A post in which I find out what the fuck has been going on

So I woke up at about 2:30am this morning, feeling like my lungs and throat had been scrubbed out with steel wool.  Not a good feeling.

I called and left a message for Alan that I would not be in, and took some more cough syrup.

When I woke back up (after drowsing in and out) around 8am, I called the doctor's office to make an appointment.  They had told me earlier in the week that she wanted to see me again, but since I had the new prescription I wanted, and since this would be the fourth trip to the doctor with this mess (that's $100 freakin dollars in co-payments to you and me), I had demurred.  But at this point, there was little choice.

***

I should report at this point that when the new prescription had been called in on Monday, I went to pick it up, and when the pharmacist asked if I had any questions, I asked if dairy was contra-indicated here.  He looked at me, rather quizzically, and said that although dairy wasn't contra-indicated that I should probably give a two-hour window between dairy and taking the pills (this, to the un-initiated is a pretty standard sounding cya answer).  That should have been my first clue, but I felt like crap, and I was in no frame of mind to be uber-vigilant.

When I got the medication home, I noticed that I was to take only one pill per day, which I thought odd.  Then I noticed that the prescription was for 30 days.  Now I thought that was odd too, but since the doc had given me a talk about how I was in some ways immuno-compromised from chemo, I kind of shrugged, and said whatever in my head.  When I actually took a pill, I noticed that they were very tiny - like the size of a saccharine tablet from the 70's.  I also thought that was odd for an antibiotic.

***

When I showed up at the doctor's office this morning, I had the new pills with me.  I knew that something wasn't right.  I asked "Are these placebos or something?  Is this the right stuff?"  The doctor looked at them and told me that these weren't antibiotics at all, but the new cholesterol pills I had asked be called in to the prescription service on Monday.  So I had been off all antibiotics since Monday night.  Small wonder I was sick as a dog!

She then proceeded to tell me that the stuff was in my lungs now, and started to tell me about the four additional tests she wanted to do, along with a chest x-ray.  She also went through how the fact that I wasn't better could be an indication that my lymphoma was recurring!!  I was like whoa, wait a minute, hold on.

First of all, this stuff going around is nasty.  A lot of people have had to have more than one round of meds to throw it off.  Secondly, I'd been off of any medication to help me with it since Monday!  I suggested that we actually try treating me for a bit before we consulted an oncologist.  In my head, I'm thinking screw that - recurrence of cancer is going to be the LAST thing we consider when I'm sick. Right after a pregnancy test and a screening for botfly larvae.

Debbie, my nurse was back today (she had been out on Monday) and came in after the doctor left to find out what had happened.  She told me that there had been some problems with the other nurse, and that she would have this seen to.  My faith in this new doctor is shaken.  I can't go to a doctor that thinks I'm getting cancer back every time I have a sniffle.  So I'm giving a pass on this one, because there was some human error involved with the nurse, but I'm not at all sold on this new doctor.  I feel sorry for her, and I like her, but that's not why you pick a doctor.  If she's leaving me sick and at the same time being alarmist, I'm going to have to find another GP. 

That done, I went and got yet another round of prescriptions, including another nasal spray and an inhaler.  This URI is going to put me in the poorhouse. 

All I really wanted to do was lie down, but I needed to eat something before I started on a new round of (apparently pretty strong) antibiotics.  I went to No 1 China for an order of sweet and sour shrimp (I am convinced of it's curative powers), which I took home, devoured, and then passed out. When I woke up several hours later, I was already feeling better.  Amazing how it works out when you are actually treated. 

I spent the rest of the day on the sofa, basically in and out of consciousness.  I caught episode 2 of RuPaul's Drag Race that I missed earlier in the week.  It was pretty much as stupid as I thought it would be.

I missed dinner night with the guys tonight, but had some sweet text messages from them.  I was really glad to be on the mend.  I had some guilt texts from Chuck.  Sigh.  I'm going to have to get him sorted at some point.  I don't have as much time to spend with him as he wants, and he's pretty reproachful about it.  I understand that he's lonely, but I can't be his whole world.

Eventually I finished up the fried rice left over from lunch and went to bed.  I was so wiped out I didn't even shower today. 

A post in which there is yet more misery

I woke up and dragged myself to work. 

Alan was on his high horse today, and requested 7,500 revisions to reports that should have been done already.  Additionally, Carla got 'creative' today and pulled information from the wrong reports, necessitating that a lot of them be done all over. 

To top it all off, I found out that Carla has given notice.  She leaves at the end of the month, which means that I have her assistant to get through quarter-end with.  Better than nothing, but still gonna make my life difficult.

I left at the end of the day feeling awful, and thoroughly disheartened. 

I went by the library to pick up a book I had ordered, and by the grocery store to pick up more orange juice.  Although I had decided I could pick up something for dinner if I wanted, there was nothing I wanted to eat. 

I went home, ate the last of the left-over chili in a sloppy joe, and knocked myself out. 

A post in which I am pretty miserable

I woke up, still sick.  I went to work, still sick. 

Today I ran out of DayQuil, so what had been unpleasant yesterday became worse today.  The afternoon was a cough, sneeze, and snot bonanza.  Since I wasn't working on anything of earth-shattering importance (I'm unable to finish the month yet because I'm waiting for reports) I wondered why I stayed, but I did.

I begged off dinner with the folks tonight, and by the end of the day I was glad I had.  I wasn't even hungry.

I made sure I stopped off for more DayQuil on the way home.

I just wanted to go to bed.  I did throw the purple sweet potatoes in the oven before I collapsed on the sofa.  I stayed up until they were through baking. 

I ate a sandwich made out of left-over chili, because I had to eat something to take my pill. 

I answered some emails and futzed around on the internet for a while, but I was wiped.

A post in which I get some things sorted*

I didn't feel great this morning but I have felt worse.  I got up and went to work.  There wasn't really a decision to make there, I have the month to close. 

I got a lot of work done, although Alan and Larney both left in the middle of the day.  By virtue of knock-off DayQuil, I was able to make it through, although I was coughing and sneezing.

I also called the doctor's office and left a message that I wanted new meds.  I think whatever this crap is has learned to eat that first one for breakfast, which is why it came back.  I have also read that it's a good idea to switch off antibiotics if a second course is called for.  She's the doctor, but I'm not just going to passively take the same stuff if it isn't working.  I didn't hear back until late in the afternoon.  Everyone is sick.  I also gave them the mail-order service's name so I could try to get the new cholesterol meds sorted.  I will NOT take that Crestor any more.  That stuff is going to put me in a wheelchair.

A little after 5pm, one of the nurses called me (Debbie was out today) to find out what I wanted.  I was shocked.  I figured they had all long since gone home. After hearing the details she said she would talk to the doc and get back with me.  Sigh.  I hung around a little bit, but I wasn't going to stay at the office all night.  It had been a long day, and I was tired. She called me back on my cell at almost 6pm (!!) to tell me that the doc wants to see me.  Again!  This will be the fourth visit to the office over this same illness - that's $100 in co-pays, boys and girls, not counting meds.  I was like, really?  I feel this is an abundance of caution, and told them that I would have to find the time to come in.  I didn't make an appointment.  She also told me that they had actually called in some new meds - good.  When I got to the CVS, they had miraculously already filled them!  The one at my house makes you wait for aspirin.  Also, the pharmacist was cute as a bucket of puppies.  I think he may have been gay.  He was way too good-looking for me, but came around the desk to talk to me about the medication, and was super nice.  Then again, it could just be wishful thinking on my part, and he could just be a good guy.  At any rate, I had my new antibiotics - for another freakin' $50 co-pay.  Since I'm starting up my meds through the mail-order service this month, I have laid out some co-pays on them, but the good thing is that I won't have to do it again for a couple of months.

I'd had a tentitive rendez-vous tonight with a really nice-looking guy, which I had cancelled.  I didn't feel great, and wanted to be at the top of my game when I met this guy, whose name is Randy.  But I've also been talking to a guy named Jeff.  Jeff is cute enough, if troublingly closeted, but he had been burning up my phone all day long.  My DayQuil hadn't worn off yet.  Eventually I just thought what the hell, and invited him over.  He was a nice guy.  Not quite as cute as his SFIP (Suspiciously Flattering Ineternet Photo), but cute enough, and furry.  If he wasn't the king of technique, he made up for that with enthusiasm and cuddliness.  So it was fun, although he had the unsettling habit of grabbing George and going "This is mine, right?"  Well actually not quite yet. 

When he left, I still hadn't eaten any supper, and really wasn't hungry (will miracles never cease?)  I had to eat something before I took my pill though, so I had some PopTarts and finished up some of the butt ends of the SuperBowl snacks before taking my pills and getting ready for bed.  It was the second show of the new season of RuPaul's Drag Race tonight, but I was tired, and the premise of this show seemed pretty dildonic.  I flipped it over to another channel and turned in. 

For a day that had started off pretty sketchy, it ended up pretty well.

A post in which I resign myself

I had brunch this morning with Rhonda, Marty, and Petal.  Despite everything, I really wanted to go.  I decided I could do that.  I have to eat anyway right?  Well, at this size, I don't have to eat, but it's not like I was going to skip a meal.  I got up and got ready.

Brunch today was at Stax Omega, and I had one of their incomparable omelets, which is the reason I go there.  It was delectable as usual.  Rhonda had a great time with them, as I figured she would.  It's good for her to get out of the apartment and do something.  She was in fine fettle today, cheeks rosy and eyes sparkling - and good for her.

Marty and Petal were great as always, but the rest of us were not at our best.  Russ was still hung over from the migraine, and Logan was still sick too.  Billy was OK though.  I sat at the end of the table with them and traded bon mots with Billy.  Sick or not, I was pretty freakin' stoked to have the company.  I enjoyed brunch, but afterwards I felt tired. 

I said fond farewells to them and headed towards the house.  I did stop off at the store for tissues, which I had forgotten, and to pick up some veggie bologna - I had a strange craving for a bologna sandwich, so I decided to get some for later.

When I got home, I called Laura to beg off from the Superbowl get-together they were having.  I was really looking forward to it too - even if Mark was going to be there.  I miss them, and hate missing the chance to see Kimbley, Laura, and Donnie, but there was nothing for it.  And I sure didn't want to give them this crap.

I lay down on the couch with the full intention of taking a nap, but ended up futzing around on the internet instead.  I talked to Anthony, one of the new guys I met through Growl'r, and he almost talked me into coming to see him, but he has the flu, and at the last minute a more level head prevailed.

I turned on the game, and sent texts back and for with Laura and Donnie.  It wasn't the same as being there, but at least they knew I was thinking about them.  The first half of the game was kind of a snoozer.  I had been all built up after seeing the back story on Colin Kaepernick, but the game itself seemed not that exciting.  The Ravens pulled ahead early, and it seemed to be pretty much over.  The Beyonce half-time show was fantastic I thought.  She pretty much shoved it in her critics faces by performing flawlessly, and absolutely live.  There were some mike muffles, but that is to be expected I guess.  I wouldn't have put it past them to do that on purpose so there could be no question that she was singing life after all the fall-out from her performance at the inauguration. 

When the game came back on, the Ravens ran it all the way down the field for yet another touchdown, and I thought well, that's it - I'm going to bed.  When the power went down in half the stadium, it seemed that I wasn't the only one who felt that way.  I sent a couple of texts to Donnie, turned off the lamp, and turned in. 

A post in which I am disappointed*

I woke up early (really early) but not feeling too bad this morning.  I felt good enough I ran out to visit a buddy.  It was COLD!  24F is too cold for the south.

I came home, stopping to get gas on the way, and picked up some tater wedges at Spinx.  The one near my house has like a little deli counter in there, and there's a gay guy working.  He gave me some extra tater wedges today :-)  As if I needed that!  I went home, ate my wedges, many cookies, and went back to bed.  I have a full weekend this weekend, and I'm low on energy.  Dr. Lombardi told me to get some rest this weekend, despite all I have planned.

Tonight was Bill's birthday party, and I had errands to run.  When I woke up I did house stuff and ate lunch, then threw the recycling in the car and headed out - into the snow.  Yes we had a snow flurry just as I was leaving.  I was thinking great, that just throws a monkey-wrench in everything, but I headed out gamely anyway.  It didn't last long though, and since it was 41F outside now, there wasn't going to be a mess on the roads unless the temperature dropped.

The first stop was the liquor store for a birthday gift.  I had checked with Jake earlier in the week to find out what to get.  Grey Goose vodka is not cheap!  I left there and headed to Out of Bounds to get a birthday card.  I try to support Out of Bounds.  It's the only community center that I know of in Greenville, and the guys who run it do so out of the goodness of their hearts, and for the community.  I don't think it even breaks even.  But today would be a good demonstration as to why.  I went in for a cute nekkid twink card today, and they didn't have any.  The cute nekkid twink card is the staple of the gay tchotchke store.  If they didn't have anything else, they should have that.  But they didn't.  They had a nice selection of Daddy cards, so I got one.  Today they had a great selection of lovely naked lady cards, so I got one of them.  I bought these not because I needed them, but because I knew the next time I needed them they wouldn't be in stock.  It's the same thing when I buy a calendar.  I go and look, and they don't have what I want, so I order online.  Again.  After trying on the leather vest that is almost but not quite what I want, I left. 

I ran by Dollar General to pick up a wine bottle bag, and they didn't have one.  But it was at about that time that my body stopped whispering, and was like WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?  I felt like crap.  I wanted to go home and lie down.  I certainly didn't need to be thinking about going to a party, much less having a date.  I gave in.  The doctor wanted me to get some rest this weekend anyway.

Disconsolate, I called and cancelled the first real date I've had since November.  With a nice, sweet, sexy guy too.  Tyler is too young for me, and I know that, but geez it would have been so sweet to go to the party with a nice, sexy guy that I like on my arm.  But it was not to be.  Next, I sent a text to the guys with my reluctant regrets.  I was SO disappointed.  Turns out Russ has a migraine, and Logan is sick too.

I dropped off the recycling, and then ran by the store.  There were a few things I needed, and if how I was feeling was any indication, I would be home all day tomorrow too. 

I went home to spend the evening by myself.  I had a little pity party, and ate more cookies.  If I don't get better, Richard Simmons is going to have to cut the wall off my house to get me out.

A post in which I get a new doctor

I woke up this morning feeling crappy.  It didn't matter.  The month ended yesterday, so short of spontaneous decapitation I had to go in.  I went.

I did leave in the middle of the morning to go to the new doctor.  I switched first because I was unimpressed with the way Dr. King handled this mess on the first go-round, and secondly because by switching to Dr. Lombardi, I got to keep Debbie as my nurse.  Debbie is phenomenal.  She's been listening to me whine for years, and she is the soul of patience.  Plus she's seen all my tattoos.  She didn't say a word today when I weighed.  I weigh the most I have ever weighed in my life right now.  Sigh.  I was quietly horrificated.

After getting my vitals, she gave me a big sales job on Dr. Lombardi.  I think the reason is that Dr. Lombardi has a severe port wine stain on her face, complicated with what I believe (after a little research) may be Klippel–Trénaunay–Weber syndrome.  Because this is on her lower face, her appearance is unusual.  Despite (or perhaps in part because of) this, she came in with personality plus.  She spent some time talking with me, going over medical history and the like before getting to what was going on.  I can't say that I forgot about her face.  She has one eye that doesn't focus on you.  But after I found the right eye to look at, it was as if I could see a pretty woman looking out from behind a mask.  She was very nice, and I liked her.  I can't imagine what it takes for her to face the public down here every day - let alone get through medical school!  There must be a will of iron to go along with that sweet friendliness.  She mentioned her face in passing, but I didn't ask a bunch of questions.  I'm sure she's sick of answering them.  I know I would be.

After discussion, she decided to prescribe the same antibiotic again, but she cautioned me that if this doesn't cure the problem, she may want to send me to see Dr. Gococo for a follow-up PET scan.  I don't think the lymphoma is back, but she is the doctor.  I'm also not sure about doing the same antibiotic again?  If this crap is back, that means that antibiotic didn't get it the first time.  I've read that you have to switch up sometimes to get rid of medication resistant strains - but again, she's the doctor. 

The first day of the month always sucks, because I have to do the reserve for the US and Canada on the same day.  The US report used to come in on the second day of the month, but Alan made them change it.  These reports are mind-numbingly boring and very time consuming - they take up most of the day.  That's why Alan gave them to me to prep.  I have tried to explain that this has to be outlawed in the Geneva Conventions somewhere, but he refuses to be persuaded.  By the time I finished those two reports, my brain was tapioca.  I did do a few other little things, but I was just too pudding-headed to really tackle anything else today.

I made my tired way home, stopping at CVS for the new round of meds.  The line, as usual, was milling and random.  I am not thrilled with the mail-order drug thing, but I sure won't miss that freakin' line at the CVS. 

When I got home, Dana ran by for a minute.  She offered for me to come see them, and I would have loved to have gone, but I didn't feel like going back out, and I didn't want to get them sick.  She sat with me for a minute or two, but she had Jack in the car, and she was antsy.  I just let her go.

After she left, I ate hot dogs and many cookies and went to bed.