Well I was feeling the lonelies last night again, so I went for a visit with Miss Kat and Dana for dramatic renewal of purpose.
I'm feeling better today, but thinking a lot about being alone. It just feels like that's the way it's going to be, and I'm going to have to get used to it. It's strange being the odd one out. So many things are geared towards couples. I had forgotten, but I sure have remembered in the last year. I talked to my sister on the phone tonight, and almost started crying. I'm not used to feeling fragile. Stuff just seems to sneak up on me lately.
Sweet Justin is coming tomorrow night. I'm going to show him "Before Stonewall", since he has never seen it. I think that should be required viewing for any GLBT person. I wish I had seen it when I was younger.
I'm making hummus this weekend, and thinking about having Miss Kat and Dana to dinner Saturday night. Don't know what I'll cook for them. Dana is a real meat and potatoes gal, and that is the hardest kind of person to cook veggie for. I'll never forget making artichoke squares at Christmas one year. They are really good, and everyone loves them. I had made them at the specific request of another friend who was there. I offered one to Dana, and she looked at me as if I had lost my bleepin mind!
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Well last night was a quiet night, as was Monday, although I went to the store Monday, and made a pot of succotash. I just love succotash, and have to have a pot of it every now and then. And since it’s good for you, why not? I did it to go with saffron rice made with caramelized onions this week for lunch. It turned out really good!
***
I need to set the record straight on Michael E. He is not all take. He really helped me out with something I was having a really hard time with at one point, whether he knows it or not. I come from a background of sexual abuse. Although I felt as if I had moved past everything, I really hadn’t. At the time, the prevailing opinion was that child abuse victims grow up to be abusers themselves. Some do – about 30%. A higher percentage than the general populace, but by no means the majority, and by no means an inevitability, as it is many times presented. So I grew up thinking that at some point I would have to “fight off” urges to abuse a child. Since I never wanted to perpetuate what was done to me, I was horrified by the possibility that I had a horrible monster lurking within. I was terrified to be around children. I felt that with my background, all it would take would be an accusation, or even a suspicion, and I would be under the jail. Being gay didn’t help either. Since I was single though, and gay, not a lot of my friends had children, and I wasn’t around them very often. So I had just kind of walled them out of my life.
Then I met back up with Michael E, during one of our “on” periods when we were to be close again. At that time he was in a long-term relationship with a man who had two adorable little girls, Sandy and Brittany. They were very sweet girls. Sandy had Down’s syndrome, and for some reason, seemed to take to me. One night when we were at church, Sandy announced that she had to go to the bathroom, and she wanted me to take her. In the way of children, she was most insistent that I go, and not her dad. To stop a scene, I took her to the rest room, which was in the basement of the church, and very isolated. She was old enough that she didn’t need actual help with the deed (thank God), but too young to go by herself. I’m sure that if you could have seen my face, it would have been most comical to anyone but me. Sandy, seeming in retrospect to know that everything was fine, was of course totally un-phased. I steadfastly faced the other way while she got herself back together, made sure she washed her hands, and we went back upstairs. Then I realized. I had not had any desire to “do anything” to Sandy. There had been no struggle. I wasn’t a monster. I can’t describe what a relief it was.
Shortly after that, I did tell Michael E what my problem had been, and why I had acted the way I had. He never turned an eyelash; and he trusted me around the kids. I can’t tell you how grateful I was for that, and how much it meant to me. Brittany, Sandy, and I became fast friends. I put together a little Christmas party for the five of us that year, and made sure Sandy and Brittany had their own stemware to drink from, etc, just as the adults did. Brittany, the little girly girl even then, helped me set up for the party, and was every inch the little hostess. She also spent the night with me one weekend, and we had a great time watching "Pocahontas", eating pudding, staying up too late, and just generally spoiling her rotten.
But of course the best part was being free.
My sister too, was really good about it after my nephew came. She was always the first one to let me hold the baby, etc, even though he was a little boy. His dad didn’t like me being around him, because I’m gay (that’s another story), but Lisa never batted an eye. I have always been grateful for that.
Gradually, I worked through it, and hardly ever think about it now, except in gratitude. Michael E and my sister gave that gift to me. They trusted me when I wasn’t sure I could trust myself. I will never forget that.
***
I need to set the record straight on Michael E. He is not all take. He really helped me out with something I was having a really hard time with at one point, whether he knows it or not. I come from a background of sexual abuse. Although I felt as if I had moved past everything, I really hadn’t. At the time, the prevailing opinion was that child abuse victims grow up to be abusers themselves. Some do – about 30%. A higher percentage than the general populace, but by no means the majority, and by no means an inevitability, as it is many times presented. So I grew up thinking that at some point I would have to “fight off” urges to abuse a child. Since I never wanted to perpetuate what was done to me, I was horrified by the possibility that I had a horrible monster lurking within. I was terrified to be around children. I felt that with my background, all it would take would be an accusation, or even a suspicion, and I would be under the jail. Being gay didn’t help either. Since I was single though, and gay, not a lot of my friends had children, and I wasn’t around them very often. So I had just kind of walled them out of my life.
Then I met back up with Michael E, during one of our “on” periods when we were to be close again. At that time he was in a long-term relationship with a man who had two adorable little girls, Sandy and Brittany. They were very sweet girls. Sandy had Down’s syndrome, and for some reason, seemed to take to me. One night when we were at church, Sandy announced that she had to go to the bathroom, and she wanted me to take her. In the way of children, she was most insistent that I go, and not her dad. To stop a scene, I took her to the rest room, which was in the basement of the church, and very isolated. She was old enough that she didn’t need actual help with the deed (thank God), but too young to go by herself. I’m sure that if you could have seen my face, it would have been most comical to anyone but me. Sandy, seeming in retrospect to know that everything was fine, was of course totally un-phased. I steadfastly faced the other way while she got herself back together, made sure she washed her hands, and we went back upstairs. Then I realized. I had not had any desire to “do anything” to Sandy. There had been no struggle. I wasn’t a monster. I can’t describe what a relief it was.
Shortly after that, I did tell Michael E what my problem had been, and why I had acted the way I had. He never turned an eyelash; and he trusted me around the kids. I can’t tell you how grateful I was for that, and how much it meant to me. Brittany, Sandy, and I became fast friends. I put together a little Christmas party for the five of us that year, and made sure Sandy and Brittany had their own stemware to drink from, etc, just as the adults did. Brittany, the little girly girl even then, helped me set up for the party, and was every inch the little hostess. She also spent the night with me one weekend, and we had a great time watching "Pocahontas", eating pudding, staying up too late, and just generally spoiling her rotten.
But of course the best part was being free.
My sister too, was really good about it after my nephew came. She was always the first one to let me hold the baby, etc, even though he was a little boy. His dad didn’t like me being around him, because I’m gay (that’s another story), but Lisa never batted an eye. I have always been grateful for that.
Gradually, I worked through it, and hardly ever think about it now, except in gratitude. Michael E and my sister gave that gift to me. They trusted me when I wasn’t sure I could trust myself. I will never forget that.
Monday, November 5, 2007
Well I ended up not doing much yesterday, ran a few errands and took all those beer bottles from Saturday night to be recycled, did a bit of cooking, etc. Just trying to get ready for the work week to start.
After having such a nice weekend, I had a frustrating start to the week.
I saw the ENT doc this morning, and he tells me that he doesn't think he'll be able to do the surgery for at least another month, because he'll have to fight with the insurance company to get the approvals for all I need done. The only silver lining is that he doesn't have to do anything with the polyps, which he says are too small to really be a problem. I do have one, though, that is very close to my ocular nerve and carotid artery. If that one grows, it could be a problem, and would be very dangerous to remove; but right now it is pretty small and not a problem.
So I'm kind of stuck on hold for another month waiting around, not really able to make any plans because I don't know when this surgery is going to be. But there's not really a lot I can do about it. He said he would talk to the insurance people and see what he could do about getting the approval moved up, but he didn't sound very hopeful.
***
This was on top of hearing back from my friend Michael E. Now I've known him for about 20 years too, and I love him dearly when I don't feel like strangling him. It's about 50/50. He has issues with his mom that he has never resolved, which result in big self-esteem problems. So he goes through these rebellious phases where he isn't happy if he doesn't look like a freak. So he'll run around looking like a freak for a while, and enjoy shocking people and rebelling, but then the low self-esteem will suddenly kick in and he'll have a crisis because he'll realize that people don't like him/are talking about him/ disapprove of him because he looks and acts like a freak. At that point he withdraws from the world, loses/quits his job, and basically immolates and runs away to start yet another new life. He has been through this over and over since I have known him. Since I am one of the few people in his life who has been around long enough to know this pattern, he has cast me in the role of a parent, and rebels against me because he is too chicken-shit to really duke it out with his mom. In all honesty, this woman is a razor-tongued harridan, and probably one of the most negative people I have ever met, but she is housed in a fragile invalid's body, and I can, to an extent, understand his problems in facing her down. I have never heard this woman say one positive thing about her son, who despite being nuts, is a sweet man. The conflicts they are having would be fine if you were in your 20's, but this man is in his 40's and still hasn't moved past this.
Since he knows where and how to find me, he does periodic kamikaze runs on me. He'll show up out of the blue from out of town, and call to tell me he'd like to see me. I usually drop everything and see him, because I don't get to see him that often, and because at one time we were very close. Usually if he shows up to see me, he has some hair-brained scheme he has cooked up that he needs to be talked out of. I think he really shows up here for me to talk him out of things he knows are a really bad idea to start with, but then he can resent me for "bursting his balloon".
Case in point: The time before last when I saw him, he had decided he was going to have sex re-assignment surgery. The problem was that he isn't a transsexual. His reasoning was that he hadn't been happy as a man, and he was dissatisfied with his sexual organs and performance anyway, so he may as well "try things" as a woman. He had been to see a prominent therapist here in town, known for her work with transsexuals and homosexuals. She had treated him before. I suspect that she knew what was going on, and decided to call his bluff. She told him she would schedule him an appointment with a surgeon. Of course unable to admit to himself that he never really intended to go through with this, he showed up at my house, where I talked to him seriously and laid out the reasons why this was wrong for him. He later called me to resentfully tell me that he had cut his hair and nails off, sounding for all the world like a petulant child.
He has now decided that, although he wanted to say hello, that he is too fragile to talk to me, and that I am too judgmental for him to risk actually speaking with on the phone. I was just like fine, whatever, let me know you're alive every so often. I would love to see this guy. I would love to be his friend. But I am tired of being a resented oracle, and I just am not up to walking on eggshells around him, and coaxing him like a frightened rabbit into coming to see me again. At this point, I need some nurturing myself. Although doing for others does me good, I don't have the energy to get on the merry-go-round with Michael E again. I love him, but he's all take and no give, which has been a problem with us for a long time. Usually, I have enough to spare that it doesn't bother me. I don't have the surplus to give away right now. So that's what I told him, via email, and he dropped the last word before heading for the hills again.
It was the right thing to do. But it still makes me sad. I really miss the way our friendship was in the old days, but it can't be like that any more.
After having such a nice weekend, I had a frustrating start to the week.
I saw the ENT doc this morning, and he tells me that he doesn't think he'll be able to do the surgery for at least another month, because he'll have to fight with the insurance company to get the approvals for all I need done. The only silver lining is that he doesn't have to do anything with the polyps, which he says are too small to really be a problem. I do have one, though, that is very close to my ocular nerve and carotid artery. If that one grows, it could be a problem, and would be very dangerous to remove; but right now it is pretty small and not a problem.
So I'm kind of stuck on hold for another month waiting around, not really able to make any plans because I don't know when this surgery is going to be. But there's not really a lot I can do about it. He said he would talk to the insurance people and see what he could do about getting the approval moved up, but he didn't sound very hopeful.
***
This was on top of hearing back from my friend Michael E. Now I've known him for about 20 years too, and I love him dearly when I don't feel like strangling him. It's about 50/50. He has issues with his mom that he has never resolved, which result in big self-esteem problems. So he goes through these rebellious phases where he isn't happy if he doesn't look like a freak. So he'll run around looking like a freak for a while, and enjoy shocking people and rebelling, but then the low self-esteem will suddenly kick in and he'll have a crisis because he'll realize that people don't like him/are talking about him/ disapprove of him because he looks and acts like a freak. At that point he withdraws from the world, loses/quits his job, and basically immolates and runs away to start yet another new life. He has been through this over and over since I have known him. Since I am one of the few people in his life who has been around long enough to know this pattern, he has cast me in the role of a parent, and rebels against me because he is too chicken-shit to really duke it out with his mom. In all honesty, this woman is a razor-tongued harridan, and probably one of the most negative people I have ever met, but she is housed in a fragile invalid's body, and I can, to an extent, understand his problems in facing her down. I have never heard this woman say one positive thing about her son, who despite being nuts, is a sweet man. The conflicts they are having would be fine if you were in your 20's, but this man is in his 40's and still hasn't moved past this.
Since he knows where and how to find me, he does periodic kamikaze runs on me. He'll show up out of the blue from out of town, and call to tell me he'd like to see me. I usually drop everything and see him, because I don't get to see him that often, and because at one time we were very close. Usually if he shows up to see me, he has some hair-brained scheme he has cooked up that he needs to be talked out of. I think he really shows up here for me to talk him out of things he knows are a really bad idea to start with, but then he can resent me for "bursting his balloon".
Case in point: The time before last when I saw him, he had decided he was going to have sex re-assignment surgery. The problem was that he isn't a transsexual. His reasoning was that he hadn't been happy as a man, and he was dissatisfied with his sexual organs and performance anyway, so he may as well "try things" as a woman. He had been to see a prominent therapist here in town, known for her work with transsexuals and homosexuals. She had treated him before. I suspect that she knew what was going on, and decided to call his bluff. She told him she would schedule him an appointment with a surgeon. Of course unable to admit to himself that he never really intended to go through with this, he showed up at my house, where I talked to him seriously and laid out the reasons why this was wrong for him. He later called me to resentfully tell me that he had cut his hair and nails off, sounding for all the world like a petulant child.
He has now decided that, although he wanted to say hello, that he is too fragile to talk to me, and that I am too judgmental for him to risk actually speaking with on the phone. I was just like fine, whatever, let me know you're alive every so often. I would love to see this guy. I would love to be his friend. But I am tired of being a resented oracle, and I just am not up to walking on eggshells around him, and coaxing him like a frightened rabbit into coming to see me again. At this point, I need some nurturing myself. Although doing for others does me good, I don't have the energy to get on the merry-go-round with Michael E again. I love him, but he's all take and no give, which has been a problem with us for a long time. Usually, I have enough to spare that it doesn't bother me. I don't have the surplus to give away right now. So that's what I told him, via email, and he dropped the last word before heading for the hills again.
It was the right thing to do. But it still makes me sad. I really miss the way our friendship was in the old days, but it can't be like that any more.
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Wow, did I ever have a great time last night!
I spent yesterday in the kitchen. I wanted to have lots of good stuff for Terry and John when they came. I made the new crab dip, and it turned out good, but it needed more hot sauce and more lemon juice. I was glad I hadn't put more butter in it, it was borderline too greasy. Here is the recipe for the miracle topping that is good on EVERYTHING:
Just spread that over anything, throw it under the broiler, and wait until it gets lightly browned. It is so good you could eat it off Rush Limbaugh's ass, I swear as I sit here. Now the recipe called originally for regular chives. I grow my own garlic chives in the back yard, and they really make this taste special. I have never seen any others like these, they look like liriope (border grass, or monkey grass here in the south), but they are most savory and excellent for cooking. I got them as starters from a friend that she dug up out of her yard. I have never seen any like this in the nursery for sale, but I guess regular chives would do. Or you could come see me and ask me nicely for a starter..
I also made (finally) a successful copy of a buffalo chicken pizza. I had eaten one in a restaurant and just went nuts for it, but the first time I tried it I messed it up. The one Saturday night turned out perfect though. I subbed out Quorn for the chicken, but in something like that, you can't even tell the difference.
I made a homemade espinacha con queso as well, and I got it too hot. Too many jalapenos. The last time I got it too sweet by using fat free cream. I guess I'll get the hang of it eventually. It was pretty good, but I wanted it to be better. I'm trying to copy a recipe from a Tex-Mex place where I used to work, they made the best I ever tasted. I'm getting closer, but I'm not there yet. For those of you who don't know, that cheese dip they charge you $3 a bowl for in the Mexican restaurant is just White American Cheese with milk, melted and stirred together. Of course it isn't really Mexican, they just make that for us Gringos, but we buy tons of it.
I made a custard pie, which is Terry's favorite, for him to take home, and a pan of mix brownies. They are reliable, and honestly, I had spent all day in the kitchen at that point. I'll admit that I am not a huge brownie person, but the Betty Crocker Hershey's Triple Chocolate Chunk Brownie Mix is kick-ass! Those of you who are going to do so may proceed to look down your nose.
The visit was great. It was SO wonderful to see Terry. We don't see each other that often any more, but I really love him. There are no friends like old friends. People who used to know you when you were still young and hot LOL. We were going to watch movies, and ended up not watching a single one. We ate and talked, and laughed, and drank until about 2am. I am dead today, but it was fabulous.
I spent yesterday in the kitchen. I wanted to have lots of good stuff for Terry and John when they came. I made the new crab dip, and it turned out good, but it needed more hot sauce and more lemon juice. I was glad I hadn't put more butter in it, it was borderline too greasy. Here is the recipe for the miracle topping that is good on EVERYTHING:
Miracle Topping: Ingredients:
1/4 cup lemon juice
1/2 cup Parmesan cheese, grated
1/4 cup butter, softened
3 tablespoons mayonnaise
small bunch of garlic chives, chopped
1/4 teaspoon salt lots of hot sauce
Just spread that over anything, throw it under the broiler, and wait until it gets lightly browned. It is so good you could eat it off Rush Limbaugh's ass, I swear as I sit here. Now the recipe called originally for regular chives. I grow my own garlic chives in the back yard, and they really make this taste special. I have never seen any others like these, they look like liriope (border grass, or monkey grass here in the south), but they are most savory and excellent for cooking. I got them as starters from a friend that she dug up out of her yard. I have never seen any like this in the nursery for sale, but I guess regular chives would do. Or you could come see me and ask me nicely for a starter..
I also made (finally) a successful copy of a buffalo chicken pizza. I had eaten one in a restaurant and just went nuts for it, but the first time I tried it I messed it up. The one Saturday night turned out perfect though. I subbed out Quorn for the chicken, but in something like that, you can't even tell the difference.
I made a homemade espinacha con queso as well, and I got it too hot. Too many jalapenos. The last time I got it too sweet by using fat free cream. I guess I'll get the hang of it eventually. It was pretty good, but I wanted it to be better. I'm trying to copy a recipe from a Tex-Mex place where I used to work, they made the best I ever tasted. I'm getting closer, but I'm not there yet. For those of you who don't know, that cheese dip they charge you $3 a bowl for in the Mexican restaurant is just White American Cheese with milk, melted and stirred together. Of course it isn't really Mexican, they just make that for us Gringos, but we buy tons of it.
I made a custard pie, which is Terry's favorite, for him to take home, and a pan of mix brownies. They are reliable, and honestly, I had spent all day in the kitchen at that point. I'll admit that I am not a huge brownie person, but the Betty Crocker Hershey's Triple Chocolate Chunk Brownie Mix is kick-ass! Those of you who are going to do so may proceed to look down your nose.
The visit was great. It was SO wonderful to see Terry. We don't see each other that often any more, but I really love him. There are no friends like old friends. People who used to know you when you were still young and hot LOL. We were going to watch movies, and ended up not watching a single one. We ate and talked, and laughed, and drank until about 2am. I am dead today, but it was fabulous.
Saturday, November 3, 2007
Lovely evening last night. The guy from Atlanta showed up, and he was very nice. We had a really good time, and got up this morning and continued talking until after noon, drinking coffee and smoking, swapping stories about old times. It turned out we had a lot more in common than I thought at first. I drank so much coffee that I got a major case of the monkey nerves. Oh well, so much for a nap today.
I have too much cooking to do today anyway.
He's a nice guy, but he lives in Atlanta, and I'm not looking for it to turn in to anything. But it was nice to make a date with a guy that showed up and had an IQ bigger than his pants size. Double entendre fully intended.
I have too much cooking to do today anyway.
He's a nice guy, but he lives in Atlanta, and I'm not looking for it to turn in to anything. But it was nice to make a date with a guy that showed up and had an IQ bigger than his pants size. Double entendre fully intended.
Friday, November 2, 2007
Quiet night last night. I did talk to my parents yesterday and told them about the results from my sleep study. It was not a big shock to anyone. Dad says he is very fond of his CPAP now. I guess I'm going to find out. My next lack of sleep study isn't until 11-30, which is when I will get fitted with my machine, face mask, etc.
Finished watching "Hocus Pocus" last night, which I should have done Halloween night. If Terry and co want to watch it Saturday night, I'm going to be all Hocused out. I have decided I'm making: crab dip, Mexican spinach dip, and artichoke squares. For sweets I'll do a custard pie for Terry, and a pan of brownies. My doctor would be so thrilled. They want me to lose more weight. Of course. And yes, I would like to lose some too, but I'm not going starve myself. I do OK at breakfast and lunch. Dinner in front of the telly is where I get messed up. I'm going to do better about that though. But I'm not dieting with company coming in Saturday. Terry coming is a special occasion. My blood pressure is still great though, which is quite an accomplishment, since I have high blood pressure and arteriosclerosis on both sides of the family. Thank you vegetarianism.
I'm trying to decide when to schedule my surgery. I thought about putting it off until the first of the year, but it would be a great excuse to get out of some of the holiday stuff. So I can't make up my mind. I guess I'll find out what the surgeon wants to do when I see him on Monday.
I just can't bear the thought of the holidays this year. Last year was so horrible. We were going to all those parties so Michael could say goodbye to all of our friends. And in between, packing up all of Michael's stuff. It was stacked everywhere, and then I still ended up having to get him organized to get his stuff together. And of course in the midst of all this we were both dying inside, while trying not to be a drag on our friends. I spent the day after Christmas last year washing all his canisters and crying, while he, of course, was still at work. It was just so awful. The last thing I feel like doing is celebrating. And celebrating what? A year of isolation? Another year of my life I have spent by myself? I have always hated New Year's Eve. I now have yet another reason to dread it. Lord what am I going to do? I've already decided I am not putting up a tree or decorating this year. I am trying to decide how many Christmas things I will HAVE to go to this year, and which ones I can beg off of. Surgery could be a good part of this plan.
Right now, denial is working nicely. If I ignore it, it does not exist. Thank you Grandma Shumate. But eventually, it will be everywhere, and I'm going to have to deal with it.
Finished watching "Hocus Pocus" last night, which I should have done Halloween night. If Terry and co want to watch it Saturday night, I'm going to be all Hocused out. I have decided I'm making: crab dip, Mexican spinach dip, and artichoke squares. For sweets I'll do a custard pie for Terry, and a pan of brownies. My doctor would be so thrilled. They want me to lose more weight. Of course. And yes, I would like to lose some too, but I'm not going starve myself. I do OK at breakfast and lunch. Dinner in front of the telly is where I get messed up. I'm going to do better about that though. But I'm not dieting with company coming in Saturday. Terry coming is a special occasion. My blood pressure is still great though, which is quite an accomplishment, since I have high blood pressure and arteriosclerosis on both sides of the family. Thank you vegetarianism.
I'm trying to decide when to schedule my surgery. I thought about putting it off until the first of the year, but it would be a great excuse to get out of some of the holiday stuff. So I can't make up my mind. I guess I'll find out what the surgeon wants to do when I see him on Monday.
I just can't bear the thought of the holidays this year. Last year was so horrible. We were going to all those parties so Michael could say goodbye to all of our friends. And in between, packing up all of Michael's stuff. It was stacked everywhere, and then I still ended up having to get him organized to get his stuff together. And of course in the midst of all this we were both dying inside, while trying not to be a drag on our friends. I spent the day after Christmas last year washing all his canisters and crying, while he, of course, was still at work. It was just so awful. The last thing I feel like doing is celebrating. And celebrating what? A year of isolation? Another year of my life I have spent by myself? I have always hated New Year's Eve. I now have yet another reason to dread it. Lord what am I going to do? I've already decided I am not putting up a tree or decorating this year. I am trying to decide how many Christmas things I will HAVE to go to this year, and which ones I can beg off of. Surgery could be a good part of this plan.
Right now, denial is working nicely. If I ignore it, it does not exist. Thank you Grandma Shumate. But eventually, it will be everywhere, and I'm going to have to deal with it.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
I went back to the sleep specialist today for the results from my (lack of) sleep study. I did manage to sleep for 2 hours. During those two hours, I apparently stopped or severely slowed my breathing 82 times. My oxygen saturation, which is supposed to be 90 or above, was 80. So the doc says I need one of those d*mn CPAP machines. Sigh. I was really hoping that after losing some weight I could avoid that. And joy of joys, getting fitted for the d*mn thing means another lack of sleep study. At least they are giving me a pill this time to help me sleep.
I go see the surgeon next Monday about the tonsillectomy and adenoidectomy, et al. At that time they'll do a CAT scan of my sinuses to tell me what else they're going to do. It's not going to be pleasant, but hopefully this will quiet my snoring so that should I ever find another boyfriend, I won't drive him from the bedroom. Well not with snoring anyway.
***
In other news, I gave away almost all of my Halloween candy last night. I had a lot of cute little trick-or-treaters, and a lot less of the big scary ones, so that was good. In addition, some of the little ones were being helped around by some cute redneck daddies, a trend I can only hope will continue. We both get a treat then Oddly though, about a third of the kids didn't have costumes. What's up with that?
I creeped myself out watching little snippets of " Halloween 3: Season of the Witch" on the computer last night, and didn't sleep well. The movies on TV last night sucked. When I got in from the dentist yesterday, I caught the end of "Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte", which is of course great, but apparently they decided everyone would be out last night, and just put on crap. TCM was hosting a Boris Karloff marathon, but not his good stuff. They were showing stuff from later in his career. Now sometimes I can hang with the obscure movies, but on Halloween night I want the good ones! I ended up watching documentaries about weird birth defects on A&E. It was good, but it wasn't what I wanted to see. I should have just stuck "Hocus Pocus" back in.
Justin first said he would come over, but then he wasn't able to. It was OK though. The weather was nice, and I was enjoying seeing the kids and giving them candy. It was a pretty good night.
I got a phone call from a nice guy I've been talking to in Atlanta. He's planning on coming to see me Friday night. He's canceled every other time he talked about coming, but he sounds like he's really going to do it this time. He has moved down there full time now though, so I guess it really doesn't matter. He's getting sucked into (pardon the pun) all that easily available Atlanta sex, so at some point I guess he'll fall in love (or lust, or something) with some pretty Atlanta boy and be gone. He is a nice guy though, and I enjoy hearing from him every now and then.
I am really looking forward to Saturday this week. My old friend Terry is coming by with his husband for a movie marathon. I haven't seen them in a while, and am really looking forward to it. Terry and I have known each other for 21 years (! man do I feel old). Although we don't see as much of each other as we used to, when we do, it's like no time has passed. We pick up right where we left off. He is such a sweet guy, and I really love him, although I worry about him.
I'm trying to decide what to cook for them. I'm thinking of making a crab dip I have been turning over trying in my head, it's a recipe that is growing out of another one I know. Sometimes those are the best. I would love to make some little quiches (I know I can do better than those frozen things) but the crust work is discouraging me. I also make some artichoke squares that are very good, and maybe I'll do a Mexican spinach dip. Hmm, now for sweets. I could do more brownies, but I'd like to bake an egg custard. That's Terry's favorite, and I used to make them for him all the time. But he likes trifle too, and I haven't made one in a while, although those are a pain in the tuckus. Still, they are good..
My mother finally bought a new car. I am SO relieved. She spends a lot of time on the road, going to see my sister, and driving to the mountains to see my grandparents. She checks in on them every couple of weeks. She's been driving a 99 Ford with 240K miles on it! I am really glad she has a new car. It's a Honda, so I know it will be reliable. I will worry less about her being on the go so much now.
I go see the surgeon next Monday about the tonsillectomy and adenoidectomy, et al. At that time they'll do a CAT scan of my sinuses to tell me what else they're going to do. It's not going to be pleasant, but hopefully this will quiet my snoring so that should I ever find another boyfriend, I won't drive him from the bedroom. Well not with snoring anyway.
***
In other news, I gave away almost all of my Halloween candy last night. I had a lot of cute little trick-or-treaters, and a lot less of the big scary ones, so that was good. In addition, some of the little ones were being helped around by some cute redneck daddies, a trend I can only hope will continue. We both get a treat then Oddly though, about a third of the kids didn't have costumes. What's up with that?
I creeped myself out watching little snippets of " Halloween 3: Season of the Witch" on the computer last night, and didn't sleep well. The movies on TV last night sucked. When I got in from the dentist yesterday, I caught the end of "Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte", which is of course great, but apparently they decided everyone would be out last night, and just put on crap. TCM was hosting a Boris Karloff marathon, but not his good stuff. They were showing stuff from later in his career. Now sometimes I can hang with the obscure movies, but on Halloween night I want the good ones! I ended up watching documentaries about weird birth defects on A&E. It was good, but it wasn't what I wanted to see. I should have just stuck "Hocus Pocus" back in.
Justin first said he would come over, but then he wasn't able to. It was OK though. The weather was nice, and I was enjoying seeing the kids and giving them candy. It was a pretty good night.
I got a phone call from a nice guy I've been talking to in Atlanta. He's planning on coming to see me Friday night. He's canceled every other time he talked about coming, but he sounds like he's really going to do it this time. He has moved down there full time now though, so I guess it really doesn't matter. He's getting sucked into (pardon the pun) all that easily available Atlanta sex, so at some point I guess he'll fall in love (or lust, or something) with some pretty Atlanta boy and be gone. He is a nice guy though, and I enjoy hearing from him every now and then.
I am really looking forward to Saturday this week. My old friend Terry is coming by with his husband for a movie marathon. I haven't seen them in a while, and am really looking forward to it. Terry and I have known each other for 21 years (! man do I feel old). Although we don't see as much of each other as we used to, when we do, it's like no time has passed. We pick up right where we left off. He is such a sweet guy, and I really love him, although I worry about him.
I'm trying to decide what to cook for them. I'm thinking of making a crab dip I have been turning over trying in my head, it's a recipe that is growing out of another one I know. Sometimes those are the best. I would love to make some little quiches (I know I can do better than those frozen things) but the crust work is discouraging me. I also make some artichoke squares that are very good, and maybe I'll do a Mexican spinach dip. Hmm, now for sweets. I could do more brownies, but I'd like to bake an egg custard. That's Terry's favorite, and I used to make them for him all the time. But he likes trifle too, and I haven't made one in a while, although those are a pain in the tuckus. Still, they are good..
My mother finally bought a new car. I am SO relieved. She spends a lot of time on the road, going to see my sister, and driving to the mountains to see my grandparents. She checks in on them every couple of weeks. She's been driving a 99 Ford with 240K miles on it! I am really glad she has a new car. It's a Honda, so I know it will be reliable. I will worry less about her being on the go so much now.
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