We settled the case, thank God

I sat in this tiny, overheated room for seven and a half hours today negotiating. It was much more grueling than it sounds.

The picture on the left was crooked for six and a half of those hours. I finally straightened it before I made this picture, in homage to Justin, although frankly it was pestering the shit out of me too.

Mediations are always a challenge. This is one of the longest ones in which I have participated . When we arrived, promptly at 9am, we were told the defendant (and cross-complaint plaintiff, for that matter) was not there. We waited on him for almost a half hour before he deigned to grace us with his unshaven, slovenly presence. For a man who runs a multi-million dollar company, you would never have known it to look at him. He was in an un-tucked polo shirt and sneakers. Of course, many times debtors show up looking like bag-people on purpose, in order to telegraph how little money they have to pay. We were told we were kept waiting for him to stop at McDonald's to get breakfast. Without trying to sound too catty (as someone with weight issues myself), let's just say it was readily apparent that he frequently avails himself of the convenience of the golden arches. Of course his lateness was posturing. He wanted to be sure we knew how un-important this process was to him, and extract a little petty pain up front by making us wait for him. An inauspicious beginning.

So anyway, after an interminable "mediation for dummies" lecture from the mediator, we fired opening salvos and went to separate rooms with our respective counsel. And it began. Pushed (deftly and politely, I must admit) by the arbiter, we made the first offer and made the first concessions. Not much, because we didn't knock any principal off, but we knocked off some peripherals like interest and attorney fees. We then waited four fucking hours for them to make an initial offer. I suspect that his attorneys were trying to persuade him to make a real opening offer, since we had pretty effectively demolished his cross-complaint in the opening talk. His attorneys knew that we could annihilate it at trial. That was a fairy strong open for us. But his initial offer was absolutely ridiculously low-ball, accompanied by the posturing that this man (owner of a multi-million dollar company, remember) was rolling pennies for gas (I exaggerate only slightly to convey the point), etc etc. To the point that I didn't think they were serious about trying to settle the debt, despite the usual posturing by his attorneys that they were there for resolution and blah, blah, blah. I grandstanded a bit and sent the mediator back to them with pretty much an earful.

The day progressed though, and we began to make progress, and by 4pm we had a fairly decent offer on the table, considering the financial state the company is in. This guy got caught with his hand in the cookie jar by one of his suppliers (using a special pricing bid to flood the market with cheap product, in violation of his contract with said vendor - a MAJOR no-no). We have an agreement now, and I feel it is a fairly good one. Now I just hope the fat slob stays in business long enough to pay it.

We finished up about 4:30, and I called my boss to let him know we were done. I then begged and basically promised my first-born (I know, a long wait for him) if he would let me go on home. I am exhausted. Having to maintain the facade of "bloodlessly ruthless corporate drone" all day really takes it out of me. I can do it, but there is a price to be paid. But law, like so many things in life, is theater. I enter in my perfectly pressed suit, shirt, and power tie, throw my briefcase on the table, get out my fancy lawyer pen, pull out some fifty cent words, and I can bullshit with the best of them. The key is to remember that it is all bullshit. It just doesn't come naturally to me. At least not this kind of "my dad can beat up your dad" bullshit.

I'm really glad it's over. And I am REALLY glad I don't have to do the discovery on this case, which was going to be a fucking nightmare. Pricing detail on hundreds and hundreds of invoices, which yours truly would have had to gather, organize, and put in e-format. Not to mention brow-beating product into helping me with, and making sure they rounded up the facts they needed to testify effectively. This settlement, in addition (I feel) to being a win for the company, makes my work life less complicated. And it's about fucking time SOMETHING did!!