening.

A post in which I have Spring Fever

Pretty badly.

This afternoon I suddenly had an indescribable craving for coconut cake. I mean I just went bestial. I could have squatted over one and dug chunks out of it with my hand, grunting "Cake. Good." But apparently I have just lost control of all of my appetites.

I was feeling very irresponsible when I got off work. It was raining, though, which kept me from going out to find a place to roll naked in the grass or something. I ran by Publix to get some coffee, since I was almost out. The bottom dropped out just as I pulled in to the parking lot, of course. I decided not to get out in that madness, but I wasn’t about to leave without my coffee. If ever I doubted my coffee addiction, it was proven today. I sat in the car and waited for it to slack off a bit, then promptly stepped into a four-inch deep puddle when I got out of the car, drenching my feet. Nice.

By the time I got home, though, it had almost stopped. I went on in the house to responsibly eat my homemade food, but got on the computer and just pretty much fell into it. I went on Manhunt and chatted, but didn’t get drawn into the vortex (despite efforts). I also went on Bear411 and chatted on there for a while. The guy from CO has stopped messaging me. Just as well I guess.

I talked to Gurry, a guy I knew years ago who is back in touch. I also started talking to a younger guy named Sean. I had looked at his profile, and he’s cute, but he’s 25, with all the inherent difficulties. Old movies to him are from the 80s. The 1980s. He subscribes to the 'cult of masculinity' culture that swept the gay community in the 90s (and is fairly defensive about it). He does read though, which is a plus. So I’m chatting with this guy and trying to find something in common, and really he’s cute and all, but it’s so not working. He’s so much younger. He still goes to bars. But at least he’s local.

But all I can think about is men. Well, men, food, and sleep. I can’t seem to get caught up on sleep from last week, but I have incessant hormones and appetite to deal with too. I just want to throw some guy down, smear food on him, eat it off, fuck the daylights out of him, and then throw one paw across him to prevent his escape and go to sleep.

I also talked to a guy named Allen. He owns a hotel up near Asheville, and we’ve been virtually sniffing around each other for years, but things have just never fallen into place. I would really like to go meet him though.

Of course, since I was on Manhunt, two married guys were talking to me. One of them I've known for a while. He's unhappy with his lover, but not really willing to do anything about it. The other is new to town, and apparently really wants to cheat on his lover, but can't admit it to himself. As a consequence, he's trying to set up assignations with 8,700 'ground rules' so that he can justify to himself that it isn't really cheating, before just not showing up at all. Geez. He was easy enough to get rid of. I just called his bluff and he went screaming into the night (or at least away from his keyboard).

So I spent all evening on the computer chasing men to watch them run, or pining over long-distance guys, and basically just feeling like I’d like to connect with someone again. It would be nice to have a date.

Yeah, so officially so much for the fading libido of an aging lothario, which is what I thought was happening around January. George has awoken from hibernation with a vengeance, and he’s pretty much giving me no peace. Sigh.

I did no hatting tonight. Bad, naughty, wicked Steve. Lighting the Grail-shaped (or perhaps phallic-shaped) beacon and all.

I’m officially sick to death of babying this tattoo. It’s been almost two weeks now, come on! I'm like heal up already!! There is one place that got scabby, and it just will not turn loose, plus it’s itching like crazy and I can’t scratch it. I love having them, but man do I HATE taking care of them while they heal!

Basically, I'm just discombobulated and unsatisfied.

A post in which I finally receive a visit from the Muse, and begin to Hat

It was a strange day today. Good, but strange.

I’m still trying to lose weight, so I’m hungry a lot. I have this Hat Party coming up, and no real inspiration, plus I have a service date coming up with no menu planned, and the Atlanta trip to see Myz Shay is waiting on Rhonda, who I think I’m going to have to chase down to try to be good to her. Usually when I have this kind of thing going on, I feel all frazzled, the psychic ends flapping around me in a jumble like a mental frustration pencil. But I don’t feel that way. I feel like everything’s gonna work out and be just fine. I feel calm and pleasantly optimistic. I never really knew why people said someone was ‘collected’ before, but that’s how I feel – collected; as if all the ends were tucked in, and my mind was just a neat, cool, self-contained package.

Unusual for me. Wish I knew where this was coming from, I’d like to get used to it.

I did make some calls today to ask some pretty amused people if I could buy a pith helmet from them, but no dice.

After work today I decided that I was going to suck it up, go to Wal-Mart, look around for a bit, and hope that inspiration would strike. Sometimes you just have to court the Muse a bit. I had a bunch of beads and stuff I bought for my hat (the theme this year is Mardi Gras), but really had only the vaguest of ideas what I was going to do with them. And no hat base – which is really key. I hate going to Wal-Mart, but they have a craft section (although it is now much smaller and more poorly stocked than it used to be), a garden department (garden hats, plus you never know when you’re going to find some odd container that might make a good hat base), and I figured they would just have some plain ole hats too (they did, but not the kind I wanted).

Inspiration did indeed strike in the lawn & garden department. After a quick Felliniesque moment walking around with a piece of garden equipment on my head, I had my base. And yay, finally. It was good that inspiration struck rather quickly. I had to get home to pay Khavis, the very nice boy who cuts my grass. He was coming today, for which I was very grateful.

As luck would have it, though, I got struck by inspiration again on the way home, and had to stop off at the Kmart for another hat element. I hate the Kmart near my house. As much as I loathe Wal-Mart, and will indeed shop most anywhere else, I dread going in the Kmart near my house. "Why?" you might well ask. Well first of all, they stock some shelves once every 6-8 months, whether they think they need it or not. Generally, they just run out of stuff and then just never have it again. Also, despite the season, day of the week, or pending hurricane, they have *two*, (and only TWO) checkers on duty. Occasionally during Christmas they’ll have a couple extra, but generally be it Monday at closing or Saturday afternoon, they have two. Period. One of them is always caught up in some kind of dispute, or about to go on break. That leaves One. Line. Open. Almost always with 87 people waiting to check out. Tonight I had a choice of the 87-person line, or the one with a woman who had some kind of issue. I chose the issue line, so of course it went on forever. The woman had found some coupon that was apparently from the late Triassic, but was supposed to still be good. The evaluation took quite some time, involving a leisurely stroll to the service desk, a protracted perusal by both the checker and the manager, and the manager’s return to the register with the checker to actually ring in said coupon, followed by the inevitable wrestling with the cash register which, access code or not, was having none of it. This is how I spend my off hours.

At any rate, I did eventually get home, to find my grass mowed. Lovely. I really, really love having staff. I don't know what I'm going to do when he goes off to college, but I'm not borrowing trouble. He's such a nice kid, and really seems to care about doing a good job - so rare these days. I called Khavis and paid him, but in truth I just couldn’t wait to get started on my hat. So I did. It went well; I have to say, better than I had anticipated. I didn’t finish, of course, but I made some good headway and was pleased.

By about 8:30 I was tired of doing that, so I decided to take a break and read for a while before I went to bed. It was a good evening. I am SO glad that I have a start on my hat. It looks like I should be able to finish it by next weekend, no problem (crossing fingers), which will free up next week for me to prep for my service date. Apparently that confident feeling was justified after all. If I can just avoid public retail space for the next week or so, things will be dangerously close to perfect…

A post in which I am naughty and idle

OK, with next week shaping up the way it is, I really, really need to get stuck in and get my hat done. But I’m having problems with my base (usually the hardest part), and having a hard time getting motivated. I was supposed to shop for bases on the way home today, but all I really wanted to do was go home and read. I was also starving.

One of the vendors brought in “school lunches” for us at work today. Sloppy joes, mixed vegetables, tater tots, and ice cream cups. So I had mixed vegetables and tater tots for lunch. The ice cream cups were surprisingly rather tasteless. I think they were better when you used to eat them with those little wooden paddles. Anyway, by the end of the day, I was fairly ravenous.

I decided that I’ve been good enough over the last couple of weeks that I could go out to dinner tonight if I wanted, this despite having 87 pounds of egg salad in the fridge to eat. I called Anna to see if she would go to dinner with me, but didn’t get an answer. I thought about calling Kimbley and Laura because it’s really been too long since I’ve seen them, but it seemed like a big rigmarole to get into. So I just went on home.

The yard guy came by today. I had been meaning to call him, since the grass is like knee-deep, but he saved me the trouble. He’s going to come tomorrow and take care of it, which is lovely. I just haven’t really had the time to fool with the yard this year, but I need to get some things done. The bushes really need trimming. I’ll get to it. Neither of the neighbors have cleaned up their yards so far, so it isn’t critical yet.

I ate dibs and dabs out of the fridge. There were things in there that needed to be eaten before they ‘went to the bad’, as Grandma Shumate says. So I ate them. I had bought two kinds of chips to go with Miss Kat’s guacamole, so the bag she didn’t choose was in the house. I ate some of them. I had gotten a prize of milk chocolate figurines for my second place at the egg dying party, so I ate some milk chocolate for dessert.

Myz Shay called as I was finishing up, and we talked for a bit. She was asking about dates for me to come down, but Rhonda hasn’t gotten back with me on her thing yet, so we’re kind of in limbo. I’m going to give her a day or two longer, and then call her to rattle her cage about it.

When Myz Shay called, I had turned off the television, and I just decided to leave it off. I finished Narcissus in Chains today, and it was better than I was expecting. Maybe the Anita Blake series hasn’t jumped the shark after all. So I started the next one tonight, Cerulean Sins, which is actually a fairly heinous title, but which started rather well.

So I just read, with the windows open in the fresh air and the cats walking all over me. It was a nice, quiet, relaxing evening.

But if I don’t get going, I’m going to reap the whirlwind next week.

A post in which it is a fairly quiet Monday

I was up before the alarm this morning, which was good. I needed some coffee and gather-my-wits time. I was tired at work today, but I’ve certainly been in worse shape and still come in.

I took the day off for the Monday after the Hat Party. I’m doing dinner for Lady Beth the night before, and then the Hat Party on the 18th, so that’s going to be a very busy weekend. I’m going to need a day off. It should be fine, as long as I can get my hat done this weekend. I want to be able to plan menus, iron napkins, pack china, etc next week.

I had a very nice email from Lynn today with all kinds of helpful hints for my service date with Lady Beth, which I very much appreciated. I wanted to be sure to include her in this process. I didn’t want her to feel jealous or hurt in any way. It is the Domme’s prerogative what they do and don’t do, but that doesn’t mean that the submissive doesn’t have feelings. I would much rather her feel included and part of this then left out. She has been welcoming to me from the beginning about my pledge, and was lovely to me about this request for help also. I hope I get to cook for them both some time. But yeah, I need to concentrate on getting through the first service date for now.

On the way home tonight I was thinking about making egg salad. They sent all the eggs (all the ones I didn’t break, anyway) home with me from the party yesterday. I had 22 eggs left to use up (having eaten two for breakfast this morning). Egg salad is great, but I wanted something different. I first thought I would make the egg salad taste like deviled eggs (I adore deviled eggs), and then I thought, even better, fancy deviled eggs. I have this great recipe that I got on line from a wonderful website that is no longer up (the guy that ran it was a gourmet, but he was all about the fat and had a fairly serious heart attack, but I digress), but I haven’t made them in a while. The reason is that when I do I have to beg people to eat them.

These eggs are absolutely scrumptious, but they have non-traditional deviled egg ingredients in them. When I tell most people about them, they get the scrunched up “picky face” that many southern people get when you describe basically anything that their grandmothers haven't been making for at least six generations. Sigh. So I got sick of making them and then begging people to eat them. It's tiring being Sam I Am. Plus I really, really hate peeling eggs, so I just quit taking deviled eggs to parties.

I ran in the grocery store to pick up the couple of ingredients I would need to make my eggs, only to find myself in the End of Days or something. There were 8 million-bajillion people crammed in the store, all apparently buying provisions for simultaneous Arctic expeditions. So I'm standing there thinking are we running out of food? Did someone call for snow tomorrow? What the hell is the deal? The woman in line behind me noted my confusion and helpfully pointed out that it is the first business day of the month (Good Friday having been a holiday) and that food stamps and Social Security checks had arrived today. Well that explained it, but I sure didn't like it any better. The self-check was of course 50 deep - sometimes you can get out faster that way, but one woman was checking out a mounded cart full of groceries, despite the clearly placed sign that said '20 items or less'. So I got in the '10 items or less' line with a checker. I would have gotten through faster too, if my usual luck hadn't held. Of course the register broke. I don't think it's just me at the hateful BiLo near my house. I think they have registers specifically designed to malfunction at the worst possible time. So I stood there and tried to think of England (as opposed to running amok) while the checker and the manager wrestled with the stupid receipt printer for ten minutes. Sigh.

Fresh eggs are very hard to peel. It used to be fairly easy to find eggs that were a bit stale, but not these days. Apparently the eggs that James got to dye came from someplace where they had a guy poised under each chicken’s ass with a catcher’s mitt. After the eggs were caught, they were sent by individual courier to assure that they were only minutes old when purchased. The involved chickens also apparently had a measure of super glue in their feed. These shells were Stuck. On.

By the time I had finished peeling enough of them to make the egg salad; I vividly remembered why I stopped taking deviled eggs to parties. Michael actually bought me one of those Eggstractors at one point for my birthday – I’m sure you’ve seen them on television. I promptly named it the Eggsploder, because it really just blew ragged egg chunks all over the place.

So I finally sat down to my dinner of a piece of toasted sourdough bread with egg salad, and a bowl of potato salad. I thought I had tons left, and was actually trying to give it away at work today, but when I dished it out tonight I realized that there really wasn’t that much of it – just a bit more than I needed for suppers this week. I packed the rest up to take to Terry at work tomorrow.

I ate my delicious egg salad, and reflected on the fact that at times I feel very much like the protagonist in Babette’s Feast. I knock myself out trying to make great stuff for people who would really be just as happy – or happier – to live on nothing but deep-fried chicken strips and honey mustard. I also kind of feel like Squidward sometimes, trying desperately to cultivate a little appreciation for the finer things while living among folks who could really care less, and in fact think I’m odd for not being exactly the same way.

I felt kind of lonely tonight. I called to talk to Myz Shay, since I owe her a call from last week, but couldn’t reach her. I also called Jason. He would have eaten my egg salad and appreciated it. I miss him. I didn’t get him either, so I left a message. I fooled around online for a bit, and ate some more of my heart out over the gorgeous guy from Colorado I’ve been chatting with on Bear411. I also talked to a new guy on Manhunt for a little bit tonight. Capping the evening though was a lovely email from Lady Beth. I responded to her, and was content.

A post in which it is the 2nd annual egg-dying party

I was up at 7am this morning. Ordinarily, I would have lazed around. Sunday morning just is the perfect time to be lazy. Must be the devil’s work.

But today I had stuff to do. I got up, stripped the bed, put the sheets in to wash, and put fresh sheets on. I went in the kitchen and finished making over some Chinese vegetables I had in the freezer to make them edible for lunches this week. In the process I used up some noodles I had picked up at the Asian market that had been languishing in the cabinet for some time. I did four loads of laundry.

I got a 45 minute nap in so I would hopefully be fresh for tonight. I always end up staying too late at Jeff and James’s house.

I evaluated my potato salad. Usually I make the sauce too thick so the potatoes soak it all up. I tried to compensate by making it kind of soupy, and in the process had gotten it too soupy. So I ran out to the store for more mayonnaise to hopefully thicken it back up a bit. While I was out, I hauled off the recycling, and went by to get some potting soil to mix in with the regular dirt so I can put my tree out.

I bought a little Japanese maple last year, and didn’t get it in the ground last fall as I had intended. I’ve left it a bit too late now, since it’s already putting out leaves, but it needed to be set out. I really need to do some work in the yard, but I decided I might be burned at the stake if I started doing yard work on Easter Sunday. I thought I might be able to get away with putting out the tree, although I could hear my Grandpa Shumate’s voice in my head telling me that it wouldn’t live. Put out on a Sunday was bad enough, but put out on an Easter Sunday was just the death knell. I watered it in well, and went inside to get ready.

I had left myself plenty of time, which was a refreshing change. I took a leisurely shower, did my nails, and basically just made sure I did what I wanted to do before I left the house. I went down to my summer beard today. Thanks to the new clippers it was a cinch. I’ve lost a little weight now, and so I’ve kind of lost that porcine look my face was getting. I decided I looked pretty good.

I headed for Spartanburg, and the drive up seemed to take no time. I felt relaxed when I got there, instead of flustered the way I usually am when I get some place. I was glad I hadn’t gone to the flea market this morning so I had plenty of time to do what needed doing.

Jeff and James put out quite a spread. There was ham, boston butt, potato salad (from yours truly) (as predicted, servings consumed - 2.5), Parker house rolls, broccoli salad, oven-roasted asparagus, deviled eggs, and stuffed salmon. There was homemade banana pudding and a blueberry trifle for dessert. We had easily twice as much food as we would eat, I knew. After admiring the new deck (we dined al fresco this evening), and tucking in, we were all feeling pretty lazy.

Justin and Jeff had done the final prep on the dinner, and after straightening up a bit, Justin started putting the egg dye together. That’s where things went a bit wonky.

Last year, we had some commercial egg dye, and some that was just the food coloring kind. The commercial dyes work much better and yield much brighter colors. After last year, I just figured we would have al commercial dye this year. But Justin was in charge of the dye, and he’s old school about that. It turns out the commercial dye we had last year was some that James had brought. Although the party this year was at Jeff and James’s house, Justin was “in charge”, and I think there was a bit of a breakdown in the division of labor. When Justin brought out the dye for the eggs, it was all homemade food coloring dye, which no one was happy about. That pissed him off, which I can understand. He had put a lot of work in to the party, and had made the dye himself, and we were bitching. James had also thrown out the egg cartons so we had to improvise somewhere to put the dyed eggs to dry. We also didn’t have a clear crayon to make designs with, etc. So there wasn’t a bunch of stuff to dye and decorate eggs with, and it was kind of hard to get motivated anyway since we had eaten so much. Also, two of the prizes this year were Peeps, which no one wanted, since they’re pretty much inedible. Since Justin had bought all the prizes, I’m sure that rankled a bit too.

Amanda is a trooper though. Once she finally got interested in dying the eggs (she always wins), she scrounged around the house and found stuff she could use to make her eggs fancy. They turned out about fifty times better than everyone else’s, as usual. The rest of us would just kind of throw an egg in the dye, and then go have a cigarette and talk for a while. Jeff and Chad (Justin’s new bf) didn’t dye any at all. So it just wasn’t as much fun as last year. My eggs, just because I left them in so long, did have pretty good color to them, so I got second place for “eggs most likely to help children learn their colors”. James got third place for participation even though his eggs had fingerprints all over them from him handling them while they were wet. They didn’t last long anyway, because he set them on a table that wobbled, and when I moved it they fell all over the deck.

As good as it was to see everyone, I think Justin wanted this year’s party to be just like last year’s, and unfortunately you just can’t control that type of thing.

Anyway, we finished up the judging, and then went inside and blew up the Peeps in the microwave, which is about all they’re really good for.

Justin and Chad left pretty quickly after that, Justin citing school work he needed to do, but I think he was pretty disappointed.

I stayed on to visit. We hung out and just enjoyed each other’s company. I told stories to make James laugh. I love to get him tickled. I had intended to leave about 10pm, but when I checked the time it was 11:45. Ugh. I have to be up for work in 6.5 hours! I got home and got into bed as quickly as possible, but tomorrow is still going to be a rough day.