Today was a really good day. I played some old Human League vids this morning while I was getting ready to get me primed to face the day.

That old music is so dear to me. I suppose this is part of getting older. I hear some good music now (not as much, but there is some good music still being made), but I just don't love it the the way I love that tacky old 80's buzzy synthesized pop. I love it the way a kid loves a battered and grimy old teddy bear he has taken everywhere. I suppose that is the same with every generation. The music of your youth remains inspiring to you, not because it was artistically superior, but because it brings back, for a moment, the days when you were young and vigorous, and life held so much to promise and savor. I don't feel that old most of the time yet, but when I stop to think that the music that inspires me is already 20 years old, yes that gives me pause.
But the music still makes me feel good.

The other weird thing about getting older is that the days when I was younger are starting to obtain that golden glow that old folks see when they talk about the "good old days". I was waxing nostalgic about living in Charlotte when I was younger the other day, but then started to remember some other things about that time. Yes, I had some great friends, and I had a lot of fun then. I was cute, and dated, and everyone sane wasn't married in my age group then. But I was also broke all the time and working crap jobs just to scrape by. I didn't have the self assurance built up that I have now, and was still wondering if I'd be able to take care of myself. My self-esteem was zip, and I spent a lot of time miserable over boyfriends who weren't worth it. Things were exciting, but I was also on a dramatic emotional roller-coaster that I am very thankful not to be riding any more. I wonder how long it takes to forget all that stuff. It makes me less unhappy about being where I am now when I remember ALL of what it was like then. That golden glow on the good old days is iron pyrite, folks.

***

My streak of productive days at work continues. It is beginning to worry me because my string of new clients continues to be both nice and responsive. This is just not the way it usually works. It's starting to creep me out, because I'm afraid when the screamer comes in, it's going to be worse. On the other hand, I had a dismal few weeks before this, when my breathing in and out constituted a pissed off complaint, so maybe I'm just getting a little stored karma. I guess it's about time a couple of clients could act like somebody.

I went to the bear dinner tonight, and actually felt like going. It was good to see everyone. There were people there I hadn't seen in quite a while. I was able to joke and laugh, and feel like myself last night, instead of standing outside myself the way I have been for the last month or so. If I survive the holidays, I might be OK. I have always loved Christmas, although last year the holidays were so miserable I have been dreading it this year; but I am hoping now that my usual Christmas spirit will kick in. I may even put the tree up. I have already ducked out of the family Thanksgiving, so I'll have that long weekend to clean up a bit, which makes decorating more stress free. I'll have to think about that.

My dad and step-mom sent me a Thanksgiving card, but I know if I call to thank them, they'll be asking what I'm doing for Thanksgiving to try to get me to come to the big hoorah at my sister's mother-in-law's house, and I really don't want to go. So I've decided to thank them for the card after Thanksgiving.

There is also a big 49 trailer auction the day after Thanksgiving, from 5pm until 2am. I may go to some of that....

I'm just glad I feel like doing anything.

Sweet Justin is coming tomorrow night for movies, and I called my old friend Lee in Charlotte. I'm going to see him Saturday and staying over. By the time I get back on Sunday, there will be too much to do to get ready for the week for me to have time to mope, and next weekend is the long weekend. I'm feeling optimistic and productive. And I had the easiest commute home that I have had in WEEKS.