A post in which I go sing

I woke up at about 4:30 this morning, the list of all the things I had to do today running through my mind. It was all just too much. After about an hour of that I just decided to get up. I knew I wasn’t going back to sleep. I’ve slept poorly this week.

Then I did something against my principals. Although I have paid to have my taxes prepared, I have always refused to pay any fee to file them electronically. I think the government gets enough of my money, and I just refuse to pay for something that saves them money and allows them to file their staff (even if they are tax collectors). But I was tired of fooling with the tax crap, and it needed to be done because I’ve put it off, and I had the wrong form (well actually I didn’t, but I didn’t know that at the time), etc. So I signed on to the H&R Block website and paid them $31 to send my state taxes in. I hated it, but I did it, and I felt better to have that done.

I have a bad case of spring fever, and it was really hard to concentrate at work today. I did what had to be done though.

I did take some time to write about going up home for Granny’s funeral today, and felt the better for it. I wonder now if writing is starting to become a coping mechanism for me. When the blog is badly behind, I go around feeling like there’s an unmade bed in the back of my head somewhere. I also have all these bottled up impressions rattling around in my mind. It’s uncomfortable. I’ve been kind of unresolved about the funeral in a way. I think I’ve worked out what was going on but writing it out made me feel better.

After work I was scheduled to run the gamut. I had to leave and go directly to Russ to get my hair cut, and then leave there to go directly to choir practice. It was a good thing I was up early this morning to pack a bag and all. After debating I just decided to catch supper on the fly somewhere, but it ended up working out. Russ’s back is bad so he called to beg off, which left me time to go home, eat, change, and feed the cats in a civilized fashion.

Choir practice was fun tonight. I’m really enjoying it. I’m always happiest when I’m singing somewhere – it really doesn’t matter where. But I am having a tiny conflict with it. Jim told us tonight that he had a job for a quartet to sing for a big Republican conservative reception downtown coming up. He emphasized that we needed the money, but that we would be there to blend in to the background, and were expected to sing a selection of patriotic standards. We would be allowed to give out business cards. One guy remarked, “Wow, good thing we don’t have ‘gay’ in our name.” Jim indicated that the woman retaining our services was a wealthy socialite and a valuable source for future gigs.

Now on the one hand I applaud Jim for putting together a working chorus that is actually part of the community. He has some community events scheduled where we will be able to be ourselves, and that’s great. But on the other hand, I thought I was joining a GAY men’s chorus. I understand he’s trying to make a living from this eventually, and really I don’t have a problem with that. It’s work to put together something like this and make it functional. But. I don’t do many things any more (none at all if I can possibly help it) where I am required to go in the closet or sit at the back of the bus. This isn’t a huge thing right now. The quartet is a volunteer thing, and even if I wanted to do it I’m not ready. I guess it will depend on where this goes. If you’re hiring out to sing, you sing what the client wants. I understand that. But if we end up spending an inordinate amount of time as ‘the help’, rather than the entertainers, particularly for people who look down on us, I’m gonna have a problem with that.