A post in which I find that sainthood is exhausting

I was up before the alarm went off at 6am.  I just went ahead and got up. 

I made coffee and girded my loins. 

I had a sweet text from Gary, telling me he was thinking about me. 

I went ahead and got ready and just headed out, after sending Eve a text to tell her I was on the way and would be on time.  It was Mother's Day, after all.  I gave her her card and pickles when I got to the house.  We loaded up the car and headed out.  Dad drove up, surprisingly, but since he got those new hips he's been in a lot better shape. 

I called Mother on the way up and told her happy Mother's Day.  Happily, my card had gotten to her yesterday.  She seemed in good spirits, and was getting ready for church with Lisa.

When we got to Wilkesboro, Grandma was really tickled to see me.  We gave her the presents we brought up, and I pinned on her orchid.  She chatted excitedly as Dad signed her out and Eve pulled the car around.  Lunch today was at Ruby Tuesday.  Although Wilkesboro boasts several new restaurants, RT's would take reservations.  Our server was super nice, and indeed everyone there was very understanding and did all they could to make our visit pleasant, which was all the more surprising since Mother's Day is such a crazy busy time for a restaurant.

Seeing Grandma was wonderful and terrible.  I was glad to see her, and I was glad to make her happy.  But it's terrible to see her in this state.  Her poor hands are twisted with rheumatoid arthritis to the point that they are almost useless.  We got her a cup with a lid, and I took the tails off her shrimp and cut them up.  On the one hand I wanted to help her eat, but on the other I didn't want to embarrass her.  She went through a long period that she wouldn't eat in a restaurant because she had such a hard time eating.  She chose food today that she could pick up with her hands if she had to.

By the end of the meal, she was frustrated enough with trying to manage the silverware to let me feed her.  She wanted chocolate cake, and I fed it to her.  Such a war of emotions.  On the one hand it made me glad that I could help her.  It touched me and made me feel protective and tender.  I felt so close to her.  But on the other side of that it broke my heart to pieces that she needed me to do that for her.  But it was mostly love.  She was like a baby bird.  We both laughed after I cut a too-big bite of cake, and she had to struggle to get it in her mouth; and then I just cut smaller bites, and it was OK.  She ate until she couldn't hold any more. 

After lunch we went to her house.  She doesn't get to go very often.  That too was sad.  It is important for her to know that her house is still there, but the state of it is pretty bad at this point.  The house hasn't been lived in for years.  The damp and mildew are getting to it.  I helped her go through her closet, pulling things out for her to look at, and sometimes she would just say "That's moldy."  She thanked me for going through it with her.  She said "You let me look and don't rush me."  She picked out a couple of blouses to take back with her, and a pair of pants.  I don't think she can even wear the pants, but that wasn't the point.  The point was that she got to decide, and had control.  My aunt and uncle take care of her most of the time, and she can be very fussy about what she wears.  I know that it can be very hard to try to please her.  But since I don't have that day-to-day responsibility I had patience to burn, and made sure that she got some of it today. 

She's still growing and changing.  At my age, I treasure firsts and surprises, and she gave me a big one today.  We were talking about life at the home, and she was relating that they had fussed at her for going to the door of her room to ask that someone come to help her to the bathroom.  "If you just turn the light on, we'll know." They told her.  "Well it would be a shame for me to sit here and shit my pants." She replied.  Had I been eating, I would have choked.  I have never in my life heard my Grandma Shumate, a lifelong faithful member of the Baptist Church and unofficial steel magnolia, ever use a dirty word.  But this new practicality has influenced other areas of her life.  When she told us that she needed to go to the bathroom, I told her I would help her.  She then asked me about my experience working in a nursing home when I was younger - she checked my resume before she agreed, and then she actually did allow me to help her.  I averted my eyes to protect her modesty, but this is something she would never have allowed even five years ago.  I guess after a while, undue modesty becomes an undue burden.  So while I hate that she had to compromise, I respect her finally doing so with aplomb, and on her own terms.

While we were at the house, I got her recipes that she wanted me to have.  Many of them are in her handwriting, and of course are doubly precious for that.  The only other thing I wanted from the house was my great grandmother's pickle crock.  It is actually a butter churn, but Grandma used it to make pickles.  Sadly, it has had a rough life. It's chipped up.  There is a large crack in it, and when I picked it up I was afraid it might come apart.  But it held.  I'll take it home and glue it back together some.  It won't be usable, but it will be stronger. 

By the time we got done at the house, and she had seen my aunt and uncle, my cousins, and my cousin Tonya's kids, she was wiped out.  I could tell how tired she was.  We took her back to the home, and I got her to her room.  The attendant came in, but despite the fatigue, she wouldn't lie down until after we left.  I pinned her corsage to the cork board by her bed, and gave her hugs and kisses, and then we left.  It had been a really good visit, and I know she really enjoyed it.  On the way out, I thanked the staff for being so good to her, and taking such good care of her.  As homes go, the Villages of Wilkes is a really great place.  She isn't a number there, and the people are kind. 

Dad was in a foul mood, as he usually is after he leaves her at the home.  We stopped for drinks (I was driving now) and we headed for home.  Eve hadn't had much of a Mother's Day.  She had been in the car all day, which is hard for her, and had to help my grandmother with the potty chair.  I felt bad for her.  We started talking about where she wanted to go for dinner, and I kind of buffered Dad a little, because he was in an ill mood.  After going by several places that were obviously packed to the rafters, we actually ended up just driving back to Greenville and going to Capri's.  Our waitress was super nice, and we had a nice dinner.  Dad came out of his funk some, and it was pretty pleasant. 

I dropped them at their place, and took some strawberries from Eve.  I loaded the car with my stuff and gratefully went home.  When I got in, I just got ready for bed.  I was absolutely worn out.  I did call Gary and talked to him for a few minutes, and then turned in.  Tomorrow it's back to work...

A post in which it is the weekend*

So when I woke up it was Saturday.  Although I was glad it is the weekend, really this is laid out to be a less than stellar one. I basically had chores to do all day, and then tomorrow is Mother's Day stuff all day.  Sigh.  I hate being a grown-up.

I ate my left-overs from supper last night for breakfast, and then got to work.

I made the cucumbers from my bunny box into Korean refrigerator pickles.  Eve loves those, and since I had no idea what to get her for Mother's Day, I just decided to take her the pickles, which she loves.  I got a thank you card from her for her birthday present today.  In a way, it was nice, but in a way it was odd and sad.  First, you don't send thank you cards to immediate family, and the fact that she felt the need to do it was kind of inherently sad, but secondly I just got her a gift card.  I mean, I tried to make it a bit more personal by getting it from Swoozies, but as presents go it was a pretty poor showing, which makes it sadder to me that she was so glad of it.  I don't know, I guess that's an odd way to feel.  It was a cute card, and I'm glad she realizes that I do try. 

I started doing laundry.  I had to have my super-fatty-fat-fat jeans clean to wear tomorrow.  I am NOT wearing work pants, and sitting in a car for 6+ hours in my other jeans would be torture.  So I got that done and changed the sheets. 

I  made the potatoes from the basket into Greek-style potatoes, but they didn't turn out so well because they were baking potatoes, and so really not suited to that recipe.  But they didn't burn.  They'll be edible.  I'll just have to put a bunch of butter or something on them because they'll be dry.  But I could make some kind of sauce to go over them, or I could mash them to top the shepherd's pie in the fridge, or I could make them into potato pancakes... With potatoes there are just a lot of options.

I changed my sheets.  I surfed around on my phone some, and Frank ended up coming over for a while.  He's always fun, and he's a nice guy.  I found out today that his dad has cancer.  He is understandably upset. The prognosis doesn't sound great.  I listened and tried to be supportive.

After he left I got cleaned up and finally planned to leave the house.  I had errands to run, and wanted to get some supper.  I called Rhonda, but she had already eaten.  That meant dinner on my own.  I loaded up the car and headed out.  I dropped off the recycling, and then called Rhonda about dropping by.  I had decided to leave the rest of the Korean pickles for the boys for when they got home.  Eve wouldn't have eaten them all, and they're Billy's favorite. 

When I got to the house, Rhonda said she would ride with me if I wanted to go to supper, so we went to Irashiai.  I had been craving sushi all week, and hadn't gotten to go with Gary last night as planned.  After supper we went to Wal-Mart.  I take my last blood pressure pill tomorrow, and really needed to get them re-filled, but by the time we got there the pharmacy was closed.  I picked up some other things, and we looked at shoes, but I didn't find any I liked.  I picked up some of the new Magnum Gold ice cream bars.

Now the Magnum ice cream bars are the best I have ever tasted.  They have done a HUGE ad campaign about these new gold ones, but I found them pretty disappointing compared to the other flavors.  Still, Rhonda loves ice cream, and had never tried the Magnums before.  And the worst Magnum is still pretty damn good.  So we munched our bars and watched Kathy Griffin on cable.   

When I got home, my disc with my pictures from Sean and Eddie had come in the mail today.  I threw them into the computer and messed around with them for a while.  I finally got the hang of the crop tool, and I put some of them up on Facebook, but I had to go to bed.  Tomorrow is going to be a very long day. 

A post in which it is Friday, blessedly

The produce box that Larney ordered for Rhonda came in today.  Marvin's Produce is apparently delivering to the office as well, which I didn't even know.  Larney said she sends boxes to people regularly just because, and wanted to order one for Rhonda.  Fair enough.  The box was packed full of stuff, including a whole pineapple, and when I sent Rhonda text about it she was tickled. 

Since Gary wasn't able to come tonight, I had plenty of time to take her box to her.  She was house-sitting for the boys this weekend, so I took it over to RBL's place.  I unloaded that, plus a bunch of other stuff Larney had sent to her (Larney cleaned out her desk today).  Since Rhonda loves searcies of all kinds, she was having a great time going through everything.

The boys were leaving for Bear Mayhem and River's Edge.  I had elected not to go because of finances, but since it has been so cold and wet this spring, I really didn't feel to badly about it.  Sure enough, it was clouding up this evening, it was cool, and Russ had a migraine.  But eventually, they got it together and we saw them off. 

I took Rhondee out to the Tadpole for supper.  I had a wild hair to go out there, and when we got there Rhonda was so excited - she hadn't been to a fish camp since she was a little girl.  We had enormous trays of calabash (which neither of us could finish), and then went over to Tony's for gelato, which Rhonda loves to distraction.  Before we went in, we went through the Asian Market over there just for fun.  We took our gelato back to the house and watched Alton Brown while we ate it.  I called Gary and talked to him for a minute or two.  He was wiped out.  I could tell he'd had a rough day, but it was good to talk to him. 

It was a nice evening.  I really enjoy spending time with Rhonda. She gets so excited about things, and enjoys life so much that it makes me enjoy things more.  Her enthusiasm is contagious. 

A post in which there is lots to do

I woke up this morning after a night of very vivid dreaming with an inspiration for a short story.  I rarely  have an inspiration to write fiction, although one of the main reasons for doing this blog was to get into the discipline of writing every day and get the ole brain cells limbered up to do just that.  Of the several inspirations I've had to do some writing, two of them came from dreams.  Kind of made me think about the composition of Kubla Khan (although I wouldn't presume to put myself in the same league with Mr. Coleridge).  I had images seared into my mind that I wanted to preserve before the proverbial doorbell rang.  I got ready for work and headed out, turning off the CD player en route to better preserve things in my head, and began to assemble the story elements into some kind of narrative.

By the time I got to work, I had worked out how the story should start (the end was pretty obvious to me), and was excited to start.  I had really kind of intended just to make some notes, but since our computers were down again this morning, I just opened up Word and did some writing.  On the one hand, it's really cool that this happened, but on the other hand, I can't help but think that if I'm waiting on lightning to strike it's very unlikely that I'll ever be a real writer.  The interesting thing about this idea was that the world of the story appeared in the dream, but given the central premise, I started to flesh out this world in my mind.  It has depth and reason now.  I always wondered how writers did that.  Once I had the central premise, it was like building onto a house, and big chunks of this world seemed to fall into place as logical extensions.  I haven't had that happen before.

When the computers came up, I got to work, and did what I needed to do (fortunately the month was closed already).  I wasn't terrifically productive today though.  It was like part of my brain was left in that other world that is being born.

My first box from Noisy Rabbit came today.  There was a LOT of stuff in there!  I'm so glad I did this.  I don't like everything in the box (Granny Smith apples - yergh), but that's part of the fun.  I'm really excited about getting in the kitchen and playing this weekend.  This box will allows the Chopped-style cooking that I enjoy so much these days.  For $17.50 I received: several pounds of potatoes, a cantaloupe, 5 granny smith apples, a big bag of spinach, a head of bib lettuce, 5 bell peppers, 4 zucchini, 2 lemons, a bag of great big carrots, and 4 large cucumbers.  There had to be at least $25 worth of produce, plus it was delivered to the office.  Super!

Since I mowed yesterday, I HAD to go get Mother's Day cards today if they are to have any hope of arriving on time.  So I went to Dollar Tree.  I guess that sounds cheap.  But I send multiple cards, and I don't guess its the price of the cards that matters, really.  The number of cards has decreased through the years though, sadly.  Granny and BB are gone now.  I decided not to send one to Cindy this year.  I'm just really done with her.  But I bought the others.  I could have gotten reasonably, but I picked up a few other things while I was there.  I didn't really buy anything frivolous though, except for three boxes of cookies which I absolutely do not need.  After that, it was off to Publix to buy fill-in groceries.  I was out of milk.  I was tickled to see that they had the big purple garlic today, so I bought two heads.  I love that stuff and wish they could get it year-round. 

I got home, unloaded all the stuff, and put all the produce away (my fridge is packed - did I mention that the box was full?)  I made a taco salad with the last (finally) of the taco filling in the fridge and turned on 'Waiting for God' while I ate.  I relaxed for a while, and had just moseyed into the kitchen to do the dishes when I realized that the whole reason for going to get the cards tonight was because I had to get them in the mail.  Hello!

So I did the cards that had to be mailed, drove to the downtown post office, and mailed them.  Hopefully they will be delivered on Saturday.  As is my habit, I sent a card this year to my mother's friend Phyllis.  I haven't seen Phyllis for several years, but she and my mom used to be really close.  She was kind to me when I was a confused teen-ager still trying to figure out who I was, and accepted me into her home and her life without question at a time when I wasn't feeling that acceptance from my own father.  She also was really supportive of my mom and a great friend to her for years.  Even though I'm certainly not a teen-ager any more, I have never forgotten her kindness.  Since her relationship with her son is somewhat tumultuous, I always make sure she gets a Mother's Day card from me - even all these years later.  I was reflecting tonight on the power of kindness, and the hope that something I do will bear fruit.  It reminds me that I should try to do nice things for people even if it doesn't seem that they appreciate them at the time. 

The weather has (finally) turned off warm, hopefully for good now, and the ride to the post office with the windows down was so nice that it felt more like a pleasure and less like an errand.  I got home, got ready for bed, and talked to Gary on the phone for a bit.  He's had a rough week, and sadly his day off has been nixed, which kills our plans, but we're talking about taking a long weekend on Memorial Day and maybe doing something fun then.  He's such a nice guy, and I'm enjoying getting to know him. 

A post in which the maintenance continues

All of my body parts seem to be due for an overhaul at the same time.  Today I had my teeth cleaned.  My dentist is super nice, and my hygienist Joanne treats me like a pet.  In short order, she had me cleaned, inspected, and on the way with a smile on my face. 

I schedule my cleanings for late in the day, and then just go home from there.  It's one day that I don't have to fight the insane traffic in the Pelham/Woodruff Road area at rush hour.  Usually, its a nice relaxing afternoon off, but since it has been monsoon raining for about 150 days, I had to get out an mow the grass while there was a brief respite from the constant downpours.  I read today that even Lake Hartwell is almost full, and I don't know what will  happen when that finishes up.  It hasn't been full in years and years. 

Before I went home to toil though, I went by the library to turn in my over-due book, pay the fines, and get some stuff out.  I got a new book on CD to listen to in the car.  I used to listen to more of them, but NPR has (finally) realized that people want to hear the news in the morning, and a lot of times now I listen to the news on the way in to work.  I can't stand stupid am radio bibble-babble.  I also got a new book, and some DVDs.  I got Gypsy.  I've been wanting to see it since I saw Nancy in the stage version the other week, plus it's one of Gary's favorite movies, and he quotes it pretty often.  I also picked up some collections of Waiting for God, a great BBC series that I used to watch years ago.  That show takes me back to good times spent with my friends Michael and Terry watching it.  Those are happy memories. 

I was prepared with the replacement bolt to fix the mower, but saw no point in doing it until the one that kept coming off actually came off.  About half-way through the front yard, it started getting loose, so I stopped to finish the job.  Just to be contrary, the bolt that came off 87 times the week before refused to come off today.  I sure wasn't going back in the house for tools to do it.  I finished mowing the grass with the bolt loose, but refusing to let go.  It stopped raining yesterday morning, and the grass was just dry enough to mow, but the ground was spongy.  In places in the back yard, it was still wet underneath when the dry top was cut off, but I got it all done.  That frees me up a bit on Saturday so I don't have to worry about doing it then.  Of course with all this water it will shoot right up again.  I really need to coordinate borrowing one of the boys from Kimbley and Laura to keep up with this.  It doesn't take as long as I remember, but I really hate doing it.

That finished, I headed inside for a shower and collapsed on the couch.  I had a burrito for supper and watched some of the Waiting for God DVDs I got from the library today.

I heard from Gary.  It looks like big wigs are coming into town where he works, and he may not get his day off.  That sucks.  He works in retail, so I'm gonna hate his schedule, but he's worth working with on that.  Hopefully we'll find some way to make it work.

Mark *&^^%$#@!! Sanford

I'm HOT this morning.  I cannot BELIEVE that these stupid mouth-breathing South Carolinians RE-elected this pie-faced dick-nosed sonofabitch.  Of all the times for the ridiculous, paleolithic, hypocritical 'morality' in the state to fail, THIS is the one we choose to let slide???

You know, what he did to his mistress, I could care less.  It was a reprehensible thing, but that's between him and his wife.  Aside from the hypocrisy of running as some kind of moral guardian while screwing around in private, anyway.

But he made the list of the eleven WORST governors in the country!!

He paid the largest ethics fine in the history of the state!!  I don't care WHAT he did with the money he stole - the issue is that he STOLE IT!!!

And then he had the balls to run on a platform of 'cutting government spending'!!  Really??

If all that wasn't enough, there is this article in Time detailing how he ruined the state's credit rating.

It would be like parody if it wasn't all true.  I'm gnashing my teeth here. 

A post in which it is dinner out with the folks

I made plans for Gary to come up to see me Friday night - YAY!  I'm so excited.  His schedule sucks, but I'm trying not to be all negative about it.  I'm really looking forward to seeing him.

I had to go back for my check-in at the cancer center today.  As the time got closer, I got more keyed up.  It is still hard, over a year after my release from treatment, to go back there.  But I know I have to go, so I went.  Aside from them using me as a pin-cushion trying to get blood from me, it was fairly uneventful.  The doc wants to schedule a PET scan for me, but that was expected since I put it off last Fall.  He did say "I can tell by looking at you that you're fine." but told me we still needed to do it, which I knew.

While I was there I talked to Patrick.  He is such a nice guy, but I think he's lonely.  It's so obvious to me why, but he doesn't seem to see it.  It makes me wonder if others can see some glaring reason why I've been alone all this time, and have just not said anything.  Can everyone see what's going on but me?

After seeing the doc, I went back to the chemo room and visited briefly with Cassie.  She's as sweet as ever, and was glad to see me.  After they petted and fussed over me a little, I headed on back to work. 

Tonight was my dinner out with Dad and Eve.  We were celebrating her birthday.  I'd had the heads-up from Lisa that they were pissed at me (Dad making the comment that they "never hear from your brother any more" - this despite my calling them both last week), but I persevered.  I had the gift and the card.  To touch all the bases, I stopped on the way to buy flowers.  Generally, the store on the way to their house has a good selection, but the cheaper bouquets were all picked over, and mostly gone.  They had a ton of flowers in for Mother's Day, but the majority of them were either mum-heavy, or made up of garishly dyed Gerbera daisies.  I hate dyed flowers.  They look fake, ugly, and toxic. 

In the end, I settled for a smaller bouquet that didn't have dyed flowers in it.  It was kind of pitiful, but I wasn't about to shell out $20 for dried-out looking roses.  The saying is that "it's the thought that counts".  I thought to myself as I left well that's a good thing, cause it's gonna have to.

When I got to the house, they seemed to be in a pretty good mood.  Eve wanted Don Pablos tonight, which was fine 'n dandy with yours truly.  Their Cantina Nachos are transcendental.  Dad and I had one of the advertised 'moonshine margaritas'.  It was supposed to be orange-flavored, but mine tasted cloyingly of artificial peach flavor.  There was so much artificial flavoring in it I could barely drink mine (although I soldiered through), but Dad seemed to enjoy his.

The conversation went well, and I plowed through an enormous trencher of nachos with no trouble at all.  Eve ordered dessert, so I had the sopapillas.  They have the best sopapillas I have ever tasted.  I had thought Dad would help me, but he was being good, and I didn't lead him into temptation.  I ate the whole plate.  It is just disgusting to eat that much food.  I consumed (I checked) 2,218 calories at one sitting.  That's not even counting the drink or the chips and salsa.  Gee, I wonder why I have a weight problem?  Oy.

I went back to the house and visited for a while, and things went well.  They're going up to Wilkesboro to see Grandma this weekend and take her to lunch, so I volunteered to go up with them.  I haven't seen her since her birthday last October, so I'm due to go up.  Over-due actually. 

On the way home, I called Gary, just because I wanted to hear his voice.  He very patiently listened as I rattled on about family crap for a while, but he sounded sleepy.  I let him off the phone and got ready for bed.  He sent me a text thanking me for calling, and telling me I made his night.  Oh yeah, I really like this guy.