A post in which we go to see Granny

Today was the day of the immediate family viewing, but that wasn’t until 1pm. In the meantime, I had missions.

I made breakfast, giving the kitchen bare minimum of a going over in the process and removing the mouse poop from counters and such. I made the bed in the front room for Lisa and Carl, and then I headed out.

I had shoes to buy today. Apparently during my marvelous adult competency when I was getting ready to go I forgot to pack my dress shoes for the funeral. I had seen a couple of shoe places near town, one of which ended up having a surprising selection of exactly what I wanted for a very fair price. The clerk who checked me out was very kind.

I also made an unusual foray through Wal-Mart, where I seldom ever shop. Although they’ve already put them away at home, the ones here still had sweatpants out, and I replaced my long worn and patched single pair today. It just seemed like the time for some reason.

I went to Granny’s house and had a sandwich with Mom before we went to the funeral home.

Viewing Granny’s body today was oddly not upsetting to me. It’s hard to explain. She looked good enough; she just looked empty. It was so obvious to me that she wasn’t in there anymore. Plus it was odd because of what was going on. My Great Aunt Kathleen (Granny’s sister) was there, and was determined that all would be done properly. Granny looked odd because her mouth was too wide. “That happens to them,” Kathleen said, with the air of a veteran of many funerals. “You can just have them patch the corners of the mouth a little, and they look better.” After she related this several times to several people, her request was dutifully reported to the mortuary, and a man with a pot of clay and some makeup to make the change was dutifully dispatched.

Well she did look better, but they only fixed the side that faced out. If you looked from the feet up, her mouth looked strangely lop-sided. I don’t know if it was still denial on my part, or that this made it patently obvious how useless what they were doing was, or if I’m just messed up; but it would have been funny if this had been on TV or something. As it was, it was just rather surreal. I wasn’t laughing or anything, but it was just so obvious to me that my Granny was no part of any of this.

Granny hadn’t been to church in years, so she had no minister. Kathleen brought hers. He was a nice-looking man (again, weirdness – how could I be thinking about this now?). He talked to us about scripture we wanted read, and asked for anecdotes about Granny, which we supplied. Before long the family stories got started and I think he got more than he bargained for. And then it was done, and we left. Mom cried a little while we were there. She said Granny looked so much better than when she was in the hospital, and she did. That’s supposed to be part of the grieving process I have read. It helps some people to see the person clean and dressed and seen to, and I can understand that. But I was strangely rather numb through the whole thing.

When we got back to the house the family started coming in. The other grandkids were arriving with their kids and people were coming through to visit the family. There weren’t that many visitors. Granny and Poppy had outlived most of their friends and family. But there was one key visitor.

I’m not sure what obscure relation Stephanie is to me, but she is a bit off. She doesn’t seem to have the same kinds of filters other people have. And her marriage has been rather troubled of late. Her apparently long-suffering husband had been looking after her for years when he had a stroke. The stroke has apparently changed him, and their relationship became much more volatile. During an especially volatile argument at their house last week, he apparently threatened to kill her. She locked him out of the house. He proceeded to get the gun out of the car (we’re in the mountains here) and shot her through the door. He hit her in the leg, but family shootings are rare, he was still in jail, and this was pretty fresh. There had been almost as much talk about Stephanie as there had been about Granny. We’d had the second-hand blow-by-blow from her step-mother the day before.

Stephanie showed up in person today, and gave us the first-hand. In excruciating detail. For about an hour and a half. And so much more. She was a very sweet woman, but I don’t think she breathed in more than twice the whole time she was here. Eventually, every man in the house beat a retreat for the porch – including me. My cousin Chris, who is with the sheriff’s office, said “I think he was aiming for her mouth. I can shoot better than that.” Which pretty much capped it all.

Lisa and co. arrived later. We stayed and visited with the family, but not too late. We had a baby who had to get to bed sometime, and decisions to make about who slept where. We got back to Grandma’s house and Lisa’s family started their way to bed. Frankly, I was mostly worn out anyway, and they finished the job. I went on to bed.