A post in which I start to get Christmas sorted

When I got up this morning, Scott had posted a picture of me from the party.  I immediately remembered why I had stopped wearing those jeans before. The legs are enormous, and the look is subsequently very unflattering, making me appear larger even than I really am, which is quite big enough.  I immediately took those jeans out of the 'currently wearing' drawer.  They'll be re-born as cut-off shorts, where hopefully the regrettable belled legs won't be such an issue. 

It was blessedly quiet in the office today.  I'm caught up, and the next hateful deadline isn't looming yet, so I just enjoyed the peace. 

I called University Shop today to find out what time they closed, and was pleasantly surprised to find that they were open until 6:30.  That would give me just enough time to get there after work.  I had intended to exchange the tshirt Miss Kat and Dana gave me on Saturday, but had just plain forgotten it in all the kerfuffle.  After work I headed straight over there.

They gave me a little bit of a hard time, telling me they "didn't do exchanges without attached tags" (really?), but I talked the guy into it after a little discussion.  They didn't have the same shirt that I had been given in my size (their inventory being understandably depleted after the holidays), but they had another that was nice enough that was in my size, so I made the exchange. 

Flush with success, I checked the box the asparagus dish came in, and noted that it was a Pottery Barn box.  So maybe I'll tackle that tomorrow...

I got home, and tagged my new shirt.  In celebration I did a load of darks so that it would be ready to wear this weekend if I got to see Miss Kat and Dana.  I also got on the computer and pulled up the Pottery Barn website.  I couldn't find the asparagus dish on the site, but I did find one on eBay that said it came from Pottery Barn - bingo.  I can drive to Gaffney tomorrow night (that's probably where it came from) and see if I can exchange it for something that would be of some use.

I had noticed throughout the day that a troublesome sore throat was getting worse, so I decided to turn in early tonight.  As soon as the darks went in the dryer I went to bed.  After a bit of text messaging with Andy (a guy from outside Atlanta) and Chuck, I went to sleep sleep. 

A post in which I am irresponsible*

I woke up today with a feeling of ennui.

I knew I should go on to the flea market, but I didn't want to.  Lunches need to be made, but I didn't feel like doing that.  I did feel like going online and chasing guys, which I did for a while, to absolutely no effect.  I sent Josh a text because I saw him online, to which he did not respond.  I sent him an online message - same response.  Whatever. 

Eventually I got disgusted with the whole thing, took matters in hand, and signed off.  I got up and made myself some breakfast.  I took a nap and contemplated the drop-in I was invited to today.  I love Dan'l and Jim.  I really do.  I also enjoy their drop-in.  But they always, always have it on Sunday, because Jim works Saturday nights.  After last night, I was partied out.  I just didn't feel like getting it together to bake something, get cleaned up, truck out to Tigerville, and then feel all drug out tomorrow.  Plus I hadn't RSVP'd, and Dan'l is pretty stringent about that.  I should have gone.  And on some level I wanted to, but I just couldn't get up the motivation today. 

I sent RBL a text to see if they were going. They weren't.  Unsurprising after last night.  The house was trashed.  I thought about going over to help them clean up, but couldn't find the motivation for that either.  Had they asked, I would have gone over to help; but they didn't and so I didn't.  I sent Kimbley and Laura a text to let them know I wasn't going to go, and they responded that they weren't either.  I decided to take a nap.

I fell into the internet vortex, and un-earthed quite a surprise.  I started talking to a guy named Chuck.  We had talked before, glancingly, because we're both tops.  Chuck was feeling 'anxious' today, and wanted to come over.  I wasn't that into it - I was not feeling very anxious, and usually I'm not that into older guys; but he's nice and I know what it's like to be left high and dry.  I told him to come on.  When I stepped out of the shower, I regretted the invitation, but I was all in now.

When he came in, I was like WOOF.  My first thought was Logan would shit a brick over this guy!  Chuck's pictures didn't do him justice.  He is one fine-looking man!  He looks like he walked out of the pages of Daddy Magazine or something.  He isn't that much older than I am.  He has a good body, a great face, a beautiful smile, and is a great kisser.  He's furry too.  I'm not a size queen, never have been, but I will say unreservedly that this man has nothing to be embarrassed about in the locker room! 

 We spent a blissful afternoon in bed, where Chuck proceeded to give me a sore throat, in between talking and getting to know each other.  He has an 'aw shucks' manner that truly belies (and indeed multiplies) how massively hot he is.  Sadly, he seems to have a more lonely existence than I do.  He doesn't feel that he fits in to the gay community, so he doesn't socialize with gay people.  He's been divorced for sixteen years.  He raised his two children, but doesn't hear much from them these days.  He had taking in various people in need (he's a nurturer) and been burned for it, but hasn't let that close him off or make him bitter.  He's just a genuinely sweet guy who doesn't really have a direction in his personal life.  It is amazing to me that this guy is just out there, wandering around, and no one has lassoed him and taken him home.  Would that I were a bottom.  What a man!

Eventually, Chuck bade me a fond farewell, and I sent him out into the world again. 

I decided I needed to get up and do something today.  I did a pass through the recycling center, and then ran through the store.  When I got home, I put a pot of broccoli soup on (so easy, healthy, nutritious, and really no work) to simmer.  I ate supper and did a load of laundry, then pureed my soup and packed it up for lunches. 

For a day in which I wasn't feeling motivated to do anything, it turned out to be quite a day. 

A post in which it is the bear party*

I was up with insomnia anyway this morning, so I got up and put my TVP in to soak.  I had cooking to do today, and it had to be done early, but first I had a buddy coming over.

My spanking buddy came by today.  Apparently he had been naughty over the holidays.  He'd been trying to set up a visit for a couple of days, and had actually turned up on my doorstep last Wednesday unannounced (I had to run him off, I knew I didn't have time for shenanigans that morning).  But I was happy to oblige him this morning, and we set to.  He had emailed me about maybe trying some other stuff today, but basically we just stuck to the usual, and in fact didn't go as far as usual.  He hadn't been spanked in a while, and I didn't even progress to the paddle before he seemed to have enough this morning.  That was fine with me.  He left me happy, and we both got on with our day.

I had to get into the kitchen.  I had a new cheese ball that had been kicking around in my mind for a couple of weeks, and today was the day I was going to do it.  I put in my Katie Perry movie, since cooking with it had worked out so well on Christmas Eve, and got to work.

Making the cheese ball turned out to be a lot more work than I had anticipated.  First I chopped and pan-roasted the pecans to roll it in, and set them aside to cool.  Next I cooked up a batch of facon bits, and while they cooled I shredded up the Fontina I had bought for the cheese.  I finely chopped some bell pepper, and decided to break for brunch. 

I threw some of the bell pepper, some mushrooms that were going to go if I didn't use them, some facon bits, part of a left-over spring onion in a pan to saute, then added Amish swiss cheese and eggs for a big ole omelet.  I had some whole wheat bagels and orange juice to finish - yummy!

When I got back in the kitchen, I threw the cream cheese in the food processor, along with:
- the finely chopped bell pepper
- the shredded Fontina
- some jalapeno jelly
- the rest of that last spring onion
- a clove of garlic
and whizzed all that together.

When that came out, I mixed in a small can of drained pineapple, whooped it all up together, and bunged the lot in the fridge to chill and marry. 

I relaxed for a while, watched a little telly, and took a nap.  Then I got up and got ready for the party.  I had permission to wear the Lucky shirt (Russ and I have one alike), which was good, since I had purchased it specifically to be a holiday blouse.  I had found a pair of jeans in the closet yesterday that were comfortable enough that I couldn't remember why I had quit wearing them, and paired them up with my British flag docs. 

When I got out of the shower, it was time to ball up the cheese ball.  The problem was that it hadn't set up.  I think I just had too much stuff in it, and too much liquid.  The recipe calls for 8 ounces of liquid, and I had used the pepper jelly for that to amp up the flavor, without realizing how much juice would be in the pineapple, even drained.  Undeterred, I threw it into a vintage bowl, packed the nuts on as topping, and decided to call it dip.  Done.  I tasted some that got on my finger when I was bowling it up, and was fairly unimpressed with the taste.  It was too sweet.  I think I just got carried away and used too many ingredients.  I do that sometimes.  If that cheese 'ball' had been alive, there would have been a swarm of villagers out to put it down with flaming brands and pitchforks.  I think my days of exotic experimental cheese balls are over.

I tried to get 'up' into a party mood on the way, but I wasn't feeling it. I'm holidayed out.  But I was looking forward to seeing the guys.  I threw Katie Perry in the CD player and tried to give myself an attitude adjustment. 

There were a lot of people at the party.  There were a good many I wanted to see.  I enjoyed talking to people, but my mood just kept failing.  I really did try, there was just a lot of drama going on, and a lot of people weren't in a particularly party mood:

- Don was there with Adam, but Adam's visa has expired, and he's being sent back to Israel.  Don is pretty down about it, and although he put a brave face on it, I know he's upset.
- There was one guy there who we've had problems with taking Russ's stuff in the past.  Nothing we could prove, but we know he did it.  Since he was there, I was being hyper-vigilant around problem areas, and was trying to keep up with stuff.  I don't think he got anything this year, but that didn't contribute to a feeling of esprit de corps.
- Lee, Chad, and some other gorgeous young thing were there together, grouped together like a school of fish.  I feel weird around Lee now because he knows I am so attracted to him, and he isn't attracted to me in the slightest (although I am not pining for him now).  He won't talk to me online, which is weird.  It's like I'm not important enough to speak to unless there are other people around.
- Jake was there with the beautiful Brantley.  I got the feeling that Brantley really didn't know what to expect out of Jake, who was buzzed and in highly flirtatious mode.  I think this bothered Brantley, but since Jake wasn't being particularly solicitous of his date, Brantley spent the evening following Jake around like a puppy.  Men!
- It kept raining off and on, so people kept stampeding in and out of the house. 
- the garage had been set up as kind of an orgy room, and there were several people there who wanted to get something started, but they were too weenie to do it until someone else did.  There were others just randomly standing around in the garage (which was where the drinks were) with no intention of doing anything.  So the garage was charged with a strange feeling of subverted sexual frustration that made me uncomfortable.
- Vince was there, and this was his last hurrah in Greenville.  The condo has sold, and he'll shortly be heading for Oregon.  I don't think he wants to go.  He seemed pretty desperate to have a large time, but he didn't feel happy.  Plus I knew this would be one of the last times I would see him.  That was hard. 
- I had inadvisedly decided to wear my pretty boots with the Union Jack on the toe.  Love the boots, but they hurt my feet.  That limited the time I could spend on my feet, so I was constantly looking for someplace to sit down, and that usually ended up being somewhere people were not congregating to converse.

Anyway, there was just a mish-mosh of things going on.  Russ, Billy, and Logan were of course very busy entertaining a house full of people, so they weren't really available. 

The evening did improve.  Rich was there, and I got to talk to him for a bit.  He's the sweetest man.  I tried not to bring him down.  He didn't stay late because his husband was home sick.  There is a lot of crud going around right now. 

The gift exchange went well.  My gift was well-received and was stolen twice.  Unfortunately I ended up with a gag gift, which I left there.  I know Russ will give me a ration of shit about that later.  Russ had made punch, and it was going well.  Even though he took it easy on them this year, there were a lot of people who were pretty drunk.  The gorgeous young thing let me rub his back for a while.  Lordamercy he was eat up with purty!  I really enjoyed rubbing on him.  So that was a good part.  

Things started getting a bit kissy in certain areas, but I'd had enough.  I said my goodnights, and got permission to just leave my dishes there.  I'll get them later. 

As I was leaving, though, two unexpected things happened.  I was headed out the door when Lee called to me to come back and say goodnight.  When I did, he laid a big ole kiss on me. Interesting.  Then Bill did too!  That was really out of character for him!  I just attributed it to the punch, thought good for me, and headed out. 

A post in which things start to go back into kilter

Work was much more calm today.  I worked on presentations and calls.  I got a lot of adjustments done.  I left on time.  Right before I left, Alan handed me a sheaf of approved paperwork back.  That's fine.  It'll wait until Monday.

I got my naughty calendar ordered today.  Mom had given me a cat calendar, but since none of the vendors coughed up a free calendar this year, I took that one to work.  I wanted my pin-up boys back.  It's been a while since I had one.  Strangely enough, Colt apparently didn't do a sufficient run of "Butt Beautiful" calendars this year.  That was the one I wanted, but every place is sold out of them.  I declined to pay $100+ for an after-market one on Amazon, and just ordered a different calendar. 

I purposely decided not to do anything tonight.  I have two parties ahead this weekend, and it was the perfect time to take a little time for myself.  I did go by the grocery store to pick up ingredients for the cheese ball I'm going to make for the bear party.  It's an experimental one, and I'm using some ideas that have been floating around in my head for a while to make it.  I'm kind of stoked.  I was going to make one of Mother's Peter Paul Mounds cakes for the party, but then I promised Marshall and John that I would make a cheese ball.  Plus after finishing the half a cake I brought home from Christmas, and remembering how incredibly rich it was, I really didn't want more of it right this minute.

When I got home, I was inclined to relax and have some quiet time.  The last couple of days have been rough, and I have an assignation in the morning. 

A post where things are regular hell

Fortunately, Carla was back today.  Equally fortunately, she put her nose to the grindstone and executed.  Weekly and monthly reports started taking shape.  I was able to get caught up on calls and start cleaning out email.

Of course, since we had a tight turn-around this month, one of the reports was screwed up.  I spent a lot of the day going back and forth with IT before finally getting the permission to scrap the slide that went with it for this month.  

I stayed late to finish up and work on Canada.  Alan got the US short form reviewed, and we turned it in on time (I doubt many departments did), which took the pressure off for tomorrow. 

I went gratefully home, ate some leftovers, and went to bed. 

A post in which I walk back into flaming hell

I knew today would be bad.  I really didn't know how bad.

I was up early, and since I hadn't stayed home to cook last night, I threw some saffron rice in the rice cooker this morning.  When it was done, I paired it with the left-over big limas for lunches this week.  Easy enough. 

Carla was out, so Jeffrey was doing the weeklies (which have to be done every freakin' week, never mind that the whole country has been closed for the last week).  That left me to tend to Monthlies, which I started in on.  But first, I had a telephonic appearance for a settlement conference in Canada.  They debtor did  show up, with the same tired arguments we've been de-bunking for the last eight months, and without an attorney to make them get with the program.  Fortunately, despite his run-ons (he was like a belligerent, stupid Mr. Rogers) we had a good mediator from the court, and with her help we were able to hammer out a settlement.  I took a little less money than I had been authorized to take, but given the stupidity of the debtor, the costs involved in going to trial, and the glacial pace of the Canadian courts, I felt that it was a good result.

That done, I started pounding on month end.  I realized about half-way through the day that the insane people who run corporate wanted a two-day turn around on month end.  It is due in tomorrow.  And half the freakin' staff is still out of the office for the holidays!  I have no idea who they thought was going to do all these reports.  They day just fell away in great chunks of time.

I wouldn't have taken a lunch today, but I realized about five hours in that I had left my phone at home.  Ordinarily I wouldn't have worried about it - it's not like I'm getting crucial calls on my cell - but I had plans to go to dinner with Justin tonight, and I figured he would be sending texts to plan things.  So I took an hour, ran home, threw some lunch down my gullet, collected my phone, and headed back to work. 

I didn't hear from Justin until about time to go home.  He called to tell me that he had been inexplicably sending texts to my home phone, which isn't even mine any more.  Since I had been worried that he was calling to cancel, I was relieved, and we made plans to meet at the house.  That involved me leaving on time.  There was plenty more work to do, but I was so frazzled I knew I just needed to go on; so I left.  I did send an email to Carla before I left basically telling her to get the lead out, so she would see it first thing in the morning.  I hope and pray she's in tomorrow, or it's going to be really bad. 

Dinner tonight was at India Palace, again to avoid the traffic on Woodruff.  Justin was unexpectedly timid about ordering - I'm not sure why, but eventually we got him sorted.  I had one of my favorite dishes, the Paneer Dopeaza, but I ordered it too mild (it was so hot the last time I got it that I was too cautious tonight) and it ended up not being as good as it should have been.  But the Poori bread, as always, was delicious, and we had a good meal.  

Justin looks great.  He has gained a little weight, but he wears it well.  The sweater he had on complimented his coloring beautifully, and he was wearing a cute hat too.  He's grown a full beard, which I of course like, and which suits him (although apparently he's shaving it off).  He's on OCD meds that seem to be agreeing with him, and he was cheerfully irreverent in an entertaining way.  He seems happy, and was full of Justin spark and spice.  It was good seeing him. 

Afterwards we ran over to Barnes and Noble because he needed to run an errand.  It was fun to be out and look around at the stuff.  It had been a while since I had been in one, and they had all kinds of neat stuff on clearance after Christmas.  I also got to check out one of Justin's former tricks who just happened to be there.  He completely ignored me, but it was interesting. 

Then it was back to the house so I could give him his Christmas present, which he really seemed to like.  That's cool because I was kind of out of ideas, and haven't seen enough of him lately to know what he really wanted.  I kind of had to fall back on an old idea, but the gamble paid off.  I scrapped the idea of having tea because of the lateness of the hour, but got down the Wedgwood plates and Great Grandmother's silver to use as we finished the last of Mother's Peter Paul Mounds cake.

It was a good visit, and I was glad to see him. 

A post in which it is New Year's Day

Well, more importantly for me it was the last day of vacation.  I woke up feeling pretty good.  NYE was out of the way, and I had plans with Justin today.  I was looking forward to seeing him.  I had decided not to go through all the rigmarole to make peas and greens today.  I had peas in the fridge from the dinner I made for Tony and Rhonda, and the results with the kale had turned me off of making greens (which are a huge pain to make anyway).  Plus I had enough food in the fridge to eat on for a week - I really didn't need to cook anything else. 

I decided to get some things done before I went over there this afternoon.  First I did my feets.  This is one of the many things I had on my list to do during vacation that had not been done, and they needed some attention.  If nothing else, seeing Travis's fees the other day had reminded me of the perils of ignoring said region. 

That done, I ran through one more pile o' pants, loaded up the car, and headed out.  I dropped a load at Goodwill, and then took the recycling again.  I've done a lot of cooking in the last week or so, and things had just built up.  Plus I had cleaned out the drawer of old Christmas cards (I keep them to remind me who sent a card, and to make gift tags for the next year), so there was stuff that needed to go.  I ran by the store to pick up a couple of things to have for lunches for the remainder of the week.

I had gotten home to have a spot of lunch, get cleaned up, and wait for the call when I realized I had a message from Justin.  Another cancellation.  Sigh.  This really seems like a trend.  So I'm kind of wondering if my deodorant is letting me down here, or if I'm just a drag to be around?  Guys want to have sex, but none of them seem to want to hang around or do anything else.

I decided there were worse things than to have a quiet evening before I go back to work tomorrow.  I became one with the sofa and was chasing guys on the internet just to watch them run when I got a text from Logan.  They were going to see Django Unchained, but since I am not much in to Westerns, I declined.  I'm not really into going to the movies anymore.  It's not comfortable, the snacks are astronomically priced, and people are generally inconsiderate.  My plan used to be that I would just watch things when they came out on video, but now that DVD rental is dying, I just miss a lot of movies, or wait until they come on TV.  If I'm going to spend that kind of money and put up with the hassle, it has to be something I really care about seeing.

About an hour or so later, I got a text from Russ.  The movie had changed.  They had decided to see The Miserables.  Sigh.  Now I had seen it on stage at the Fox Theater in Atlanta years and years ago.  My old roommate Ty probably had a hand in that, because I wasn't that erudite at the time.  I remember that it was beautifully staged, but also tragic.  I am SO not into tragedies.  But with the mood I'm in, and with being kicked to the curb several times in the last month or so, I was in the right frame of mind to see it.  Plus it was pretty much not optional.  I know that every gay person in the world will see this movie, and it will be talked about in all social settings for months - basically it is required viewing.  Although I hated to use my gift card to go see this movie, I bit the bullet. 

I got to the theater before the boys, of course, and it was moviegeddon.  It was yet another drizzly, yucky day (I have been plagued with nasty weather during this whole vacation - my yard is like freakin' cheesecake), and everyone was at the movies.  Since this was a just-released blockbuster, I was worried that the show would sell out before the boys even got there.  I texted Billy and ended up getting tickets for all of us, although I didn't relish seeing the movie in a packed theater.  As it turned out though, that fear was groundless.  There was more than one movie starting at about the same time, and when we got into the theater there were surprisingly few people in there. 

***

The movie, as I expected, was beautifully done.  The cinematography was gorgeous, if grim.  There were very few clean people in it.  Almost everyone was filthy and miserable.  The love story really didn't do much for me.  Although Cosette started off with kind of a rough life, she had been so sheltered from the world that as a young adult I found little to identify with in her.  Her 'romance' with Marius (in the movie they 'fell in love' based on one glimpse in a crowded marketplace where they didn't even speak) strained my credulity to the point that I had a hard time investing myself in whether or not they ended up together.  The duet they did where butterflies were fluttering up from a France they had definitively established as a dung heap bordered on the ludicrous. 

Fantine's story was tragic, but her character was ruined so quickly and precipitously that you really didn't have a lot of time to get invested in her before she was destroyed and died.  In a way, her character was such an archetype, so perfectly innocent, that she really didn't seem human.  Anne Hathaway did a great job with that role, and her rendition of "I Dreamed a Dream" definitely tore down the set.  But I was distracted from the moment by the decision to leave in places where she went flat during the song.  Obviously those could have been auto-tuned out.  So while the song was going on, I was wondering about that decision.  Was it to maintain the purity of the emotion in the performance?  The song was done in a single take.  Was the device that Fantine, as a destroyed character, couldn't sing a song perfectly?  There were several possibilities, and I guess you could argue a case for any of them, but wondering about which was the rationale actually pulled me out of the moment a bit. 

The center conflict between Jean Valjean and Javert, and the extremes they go to for honor, and for who they are, seem so dated as to be hard to believe for me.  There was a time when a man's honor meant something.  When your word was your bond.  When why you did what you did was more important even than your actions.  When you could in fact be ensnared in a conundrum of honor.  Sadly, I think those days are over.  Maybe it's my job.  Maybe I'm just cynical.  But it seems that these days we live in a world where appearance is everything, and substance counts for little for most people.  These days, The Scarlet Letter seems like a more relevant story than Les Miserables.  On the other hand, in these days of the 'fuck the poor' tea party mentality, perhaps we need to be confronted yet again with the inherent unfairness of the world towards the disenfranchised.  Modern America bears more resemblance to the court of King Louis XVI than anyone should be comfortable with. 

They did do a good job of putting faces on the French Revolution, and making you care about whether or not they succeeded.  But the tragic loss and waste of life necessary to move any such cause forward, and the futility of taking a stand when the people wouldn't back them up, were underscored to the point that the tragedy of their deaths made it hard for me to feel uplifted by the cause in which the lives had been given.

But out of all of this, what absolutely tore me out of the frame was the death of Eponine.  The theme of unrequited love, of loving someone who will never care for you, of loving someone to distraction and to the destruction of yourself, of constant and unsatisfied longing - now that was a theme with which I could identify.  When she died I was a weeping mess. 

And then it was over.  I felt raw and emotionally bruised.  While I was glad I had seen it, and had known I would have to, I was really glad to have it behind me.  While I can understand and appreciate the art of dying kittens, it is a traumatic thing to put yourself through to experience.  While I can understand the draw of a tragedy, and while I can understand the value of this one in particular; a tragedy has never held any particular allure for me.  There are far, far too many people ruined and destroyed in real life for me to seek that out as a form of entertainment.  There is so much sorrow in the world already, for real, that borrowing more sorrow seems a reckless thing to do. 

***

The movie over, we went to supper.  The boys were coordinating dinner with people via phone as they walked out the doors, but since it was ugly weather, and of course they had given no one any advance notice, most people weren't available.  We ended up meeting Jake and his new boyfriend, Brantley, who is conspicuously gorgeous.  Jake has been single again for a week?  Maybe two?  I was reminded of the amazing capacity for recovery of the young.  I can't imagine having the time to bounce back, much less show up with a beautiful new boyfriend in such a snip of a minute.  Well Jake is young and hot.  And good for him. 

Dinner was at Cheddar's, where our waitress was conspicuously sweet, despite Russ's being difficult (he has decided he doesn't like the large booths there, probably because he doesn't like getting up to let Logan out, but refuses to sit on the inside seat), and we had a good meal.  I had the fish tacos, which were really delicious. 

After supper, they were all heading to Yogurt Molehill.  I had intended to go too, just to be sociable; but when I got in the car, it was already 9:30.  I know I have a beastly day ahead of me tomorrow.  Plus it was still ugly, drippy, nasty weather.  Plus I had a little bit of a sour grapes thing going on over Brantley.  He is so obviously much better suited to be with me, and yet he is not.  It's absolutely petty and small of me I know.  I hate to admit it even to myself, much less to you, gentle reader; but that's how I felt.  Pleading time, I called Billy and asked him to convey my regrets.  Then I went the hell home and went to bed.