A post in which I recover from my trip - at work

I woke up feeling crappy this morning. I have been too much on the go, staying up too late, and eating too much rich food. But I had to go to work. I was crabby and tired all day. Of course the day lasted forever, but my boss was out of the office, which was a small boon. I probably got myself in trouble smarting off to a relentless Business Development manager today, but I'd just had all I could take.

After work I went by the grocery store for a few odds and ends. I got home and started a load of laundry, put some tea in to steep, and sat down to eat my supper. I was really looking forward to getting to bed early and feeling better tomorrow. It's our year end today, and I have tons of work to do. The phone rang. It was dana, and she needed me.

I put the tea in the fridge unfinished, changed out the load of laundry, and got dressed again as soon as I finished eating. dana had two root canals today, and I felt for her. Even with that going on, it was good to see them. We had a good visit, and I caught them up on Thanksgiving. They caught me up on their kitchen rennovations, and Miss Kat fed me some incredible cranberry relish she had brought home.

We smoked, talked, and watched an episode of Cake Boss; but when that was over, I had to go home, finish up my chores, wash the dishes, and go to bed. I was well and truly whooped.

A post in which it is a long but good day

Mom and I got up and had a good visit over breakfast and coffee this morning. We'd had a really good time - we both enjoyed spending the time together - but it was time for me to go home. I packed the car, got Mom's tree down out of the attic for her, and headed out.

I had a lot of stuff to do today. There was nothing in the fridge for lunches next week, plus James and Jeff had invited me to their house tonight for a covered dish tree-trimming party tonight. Fortunately I had gotten an early start. I went straight to the White Horse flea market before I even went home. I picked up fruit for next week and scallions for my dip for the party today. It was a beautiful day. Since there were so many people still there selling, I had a stroll round to look for glass, but no luck. But I had some great pieces from yesterday, and I did get there late today, so I wasn't really disappointed.

From there I went to the grocery store for the rest of the stuff for the dip, and for a few things I needed for next week. I pre-heated the oven as I unpacked the car and threw a Quorn furkey roast in the oven to have furkey sandwiches for lunch off of this week. I then threw a marinated vegetable salad together and started on my dip. By the time I finished the dip, cleaned up the kitchen, and ate a light lunch of fake crab salad I made from dip leftovers, I was whooped.

I had a lie-down before getting ready for the party. I then got up, did the cat chores, ran through the shower, and headed for Spartanburg, dip on board.

Jeff and James had quite an evening planned. No only were were decorating the tree, but baking and decorating Christmas cookies, and decorating gingerbread trees. They were waiting on me, but James had said it was a casual thing, and I wouldn't have been able to enjoy myself if I hadn't rested for a bit before I went.

Everyone was pretty laid back except for Jeff and James. They wanted to get the decorating and party stuff done! James was mixing cookie dough, and Justin went in to help him roll it out and cut the cookies. But the dough was kind of sticking to the counter. When they got the cookies scraped up to bake, they were a bit off. Then they got them a bit too close on the baking sheets, so they kind of cooked together. But it was very funny, and they tasted fine.

Jeff was decorating the tree. He's really good at that kind of thing, but it has to be right (I know all about that). It did turn out very pretty.

James and Justin cut out sugar cookies to bake

We took a break before starting to decorate the cookies, and while we were outside the dogs got into the food that was out, but didn't eat too much. We decorated a few cookies, but no one really felt like messing with it for too long. We finished the tree, and had another smoke break. Then it was time to decorate the gingerbread trees.

Amanda is wonderful at stuff like that, so after getting one put together, we just pretty much watched her decorate it. She has so much more patience than I do.

Amanda starts decorating the gingerbread tree

The finished tree - isn't it pretty?

By the time the gingerbread tree was done, it was time that I had to leave. Work tomorrow. Sigh. I got on the road again for the trip home.

It was really lovely to get into my own bed again.

A post in which it is Flea Market Day!

I heart flea market day. We were both up fairly early this morning, and ready to roll. Mom loves a flea market almost as much as I do.

My favorite is the old flea market. I've gotten some really nice things there, but no luck today. After looking it over, we went up the street to the Barnyard Flea Market in Columbia. Barnyard flea markets just seem to be better. I led Mom to the back and we started in the yard sale stuff. Almost immediately I scored. An American Sweetheart salver, priced at only $12. I knew it was worth more than that so I snapped it up immediately. She had some pink Mayfair cups as well, but I just usually don't buy a cup any more unless I feel sorry for it. No one wants to use them.

American Sweetheart 12" salver in pink by Macbeth-Evans Glass, circa 1930-1936

I kept seeing old cake plates today at various prices. I usually hold out for one with a pattern I recognize, but I'm down to one Mayfair cake plate in my "extras" stack, and it's slated to go to Miss Helen with her Christmas cake this year. So since I saw three of these today, I took it as a sign and bought one for $2. You can't buy plastic for that.

Vintage cake plate - no idea what the pattern is but I see these every where

Just as we were leaving the yard sale section, I found another Beaded Block bowl. This one is opalescent as well, but it's clear. The ones I bought in Wilkesboro are clam broth color I think. But still odd to see so many bowls in the same pattern around the same time. The opalescence is a bit light on the piece, but for only $5 I couldn't leave it.

Line #710 or "Beaded Block" opalescent "riffled" bowl by Imperial Glass, circa 1927-1930

I was pretty stoked about my finds. We did the rest of the flea market, but the oil painting guy wasn't there today. We were looking for pictures for Mom's living room and for over my mantelpiece in the living room, which is still occupied by the placeholder I put up months ago. But you can't have everything, right?

After the flea market, we went to a meat n' three for lunch, where I had a very good vegetable plate and a lot of sweet tea. Thus fortified, we stopped at Big Lots to see what they had on offer. One of the things on my list was a baby doll for one of the kids we've "adopted" at work. Baby dolls are apparently out of fashion just now, although hoochie "Brats"-style dolls abound. We did find some baby dolls at Big Lots, and I picked out a pretty one for our girl. It's squishy so she can sleep with it if she wants, but still pretty.

We were headed home, but decided to stop in Carolina Pottery for a look round. I was able to find a pretty great thing to take to Donnie's dirty Santa party on the 12th.

After all this, we basically just went home and collapsed. We were pretty tired. We'd been on our feet for two days. We turned on the TV and watched How the Grinch Stole Christmas! (the original cartoon, not the Jim Carrey monstrosity) because Mom hadn't seen it this year yet. Since we both fell asleep during parts of it, we watched it twice.

Mom heated up Thanksgiving goodies for dinner, and we watched Elf, which I hadn't seen. It was pretty good.

By the time the movie went off and Mom talked to Rod, it was that time again. It has been a lovely visit and we've had a lot of fun, but I'm ready to get back to my own bed. It will be good to climb into it tomorrow night.

A post in which there is much shopping

Mom and I usually take our time on Black Friday, no 4am campers we.

We got up and got ready, then went to breakfast with the Rod and got him dispatched towards Charleston before we headed out to brave the madding crowd.

We shopped for hours. At one of the malls, it happened. The Dead Sea nail people got Mom. They were offering lotion, and I tried to steer her away but it was too late. The guy had her in his clutches. So my dilemma was, do I just go on and find a bathroom? Or wait with her while he goes through the spiel? Of course I waited. We got away after only about 15 minutes.

Mom, caught by one of the evil Dead Sea nail people.

We were out for about 7 hours, counting stopping for lunch. I got Mom her Christmas and birthday presents (her birthday is December 6th). She picked out a Christmas shirt, a pair of shoes, and a pretty green sweater. We were at the Hallmark store when she picked up a Grinch ornament and put it back down. I just scooped it up and paid for it. Mom loves the Grinch.

She, loving mother and brave soul that she is, lived through shopping for jeans with me. We found a really nice pair at Belk at Dutch Square, but they had only one pair in my size, so we left and went to another mall to get another pair. I got Lisa, Brenden, and Ava off my list as well. So it was a very productive, yet tiring, day. We finished up by going in Target and looking around. We were going to some other stores, but we were just too tired to continue.

We fought the traffic, got home, and collapsed for a while before heading out for dinner. I had promised Mom a really nice dinner after the Atlanta fiasco. We talked about a place downtown, and another place over by Harbison, but after the day we'd had, we decided to go to a seafood place that is down the road from Mom's. We had a nice meal with a very chatty waitress, then stopped by the drug store on the way home to collapse again. By the time Mom talked to Rod and reported on the day, it was time for bed.

It was a very nice day, but we have the flea market tomorrow, and still more shopping!

A post in which I wish everyone a very Happy Thanksgiving

I knocked myself out last night, so I slept. I really needed that. It was a nice relaxed morning. Mom made a huge breakfast for Rod and I, and we watched the Macy's Day Parade while Mom got ready to go.

Lisa was fixing the meal today, and I was a bit skeptical. Lisa can cook, but she has problems with time and deadlines. She isn't passionate about cooking like Mom and I are. I didn't figure we would eat lunch until 2:30 -4. But I was very wrong. She had gotten up at 7am to put the turkey in, and baked a 22lb bird! The entire meal was excellent, and we ate pretty much on time. I do usually bend the rules a bit at Thanksgiving at least enough to eat some gravy, because Mom makes it from scratch with homemade stock. Lisa's turkey looked and smelled so good, I had a small piece of it too. It was perfect.

My brother-in-law Carl was on his best and most charming behavior today, and although Ava was a bit shy when I first got there, once she figured out who I was again we played and played, and had a large time. Sadly, Cole wasn't feeling well. He's been sick for a week with strep throat. I was glad I'm on antibiotics already. He came out and ate, but it was clear he wasn't feeling like himself.

We ate a huge meal, and basically just laid around like beached whales for a while, parked in front of the telly because we couldn't move. After a while we had dessert, where I managed to break the whipped cream can. Carl figured out how to get it out though, and I fed Ava a bowl of it, one tiny spoonful at a time, with much running around between spoons. She loves whipped cream.

We sat around and watched Ava play, watched a bit of telly, and just basically spent some family time. It was a very nice and relaxing day, and everything went well.

Ava wearing my shoes.

Ava and her best friend Pup-pup

Ava and Pup-pup, close-up

Ava singing. She's shy about performing, so she sings with a blanket on her head.

A post in which it is Thanksgiving Eve

I slept horribly last night. I was up at 2am with insomnia, and then again shortly after 5. I knew I had a lot going on today, but couldn't get back to sleep. At 5:30 I just went ahead and made coffee. I did my last minute packing and got ready for work.

Work was fairly quiet today, which was good. I didn't really feel like doing anything, and everyone was fairly subdued because today was Judi's funeral. We all carpooled up and went together. It was a nice service, although there wasn't enough room. They had just planned a small memorial, but of course a lot of people from the office went. I had never been to a Jewish funeral. The rabbi that did the service had just met Judi during her last hospitalization, but did a nice job on the service. We were discussing the funeral afterwards because the rabbi had said that she would be saying the Mourner's Kaddish. I thought that was odd, so I pulled it up online and read a bit about it afterwards. Judi's kids don't practice any longer, but if my mother wanted someone to pray for her after her death I don't think I could send someone else to do that whether I believed the same thing she did or not. But everyone handles stuff like that differently and Judi wasn't orthodox. Plus it is a great mitzvah to render kindnesses to the dead according to Judaism.

After work, I jetted for home, getting there just as Highway 85 started to back up and turn into a parking lot. I was really glad that I wasn't going to Charlotte tonight. When I got to the front door, there was a note in it from Terry, who is back in town, apparently. I'll have to find out more about that later. I tried to call him, but his phone has either been turned off or he's changed numbers again.

I threw the bags in the car, tended to the cats, and hit the road. Traffic to Columbia was blessedly light, and I arrived right on time to go out to dinner with Mom and Rod. We went to a little Greek Italian place near her house called Zorba's. I love that place. After some lovely pasta with shrimp, spinach and a gorgeous pesto cream sauce, we went back to Mom's for the picture thing. Mom loves to take pictures, and every time I go to her house she wants me to look at them all.

By the time I was done with that, I was wiped. It's been a long emotionally draining day.

A post in which I'm getting ready to go

I woke up feeling squiffy again today. Whatever antibiotic I'm on, apparently it ain't a-workin'. So I navigated the complex phone system at my doctor's office, eventually got hold of a nurse, and had some new stuff called in. I have to stop taking what I'm taking now and start in again on the new stuff tomorrow. Hopefully by Friday I'll be feeling better for the Big Shopping Trip.

I hit it hard this morning. I was in the midst of some big stuff (fallout from a "creative" period Alan had waiting for a flight last week) when I realized I had completely blown by my chiropractor appointment for today. Dammit. I'm going to have to face my family without having my back cracked first. At least my boss is taking the day off tomorrow.

There was nothing to do at that point but carry on. I am completely caught up from being out, and almost have my desk all in order for year end.

The weather continues to be drippy and miserable. Highway 85 was a nightmare all the way home. I passed at least five wrecks. You didn't really drive, you just went from the backup around one accident to the backup around the next accident. I was really glad to get off the freeway in one piece.

I called Jason when I got in to tell him not to take the freeway. He was supposed to come over to hang out tonight. But he had changed his mind and went to see his parents tonight. I think the possibility of having to navigate an alternate route was just too much for him. He has as bad a sense of direction as Lisa does. Water signs.

I got home, did some laundry, and ate an obsession sandwich for dinner (the onions I pickled were really the finishing touch). I finally caught the end of Gaslight (the cable went out the last time I tried to watch it). Ingrid Bergman was great. But I had calls to make.

I called Mom to talk about this weekend and let her know that barring insane traffic again tomorrow, I would drive down tomorrow night. I also checked my answering machine, which I almost never do. I only keep a phone line because I have a DSL. I had a message from Pat, my old work friend. She had called to ask a question, but of course we ended up talking about Judi. I'll see Pat tomorrow at the funeral.

I did the packing that I could tonight. I'll run through tomorrow to do cat stuff on the way out of town.

It's going to be a long day tomorrow.

A post in which I lose a friend

I went into work today knowing I was going to have to pay for being out last week. Oh how right I was. To top off the stack, my boss lobbed yet another special report he wanted, as a priority, going back two years. Sigh. Another lunch hour falls by the wayside. There was nothing to do but buckle in and make the fur fly.

Which is precisely what I did. By the end of the day I was not finished, but caught up enough that I knew I’d be able to breathe tomorrow.

I found out today that my friend Judi wasn't doing well. I know she had cancer, and had a kidney removed. She had come back from work after that, but then after a week was back out again. Since then I've been out of the loop, although I heard at one point that she was getting better. Today I was told that she was being moved back home for hospice care, and they had prescribed morphine to keep her comfortable. By this afternoon she was gone.

I used to try to make sure I got her a Hanukkah card at the holidays. Her children didn't practice any longer, and she didn't get a lot of them. Since she was a widow, I always used to get her a little something and leave it on her desk at Valentine's Day. I know how it feels when everyone else is getting flowers and you know nothing is coming for you. Michael left in January 07. I had been dreading that Valentine's Day. It had been a horrible holiday season, and everything was still fresh. When I got to work that day, Judi and another of the girls had gotten me a little stuffed puppy. It hurt, but it was so sweet to know that she was thinking about me. She understood too. We used to go out to lunch occasionally. She, Pat, and I used to go out for Japanese sometimes. She was also one of the few outspoken Democrats at my office.

On the one hand, I feel bad that I didn't go see her, but on the other hand I was mainly a work buddy. I had never been to her house. She was pretty private about her illness too. It's a sad thing. She's a sweet woman, and I'll miss her.

I talked to Eve for a bit right before I left work. She and Dad won't be in Chapin this weekend. Dad has been to the doctor, who has once again threatened him with death if he doesn't lose some weight. He's on a strict diet in which he is unable to eat any corn products at all, including farm-raised fish. He will usually follow something like that for a month or so, then go back to the way he was eating before. It seems a tad unrealistic of the doctor to think that Dad is going to stick to such a stringent regimen, but apparently he is so far. One of the guys that works at the shop with him is a registered dietitian and he's helping put some meal plans together. According to Eve, they have a healthy and parsimonious Thanksgiving planned. On the plus side, they've also made him a vegetarian, however temporarily.

I had plans to go out to dinner with Jason tonight. He’ll soon be gone to Raleigh for good. Sigh. When I got to his place we talked about Judi for a bit, just because I needed to. Then we went to Saffron. He loves Indian food as much as I do – possibly more, which is scary. Yet another way he is the perfect guy who is of course leaving. But we had a nice meal and good conversation. Tomorrow I have to get ready to go to Columbia to see Mom, but it was good to spend the time with Jason tonight. He’s a sweet guy. I need to store up the memories that they are out there.

A post in which I am bamboozled a bit, but step up anyway - eventually

I woke up after 10 solid hours of sleep to a nasty, dreary day. It wasn’t quite raining, but it started to sprinkle as I rode over to the flea market. There was no one there. Within an hour, the miserable pissing cold drizzle we’ve been living with for weeks had re-asserted.

James had called me yesterday to invite me to lunch. I had called and talked to Justin about it last night and told him I would come today. Luncheon was to be at J&J’s new house. Since I didn’t know the way I called James to get the zip code to put in the GPS. “Oh,” James said, “You can just come on to the apartment. The truck should be here in just a few minutes.” What? I had been invited to luncheon, but it seems there was more to the offer than met the eye.

There are few things I hate worse than moving. On the one hand, I felt kind of horn-swaggled. On the other hand, I love Jeff and James, and they knew I didn’t have any other plans today because I had agreed to come to lunch. There was nothing to do but suck it up and go. But I wasn’t exactly breaking my neck to get there.

I went by Miss Kat and dana’s to pick up some stuff dana had borrowed, and kicked back with them for a bit, but I knew I was running late. It was hard to go. It was chill and drizzly yucky outside, and I have been sick for two weeks. About the last thing I wanted to do was go out in it, but duty called.

As soon as I got in the car and headed that way, James called to see where I was, and to tell me that lunch would be at Justin's apartment. I was glad I was at least on the way. I got there about 2:30. Thank goodness they hadn’t waited lunch on me. Justin had thoughtfully made me a plate, and I sat and ate while they caught me up on the day’s events. After a blessed cup of coffee, some blackberry cobbler, and a cigarette, it was time to hit it. They had been working earlier and had packed up most of the stuff already, but I helped Jeff clean out the last of the kitchen while the others carried boxes out. I had put my foot down about being in and out of the rain, but said I would help inside.

We went over to the new house and began to unload. I knew that they had been over there working ever since they closed, but I was surprised by the change. The outside of the place still looks a bit rough, but the inside is coming right along – and they haven’t even had the house for a week yet!

I started off scrubbing out cabinets so the kitchen could be unpacked, but since I had helped pack the frozen food in the cooler I knew it had to be unloaded. I opened the fridge, which was left with the house. I’ve seen worse, but it was in need of some scrubbing. I spent the rest of the afternoon taking the fridge apart, scrubbing out the crack-ho detritus and putting it back together. When I got done (finally) Jeff had just gotten back with the fridge food, and I was able to load it all up.

We all relaxed for a bit and ordered some pizza. We had dinner in the new house with joy and laughter, tired from work, but in the midst of a new beginning. I wish Jeff and James every happiness in their new home.

A post in which I have a surprisingly good glass day**

It was pretty weather this morning. I felt pretty good, and decided I could afford a quick nip over to the flea market. I wasn't really expecting to find anything. I wanted some tomatoes to make sandwiches with basil mayonnaise.

But while I was walking around, I went over to look at a section of tables I don't ordinarily make it a point of seeing. There was an Oyster and Pearl divided relish. I already have one, and it isn't a rare piece, but the woman only wanted $3 for it, so I picked it up.

Oyster & Pearl 2-part relish dish in pink, by Anchor Hocking, circa 1938-1940

That was kind of an unexpected bonus kind of thing and I was just walking around enjoying myself when I saw another table of glass, dishes, etc. Turns out the woman had several things she was selling. She had some stuff that looked like a pattern called Homespun that I have never cared for. What caught my eye though, was a pink Basket Weave vase. You see the clear ones all the time, but I seldom see a pink. This one had no chips either. Unfortunately, it did have some mineral damage - a bit of sickness around the lip. But it wasn't bad, and the woman went down to $4 on it. I walked around a bit, but eventually decided I had to have it.

Hocking Basket Weave vase in pink, Depression Era

I picked up several things on her table. I got part of Amanda's Christmas. As she was packing that stuff up, a little flared-lip tumbler or vase caught my eye. I wasn't sure what it was, but it was cute, and since she only wanted a dollar for it I got it. I also picked up a grimy Waterford sugar bowl lid. You just never see lids for sale, and fresh off the inventory last night I knew I had a sugar bowl to go with it. So yay me.

Homespun, or "Fine Rib" 4" 9oz flared-lip tumbler in pink by Jeannette Glass, circa 1939-1949

Flush with success, I finished up the flea market, remembering why I had originally told myself to go. I got Billy's Christmas present. I think he'll be very surprised. I got some apples too, but couldn't find any tomatoes I liked. I really wanted to go on to Duncan or Anderson, but decided that would be pushing it. I went on home to get in the warm.

I had planned to go over to see a buddy today, but he had to work. I went ahead and got cleaned up, and eventually heard from him. I spent the afternoon over there, visiting, chilling out, and just relaxing. His lover got home after a while, and I spent a nice evening with them. So they offer me a drink, and bring it out in a pink Diamond Point glass! I've never even seen any pink! Turns out Randy got them from his mother, who bought them new, and he has 12 of them. I was so excited I had to call Justin to tell him about it. You just never know where vintage glass is going to turn up.

Time just got away from me. By the time I left it was almost 9pm. I'd had no dinner and was ravenous. I stopped at Publix for sushi and cake, which I polished off with the rest of last night's pizza when I got home. I then went to bed. Another 10,000 calorie day achieved. Yeah so much for watching my weight.

A post in which I am torn

I woke up still feeling bad, and decided not to go in today. If I have to take a day without pay, then I just have to. Daytime TV continues to suck. I wasted time chatting on Manhunt and Bear41 while consuming the remainder of the junk food I bought yesterday.

I was kind of having a dilemma. Justin was supposed to come tonight, and I wanted him to, but I had been home sick all day. But it would be 24 hours since I had a fever by the time he got here. An upper respiratory infection is fairly hard to catch anyway. I finally decided just to let him come on.

Justin has been dying because he doesn’t know what his Christmas present is. I had meant to put it away before he got to the house, but I forgot about until he got there. He didn’t notice it, so I just let him work around it all evening. It was covered in paper, but I was a bit surprised he didn’t notice.

When he got there I felt OK, but we were moving around a lot, to the attic, etc. I ordered some pizza and we caught up on each other while we ate and played in the glass. We rearranged all the cabinets and put that new Princess bowl in a place of prominence.

By the time we got finished and put the rest of the glass away, I was pretty wiped. He went on to see James and Jeff, and I went to bed.

A post in which I FINALLY go to the doctor**

I woke up feeling crappy this morning, but I couldn’t call in. First because I don’t have any time off if I’m going to take the Christmas vacation I have planned, and secondly because I had to go in and finish up the $$#@!*&!! weekly slides or everyone was going to have a trauma. I called the doctor and made an appointment as soon as I got to work. I was almost done with the slides, but then of course my boss was late, and then the computer was crawling like a wounded animal over razor blades. It took him an hour to get logged in and review my stuff. When I finally got the go-ahead to send them, I did so, and left.

I went home, put on my snugglies, and waited for time to see the doc. When I went in to the office they were in full H1N1 alert on me. They asked me to put a mask on, and escorted me to the back immediately. Everyone was staring at me. I felt like one of those dogs that has a cone put around his neck so he doesn’t lick himself.

The doc says I don’t have H1N1, just another upper respiratory infection. She gave me some antibiotics and sent me home; where I went gratefully, after stopping at CVS to get my prescription and about 10,000 calories worth of junk food. I did get a bottle of cranberry juice, but that was the only thing even remotely good for me. I called the office to let them know I didn’t have H1N1, because it’s been going around and I knew they were worried about it.
I had eaten lunch when I got home before, but still found some room for junk food (yeah, act surprised). For some reason I always crave junk food when I’m sick, even though that’s the last thing I need then. I’ve been sick for two weeks. I’m ready to be better.

Daytime TV sucks.

A post in which I am hanging in there

I got through work. I have progressed from feeling squiffy to feeling rough. If things don’t improve I’m going to have to go to the doctor.

I went and got my hair cut, but went on home afterwards since Russ had someone else there.

A post in which I am back to work, and dropping

When I got up this morning, the bank had come through with my money. It was supposed to come in yesterday, but as usual with the re-financing process, there was a delay. I went by Window World and gave them my deposit on the way in to work. A bit more stress for early morning, but I didn't want to give up yet another lunch hour. And now my windows can be ordered! I'm pretty stoked about that.

I also transferred the money to pay off my LAST credit card today!! YAY!! That's quite a feeling.

I came back into the office to a loaded desk. It didn’t help that I was having dom drop (coming off the endorphin high from a BDSM retreat or event - basically like a bad period day, I am told) today, so I was ill as a hornet. To make matters worse, I had to deal with a company that was filing bankruptcy and blaming us for their problems – they casually demanded 170+ POD’s on invoices that are over a year old today. To top off the loveliness, my computer was moving with the speed of a thousand slugs. It was a rough day at work, but I got through it.

One of the vendors brought us in lunch today, but Thanksgiving is a tough one for me. I ate mashed potatoes, green beans, cranberry sauce and bread. Because of that, I felt like I could have a piece of pecan pie, which was very good. I usually avoid it because of the HFCS, but you only live once right? I felt like I hadn’t done too badly eating today, but when I got home I heated up the leftover veggie chili with chips. I then decided it wasn’t enough, and scarfed down half a bag of tortilla chips with cheese. Yeah that pretty much blew it out of the water.

After much negotiating, I set up Thanksgiving with my mother. We’re going to eat with my sister and her family on Thursday, shop Black Friday, do the flea markets on Saturday, and then I’m coming home early Sunday. It should be a great weekend, and we’ll get back some of the together time we missed on that disastrous trip to Atlanta.

I wasn’t in the mood to do much after work, but I had stopped by CVS on the way home to pick up an over-the-counter bite guard. I put mine in a cup to soak this weekend and someone threw it away ($400 down the drain!). You have to put the new guard in boiling water to soften it, and then shape it to your teeth while it’s still warm. It’s a bit more complicated than it sounds. I hadn’t done one of the drugstore ones before, and by the time I got the hang of how it worked I had messed it up somewhat. But it will work for now, and $25 is a heckuva lot cheaper.

I did a load of towels while I chatted some online, and then headed for bed. Tomorrow will be better.

A post in which I have a busy day off*

I had hoped to sleep in late today, but was up at 7am. I just got up. I had a ton of stuff to do today. I messed around online while I started working on mountains of laundry. I hadn’t really done anything last week because I was busy cooking and being dumped. I ended up having a buddy come over for a while.

I got my recycling together, did a check for Alan the handyman, and put together a grocery list. Then I went out for the afternoon. After doing the errands I went over to Red Ribbon Resale for a rummage, but as the last couple of times I have been over there, they had nothing I wanted. They did have a really cool retro sofa, but I didn't need that. I then went down to the friendly antique man off exit 39. I wanted to have a rummage, and I wanted to get Justin’s Christmas present. I’ve had a hard time finding what I want on line. They didn’t have what I wanted there either, but the women working today were so nice (as indeed, everyone at Antiques Plus is) that I ended up staying and talking to them for a while. When I mentioned that I had to come in and visit my bowl, they asked me which one I meant. They have a gorgeous Princess “hat bowl” in great condition, but its $55(!). I’ve been trying to talk myself into buying it, but I haven’t been able to justify it. When we went and looked at it, they told me that not only was everything in the store 20% off, but that they were having a special show next weekend in the shop, and they were sure it would be gone after that. Under that combined inducement, I just couldn’t say no.

Princess 9" deep round "hat" bowl in green by Anchor Hocking, circa 1931-1935

I shelled out. It really is a beautiful piece. But that doesn’t help much with my Christmas shopping now does it? I put my name on a ‘wish list’ in case what I want for Justin comes in, but I’m not holding my breath.

I headed up to Southern Estates after that. They actually did have the perfect thing for Justin, and something that I wasn’t comfortable buying online. I also found something else for myself that I just decided I had to have. Hmmm. Christmas shopping this way could get expensive. Unfortunately, as happy as I am with Justin’s present, it’s going to be tough to buy for Amanda. She’s collecting Jadeite. Ordinarily that isn’t a huge problem to find, but they told me at Antiques Plus today that a Japanese couple came through last weekend and bought every piece they had. There was one sad, chipped up, overpriced mixing bowl left, but that was it. There was a notable dearth of jadeite at Southern Estates too. That’s a toughie because it has been heavily re-produced, and I don’t know enough about it to buy online with confidence. I may have to enlist Justin’s help.

By the time I got out of Southern Estates the antique places were closing. I ran through the grocery store and called Jason on the way home. We arranged to go to dinner at Liberty Tap Room tonight since I had gotten the coupons the manager was sending in the mail today. We had a lovely meal with fantastic service; even though I hadn’t thought to call ahead the way I was supposed to before I came in.

During and after dinner, we talked about the situation between us. He doesn’t want to go, but feels that he doesn’t have a choice, which I understand. But he seems to kind of want to have it both ways. He says that he doesn’t want this to be the end of us, but long distance doesn’t work - especially for me. He has taken some kind of part-time color guard thing here though, so he’ll be in town from time to time. Of course I told him we could see each other when he’s here, and I could go up to visit him. By the time we got home and talked for a while, it was time to hit the hay. Work tomorrow. And after being off for a day too. I’m glad next week is Thanksgiving.

A post in which we wind down*

You hate going to bed Saturday night, because that means that the camp out is pretty much over. I was up in time for a peaceful cuppa joe before things started being aggressively torn down, but the process had already started when I got over there. There were hugs and promises to call. Phone numbers and email addresses were exchanged. I had a couple of late-night people tell me they had enjoyed watching me play last night, which I took as a great compliment. I got Miss Marcy’s phone number. I had talked to her at SELF this spring, and we wanted to play then but didn’t get a chance. I had hoped we would play this weekend, but she wasn’t feeling at the top of her game. But she’s here in town, so maybe things will work out, despite the looming holidays.

I packed my stuff, and then some of Russ and Billy’s on top of it, and got back to my place. I fed the surprisingly serene Jinx. I hadn’t gotten down the hill yesterday and was expecting a kitty cussing-out when I got home, but she seemed fine.

I got cleaned up and headed over to Russ and Billy’s. We unloaded their stuff and went out to
lunch with Joanne, Mikah, and Rob before they left town.

After seeing them off, we went back to R&B’s for a good re-hashing of the weekend. I love that. Eventually though, we were all just falling over from tiredness. After all the stress of last week getting ready, then all the energy expended playing and socializing, staying up late hours, not to mention packing and unpacking; the camp out just takes a lot out of you.

I went home, change the sheets, and washed my blanket so everything was all fresh and clean when I went to bed. I did have a little foray out since I took tomorrow off and I didn’t want to waste it being too good, right?

A post in which we quell a near riot, and I get a surprise offer

I woke up before everyone else, as usual, and moseyed on over to the lodge for some coffee and a smoke. Usually breakfast is pretty lean for me at the camp out, but Babbette had very thoughtfully prepared some veggie gravy for me. I had a capital repast of biscuits, gravy, eggs, and juice. Super!

We talked and visited until the vending opened at 11. Gene had brought paddles, and there was a great paddle that matched my set, which I immediately laid claim to. Gene made me a great price on it. He’s such a nice guy. I know part of that was my “carrot cake discount”, which was fine with me.

There was a flogging class that Archer was teaching about 6-count flogging. It was interesting. I kind of wanted to learn, but I didn’t feel comfortable asking for the loan of floggers, even though they were freely offered. A good matched set of floggers can easily run $300-$500, and I just didn’t want the responsibility of possibly damaging something like that. Rob was in the class. Rob already does Florentine (two-handed) flogging, but he does 4-count, which is less complicated. He was hitting one of the crosses, so I offered to be demo for him. After a bit of a rough beginning (which is only to be expected) he seemed to settle into the rhythm and be getting it.

There was one guy in the class though, that was getting on my nerves so badly I had to leave after Rob was done with me. He was standing there whirling his floggers in 4-count flogging, basically showing off and showing how fast he could go, without even trying to learn what Archer was teaching. I didn’t know why he was in the class, but he was wearing me out. Archer is very experienced, and you can learn a lot from him. It’s a great opportunity to learn from someone like Archer, who was doing this to give back to the community. The way this guy was acting seemed very disrespectful to me. This is the same guy who was learning 4-count at spring. He spent a lot of time that weekend whacking the pads on the crosses, over and over, by himself. At one point I had asked him if he wanted to hit a person (hitting hard things with floggers can damage them), but he declined. I found out later he’s very homophobic, and will only play with girls (although I have yet to see a woman take him up on it). I was just going to demo for him - I wasn't asking the guy to marry me. But anyway, that’s his life.

We ate some lunch (they made veggie chili for me – yay!), and visited for a while, and I went on a little stroll with Russ. When we got back to the cabin, I decided to try to get a nap in before dinner. I can almost never sleep at the camp out. There is so much energy flying around that the atmosphere is just charged. I did manage to doze off for 45 minutes or so, but people were coming and going, and I didn’t really sleep.

We got ready in time to go over to the banquet for dinner. I did the dessert run-down during the announcements, and that was the first real inkling I had that there was a problem brewing. I of all people should not at this point be surprised by the extreme visceral response provoked by certain dishes. When I announced that I had made a homemade carrot cake, people started calling dibs on slices. I had made the cake for Gene, so I decreed that Gene had to have a piece. I then went in to start slicing desserts, to find that my second chocolate chess pie hadn’t set either! Like one of the easiest pies ever and I somehow screwed up two of them this week! I was over it. I couldn’t not serve it because I had already announced that it was being served. Plus it was one of my two chocolate desserts this time. I always try to take care of my chocolate people. There was nothing to do but put it on out. I was very embarrassed and pretty upset, but I knew it had to be served.

After dinner I went in to serve dessert. Usually we wait until dessert is announced to begin serving. Otherwise some things will get gone before they are served; people will be hoarding desserts, etc. Everyone started yelling about the carrot cake – we had a situation. I was afraid people were going to start fighting over this cake! One Domme offered me $200 for it on the spot (of course it wasn't mine to sell, it belonged to LOCK). Russ stepped in to preserve order. He assigned each table a number, and drew numbers at random for the tables to go up one at a time. I went ahead and got a piece of carrot cake for Gene, served it to him at his table, and went outside to have a smoke and a little break.

When I went back in things seemed to be going smoothly. I accepted compliments (which I live for – the LOCK group are the most appreciative people I cook for), and went up to the table to see how things were going. We were between tables being called. I noticed that a very shy submissive was up there getting a piece of the carrot cake. Thinking that she may have been outside when the numbers system was announced, I went up and explained to her that she shouldn’t be up there before her table. She was clearly upset. Her Domme had told her not to come back to the table without a piece of that cake. If it had been anyone else, I would have said something to Russ, but have a soft place for this girl and didn’t want to get her in trouble. I let her go ahead and take it. The breach of etiquette was really on her Domme’s part anyway. She wasn’t more important than any of the other Dommes there, and what was to stop them all from sending their subs to the table? I was a bit put out over that.

Everything was scarfed up except for the pumpkin squares, a few of which made it through to breakfast the next day. It was too close to Thanksgiving, and not that many people are crazy about pumpkin. That was a risk I consciously took, because pumpkin fit in with my ‘fall bounty’ theme. The people that like pumpkin were very enthusiastic about them (Dee loved them, so I was glad I made them for that reason alone), but they weren’t all eaten. I won’t do any more pumpkin stuff for the camp out. Even the half-set chocolate pie was devoured – I should have known my chocolate people would eat it. I did have a bite off of Joanne’s piece, and it did taste great; it just looked kind of goopy. I had a bite of the apple pie too, and my crust was not tough, as I had feared. Mikah particularly enjoyed it. I had a bite of pound cake also, and it turned out good – that is a great recipe. There was one little sliver left when I went up there, and I just cut a bit off of it.

Gene later told me that mine was the best carrot cake he had ever eaten - including his grandmother's. I took that as high praise indeed since that is his favorite dessert. His wife later told me that they were talking about it, and he had mentioned that he wanted me to make one just for him because he only got one piece of this one. They live up in North Carolina. "Would you come all the way down here just to get a cake?" She asked him. "If he made me a cake like that every weekend, I'd marry him." he replied. I fucking live for that shit.

Then it was time to clear up and get ready for play time. Also, there was a cabin-decorating contest. Only two cabins had been decorated, but I wanted to see what they had done. I tagged along behind the judges. Carmina and Adder were rooming with Dee and his lovely new girlfriend Meg. They had decorated inside and out, had a fog machine, lights, etc. When we went inside, they had Meg tied to the bed and were doing a needle-play scene on her. Dee and Carmina were dressed up like demented doctors. It was way cool. The second cabin was a new group of folks. They hadn’t done the inside, but had one of the girls in saran-wrap mummification on a massage table on the front porch. Also cool.

After the judging we headed back to the dungeon. Russ had a heavy evening planned – two erotic shavings and some sound play he was going to set up and demo for another Domme. But there was a problem. A group of new folks in on a day pass had set up a scene in the dungeon. That wasn’t the issue. It’s a communal play space and everyone can play – that’s part of what you pay for. They were doing a spanking scene that just went on and on and on. That wasn’t the problem. There is a certain courtesy involved in not tying up a piece of equipment all evening when people are waiting to play, but the LOCK group is generally pretty good about that kind of thing. They don’t set up a ‘max time’ or anything like that. Scenes tend to be fairly organic, and sometimes you have to go where they take you. The problem was that the girl being spanked was SCREAMING HER HEAD OFF for about an hour and a half straight.

‘OWIEOWIEOWIEOWIEOWIEOWIEOUCHOUCHOUCHITHURTSITHURTSITHURTS!!!’ On and on and on – in a LOUD, shrill, grating, high-pitched little-girl voice. To make it more annoying, he didn't seem to be really doing that much to her - her ass was still as white as cream cheese (and after this week I know that color, frankly), and her back was barely pink (she did have a few marks on her back by the end of the scene). Russ was doing the shaving and sound play scene at the time that I wanted to see, but the din was so awful and distracting that I just couldn’t enjoy it. I had to go outside. The guy Russ was playing with lost his headspace and wasn’t enjoying the scene. To top things off, they started doing some kind of chasing thing through the dungeon and bumped Russ’s station twice – while he was working with a straight razor on this guy's crotch. He was so disgusted he ended the scene and left the dungeon. He canceled his other stuff was pretty pissed off about it. Carmina and Adder were doing a very intense cutting scene, but as into each other as they were they couldn’t maintain headspace in such an atmosphere. There was another group of people sitting near them, having a conversation that got louder and louder as ‘Screaming Meme’ ramped up. When they entered Carmina’s space while she was wielding a scalpel, she was so pissed she threw a chair at them. Carmina is not to be fucked with, which is one of the reasons I adore her. She and Adder left the dungeon too.

Since play was out, a little disgruntled knot of us kind of conglomerated in front of the lodge and went up the hill to smoke. Russ was in high dudgeon, and not unjustifiably. The Saturday night banquet and play party is the heart of the camp out. To have it spoiled in such a way was very disappointing. This is the problem with a public group like LOCK. LOCK fosters new people. It’s an entryway into the community. That’s a noble thing and service to the community. But because of that you have to put up with new people who haven’t come up through the ranks in the old way. They haven’t been taught protocol, respect, or manners. The majority of new people come from the internet where they have been playing virtually online and think they know everything already. The internet can be a valuable tool, and you can learn a lot there, but as with most things you have to actually do it to know about it. Learning BDSM online is the equivalent of being home-schooled. When you finally get out into the real world, there are some social adjustments you’re going to have to make.

After a vigorous gripe session on the hill, we drifted back down to the lodge. There was a guy there named Russ (another Russ), that I had spent some time with this weekend. I had met him and his wife at other events and they’re always very nice to me, but she couldn’t come this time. He had mentioned wanting to play, but at this point I had just written it off. I was pretty bummed because it looked like I wasn’t going to get to play this weekend. It was getting late, and I felt like I was too tired to do a scene.

We sat talking as people started drifting to bed. The banshee scene was finally over and other people had moved through and played finally, but it was late. Rob walked up and started talking to us, and asked if I wanted to play. I said sure, but didn’t really think it would happen. Rob is straight, and although he plays with Mikah, I didn’t think he would really be that into playing with me. Plus I was a little unsure of what the energy would be like. I am sexually attracted to Rob, and I didn’t know how comfortable he would be with that, and how it would affect the energy between us. We haven’t played before. I figured he was just trying to be nice. He is a hell of a nice guy. So I just kind of let it lie, and continued sitting and talking.

But he was serious. Eventually, he walked over, reached down, and said “Come on. Get up. We’re going to do this.” OK. I wasn’t going to say no. I went in and we talked a bit. Rob has seen me play before. He knows what I like, and approximately what my limits are. Rob isn’t a Dom – which is sometimes just fine. Sometimes I find protocol a distraction, because sometimes you just want a whoopin. I told him that I might need a bit more warm-up than usual. K had hit me with my new paddle this afternoon, and a bit harder than I had thought she would. I was feeling a bit bruisy.

Rob spent a long time warming me up. Which can be a good thing. By the time he was really ready to go, I was ready to beg for it. I really needed this. This was the first time we had played, and he really didn’t push my limits, but he did a good job of establishing head space. I didn’t really have to work at it, it was just there. He was also a lot more comfortable playing with a guy than I expected. He wasn’t afraid to get up close, touch, and be tender when he was giving me a break. That was really nice. He didn’t spend as much time on my ass as I like – I really like my ass beat – but that’s because he’s used to playing with Joanne, and she can’t take a lot on her ass. She does like to be flogged on her lower back though, oddly. That’s an area you usually avoid. I knew he couldn’t really hurt me with a flogger, but eventually it got to the point that it was interfering with my headspace. I had to say something. That’s a lot easier with a top than it is with a Dom, and another reason why it’s good to play with a top sometimes, but I hate to stop a scene. I waited until I really didn’t have a choice. He did warm up to hitting me on my shoulders though. That’s another area Joanne has problems with, but I really love to be worked there. Eventually, he put two floggers in one hand and just went at it with deep thuds. That was great!

He also surprised me, which I love. Usually a top will throw a few false throws, to keep you on your toes, and to rest a bit. They throw the flogger at your back but don’t make contact. Rob had this thing where he did that repeatedly, enough that it kind of set up a wind going by me. Almost instantly, my headspace became that I was a dry leaf skittering over a frozen pond – wheeeeee. I was off to the races. That was really cool.

He didn’t give me all I wanted, but then I tend to ask for more than I can take so that was good. He knew when I was done. We both were I think. We had been at it for a while, and he had worked up a sweat. When I got down off the cross, I got down on my knees in preparation for kissing his feet. It’s my ‘thank you’ thing. It feels right to me and properly respectful. But Rob isn’t used to that, because Joanne isn’t submissive at all. When I got down on my knees, Rob got down on his knees with me. It was so sweet. I was touched.

So it ended up being a lovely evening, and I got to dance at the ball after all. We sat out on the porch for a while. I wanted to enjoy that lovely, drifty, post-scene feeling. We eventually wandered over to the cabin. I went to bed quite content, my back buzzing pleasantly. Ah, the camp out. Good times.

A post in which the camp out begins!

I remembered this morning that I had an extra triple-cheese bean dip in the freezer, and that would work to take to the covered dish tonight. I got it out to thaw. That means I’ll have to wrestle with a hot dish tonight, but it’s better than phoning it in. I have a rep to protect. I stopped at CVS on my way to work for sleeping pills and chips so I wouldn’t be delayed tonight in getting up the mountain.

Because of all the drama with Jason, and the insomnia problems I’ve been having this week, I wasn’t as excited as I usually am about going, but I knew I would have a good time this weekend. I always do.

My handyman finally called me today about running my dryer vent out from under the house. I
took my lunch hour to go home to meet him and let him in, only to find that the crawl space was already unlocked. Alan is such a nice guy. When I got home, I found his bill and the receipts for everything he had bought. He had bought a roll of duct tape and left me the rest of the roll.

dana came by the house for a minute, but I was too busy loading up and getting ready to go. She didn’t stay long. I didn’t have tons of stuff I was taking, so the car was loaded in fairly short order. Since all the desserts were frozen, I just packed them on up tonight. I didn’t make anything that has to be assembled tomorrow, thank goodness.

I got to the campground, stowed the desserts, and started greeting people. I saw a good many people I knew, but there were a bunch of new faces this weekend. Carmina and Adder were there. Joanne, Rob, and Mikah were there of course – they were staying in our cabin. There was a Dom from Columbia named Archer. He’s very sexy. His partner, Elegant, couldn’t come and he was staying in the room with Steve and me.

Dee, a boi I know from Columbia, was there for the weekend. I was delighted to see him, as always, but somewhat surprised meet the lovely young girl in service to him. Dee had been a submissive prior, as far as I know, and not usually into the lipstick variety; but the girl, Meg, was so sweet that I was half in love with her myself within about half an hour. Dee also put her at my disposal this weekend, should I need anything. This is a mark of great favor, and a tremendous sign of trust for a Dom. I was touched and greatly honored.

Mostly people were on the smoking porch talking tonight. It’s always the center of the gathering. But everyone seemed kind of laid back, and there wasn’t a lot of play tonight. Sometimes people are so anxious to play that they get worn out on Friday and then everyone goes to bed early on Saturday. Not this weekend.

The bean dip was a big hit, and was gone pretty quickly. There wasn’t a ton of stuff out for the covered dish tonight, but there was enough.

I went off on a little tour with Russ, and felt much more loquacious when we got back. We went down the “haunted trail” they had set up on the way to the fire pit with a couple of people, and we got into a joke off.

But most of the people there had worked today, and we turned in pretty early for a camp out.

A post in which I am worn out with drama

I was pretty upset last night and this morning, but you just can’t maintain that level of drama and be functional. I had work to do, plus I have the camp out coming up. I look forward to that, and it’s only twice a year. I just decided to focus on that, and try to worry about the Jason situation later. I pretty much know he’s going to go, and I just have to get used to the idea. I don’t like it, but I get used to lots of things I don’t like. Hell, I went through eight years with W in the White House.

But it was still kind of like waiting for a loved one to come out of surgery. I waited all day.

I went and got my back cracked.

I finished the day at work. No word from Jason.

I did have a nice little bright spot this afternoon. I had talked to Paul yesterday and asked him to send me BB’s china pattern off of the dishes that Cindy has. He responded today with the pattern! I finally have it! Wedgwood Montreal, pattern #AL 9346. I decided that since I couldn’t have BB’s dishes, if different friends and family get me pieces of china for Christmas and the like, I would still have my memories of BB, but I’d also have the love of my friends. The dishes would really still be family pieces. The pattern is really easy to find on eBay, and the base pieces aren’t terribly expensive. The bread and butter plates for this pattern of Wedgwood are cheaper than the ones for my Depression Glass set. I sent out an email asking my friends to please get me individual pieces if they were looking for a Christmas gift idea. I felt a little cheesy about doing that, but I didn’t know of any other way to get the idea out.

I finally went on to the grocery store after work, and Jason called me about 6. He didn’t call the guy back today as he was supposed to. He just can’t make up his mind what to do. Water signs. We talked all the way through the grocery store. He asked me if he moved would this be the end of us. I told him it would be easy to give him the answer he wanted, but I know myself too well. I’m 42. I’m not starting a long-distance relationship with a guy four hours away. I need someone around. I need someone I can do things with; like go to dinner or watch a movie. It sounds very romantic to say “nothing will keep us apart”, but the truth of the matter is that a couple of hundred miles does a pretty good job of it. I loathe driving. I don’t see my family but a couple of times a year because they live a little over two hours away. Frankly if I wanted a long distance thing I could have started it years ago.

I just finally told him tonight that I think he’s going to have to go. It’s just too good of an opportunity for him to turn it down. He took the opposite view at that point, and we discussed both sides until I told him he had just used up all my nobility for the day. The position I took was the last one I wanted to be defending. He said he’s going to talk to some more people at the school tomorrow. So the waiting continues.

Either I just don’t feel that deeply, or my nerves have just been stretched to the breaking point, because I just had to lay it down.

As usual, I headed for the kitchen for solace. I spent the evening pickling onions and trying to duplicate that sandwich I had at work the other week. It turned out to be pretty simple. It crossed my mind that I doubted that the cafeteria at work was mincing fresh basil for mayonnaise. I read some online recipes and had a eureka moment. I picked up some jarred pesto sauce at the store, mixed it with mayo at home, added a little lemon juice; and boom goes the dynamite – instant deliciousness. I ate two big ole sandwiches. I’m feeling really tired tonight, and I’m allowing myself extra calories for fighting off illness. Almost there. If I can just feel decent and not be contagious this weekend, it doesn’t matter if I feel like crap next week or not, I don’t have anything to do but work. And after every hacking Typhoid Mary has dragged their disease-ridden carcass into the office, I’m not going to worry about doing it. Pretty much everyone in the office (besides me) has already had this round of nastiness anyway.

While I ate, I watched most of a Bette Davis movie I hadn’t seen before, called Old Acquaintance. It was a cracking good movie, Bette at the top of her wise-cracking, cigarette-puffing form. It was a lovely escape.

After the movie went off, I knew I had things I needed to do, but I was having a very hard time getting motivated. I was very tired. Eventually I put some stuff together for the camp out, which was what I was supposed to be doing tonight. I found the little tiny slutty shorts I bought in Atlanta with this event in mind. Then I remembered that I haven't made anything for the covered dish tomorrow night. I got out the recipe I was going to make, only to find that it took 48 hours to make it. I'm just going to have to phone it in and bring chips or something tomorrow. I didn't have the energy to go back to the store and start in again tonight.

I cleaned up the kitchen, which I had destroyed with sandwich ingredient experiments, and went to bed.

A post in which I indulge in some drama

This old Streisand song was floating around in my head this morning, so I put it on while I was getting ready for work today:

With One More Look at You

With one more look at you
I could learn to tame the clouds
And let the sun shine through
Leave a troubled past and I might start anew
I'll solve the mysteries if you're the prize
Refresh these tired eyes
With one more look at you
I might overcome the anger
That I learned to know
Find a piece of mind I lost so long ago
Your gentle touch has made me strong again
And I belong again
For when you look at me
I'm everything and more that I had dreamed I'd be
My spirit feels a promise
I won't be alone
We'll love and live more
Love and live forever
With one more look at you
I'd learn to change the stars
And change our fortunes too
I'd have the constellations paint your portrait too
So all the world might share this wondrous sight
The world could end each night
With one more look at you
With one more look at you
I want one more look at you

Because no one really wants to hear this. We're all gearing up for the campout. I had so been looking forward to it, but now I really don't feel like going. That of course would be tiresome for my friends. I mean I've only known this guy for two weeks - on Saturday. I can't lay down and die every time I go out with a guy and it doesn't work out.

I didn't even feel like I could call anyone last night on my way home. It just felt like a drama queen thing to do. I'll live. I've lived through everything else.

I called Jason this morning and apologized for leaving last night. I explained that I just didn't know what else to do. I sucked it up and told him that I was prepared to be noble today. He's supposed to call the guy with the decision by lunchtime.

A post in which I get supper and a bombshell

It’s ironic that yesterday my biggest gripe was that it was raining and my desserts were ugly.

I went to supper with Jason last night. After a very nice meal we went back to his place. When we walked in the door, he told me he had two things to tell me:

1. He loves me, and can’t remember ever feeling so close to someone in such a short period of time.

2. He is probably going to move to Raleigh, NC – over four hours away.

The principal where he’s teaching now had assured him that it would be no problem for him to get a job here, and that he thought he could swing health insurance for while he’s subbing for the Latin class he’s teaching at present. That was when Jason had told me he was staying in Greenville, and I had relaxed my guard. Today he changed the story completely, told him there were no positions open, and he didn’t know when there would be. Since Jason is certified to teach English, they were going to try to get the certification opened so he could be approved to teach Latin; but they told him today that they were unable to do that, and unable to offer him health insurance. Additionally, since he is classified as a substitute for the Latin class, he makes less money, and isn’t paid year round as regular teachers are.

Yesterday they called him from Raleigh to offer him a great teaching position with full benefits, making great money, and the possibility of advancement to a departmental director’s position because he has his Master’s Degree.

Jason is torn, and doesn’t know what he’s going to do, but felt that he had to tell me this. I would just as soon he waited until the decision had been made, actually. He’s supposed to call the guy with his decision tomorrow. It was just as much of a shock today as it would have been tomorrow, only without the uncertainty; but frankly I don’t see how he can refuse.

Needless to say this was pretty much out of the blue for me, and I was rather stunned by the news. But there wasn’t anything I could say. We only met two weeks ago. I can’t ask him to stay, although the selfish 5-year-old inside was yelling – loudly – that I do just that. To tell him how I felt would amount to emotional blackmail. I can’t tell him I love him. We haven’t known each other long enough. I can’t tell him about the future together that up until tonight just seemed fated, because that’s something that really might not happen. I can’t promise that.

So really I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. If I beg him to stay, I would be making promises I’m not really ready to make. I don’t think a two-week-old relationship can stand the strain of that kind of sacrifice – plus I’d be giving up nothing. I think at some point he would be bound to resent that. On the other hand I’m just too selfish to tell him to go. I am remembering vividly when my mother came to me before she moved in with Gearl, and told me that’s what they wanted to do, but that Gearl wouldn’t live with me. I told Mom to do what she needed to do to be happy, and not to worry about me. This despite the fact that it meant I had to move back in with my Dad. I lived some pretty miserable years based on that decision. I just wasn’t feeling that noble tonight. I’m also remembering when I had to step in and get Michael (who moved here for me, and loathed every minute of it, and never let me forget how much he hated it here) organized and packed before he left even though it was killing me to do it. He just didn’t seem to be able to do it on his own. How many times am I going to be required to shove a knife in my own heart for someone I care for? I know love requires sacrifice, but it shouldn’t be all fucking sacrifice, right?

Of course he told me I could move to Raleigh also, and I could, but that’s the same quandary I’ve been facing for the last three years – weighing the entire rest of my life: my job, my house, my family, and my friends –against something that might happen. I don’t know that that would be any better than his staying here. I’m not ready to do that for a 2-week-old relationship.

And if I let him walk away I’m going to feel like chump.

So either way I’m pretty much fucked here.

I couldn’t say anything to him. I have no right to keep him, but I don’t want to let him go. So I said as little as possible and just left. He had a lot of thinking to do and I couldn’t do anything but muddy the waters. Plus it was killing me to have to sit there and be quiet when I really wanted to curse the fates, the gods, whoever/whatever it is that keeps showing me the good stuff and then taking it away from me. I had just gotten over the whole M thing, had just reached out again, only to have my dick slammed in the door.

Heartsick, I went and got a pack of cigarettes and smoked all the way home. Because that’s productive and helpful.

Two quotes are running through my head:

“You can have a hot job, a hot lover, and a hot place to live. But not all at the same time.” Armistead Maupin

“Lucky at cards, unlucky in love.” Idiom

I should be better at fucking cards.

A post in which I finalize some things, and curse the rain

Rain, rain, rain. For days. Endlessly. I feel like I could do a Herman Melville wave chapter on rain. I woke up this morning to rain, drank my coffee on the porch looking at the rain, ran errands today in the rain, and drove home in a particularly nasty cold blowy rain.

I was het up this morning. In a stressed-out mood that I just couldn’t seem to shake. I always work myself up to a trauma when I’m cooking for the LOCK camp out, and usually things are going better than they have this year. But I don’t usually wake up still stressed about it. I was so tired when I went to bed last night that I slept straight through until 6:15am. I don’t even think I turned over. But I woke up still fretting. I told myself that it would be fine, and that I needed to lay this down, but no dice. I’m glad I finish the cooking tonight.

I was pretty discouraged, so I sent Jason some flowers to cheer me up. He had never had anyone send him flowers before, and I decided it was high time someone did. He called me later, and was pretty happy about it.

Work was fairly uneventful today, except for the damp trip to the attorney’s office. I finished the last of the paperwork on my re-finance on the house today, so only a week for the bank to process and then I’m supposed to get my money. Naïve me, I believed that I would get a check today because the mortgage lady at the bank said I would get it “at closing”. Again, I’ve waited this long, another week won’t kill me.

When I got off today, all I could think about was sandwiches. I had one from the cafeteria here at work a week or so ago, and it was so good I’ve been craving another one ever since. Steve here makes this really great basil mayonnaise that is absolutely scrummy, and I haven’t been able to find a reasonable facsimile. Also, it was on marble rye bread, and when I’m at the store I feel like I have to buy bread with more fiber in it. What I would really like to have is one of those wonderful subs from the Red Barn (a sandwich shop that used to be here), but sadly they have been out of business for a long time. Tonight I compromised by going by Blimpie on the way home. They used to have the best Philly Steak sub I have ever eaten. They did the beef with onions in the crock pot, so it was all tender, juicy, and unimaginably delicious. I haven’t gone in since I stopped eating meat because I was afraid of the temptation. They also used to use real bread, not those tasteless matchstick baguettes that Subway uses. It was a measure of my sandwich lust that I got out again in the yucky, cold, drippy mess to get it after cursing the weather all the way from work.

The crock pot was not in evidence, which was fine. They had a sandwich on the menu that approximated the one I had at work as far as ingredients go, although of course they didn’t have the special mayo. But Blimpie has gone over to the dark Subway side as far as bread goes. At this point though, I didn’t care. I got a foot long super veggie with three (count ‘em three) decadent cheeses and the works, along with a cup of broccoli cheese soup that was, as promised, wonderful. The guy working there was a sweetheart. He’s Indian, and a vegetarian as well. He has never eaten meat in his life. We commiserated a bit about being veggie here, and I think I disappointed him by ordering the soup even though it had some chicken stock in it.

Then all I wanted to do was get home. I had decided to come home through town, fearing the highway and the Greenvillian Water Madness. Unfortunately, this was the decision favored by all the white-knucklers today. I went into downtown going 25 miles per hour. I ended up behind one on Augusta Road futzing along at 20. I was losing my mind, and just laying on the horn. I hardly ever do that, but I was just out of patience. I'm quite sure I racked up some time in purgatory today, if there is such (I know that sloth is a sin - is undue impatience haste?) (wait, I guess that would come under wrath). I was ravenous for this sandwich (so yeah, gluttony too *sigh*), and I had a pie to bake tonight as well (the last one – yay!).

But, as usual, the sandwich wasn’t as good as the one I had before. I still scarfed it down because I was just perishing for it by the time I got home. The soup was thick, creamy, and gorgeous. I wished I had gotten a larger soup and a smaller sandwich. Dinner dutifully and quickly dispatched (I’m an ardent member of the clean plate club); I started working on my pie. Since my experimental crust from last weekend didn’t pass muster (to me anyway), I dug out an old peach cobbler recipe my friend Bernadette had sent me many years ago. Her crust for this cobbler was wonderful, tender and buttery, but Bernadette is much better at pastry than I am. I put the crust together (it took some persuasion, but I got it to hold together eventually) and stuck it in the fridge to chill while I got my apples ready. I ran out of brandy, so I supplemented with some praline liqueur as well. Then I get this big lump of cold pie crust out of the fridge and realize that I have no way to roll it out (I don't own a rolling pin, being crust-phobic). You can’t pat out real pie crust, so I got out a jar of okra and rolled it out as best I could. I’m sure I overworked the pastry and it will be tough as shoe leather. But I put it all together and stuck it in the oven with great relief. The pie has three-quarters of a pound of butter in it. How bad can it be, right?

I cleaned up some, but stopped to call my mother. I needed moral support. Mom is a cook too, so she knows how it is when things don’t go right. When I was appropriately soothed we made plans for Thanksgiving. Meanwhile, my phone was beeping. I figured it was Jason trying to call, but I just couldn’t seem to get off the call with Mom.

When I eventually called Jason back, he didn’t answer. I returned to cleaning up the kitchen. When the phone rang, I assumed it was Jason, but it was actually Michael. I was chatting with him when the phone beeped again, but I was getting all the poop (well some of it, anyway) on his new beau. Plus he almost never calls me. Plus he didn’t talk about work the whole time, which was lovely.

While I was on the phone with Michael, I pulled my pie out of the oven. It is gorgeous. It really looks like an illustration in a cookbook or something. My topping rose up in pillowy, perfectly browned tufts over those beautiful apples. Too bad that bottom crust is going to be so tough. I’ll have to warn people with dentures to proceed with caution, and put a knife on the table. But it does at least look good.

Eventually, I did call Jason back, and we had a nice conversation about our day, his flowers, and dinner tomorrow night. I’m looking forward to it.

I finished cleaning up the kitchen and went to bed, turning on the TV to drown out the noise of the wet nastiness still splatting all over my bedroom windows.

A post in which I am again cooking.

Eventually.

I’ve still got a lot of irons in the fire this week.

The first person in Credit came down with Swine Flu this week. One of the girls called in with H1N1. One of the women today went around spraying stuff in the office with Lysol. Of course she was here all last week, so it’s kind of moot at this point. And I’m more worried about my periodic squiffiness. I’m wondering if I should go on to the doctor this week.

I called Liberty Tap Room today and talked to the manager about how crappy our service was yesterday. It was a very interesting conversation. If everyone with me hadn’t had such a bad experience, I probably wouldn’t have called; I just wouldn’t have gone back. But the food was really good, and they are just around the corner from me as well. When I started talking, the manager interrupted me to ask who my server had been. When I told him, he said “Ah. Yes. This isn’t the first complaint I’ve had about him. He came in with a really bad attitude yesterday, and I let him go. I probably shouldn’t have waited until the end of his shift.” He was very nice about it, and apologized. He’s also going to comp part of the meal the next time we come in, which I thought was decent of him. That really wasn’t why I called, but since he was so nice I’ll go back in now. Plus the food really was good.

Afterwards I talked to Laura, and we discussed what happened yesterday. She invited me again to come watch the game at their house tonight. I would really, really love to go, but I just have to get the baking done. I might be able to fudge a night, but Jason wants to go to dinner Wednesday, and the way my luck in the kitchen has been running lately, I just don’t think I can take another night off. I just really hate to have to turn down an invitation to Kimblee and Laura’s house!

I got a pleasant surprise in the mail today at work, which just hardly ever happens. One of my agencies sent me a gift certificate for dinner at one of my favorite Indian restaurants, Saffron. They said it was just a Thanksgiving thing. I'm pretty stoked about that. I guess I'll take Jason out for Indian. He says he loves curry, which is another great thing about him.

I talked to the attorney who’s doing the closing on the re-finance on the house, and apparently I’m ready to close now, so I’ll be doing that tomorrow. I’m really ready to get that done and get my window guy started. The windows aren’t ordered until they get the deposit. Maybe other people plan better than I do, and there won’t be tons of people having new windows put in over the holidays. If so I could get them a bit sooner, which would be nice.

I had to run errands all the way home. Of course I had to go by the store. I was dangerously low on butter and eggs, so I got them. I also hadn’t bought the regular groceries for the week and had to pick up a couple of things.

I had a dilemma on what to do with the ugly pie I made yesterday. Clearly serving it at the campout was out of the question. Then I remembered that one of the dancer’s boys next door had said that anything I didn’t want they would eat. I went over and talked to Frankie, and she said sure, to bring the pie on over. So I did. I was embarrassed to take it to them, but it’s better than throwing it away. If they do it, fine, but I can’t just throw food away. She's getting me tickets to see Nutcracker again this year too, which will be nice :). She's dancing the Sugar Plum Fairy this year, which is exciting. She is so graceful and lovely.

I got another chocolate chess pie in the oven and ate supper while it baked. I ran completely out of sugar making that pie. Unbelievable. I started baking with about seven pounds of sugar and ran out. Of course having to make stuff &*^%$#@!! twice doesn’t help with that. So I had to go back to the store.

When I got back I cleaned up the kitchen and made icing, then iced the carrot cake. The icing tasted great but it was for a sheet cake, not a layer cake, so it wasn’t quite as firm as it needed to be for what I was doing. So it kept kind of globbing down the sides of the cake. I worked on it for a while, remembering that I don’t usually do layer cakes specifically because they end up looking like Home Economics 'D' projects. Eventually I just realized it wasn’t going to look any better, and threw it in the freezer. So it will taste fine, and fortunately it looks like gluing the layers a bit with icing (to hold them together, they were a bit crumbly) seemed to work, but it looks like something Shrek might have made. I hope Gene likes his homely cake.

After I cleaned all that up, I started on the pumpkin squares. That is a fairly easy recipe, thank God, but I was so tired I managed to make a mistake on that one too, although fortunately a minor one. The streusel that goes over the top is made of nuts, sugar, butter and cake mix. I forgot to put the extra sugar in. As a result, my streusel actually rose partially. Once again, it should taste fine, but it looks kind of like I left the cake out in the rain and some kind of fungus grew on it. So I have MacArthur Park pumpkin squares.

By the end of the cleanup from that one, my legs were killing me. I took some aspirins and went to bed. I’m worn out. I’m not as discouraged as I was last night, but this is going to be the ugliest batch of desserts I have ever made for the campout. I took heart from the count though; four down and one to go. All I have left to make is the apple cobbler.