Quiet night last night. I did talk to my parents yesterday and told them about the results from my sleep study. It was not a big shock to anyone. Dad says he is very fond of his CPAP now. I guess I'm going to find out. My next lack of sleep study isn't until 11-30, which is when I will get fitted with my machine, face mask, etc.

Finished watching "Hocus Pocus" last night, which I should have done Halloween night. If Terry and co want to watch it Saturday night, I'm going to be all Hocused out. I have decided I'm making: crab dip, Mexican spinach dip, and artichoke squares. For sweets I'll do a custard pie for Terry, and a pan of brownies. My doctor would be so thrilled. They want me to lose more weight. Of course. And yes, I would like to lose some too, but I'm not going starve myself. I do OK at breakfast and lunch. Dinner in front of the telly is where I get messed up. I'm going to do better about that though. But I'm not dieting with company coming in Saturday. Terry coming is a special occasion. My blood pressure is still great though, which is quite an accomplishment, since I have high blood pressure and arteriosclerosis on both sides of the family. Thank you vegetarianism.

I'm trying to decide when to schedule my surgery. I thought about putting it off until the first of the year, but it would be a great excuse to get out of some of the holiday stuff. So I can't make up my mind. I guess I'll find out what the surgeon wants to do when I see him on Monday.

I just can't bear the thought of the holidays this year. Last year was so horrible. We were going to all those parties so Michael could say goodbye to all of our friends. And in between, packing up all of Michael's stuff. It was stacked everywhere, and then I still ended up having to get him organized to get his stuff together. And of course in the midst of all this we were both dying inside, while trying not to be a drag on our friends. I spent the day after Christmas last year washing all his canisters and crying, while he, of course, was still at work. It was just so awful. The last thing I feel like doing is celebrating. And celebrating what? A year of isolation? Another year of my life I have spent by myself? I have always hated New Year's Eve. I now have yet another reason to dread it. Lord what am I going to do? I've already decided I am not putting up a tree or decorating this year. I am trying to decide how many Christmas things I will HAVE to go to this year, and which ones I can beg off of. Surgery could be a good part of this plan.

Right now, denial is working nicely. If I ignore it, it does not exist. Thank you Grandma Shumate. But eventually, it will be everywhere, and I'm going to have to deal with it.