But it was still kind of like waiting for a loved one to come out of surgery. I waited all day.
I went and got my back cracked.
I finished the day at work. No word from Jason.
I did have a nice little bright spot this afternoon. I had talked to Paul yesterday and asked him to send me BB’s china pattern off of the dishes that Cindy has. He responded today with the pattern! I finally have it! Wedgwood Montreal, pattern #AL 9346. I decided that since I couldn’t have BB’s dishes, if different friends and family get me pieces of china for Christmas and the like, I would still have my memories of BB, but I’d also have the love of my friends. The dishes would really still be family pieces. The pattern is really easy to find on eBay, and the base pieces aren’t terribly expensive. The bread and butter plates for this pattern of Wedgwood are cheaper than the ones for my Depression Glass set. I sent out an email asking my friends to please get me individual pieces if they were looking for a Christmas gift idea. I felt a little cheesy about doing that, but I didn’t know of any other way to get the idea out.
I finally went on to the grocery store after work, and Jason called me about 6. He didn’t call the guy back today as he was supposed to. He just can’t make up his mind what to do. Water signs. We talked all the way through the grocery store. He asked me if he moved would this be the end of us. I told him it would be easy to give him the answer he wanted, but I know myself too well. I’m 42. I’m not starting a long-distance relationship with a guy four hours away. I need someone around. I need someone I can do things with; like go to dinner or watch a movie. It sounds very romantic to say “nothing will keep us apart”, but the truth of the matter is that a couple of hundred miles does a pretty good job of it. I loathe driving. I don’t see my family but a couple of times a year because they live a little over two hours away. Frankly if I wanted a long distance thing I could have started it years ago.
I just finally told him tonight that I think he’s going to have to go. It’s just too good of an opportunity for him to turn it down. He took the opposite view at that point, and we discussed both sides until I told him he had just used up all my nobility for the day. The position I took was the last one I wanted to be defending. He said he’s going to talk to some more people at the school tomorrow. So the waiting continues.
Either I just don’t feel that deeply, or my nerves have just been stretched to the breaking point, because I just had to lay it down.
As usual, I headed for the kitchen for solace. I spent the evening pickling onions and trying to duplicate that sandwich I had at work the other week. It turned out to be pretty simple. It crossed my mind that I doubted that the cafeteria at work was mincing fresh basil for mayonnaise. I read some online recipes and had a eureka moment. I picked up some jarred pesto sauce at the store, mixed it with mayo at home, added a little lemon juice; and boom goes the dynamite – instant deliciousness. I ate two big ole sandwiches. I’m feeling really tired tonight, and I’m allowing myself extra calories for fighting off illness. Almost there. If I can just feel decent and not be contagious this weekend, it doesn’t matter if I feel like crap next week or not, I don’t have anything to do but work. And after every hacking Typhoid Mary has dragged their disease-ridden carcass into the office, I’m not going to worry about doing it. Pretty much everyone in the office (besides me) has already had this round of nastiness anyway.
While I ate, I watched most of a Bette Davis movie I hadn’t seen before, called Old Acquaintance. It was a cracking good movie, Bette at the top of her wise-cracking, cigarette-puffing form. It was a lovely escape.
After the movie went off, I knew I had things I needed to do, but I was having a very hard time getting motivated. I was very tired. Eventually I put some stuff together for the camp out, which was what I was supposed to be doing tonight. I found the little tiny slutty shorts I bought in Atlanta with this event in mind. Then I remembered that I haven't made anything for the covered dish tomorrow night. I got out the recipe I was going to make, only to find that it took 48 hours to make it. I'm just going to have to phone it in and bring chips or something tomorrow. I didn't have the energy to go back to the store and start in again tonight.
I cleaned up the kitchen, which I had destroyed with sandwich ingredient experiments, and went to bed.
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